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The memory was still fresh in Johnny’s mind, despite it happening a week ago. It was all he could think about. He thought about the words he said, and how Kenshi took severe offense to them. Their fighting reached a level of volume that caused harsh vibrations off the mansion walls. Kenshi slamming the front door only added to the rumbling.
After Kenshi’s swift exit, Johnny poured himself a hefty drink of whiskey and threw it back easily. He paced back and forth in the living room, holding the glass and swishing it around as he calmed down. The actor was riddled with a blend of anger, hurt, and sadness. In their 3-year relationship they had plenty of fights, but none were as bad as that.
The past month had been tensed between the couple. They was an unspoken irritation between the two stemming from both of their attitudes. Johnny was prone to helping Kenshi, so much so it felt suffocating to the swordsman. He allowed, without complaint, Johnny to implement things for his ease – like handlebars, brail lettering, and auditory devices in their house. Those were fine, but Johnny continued to try and hold his hand to guide him, move things out of the way, and do these even in public.
Kenshi couldn’t help but feel terribly reliant on him. It made him feel so inferior he’d lash out at Johnny, who did not enjoy arguing back with him. Instead, the actor took his frustrations out by busying himself with work. He spent less time at home and distanced himself from Kenshi. Kenshi would then get upset he’d be gone for so long, and when Johnny would return, they’d argue. Johnny, defeated, would spend more time away from him. It was an evil cycle.
Kenshi was not happy. He hated Johnny’s overbearing parent-like attitude around him, but he also upset at himself for pushing him away. Johnny was not happy either. They hadn’t even been sleeping in the same bed for the past week.
It reached a breaking point one night. Johnny came home and immediately went to help Kenshi, before even asking how his day was. Before even kissing him. Kenshi felt like an obligation to Johnny; something he had to take care of. Johnny tried to explain that was not the case, but that Kenshi only pushed him away with these arguments.
Their voices roared at each other, stocked with fiery insults and aggression. They spoke without thinking, emotions overriding any formal thought process. Hands flailed in the air to add to the dramaticism of it all. Kenshi had all but exasperated his lungs, but his next choice of words died on his tongue when he heard Johnny say that one sentence.
“Kenshi, you can’t do everything by yourself. You’re blind! I don’t know why you won’t just let me help you.”
The weight of those words would’ve slammed toward the earth if they were physical. Kenshi’s brain paused momentarily as he processed those hurtful words. They were a harsh reminder. A pitiful remark.
He was first hit with shock, then resentment. How dare he insinuate he was any less autonomous than the next person? Kenshi was a great fighter. A great swordsman. One with the power of his ancestors.
But Johnny still, and would always, define him by his blindness.
And Johnny knew how much it affected him. Yet he chose to say that.
Before he knew it himself, Kenshi was at the door. His tense presence emitted nothing but a silent fury. He had a sickening feeling in his gut, a burning and clenching sensation that made him feel all the worse. He could not stand to be in this room with Johnny any longer.
“Watch me.” Kenshi seethed before slamming the door after him.
His mind screamed and shouted many things at him, but the loudest voice was his defensive consciousness. Kenshi walked down the street with his fists clenched. How could Johnny say that to him like he was nothing more than a blind man?
He had lived alone, fought alone – against the Yakuza – for many years before meeting Johnny. He lived fine then, and blindness would certainly not stop him from living fine now. Did Johnny think so low of him? It made his pulse quicken. It made him feel disgusted. It made him see red.
His legs brought him to his friend Hanzo Hasashi’s house, who quickly invited him in as he saw how seething and upset the swordsman was. They sat in the kitchen, sipping jasmine tea, as Kenshi ranted to Hanzo.
~
Johnny stood there, motionless, as he watched Kenshi leave. His clenched fists released, the points where his nails dug in turned from white to pink as they relaxed. He kicked himself, all too disappointed in himself. He regretted those words the moment they came out. And look what it led to – Kenshi had left.
The actor chugged down shot after shot of amber colored liquor, finding a solemn spot to sit on his expansive sofa as his head hung heavy. He didn’t mean to make Kenshi out like he was dependent on him. He simply wanted Kenshi to know he did not have to prove himself, or to Johnny, that he could be independent.
Johnny knew Kenshi could be independent, but he did not need to be. They had each other. Johnny was keenly aware of Kenshi’s struggles, and he just wanted to ease his life. He took care of him out of love, not out of obligation. Why did Kenshi have to be offended at that? Why did he take it as a hit on his ego?
Johnny sighed for the millionth time in a span of 10 minutes as his mind replayed the scene repeatedly. Regardless of the intention, they were still a poor choice of words. His stomach clamped painfully, and he felt as if he drank a cup of acid the way it sat.
Johnny wasn’t sure what he should do. Should he call him? Perhaps they both needed a night of space to calm down. But it didn’t make it any less annoying, or painful. He wanted Kenshi back by his side, to hold him, kiss him, and apologize to him with praise and gentle love making.
But he’d give Kenshi his space, though he didn’t know how long the swordsman would need. Their previous arguments or grudges lasted maybe two days at maximum, but Johnny had a feeling this wait wouldn’t be as forgiving. He grunted in frustration and threw back another shot, the liquid burning a trail down his esophagus.
~
Kenshi did not return to their home that night. Or the day after.
Hanzo had been kind enough to offer him a bed in his guest room and Kenshi gratefully thanked him. That night seemed to drag on like it would never end. Kenshi lay in the guest room bed, but sleep did not find him easily. He replayed their fight over and over. He was still very upset, but it disappated slightly from talking it out with Hanzo.
Hanzo suggested he spent the night and figure it out tomorrow. Kenshi agreed that it would be a good idea, but the actual proposition of sleeping was easier said than done. He ended up awake until the early morning hours, and only then did he fall asleep, sleeping in for the daylight hours as Hanzo went about his day and let him be.
~
Kenshi woke up the next night at midnight. He had slept in the entire daylight hours, and only woke up now when Hanzo was surely asleep in his bedroom. Kenshi sat up on the bed, slumped over with his hands in his lap.
The house was quiet. Hanzo didn’t even leave a television or radio on. Kenshi felt the cold sheets under him, running his digits over the fabric. The guest room was a quant room, big enough for the necessary furniture, but not for much else. There was a single window that looked over the backyard, currently covered by a black curtain.
Kenshi couldn’t help but feel incredibly confined, and out of place, in the room. The walls felt like they were shrinking in on him. Moonlight seeped through the curtain and into the room, signaling the late hour. Kenshi wondered what Johnny was doing.
The thought of him brought the current reality back to the forefront of Kenshi’s mind. He sighed, his consciousness reminding him of where he was and the current situation at hand. He was at Hanzo’s house, not in bed with Johnny. They were not on good terms currently, and Kenshi had been away for an entire 24 hours now.
Kenshi’s hands ran on the bed until he found his phone. He began to check for any messages or calls, but there was nothing. The sad, audio of “No new calls” played over and over as Kenshi hoped to find something, even a voicemail. He let the device drop to the bed and fell back onto the pillow. An eerie silence surrounded him.
Kenshi hadn’t cried yet, but now, isolated in this cold room, a wave of despair engulfed his entire body. The anger he once had died off, and now here he was, left with sadness. His face fell and body shook as he cried, hard and uncontrollably.
~
At the same time, but miles away, Johnny sat alone on their shared bed. He was, and had been, restless for the past 24 hours. His mind was whirling with regret and sadness. He hadn’t been able to do anything but lay in bed, only leaving for the restroom then returning.
He couldn’t stop thinking of Kenshi. Every second that passed, the worse he felt. If he hadn’t said those stupid things, they probably would’ve been in this bed, kissing, hugging, even just Kenshi’s presence near him would’ve been enough to ease him. The actor felt incredibly desperate.
Johnny just needed to see Kenshi, be near him, touch him, hold him, show him affection in any and every way.
But he couldn’t.
He was not here anymore.
Johnny couldn’t help the heavy heaves that exited his lungs as he cried into his pillow. He didn’t even know where Kenshi was, and that thought made him incredibly sad.
When Johnny shut his eyes, visions of Kenshi drifted in his hazy mind. Of his smile, his tattoos, his laughter, the way he looked asleep, the way he might look if he were lying next to him currently.
But when he opened his eyes, he saw the opposite. Nothing. There was no Kenshi. There was no one here, in this lonesome bed, but him.
Johnny fell back against the pillows, inconsolable. He lay in the middle of the mattress, extremities sprawled out and feeling nothing but blanket. He was painfully aware of the large expanse of the mattress. It was far too big for just him.
The feeling was far too reminiscent of how he felt when Cris left. However, that feeling did not linger longer as he was soon introduced to Liu Kang and thrown into a new journey in his life. Within that journey, he met Kenshi, someone who would not only take Cris’s place, but become someone Johnny cherished and loved more than anything he’d ever known.
But he was no longer here.
And Johnny had no idea if he would come back.
Johnny’s hand found the pillow that Kenshi normally slept on. He rubbed his face on it, faintly smelling the scent the swordsman naturally carried on him. Johnny began to cry hard into the pillow, feeling incredibly stupid, sad, and exhausted.
His heart felt shattered, held only in place by his pulsating lungs. He wanted Kenshi here. He needed Kenshi here.
But Johnny did not want to mess up further. He’d allow Kenshi the space he needed, despite how much he hated the distance. He vowed that when Kenshi came back, he’d never leave. He’d find a million ways to apologize. He would do whatever it took for Kenshi to understand how much he just wanted to make him happy. He’d give him anything he needed and hold him dearly, never letting go.
~
A week later, that day still hadn’t come.
Kenshi did not return to their home. Instead, he stayed in Hanzo’s guest room and began to help around the house as not to seem like a burden to Hanzo. His friend insisted he wasn’t, but Kenshi enjoyed the chore because it also took his mind off Johnny.
During the daytime Kenshi busied himself with errands and chores, but nighttime brought on the weight of all the emotions he ignored in daylight hours. He convinced himself that the time apart was necessary, but his love for Johnny made him feel terribly confused. He’d cry himself to sleep, where a blank dream awaited him until the bleak hours of the morning.
~
Johnny remained in bed the entire week. He couldn’t do anything else without crying. When he was awake, he could not stop the tears that fell from him like waterfalls. They were never ending.
He couldn’t help the way his heart felt ripped and torn in his chest. His heart pumped, but that was the only sign of liveliness as Johnny remained limb in bed.
He was miserable, but he would give Kenshi space, because he loved him so much.
~
Two weeks passed and Johnny was going insane. He was able to get up, shower, and make himself breakfast – though most of it went untouched. He paced back and forth in his living room, staring at his phone as he contemplated contacting Kenshi. It had only been two weeks, but it felt like two eons for Johnny.
He took a deep breath, anxiety and shakiness wrecking his body. He sat down on the sofa to stabilize himself and finally put his fingers to the phone screen. He texted Kenshi a lengthy apology – a jumble of painfully honest words and sentiments that spilled directly from his brain to his digits that tapped the screen. Then he sent it.
Johnny set his phone down on the table. He stared at it, nerves on fire. It was done. Now, he’d spent the rest of the miserable night anxiously staring at his phone, waiting to see if Kenshi would reply.
~
Unbeknowst to Johnny, Kenshi had opened it the second he heard a chime from his phone. He had been cooking in the kitchen, and ran back to his guest room to open the message. He threw himself on the bed, heart speeding up to concerning speeds as he clicked on the message. The audio on his phone read Johnny’s message aloud, and Kenshi went through a flurry of emotions at the content.
Kenshi spent the next two hours on the bed, switching from sitting to lying to standing as he replayed it over and over again. The words of Johnny’s – admitting fault, confessing his undying love for him, his choppy yet truthful explanation of what he meant, how he didn’t mean to make Kenshi feel that way, and how he begged and pleaded for Kenshi to come back home.
Kenshi would cry, calm himself, then cry again as he replayed the message. His body turned hot and cold. Goosebumps then shivers. He felt incredibly lost and conflicted.
He loved Johnny. He did. He knew that without thinking, without a doubt in his mind. But for some ungodly reason he couldn’t answer to why he couldn’t get past the way two sides of him conflicted with one another. One side desperately yearned to run back to Johnny, while the other was uncertain.
That side of him heightened all the doubts and insecurities within Kenshi. It had gotten even worse because of their extensive time apart from each other. Maybe it was his pride or ego, but that nagging feeling in him argued against reconciliation. What if things only worsened? What if this was what they needed? What if Kenshi just waited this feeling out? Certainly by then they’d both be in the right mindset and character to face their issues head on.
Kenshi felt terribly lonely, but he would play a dangerous and unreliable game – the waiting game. He did not respond to the message.
~
A month passed.
It was difficult, but Johnny returned to work. He’d only be able to work for a few hours, compared to his previous day long escapades before he’d excuse him to cry in his car. He just couldn’t get into character when he thought of Kenshi.
Johnny felt pathetic. When he was at work, or home, his desperate eyes would fixate on the door as some deep and unrealistic part of him waited for Kenshi to walk in. Whenever it opened, his heart would shutter in his thorax. But it was never Kenshi.
Johnny wanted Kenshi to just respond to him. To take them out of their nightmare. This torture. But every day, that wish was never granted. He contacted him incessantly. Texts. Calls. Voicemails. But Kenshi would never respond.
~
Kenshi began to buy some of his own clothes to keep at now his room at Hanzo’s house. Hanzo had been a bit shocked at the prolonged stay, but insisted that Kenshi was always welcomed there. He would attempt to ask about Johnny, but Kenshi would become defensive and dismissive until the wraith eventually stopped trying.
Kenshi indulged himself in busy work – chores, hobbies, errands, jobs, or invitations from Kung Lao to hang out. Hanzo and Kenshi even began watching a new show they kept up with on Sundays.
His days were distracting, but Kenshi’s nights were still incredibly hard. He was constantly prodded by the uncertainty that kept him awake at night. Was this the right decision?
He couldn’t keep his mind from Johnny when he lay in bed.
Kenshi knew it was incredibly selfish, especially because he did not respond to any message from Johnny, but he dreamed of the actor walking through the door.
~
6 months later.
Johnny began to move Kenshi’s stuff out of their room and into boxes where they sat in the closet. He couldn’t stand to look at them any longer. He’d been using them primarily as comfort items, but the longer Kenshi away the more they morphed into tormenting objects.
Even looking at the boxes was torture because Johnny knew what was in them. He ended up moving them into the garage, out of sight, but Kenshi was certainly not out of his mind.
~
Kenshi spent most of his nights alone now. Hanzo began dating Kuai Liang, and spent most of his nights at his new lover’s house, leaving Kenshi by himself.
Over the months his temporary stay turned permanent, and he was basically Hanzo’s roommate. Hanzo didn’t mind it, especially because Kenshi helped pay the bills now too. Hanzo did not mention Johnny or their relationship, but Kenshi could feel that he wanted to.
If he was being honest, Kenshi did not think he would contact Johnny. It had been too long. The days became easier. And while he missed them, a very insecure part of him figured Johnny was moved on.
Kenshi felt weird. Numb. Stagnant. He let time go on, and go on it did. The distance had put an odd, unclosed wedge between them. The more time that passed though, the less harboring the need to do something felt. So Kenshi did just that – nothing.
~
1 Year later.
Johnny took on an exciting role in a new famous movie. He was the star actor, and it was a role he hadn’t partaken in for years. The role in this new movie would require him to temporarily move to another state, and it was something new.
When he was with Kenshi, he refrained from acting in such dedicated projects simply because he didn’t want to be away from his lover for a long time.
But he was no longer here. And Johnny gave up trying to contact him.
The actor busied himself every day and night, on and off set. He integrated himself into his craft with far more effort than he ever had before. To other people, it showed dedication and signaled the revival of Johnny Cage in his new era. However, only Johnny knew how it was all a coping mechanism for the abandonment of someone he didn’t think he’d ever get over.
Only he would know that at night, the exhaustion and sadness he hid so well from others would creep out, grab him by the throat, and choke him slowly. All day he ran and ran, and would exhaust him so harshly that he’d knock out as soon as he hit the bed. Johnny’s career never looked better, but he never felt worse.
Eventually, and depressingly, things got easier.
However, it didn’t stop the incessant voice in Johnny’s head that constantly asked – How could Kenshi just leave like that?
~
Kuai Liang became glued to Hanzo’s hip, and Kenshi became the third wheel to their relationship. They enjoyed each other’s company, but it was the lovers that would end up together at the end of the night – and Kenshi alone.
It was torturous sometimes, watching how much love the couple shared. It made Kenshi so sick that he would even excuse himself to confine himself to a secluded area where he did not have to see the reality of a loving relationship. It hurt far too much, even still.
Kenshi would often go on walks by himself, and he even took up smoking cigarettes. It was a terrible habit, one that he previously partook in as a young adult in the Yakuza. When he met Johnny, the actor constantly harped on him about how awful it was. Kenshi, in love with him, quit smoking altogether.
But now, with Johnny gone, Kenshi took the habit up once more. Whenever he light up the death stick, he could even hear Johnny’s voice telling him to put it down.
Kenshi shook his head. He just couldn’t forget him.
A question, one he once thought would be answered by time, remained in his head – Was it the right decision?
~
1 Year & 6 months later
It was Raiden’s birthday, and everyone was invited to celebrate the night at Madam Bo’s. Everyone knew about the unamicable breakup between Johnny and Kenshi, but they figured since it had already been a year and a half that having them at a friendly party wouldn’t be entirely awkward. Plus, it’d been so long since everyone hung out together.
Kenshi showed up early to help with setting up, feigning confidence though inside he was incredibly nervous at the prospect of being around Johnny. Initially he felt as if he should feel ashamed, cowardly that he hadn’t even done as much to call him. However, it shifted more to a sorry attitude as he figured Johnny wouldn’t even remember it.
Kenshi had been hearing a lot about Johnny Cage recently, more so with the release of his recent movie. It was insanely popular, and even Hanzo and Kuai went to the movies to see it. They invited Kenshi, but he politely declined.
Over the months, Kenshi’s depression worsened. He had hoped things would get easier. That his regrets would lessen. That he’d have it figured out by now. But it was entirely the opposite.
As the minutes, hours, days, and months passed Kenshi became increasingly aware of his mistake. He regretted ignoring Johnny. He missed him. The fog that clouded his lens dissipated, and the realization of his mistakes were more than blatant to the swordsman.
In his isolation, he admitted how much he missed Johnny. He loved him. He still loved him. Being around him tonight had his nerves ablaze, but the insecurity in him kept him from worrying that Johnny would care.
Johnny showed up halfway through the party, shouting his apologies as he entered, claiming the flight he was coming in from was late. Kenshi’s spine stiffened upon hearing that familiar voice. He was plastered against the back wall of the floor, and as soon as he heard Johnny he ran to the bathroom. Kenshi hyperventilated over the sink, trying hard to calm himself down and act normal for the sake of the party.
Johnny noticed his quick escape, but did not say anything. He had tried to say something before, but it was obvious Kenshi did not care to make amends now. It saddened Johnny. Why couldn’t he just talk to him?
Conversation with others quickly took Johnny’s worries away, and the topic of his new girlfriend came up easily. Everyone was shocked at the revelation. They particularly took carefulness of discussing it near Kenshi, but they could not hide their happiness for Johnny for Kenshi’s sake.
It didn’t matter anyways, as Kenshi heard the news of it. His heart dropped, stomach twisted, and hands shook at hearing about it. They were faint mumbles, but his heightened senses allowed him to focus on conversations far from him. They talked of Johnny’s new girlfriend – how they met, how they’d been together for a month, descriptions of her, etc.
For someone who hadn’t talked to him in over a year, Kenshi was viscerally affected by Johnny and his new priorities. He felt terribly sad, and selfish. He chose to run away. Leave. Abandon Johnny. Who was he to be upset about it? Who was he to even talk to Johnny?
Johnny and Kenshi spent the night apart, finding separate circles to conversate with, but never with each other. Johnny wanted to, but Kenshi seemed to scatter away from him like he was the plague. It was incredibly disheartening, and so the actor just stayed away.
Johnny was conflicted. He was proud of himself, truly. He was at the height of his career, in great shape, and surrounded by wonderful friends. He even had a new, banging girlfriend, whose name was Sonya Blade – and she was a total badass.
Yet when he looked at Kenshi all of that seemed to fade away. He felt like he was back in his bed a year and a half ago – wrecked and depressed. It was hard to believe it’d been so long, but Kenshi still had this effect on him.
A hopeful part of Johnny wanted to disregard all the progress he made moving on just to hold Kenshi. He’d do it, even just to hold him and kiss him for the night. He could still remember how his body felt, his lips, his wonderful, tattooed hands. But even in the same room, he couldn’t help but still feel miles away from Kenshi.
Johnny wondered if his love for him would ever leave. He supposed it wouldn’t, but it’d get easier.
The night eventually ended, and only then before dashing out of the door, did Kenshi say one word to Johnny.
“Goodnight.”
Johnny responded with a polite goodbye, but he felt incredibly ignored and dissatisfied.
~
Kenshi became frustratedly annoyed at himself for how much he thought of Johnny Cage, especially after Raiden’s party. The actor seemed to be all around him too – in advertisements, television shows, and movies. His voice never left.
Kenshi found himself engulfed in memories wherever he went. He often zoned out, taken out of his hazy daydreams and memories of Johnny only when he was forcefully yelled at or shaken. This did not go unnoticed by Hanzo and Kuai, who noticed the awful spiral Kenshi fell into.
It was clear that the swordsman was deeply depressed. He did not care to go anywhere. He didn’t leave his room. He didn’t eat.
Kenshi dropped weight in the months following Raiden’s party, and he admittedly became a bit obsessed with his ex-lover. He wouldn’t admit it, but he kept up fervently with news about Johnny Cage and his new girlfriend. He obsessed over her too, wondering what she was like. Surely Johnny was satisfied to have a partner that wasn’t blind. She was incredibly lucky.
Alongside Kenshi’s sorrowful despair was his growing hatred of himself. He condemned himself fully for the failure of their relationship. He cursed himself constantly for letting so much time pass with no words, with no effort from him.
Why did he ever say anything?
Why did he let Johnny’s calls go unanswered?
Why did he think things would ever get easier?
What else did he expect would happen?
Kenshi hated how these thoughts constantly harbored and degraded his conscious, but they were unrelenting. He hated how it took so long for him to see his mistakes.
Johnny was clearly moved. So why couldn’t Kenshi move on?
Kenshi was the one who didn’t meet him halfway. He was the one who ended it.
So why was he still hung up on it after all this time?
Kenshi felt pathetic. Stupid. Regretful.
He often fantasized about being able to go back in time to the night they argued. He imagined himself walking right back in the door after shutting in and running into Johnny’s open arms. He knew they’d be open because Johnny was such a wonderful lover. He was the best love he would ever have. He was the best love he would never have again.
Kenshi cried himself to sleep nightly.
~
3 Years Later.
Kenshi hadn’t dated anyone else since their breakup. He attempted to a month ago through a dating website, but it was incredibly awkward and ingenious. Kenshi gave up on this quickly.
Hanzo and Kuai were now engaged, and would be having a wedding very soon. Kenshi would be Hanzo’s best man, and the swordsman could hardly believe Hanzo was the same man he had known all his life. To say Kuai changed Hanzo was an understatement. The man was absolutely smitten with Kuai, and Kenshi was incredibly happy for him.
It was November, and Madam Bo was hosting a Thanksgiving party for everyone to come and enjoy food and each other.
Kenshi had seen Johnny on a couple of occasions throughout the year, all in the presence of their mutual friends at occasions such as this. They rarely shared more than a few sentences of conversations, and there was a middleman between them.
However, tonight would be slightly different. It was later in the evening, and everyone was dispersed around the venue with full bellies and a happy spirit.
Kenshi went outside to the patio, where he leaned on the balcony as he stood in the chilly, winter air. Light snow fell from the gray sky, littering white dots that melted upon contact with Kenshi’s shoulders.
As he stood in silence, he turned his head at the sound of the sliding door opening and footsteps approaching. Kenshi figured it was Hanzo, but was surprised to hear a familiar, yet distant, voice.
“Hey,” Johnny spoke, closing the door behind him and finding a spot standing next to Kenshi.
Kenshi did not get as nervous as he used to, and smiled with a head nod.
“How have you been?” Johnny asked politely.
“Good, how about you?” Kenshi asked.
“I’ve been alright, starting a new movie role for a new spin off of Star Wars so, that’ll be fun.” Johnny spoke excitedly, and was clearly trying to fight the harsh tension between the two.
“That’s nice.” Kenshi simply stated.
An uncomfortable silence fell between them as snow continued to fall.
Johnny frowned. Even to this day, three years later, why couldn’t Kenshi just talk to him?
Internally, Kenshi’s heart was racing. He’d never been alone with Johnny like this since their relationship. He was nervous, and highly aware of how much he still loved the actor. He had to do something to ease the silence between them.
“How is Sonya?” Kenshi asked.
Johnny sighed, and the surprising reaction caused Kenshi to turn his head to him. A small piece of him was hopeful, did they break up?
“I haven’t told anyone this yet but,” Johnny began and looked around to make sure no one was around before he leaned an inch closer to Kenshi, “we’re engaged.”
It took every muscle and nerve in Kenshi to keep his face still. Even in the cold weather, Kenshi felt like he’d dissolve into nothing.
Engaged.
It was the worst thing he’d ever heard, but he could not let Johnny know that.
“She doesn’t like the whole flashy thing, so we’re keeping it hush hush.” Johnny stated.
Kenshi’s forced chuckle came out shaky, “Nothing flashy, yet she’s with Johnny Cage?”
Johnny let himself laugh, honest and genuine. Kenshi couldn’t help but join him, a bit more easeful as he laughed at Johnny somehow not being flashy.
Johnny found himself drawn into Kenshi’s features as the swordsman laughed. His lips turned upwards on the sides of his mouth. He hadn’t heard that sound in a long time. It was a lovely sound. Maybe one of his favorite sounds.
But his laugh faded off, and once again there was quietness.
“You know, Kenshi,” Johnny spoke up, “I am sorry things ended the way they did.”
The remanant of a smile on Kenshi’s face fell immediately. The negative emotions in him surfaced quickly, drowning him in every thought he had of Johnny. He was still in love with him, and it was incredibly difficult to talk about their failed relationship while aware of that.
Kenshi responded the best way he knew how to – defensively.
“It seems things ended up fine for you.” Kenshi forced a smile on his face, and Johnny saw right through to it. His fame mattered little to him in the face of personal relationships.
“I guess,” Johnny replied with a sigh. He turned from Kenshi toward the night sky. How lonely it felt. How cold the night was.
“How about you?” Johnny asked.
“What about me?” Kenshi replied.
“You know,” Johnny spoke, “anything new? New job? Boyfriend?”
Kenshi’s fists clenched at that suggestion. How desperately he wished he could say he had a boyfriend. How Kenshi wished he could say he moved on and was in love with someone else. How badly Kenshi wished he could say that he was no longer in love with Johnny Cage, but he couldn’t.
“Ah, nothing new.” Kenshi settled to say. “I’m still living with Hanzo.”
Johnny perked up at the mention of his friend, “Congrats to his and Kuai’s engagement.”
Kenshi nodded, “Yes…” He smiled at the thought of his dear friend, he truly was happy for him. “They have something very special.” The swordsman added.
Johnny watched Kenshi’s facial features fall after every sentence he said. He looked like he wanted to say something. It was obvious he had something so heavy on his mind that it was affecting his entire demeanor.
But Johnny did not know what he wanted him to admit. He did not know if it even had anything to do with him, after all, they hadn’t been associated with each other for years. But a small part of him, one that refused to die no matter how hard the actor tried, wanted Kenshi to speak to him about their relationship.
They had ended without closure. Their wonderful, perfect love had ended abruptdly and without discussion. Kenshi had to have thoughts on it. He had to have something to say after all this time.
Johnny realized in that moment that he had given Kenshi time. He had given him more time than was healthy for him. As the actor’s eyes took in Kenshi, he realized he still loved him. It had never gone away. It would never go away. But he could not hold onto this love forever.
Kenshi could feel Johnny staring daggers into him. He didn’t know what exact words he wanted to say, but he wanted to spill every thought he ever held back to the man in front of him. He wanted to confess how awful he felt for leaving, how he still dreams of him, how he regrets breaking up, how insignificant the fight even was, how he fantasized about him and Johnny running away. Kenshi parted his mouth to speak, but Johnny’s voice spoke before his.
“Sonya is pregnant.”
Those words hung in the air, thick like molasses. All the cells in Kenshi’s body seemed to stop, leaving him motionless. The cold weather burned into his skin like frostbite, heightened by the sudden devastation that engulfed his body and mind.
“Oh.” Kenshi only said, barely audible.
Johnny did not take offense, just looked away. Kenshi did not need to say anything, and neither did Johnny. They both seemed to know the weight behind that admission. Johnny wanted to refrain from admitting it, but he couldn’t, not when Kenshi seemed ready to confess whatever he wanted to him.
But the silence became unbearable.
“Kenshi, I–”
“I’m happy for you guys.” Kenshi said, with all the confidence he could muster.
Johnny frowned, clearly Kenshi was not happy about this. It tormented Johnny. Why couldn’t he just be honest with him?
“Truly.” Kenshi added. In a way, the swordsman was honestly happy for her. He just wished it could’ve been him in her place.
“Kenshi, you do not have to lie to me.” Johnny added, eyebrows furrowed in concern.
Kenshi let out a heavy sigh, allowing all the weight of the air in his lungs to escape and leave him feeling flattened.
“Johnny,” Kenshi turned his head in his direction, “what do you want me to say?”
Tears threatened to fall from Johnny’s glossy eyes as he whispered, “Anything.”
Kenshi looked down in despair. He always ran away. Even now, he was refusing to be in the moment. Refusing to answer. But he understood it never did anything good for him. If anything, it left him isolated and defeated.
Kenshi desperately wanted to be with Johnny. He was just about to admit it. Everything. Anything. Beg for him to be with him.
But then he brought up Sonya’s pregnancy.
This meant that, even if Kenshi did admit his undying love for Johnny and desire to be with him, there would now be complications.
This was no longer just them.
There was a fiancé.
A baby in the mix.
No longer could it simply be a long lost love rekindled.
No.
It’d mean the detriment of all of Johnny’s actions meant to move on. It’d mean the dismissal of not only a fiancé, but a baby. Kenshi just couldn’t do that to him. To them.
Johnny understood this too, but he still – and always would – had a soft spot for Kenshi. He would always love him, no matter how much he denied it, but he also was aware of the priorities in his life.
But looking at Kenshi. Being near his soft, beautiful body and spirit – Johnny couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if they abandoned everything and left together. As he ran his eyes over Kenshi, Sonya was not on his mind. He wanted to reach out to Kenshi, map his face out, kiss him, hold him. Nothing else would matter.
If Kenshi just gave him the word.
Johnny might just do it.
It was Kenshi’s turn to speak and Johnny waited anxiously, not even realizing how his hand reached to him, but of course Kenshi could not see this.
There was a war in Kenshi’s mind. He desperately wanted to get everything off of his chest. But what would be the point? Johnny just told him that he would now be a father, why would the actor even care that Kenshi still loved him?
Kenshi’s heart beat erradically. He opened his mouth to speak, and Johnny watched him intently, but nothing came out.
It felt entirely hopeless. Kenshi was defeated.
All those times he thought of Johnny. Those thoughts of him. The words he’d been dying to say.
They’d never be said.
All the begging, confessions, and calls of love for Johnny would remain in Kenshi’s throat forever. Destined to remain there and die, a depressingly poetic sentiment to their failed love.
The sliding door behind them opened, and both men quickly fixed their features and postures.
“Who is this?” A feminine voice spoke up, and they both turned to Sonya Cage.
“Honey,” Johnny spoke and planted a chaste kiss on her cheek then motioned to Kenshi, “this is my friend, Kenshi.”
Friend. God, why did that word hurt so much?
Kenshi nodded to her, not trusting his voice. Sonya reached and shook Kenshi’s hand. He took in the warm feeling of the hand of the woman who he had thought of very frequently. Her hands were soft and warm, not like Kenshi’s calloused and cold ones.
Sonya turned to Johnny, “I’m a bit tired love. I’ll be waiting in the car. Nice to meet you, Kenshi.” She politely said.
Johnny kissed her forehead, “I’ll be right there.”
Sonya made her way back inside, and the two men were again left to themselves and the cold environment.
“Kenshi,” Johnny whispered, still desperate for Kenshi to speak.
“Johnny, I…” Kenshi began and fell into silence. He thought of how Johnny might’ve looked in that moment, how close he was. He easy it would be to reach out for him. But that was not possible anymore.
Even with Johnny this close to him, Kenshi felt like a failure. He forfeit the right to love Johnny Cage three years ago when he walked out that door. He would not burden Johnny with his confession of love. He would not intervene in Johnny’s life anymore.
Kenshi hoped Johnny got everything he ever wanted, but knew he’d be there for none of it.
“It was nice to see you.” Kenshi said finally.
Johnny stood there for a second as he took in those words. To anyone else, it was a polite sentiment, but to Johnny, he understood the weight behind those six words.
Those six words meant the finality of their failed relationship. This was it.
Johnny wiped hot tears that fell from his face as he understood this. Kenshi and he would not be together anymore. Not now. Not ever. Not in this lifetime.
But he had a wife and child to worry about now. As much as Johnny wanted to hold onto his love for Kenshi like a child with a teddy bear, he understood he couldn’t. It was not healthy for either of them.
Their love story was over.
“You too, Kenshi.” Were the last words Johnny would ever say to Kenshi.
Kenshi listened to Johnny’s footsteps until they were gone, and stood alone in the cold.