Work Text:
A lie.
Jesper felt like his whole world just shattered to pieces. He always thought he was strong, but it turned out that one sentence was all it took to break him apart. He was standing there completely frozen, and his mind was completely empty.
Wylan lied to him.
Was it really a lie? For Jesper, it definitely felt like it was. Wylan hid a huge part of his life from him. He thought they trusted each other. That no matter what, Wylan would tell him how he felt, that he wouldn’t hesitate to tell him all the things that Jesper didn’t know yet.
And yet, he didn’t. Instead, Wylan decided to hide who he really was. Jesper was wondering, was his name the only thing he lied about? What if he also lied about his feelings?
Wylan Van Eck.
The sound of the chair scraping against the floor brought Jesper back to reality. Wylan was standing up, clutching his fingers on the strap of his bag. His eyes were full of tears, but when he spoke, his voice didn't shake.
“I don't regret anything. I had a reason to keep my name from all of you and you,” he pointed at Kaz, “you had no right to tell them even if you knew. This wasn't yours to share.”
“You're not the one to determine that.”
Wylan laughed, but it was very dry and the smile didn't reach his eyes. Jesper noticed his tears dried, and there was an unknown look of determination on his face. Of courage, even. It was the first time Jesper had seen him like this. Sure, Wylan was more than brave in Ravka, but he never had this expression. There was always a hint of fear.
“Maybe you are? That's not your life, Kaz, fuck's sake!”
“Maybe you should have considered the options before you lied to all of us about who you are,” Nina snorted. Wylan fixed his gaze on her.
“I didn't lie. The name I gave you, Hendriks, is my mother's name. I don't use my father's name for a reason.” He paused before taking a deep breath and shook his head. “Saints, why do I even bother. You clearly know better.”
Wylan turned on his heel and hurried outside. He didn't stop even when Kaz called for him. Jesper was just looking at the closing door, unsure of what to do. He looked at Nina, who was just as disoriented as he was, and then at Kaz, whose face didn't even flinch.
A lie or a mask?
What reason could Wylan have, what did make him hide his identity, why did he pick his mother's name instead of the one he was born with?
“Maybe he really did have a reason,” Jesper said quietly. Kaz let out a deep sigh.
“Yes, he did. It's not mine to tell, but he did,” he said without a hint of emotion in his voice.
“Then why did you let his secret out in the first place?” Nina raised an eyebrow at him. She seemed to understand as much as Jesper, which means, unfortunately, not a lot.
“Because it was better to uncover the cards now when it couldn't do much damage to the mission. This way no one can use his identity against us.”
“It clearly didn't do any damage,” Jesper mumbled sarcastically. All he could think about were the tears shining in Wylan's eyes. The look on his face when Kaz revealed his biggest secret without a trace of hesitation. The hurt and silent apologies in his eyes when he looked at Jesper. The courage when he was trying to explain himself and the look of defeat when they just cut him off. Jesper cleared his throat and stood up, grabbing his hat.
“Where are you going?” Nina asked. He stopped midway and looked at her over the shoulder.
“What do you think?” he simply retorted and opened the door. He didn't manage to get outside before Kaz's voice stopped him one more time.
“Bring him back here,” Kaz said, and this time Jesper fully turned around to look him in the eyes.
“If he doesn't want to, I am not going to make him.”
And without any other word he left, heading straight towards Wylan's workshop. He knew if there was any place he could bet on to find their demolitions man, it was there. He was getting more and more nervous as he was closer to the building, because he had zero idea how to actually start this conversation. So many questions and no way of being sure if Wylan would answer any of them. But there was only one way to find out.
“Wy?” Jesper called out quietly, entering the workshop. “Wylan? Are you there?”
Wylan stood up from his bed; Jesper didn't notice him until he did so. His eyes were red and puffy and his face was stained with tears. It was clear he waited until the safety of his place to let it all go.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, not looking at Jesper.
What am I doing here?
All courage abandoned Jesper and he was just standing there, trying to collect himself. He took a deep breath. He knew why he came here, didn't he? He wanted answers. He wanted an explanation. He wanted to know Wylan's reason.
“Why?” he finally asked. “That's… that's all I want to know. Why did you do that.”
Wylan didn't answer. He wiped leftover tears from his face with a sleeve and moved to his workbench. He started mechanically sorting through his chemicals, avoiding Jesper's gaze. And Jesper waited. With the way Wylan acted, he understood that this was way harder for him than Jesper ever thought.
“I was hoping none of you would ever find out,” Wylan finally said, his voice shaky and quiet. “I was hoping I could finally catch a breath, without the constant death threat looming over me.”
“Death threat?” Jesper opened his eyes wide in surprise. He definitely didn't expect the conversation to take this turn.
“Do you really think I ended up here because I wanted it?” Wylan finally met his eyes. “Sorry to announce that I'm not the spoiled rich boy who got bored of the fancy life that you thought I was.”.
Wylan darted his eyes away from Jesper and moved to one of the shelves on the wall. His back turned to Jesper, he started moving all the bottles around. He found it easier to find some courage to talk when he wasn't looking at Jesper; although, he could feel his burning gaze on his back.
“My father wanted Wylan Van Eck dead. He tried and nearly succeeded. I managed to escape and I ended up here, starving, lost, completely alone. But I didn't want to die, I didn't want to let him win. This is why Kaz met Wylan Hendriks.” Wylan took a deep breath and turned back to Jesper. “This is why you all met Wylan Hendriks.”
And whatever Jesper was expecting to hear, wasn't this. To be honest, he sort of thought this was going to be exactly as Wylan said, a story about a rich runaway who wanted to try a different life. And yet, he found out that his best friend — his boyfriend — escaped from the death from the hands of his own parent. That he used a different name to get further away from the hurting past. Now everything was starting to fit right into place, the scared expression on Wylan's face when Kaz explained the new job was tied with the Merchant Council. He wasn't scared of the mission, he wasn't scared of having to break into a Fjerdan prison.
He was scared of facing his father again.
It took Jesper a second before he realized that Wylan was talking again.
“I should have known better. I should have realized that Kaz knows. I just… I just didn't think he would share it with you so casually like that.”
“No,” Jesper shook his head, “you were right. He shouldn't have told it in the first place,” he said, and even he was surprised with how confident his voice sounded.
Wylan also shook his head, although slower than Jesper. He slowly walked towards him and stopped a few inches before, slightly extending his arm. He didn't touch him. He let Jesper decide what to do.
“I know I broke your trust. I should have told you earlier,” Wylan whispered. “I would do anything for you to trust me one more time.”
And Jesper just gave up and pulled Wylan into a tight hug, holding him close, one of his hands running through his messy hair. Wylan sighed quietly and leaned into the hug, his arms wrapping tightly around Jesper's waist.
“You don't have to do anything, Wy,” Jesper whispered back. He cupped Wylan's face gently and slightly turned his head upwards, so their eyes met. “Anything,” he repeated and kissed him.
The kiss was as light as a feather, allowing Wylan to pull back if he wanted to. But he didn't, he got closer instead, gripping Jesper's coat in his hands. So Jesper deepened the kiss, relishing in the feeling. He didn't care anymore about Wylan's past, about anything he kept a secret from him. All that mattered was this moment.
Slowly, inevitably, they broke apart.
“I have to think about a new nickname for you,” Jesper chuckled. “I was set up on Merchling, but it doesn't fit anymore.”
“Do you have any other idea?” Wylan asked, curiosity sparkling in his voice.
“How about Wylan Van Sunshine?”