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The first time Yuuji put his head in his lap, Megumi nearly died.
In a split second, his heart stopped, his lungs collapsed into a useless mass, and his brain ceased to exist.
All he could do was stare as the pink-haired boy looked up at him and smiled, soft and tired and warm and oh my god so close too close holy –
Then a finger poked his cheek, Yuuji looked up at him questioningly, and Megumi was able to manually restart his organs.
With a deep breath, he looked down and shoved the boy off his lap.
Nobara laughed as Yuuji fell face-first onto the floor, but Megumi caught the brief moment of shock and hurt before the boy smiled broadly and chuckled half-heartedly, rubbing the back of his head.
He wouldn’t look at Megumi, though, and soon he left.
Megumi knew he had fucked up. Sure, he’d never been a very intimate person. Tsumiki had been his main source of physical affection while Gojo had been a bane to avoid, all bony and overenthusiastic.
When Yuuji appeared in Megumi’s life, he realised he wanted to touch someone like he never had before. That was easier said than done, though.
He had tried to let the other boy sling an arm over his shoulder or grab at his elbow, but it was hard to resist that instinct to pull away, to keep the distance.
It didn’t help either that his brain completely overloaded the moment his – well, crush came within half a metre of him.
The second time Yuuji used Megumi’s lap as a pillow, he fought every instinct to stay as calm and relaxed as possible.
Yuuji had been avoiding being too touchy with Megumi since the last time, holding himself back from casually pulling him close as they walked or reaching out to ruffle Megumi’s hair.
It was weird. Yuuji was touchy with everyone else, but now he kept a careful distance from Megumi.
When Yuuji had proposed a movie night for the weekend, Megumi accepted without complaint. As the night wore on and Nobara tiredly staggered off to her room, the two boys were left alone, huddled on Yuuji’s bed. Neither of them moved to spread out, to reclaim the space left on the other side of the bed.
There was a careful tension between them, but as one movie ended and another began, Yuuji seemed to forget his attempts to keep a distance.
Megumi had been surprised when Yuuji put in another movie. He already looked so tired that Megumi almost offered to leave and let him sleep, but a selfish piece of him wanted every last moment together.
He was even more surprised when Yuuji’s head came to fall on his shoulder, the boy’s breathing soft and slow as he fell into sleep.
Again, Megumi felt his brain signal the alarm, but he kept still, focusing on his breaths and definitely not on the hair tickling his neck or the heat and weight of the side of Yuuji’s body as he slumped against him.
Eventually, the movie ended, but Megumi didn’t want to go. He couldn’t let Yuuji sleep in this position all night, either. As he began to move, trying to carefully reposition the boy, Yuuji began to wriggle.
Megumi opened his mouth to apologise for waking him and for staying so late, but then he watched as Yuuji shuffled and readjusted himself so his head was resting on Megumi’s thighs.
Well. Megumi couldn’t leave now, could he? Not when Yuuji was cuddled up next to him, so deep in sleep. He looked so peaceful that Megumi could have sat there all night just watching him breathe.
Okay, maybe that was a little creepy. But soon Megumi felt himself drifting off, lulled by the rhythmic sounds of Yuuji’s gentle breaths.
He woke to the sound of a stifled gasp. As he came to, Megumi felt the awkward movements of Yuuji lifting himself from where he slept.
“Yuuji, what are you doing?” As he cracked open his eyes, still groggy with sleep, he was met with the sight of Yuuji’s red face staring at him in shock. Megumi could still feel the numbness in his legs where Yuuji had slept on him.
“Ah, I’m so sorry, Fushiguro! I didn’t mean to wake you or to… ah… I’m sorry for sleeping on you!” Already Yuuji was jumping back, randomly grabbing at items in a panicked attempt to prepare for the day.
Fushiguro? Yuuji hadn’t called him by his last name in months, so why would he now? He couldn’t still be scared of being close to Megumi, but he knew it was likely and that realisation stepped on his heart like a worm left to dry on the pavement.
“Yuuji, really, it’s okay, I-”
“No, I’m sorry, Me- Fushiguro, you don’t like people touching you and I should have respected that.”
They stared at each other, neither quite understanding the distance between them.
Megumi tried to speak, but what could he say? No, I like it so much when you touch me that I think I could explode. I wish you would touch me all the time. He didn’t know if Yuuji liked him like that, and it was so pathetic of him to crave the touch of another so badly he could die.
And then Yuuji was gone, escaping the tense bedroom before Megumi could make a sound.
Nobara cornered him before he could catch up to Yuuji. Admittedly, he had gone to shower and get dressed, taking his time. Part of him wanted to give Yuuji space, but the rest of him was still undecided as to what to do when he found him.
“I don’t know what you idiots did, but you had better fix it. If I have to look at that sad sap’s face one more time, it’s your neck I’m coming for.”
“What?”
Somehow Nobara’s face reached a whole new level of disgust. “It’s like you kicked a puppy, I mean, come on, Megumi. Seriously. Yuuji’s eyes creep me out when they get all wide and pitiful like that, and then he tries to hide it with a smile so fake it’s painful to look at. Eugh.”
Oh. Right. “I’m trying, but he’s avoiding me.”
Megumi winced at how weak his response was. Clearly, Nobara was not at all convinced.
“Hmm. Well, meet me in the common room at one. Don’t even think about not showing up.”
Nobara’s eyes scanned him disapprovingly. Without a word more, she left. Megumi watched as she disappeared around a corner, feeling his shoulders slump in dismay. He couldn’t believe he had hurt Yuuji so badly.
He had to apologise.
Megumi spent the rest of the morning trying to find Yuuji, but the boy seemed determined to pretend he didn’t exist. He considered asking Gojo if he knew where he was, but that thought was quickly killed by the fact that the idiot would be less than useful and waste his time trying to figure out why Megumi was so concerned. That was the last thing he needed.
By the time one o’clock came around, Megumi pushed his shoulders back in resignation and made his way to the common room. It was best not to be late when Nobara told you to be somewhere.
As he pushed open the door, Megumi realised two things.
The first was that he had been set up.
The second was that he seriously needed to thank Nobara.
Yuuji sat facing away from the door, but at the sound of footsteps, he swung around. A fake smile melted into shock, before making an even more forced appearance.
Megumi cringed, seeing firsthand how badly he had fucked up and how much he needed to fix this.
“Did Gojo tell you to come here?” Yuuji’s voice was quiet.
What? “No, Nobara did.”
They both stared at each other in confusion, before Yuuji began to laugh. There was something more genuine this time, that anxiety fading into soft sadness. “I guess they were pretty sick of me moping around, huh.”
Megumi suspected there was also a propensity for meddling and mischief that fuelled Gojo’s actions, but Yuuji didn’t need to know that.
“I want to talk to you.”
Yuuji patted the couch next to him, and Megumi moved to sit. An idea popped into his head as he did so.
“I wanted to talk to you, too, Fushiguro! I really am sorry about this morning. I just… I have a lot of – feelings, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
Megumi wasn’t sure what that meant. He wasn’t really sure how to reply, either.
“I have a lot of feelings, too.”
“What?” Yuuji flinched at his own voice. “I mean, of course you do, you’re a human being, and – what are you – ?”
Even as he lay his head in Yuuji’s lap, Megumi regretted every inch of awkwardness in his being.
But Megumi’s fear or insecurities didn’t matter right now. He cared about Yuuji, and he had hurt his feelings. He had made him afraid to touch him, and he needed to fix that.
As he looked up at Yuuji’s red face and saw the horrified expression looking down at him, Megumi was unsure if he had made the right decision, though.
“Me- Fushiguro, are you okay?”
“It’s Megumi. And yes, very.”
“Oh.”
Something in Yuuji clicked and his body began to relax. With a gentle hand, he reached out and began to thread his fingers through dark hair.
“Megumi.”
The two locked eyes.
“Yuuji.”