Archive of Our Own

“God, where is it?”

Drawback of having a hyper-prepared medic with an overstocked home first aid cabinet for a boyfriend - it was near-impossible to find the simplest things sometimes. Take right now for example: Buck was a solid two minutes into trying to find the thermometer so he could check Chris’s temperature.

He didn’t even know why Eddie bothered to put it away at this point. Chris had been home with a nasty case of the flu for the past three days and his fever just would not go down. Thankfully his symptoms hadn’t yet necessitated a hospital visit but Buck and Eddie were trading off shifts until he was better.

Finally, Buck found the digital thermometer sandwiched amongst some instant cold packs. He grabbed one of those as well, hopefully it would help bring Chris’s temperature down. Buck didn’t want to have to put the poor kid in a cold bath but it was going on nearly forty-eight hours of fever; it was either that or an emergency room visit.

“Hey buddy,” Buck called softly as he entered Chris’s room “we gotta take your temperature again.”

Chris groaned, burying himself even further within the blankets. Buck gently brushed the sweaty curls back from his forehead, feeling the heat radiating off his face as he did. “Open up, under your tongue, you know the drill.”

The twelve-year old complied, but his eyes were glassy and unfocused. Buck’s heart broke a little, just as it had been doing all week. He knew the muscle aches from the flu were only amplified by Chris’s pre-existing pain due to CP. The poor boy was completely worn out. Buck desperately wished he could pull all the aches and pains out of Chris’s exhausted body and put them in his own instead.

The thermometer beeped twice and Buck reached to check the results. One hundred and two degrees. Cracking the cold pack over his knee to activate it, Buck twisted his lips. He needed to call Eddie and decide if he should take Chris to the hospital. They weren’t quite at the forty-eight mark, more like thirty-six, but their kid was pretty out of it.

Chris shivered weakly and made a displeased face when Buck pressed the cold pack to his forehead, but made no effort to move away. The firefighter scrolled through his phone with his free hand, contemplating calling Carla to ask for her opinion, though he was pretty sure she was with another client.

“Buck?” Chris mumbled, looking up at the ceiling. The man’s focus shot to the young boy, putting his phone away for the moment. “Yeah? What’s up?”

“Thanks for-for taking care of m-me. M’sorry.”

Buck’s heart broke once again. “What the hel-heck are you sorry for? Of course I’m gonna take care of you- you got sick, that’s not your fault.”

Chris shook his head slightly, he was clearly in a bit of a feverish haze. “But you and Dad can’t go to work to-together. And I’m-mm always a lot of w-work to take care of. Because of my CP.” His face crumpled like he was about to cry.

“One time when you picked me up I h-heard Jackson’s mom say she didn’t know-w why you stuck around. Like, why would you choose a dis-abled kid when you don’t even have to be my dad.”

Buck sucked in a deep breath, swallowing down the urge to find this woman and punch her across the face. Then he shifted Chris over in his bed and curled his body to lie next to him like he had seen Eddie do a hundred times, though less lately as Christopher grew older. The firefighter pressed his cheek to the child’s head, poking his finger into Chris’s chest.

“I didn’t choose a ‘disabled kid’, Christopher, I chose you. I chose you because you’re funny, and smart, and I love spending time with you and your dad. That would be true even if you didn’t have CP, or if you had some other disability.”

Chris sniffled and shivered, curling into Buck’s side. “Thanks Buck. M’really cold. You’re warm.” His eyes fluttered closed, body going suddenly limp.

Buck’s eyes widened in alarm and he shot upright, shoving at the boy’s shoulders. “Chris, Christopher! Wake up buddy, you gotta wake up.” Strong arms pulled him upright against the headboard, big hands patting at his sweaty face. Christopher blinked blearily.

“Wha happened?”

Buck’s upper body collapsed forward slightly, breathing hard. “Oh my god, okay.” he breathed shakily, “We’re going to the hospital.” He gathered Christopher into his arms and headed for the front door, shoving his feet into a random pair of shoes and grabbing his keys and Chris’s crutches as he went.

In less than a minute, he was outside and buckling Chris into the backseat of the Jeep. “Buck, I’m in pajamas.” Chris protested. Buck couldn’t help it, he laughed. “Trust me bud, you are dressed perfectly for the hospital.”

Eyes flicking between the road and his view of Chris in the rearview mirror, Buck asked Siri to call Eddie as he drove.

“Hey Buck, what’s up?” Eddie answered.

“Heh, uh I’m in the car with Chris on the way to LA General, actually.” He continued quickly before Eddie could spiral into a panic. “Don’t freak out, please. His fever just won’t go below one hundred and two and he passed out for a few seconds just now so I thought I should take him in.”
On the other end of the line, Eddie blew out a loud exhale, clearly attempting to use his Frank-instilled breathing methods.

“Okay, um-uh, yeah that’s probably the right choice. Smart. Let me see if Bobby will let me go, shift’s over in two hours anyway and you’re not on until tomorrow morning, right?”

“Mmm-hmm, but Eds, if you can’t get off I’ve got him, okay, you know that. I have the insurance card you gave me and I know all his history.”

Eddie exhaled again. “I know, I know. God, I love you, you know that?”

Buck smiled. “I know, I love you too.”

From the backseat, Christopher groaned. “Dad?”

“Yeah kid, I’m here. How are you feeling?”

“Like M’gonna throw up.”

“Shit.” said Buck, stretching one arm into the backseat and grabbing around where he knew some reusable bags were on the floor. His fingers closed around one that was thankfully plastic and not cloth. He held it out towards Chris. “Use this, it’s okay.”

Buck’s brow wrinkled as sounds of retching filled the car. “We’re almost there, bud, less than ten minutes. Can you hang on for that long or should I pull over?”

“I’m okay.” Chris replied, muffled from his head being in the bag.

“I’m going to go talk to Bobby.” Eddie’s voice piped up from the speakers. “I’ll text you as soon as I know when I can be at the hospital.”

“Okay, I’ll let you go. Love you.”

“Love you too.Thank you.”

—

Buck strode through the automatic doors of the emergency room and right up to the nurse’s station. He was familiar with some of the nurses at LA General from when they dropped off patients there and he was not afraid to use that to Chris’s advantage.

“Hey Buckley!” A nurse named Ellie called out “...you’re not on shift are you?”

Buck shook his head, shifting Christopher on his hip. God, this kid was growing up and getting tall. He brushed his hand over the boy’s curls. “This is Christopher, mine and Eddie Diaz’s son. He’s had a one-oh-two fever for the past day and a half, he passed out for a few seconds about twenty-five minutes ago, and he vomited twice in the car on the way here.”

If Ellie was surprised to learn Buck and Eddie had a son together, her face didn’t show it. Instead she just gestured towards the triage area, leading the pair to a bed. “Okay, let’s get him set up here. Do you know if he’d be on file with us, has he been here before?”

Buck nodded as he set Chris gently down on the cot, the young boy whining quietly at the loss of contact. “Um, yeah, his neurologist works out of here so I think that means all his information is in the hospital system?”

Ellie gave him a small smile. “Yep, that makes things a little easier. Hang tight for a minute, I’ll grab some paperwork for you to fill in about his symptoms and we’ll probably get him started on fluids.”

—

When Buck’s phone finally dinged with a text message from Eddie, Christopher had already been hooked up to IV fluids and medication and fallen back asleep.

Buck quickly typed out a reply. ‘They put him on fluids and IV meds. Sleeping now. Puked again in the car but not since’

—

Buck was resting his cheek in one hand, staring down at a sleeping Chris, carefully tracking each rise and fall of his chest. He startled when he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Eddie. His boyfriend moved to stand behind the chair Buck was sitting in, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and dropping a kiss to the top of his head. “Any more updates?” Eddie questioned softly.

Buck shook his head and brought his hands up to clasp around Eddie’s where they rested on his chest. “He’s just been sleeping. They’re going to test his temperature again when the bag is empty.” The two men looked up at the IV stand where the bags were about three-quarters empty.

The blonde twisted his hands together awkwardly. “And, uh, before Chris passed out - he was kind of delirious though - he said something to me about a mom of a kid at his school saying some awful stuff and…” He trailed off, angry again.

“What did she say?” Eddie asked, thumbs stroking across Buck’s chest.

“He overheard her wondering why I would choose to ‘stick around’ for a disabled kid. He was trying to apologize for the fact that we take care of him, like-like it’s some kind of terrible burden.”

Buck could feel Eddie’s body tense as it wrapped around him. “Fucking puta. Who’s mom?”

“Jackson? I don’t know him or her. But that she would make him feel like it’s some great sacrifice for me to be in his life? To love him? I could punch her.”

The brunette man leaned his head down so it was next to Buck’s, chin resting on his shoulder. “What did you say to Chris?”

“I told him I chose him for him, you know? That I’d choose him no matter what disability he did or didn’t have.” The firefighter’s lips curled into a tense smile. “Then he passed out and that sort of tabled that discussion.”

Eddie squeezed his arms around his boyfriend, tightly, the way he knew Buck liked when he was feeling upset or unsure. “Thank you for choosing him. For choosing us.”

“Always.”

“Dad?” Christopher murmured, eyes squinting against the harsh light of the emergency room.

“Hey, mijo.” Eddie smiled, moving to sit in a chair on the other side of the bed, “How are you feeling?”

His son rubbed his eyes and looked around the room. “Am I at the hospital? Thought you were at work?”

Eddie reached out and caressed his son’s cheek. “Yes, we’re in the emergency room. Your fever got really bad and you passed out for a little bit. Do you remember that? Or Buck driving you here?”

Chris shrugged weakly. “Kinda?” He opened and closed his mouth a few times, running his tongue over his teeth. “Did I throw up? My mouth tastes gr-gross.”

Buck nodded. “Yeah, there’s still a bag full of it in my car if you want proof?” Christopher’s face scrunched up. “Blergh, no thanks.”

The two men laughed. “Didn’t think so,” Buck smiled, “I’ll throw it out, don’t worry.”

The trio lapsed into silence. Chris’s eyes looked around the emergency room and tracked along the IV line to the stand. His eyes were far clearer then they had been just a couple hours ago and the deep flush of red on his cheeks was fading as well.

“Hey Chris,” Buck started, glancing at Eddie uncertainly, “do you remember telling me about what you overheard Jackson’s mom saying?”

The twelve-year old squirmed under the gaze of the two men, looking down shyly at his hands. “Not really, I-I wasn’t gonna tell you guys ab-bout that.”

Eddie turned away for a moment, pressing his first to his mouth. This woman not only made his son feel like his condition was a burden, she had also cultivated enough shame in him to make him not want to share his feelings with the two people who loved him most in the world?

Buck reached out and grabbed Christopher’s hand. “Well then I’m going to tell you what I said before again, so you do remember; I will always choose to have you in my life, regardless of whatever disability or condition you do or don’t have. Always. You and your dad are the best things in my life and I’m so lucky to know you both.”

Christopher continued to look down at his hands. “But, I feel bad because you could have a kid who-who you don’t have to walk slow for or can play sports or go hiking or-”

“Christopher, stop.” Buck cut him off. “None of that matters because another kid wouldn’t be you. It is not a burden to take care of you. Everyone needs taking care of - even your old dad!” He tossed a grin at Eddie who mirrored him with one of his own. “Do you think I’d rather get another boyfriend who could cook so I didn’t have to do it for him? Nope. Never.”

The boy looked up at Buck, slightly teary-eyed. “You r-really mean it?”

With one hand, Buck grabbed Christopher’s right hand and stretched his other arm out to clasp Eddie’s left hand. “I’ll choose you two everyday for the rest of my life.”