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She screamed. Or, she tried to, anyway.
The first thing Regina saw when she woke up was a dull darkness, and the confusion that arose from the sight dissipated every ounce of anger she held in her body. Her throat felt unnaturally ticklish, like something was brushing the inner walls of her throat with a feather. When she tried to cough, her lungs felt too tight to allow her to even breathe, and the slight tingle she felt turned into a burning pain that went from her temple to her back. Regina had never felt anything like this before, and a small panic overtook her as she struggled to breathe. Her mouth refused to open when she tried to shout, cry, gasp, anything, and found that she was completely paralysed in her body.
In the silent void that surrounded her, she was unable to hear her own heartbeat thudding in her ear. She was only vaguely aware that she was drowning in a type of darkness she had never before witnessed, with not a single minute source of light spilling into the edges of her vision. Regina tried to move, to breathe, to do anything, but she could only feel an unfamiliar numbness taking over her body.
She had no idea how long she stayed there— just staring at nothing, but eventually, the blanket of emptiness had mellowed into a softer blue, and Regina’s attention peaked. Unable to move, she continued to wait for more changes to occur, a small glimmer of hope swirling inside her when more light began to pour into the room (honestly, she wasn’t quite sure where she was), and after an eternity of waiting, she found herself face to face to a window.
The night had never looked so bright. The clear night sky splattered above beyond the window shone clear in her eyes and after being stuck in an empty space for eons, Regina truly, truly thought that it was the best thing she ever saw.
Regina was pulled out of the strange awe when she noticed her reflection on the glass surface. Slowly, she attempted to move her arm, genuine surprise washing over her when she managed to bring her fingers to the window. She flexed her fingers, the stiffness of the movement making her jaw tighten. She knew it wasn’t possible to get a clear reflection on windows, especially at night, but the person that was shown on the glass felt strange to her.
Maybe the lighting from the night sky was making her appear a different hue. That must be it.
Willing herself to turn away from the window by deciding it was time to start investigating what was happening around her, Regina spun around, and a frown sprung onto her face.
She couldn’t recognise the room she was in.
Her mind was blanking out on her, so she shook her head in desperation to take another look at the room. It was definitely someone’s bedroom, though she couldn’t say who its owner was. The room, in her truthful opinion, was severely lacking in any charm, instead looking like what she could only describe as a room that belonged to a person that had their sense of style churned inside a garbage disposal. Items that were strewn all over the room had the same desaturated boring hues to them, each painting and photograph that was framed on the wall being accompanied by ridiculous looking frames, the large fuzzy rug on the ground folded over like it would when someone tripped over it. From afar, Regina had spotted so many animal themed items that she had lost count, and a speckle of amusement touched her lips when she saw a lion wall clock.
Although, the only thing she was really focusing on were the pair of red heels that had been lying at the foot of the bed. She recognised those, somehow. She just couldn’t put her finger on it.
The silence in the room made Regina feel uneasy. Her throat was tickly again, her arms were stiff, her legs felt too light to be normal, and her head felt foggy. She wanted to call out for help, but her mouth refused to open. Struggling against the unknown force gripping her lips, she stood there, staring at the messy bed that was presented in front of her, trying her hardest to remember if she had ever been in the room before this.
While it wouldn’t be the first time she had blacked out and woken up in someone’s room, memories of the previous night were nonexistent, the things that were happening to her were too weird not to ignore. Maybe the dark void could’ve been a bizarre dream, but that wouldn’t explain why she had apparently gained consciousness while she had been standing in front of a window.
The sudden horrid sound of vomiting and pained coughing travelled into the room, making a chill travel down Regina’s spine. Now aware that there was somebody else in the area with her, she hesitated for a split moment before deciding to move towards the noise, hoping that whoever it was could explain her current predicament to her.
She wanted to move. She couldn’t. Her body was unresponsive, and now Regina’s small panicked heart was on the verge of bursting into flames. She could move her head, neck, arms, fingers and whatever else, but her legs refused to cooperate with her. Frazzled, deeply confused, and a little mad, Regina had no choice but to stay where she was, a funny feeling seeping into her stomach.
She had no idea who was in the other room, but she loathed them for not coming back to the bathroom any faster because the strain in her body was actually killing her. She didn’t care who they were as long as they weren’t some weird serial killer or whatever, Regina just wanted to make sure she wasn’t losing her mind and that her body was fully functional.
By the sound of someone retching, she figured that maybe she had been at a party. Regina really could not for the life of her remember what had happened the previous day, her brain exhausted of any details that could have been picked from it. The sound of painful vomiting was replaced by the soft flush of a toilet, muffled murmuring, and then held back sobs.
Regina still wasn’t over the numbness that lingered in her body. Something was prickling at her skin, sharp enough to pierce through muscles but dull enough to not hurt. The noises coming from outside the room came to a slow stop, and after a few moments of quiet, the sound of footsteps began to come from behind the wooden door. Taking in one steep breath, Regina froze as she waited for whoever it was behind that door to come in and see her. She briefly considered jumping out the window she was standing in front of, but even if she wanted to, she couldn’t move.
The doorknob jiggled and the door swung open, revealing the absolute last person Regina had been expecting to see. The one and only Cady Heron walked into the room with a tear-stained face, her body visibly shaking and the complexion of her skin even paler than usual. Regina would usually laugh at how much of a ghost Cady resembled, but she genuinely looked so sick that all the blonde felt was a pang in her heart. Cady was barely holding back her uneven breaths, tiny sobs escaping her lips as she made her way over to the bed, collapsing into the mess of sheets and blankets.
She walked right past Regina, not even sparing her a single glance as she curled up into her blanket, the sobs getting louder and louder as the minutes ticked past. Cady’s current state was a sight to behold, and she watched, unsure of what to do as Cady continued to cry into her pillow. The sight of her had the unwanted effect of stirring up another strange, numb feeling in her already stinging body. The unbearable numbness was starting to really overtake her body, and Regina wasn’t even sure if she was still breathing.
The agony filled Cady was plucking at every nerve in her body, fueling whatever curse had been placed on the vessel carrying her soul.
Regina looked down at her trembling hands to push herself away from staring at Cady, and she started to really take in the sight of the way her skin glistened in the faint moonlight like some sort of fabric. Irritated by how unnatural her hands were looking, she held out both her palms in front of her face in an almost mechanical movement, layering them over each other. Her nails grazed over her skin, and now Regina felt the urge to gag.
Her skin was translucent. What the actual fuck.
Trying to keep her mind as calm as she could, Regina used her fingers to pinch at her skin, letting out a heavy exhale when she felt nothing. She tried again, using her long nails to scratch at her skin in a way she knew would draw blood, but nothing happened. No pain, no blood, no scratch marks, no anything.
Okay.
Okay.
A sudden sting coming from her back set aflame her entire being, and Regina squeezed her eyes shut, teeth meeting her lip and in an instant, a painful flurry of memories played out in her mind. Regina gasped, instinctively covering her head with her arms when the last scene finally played out, with the flash of a yellow bus coming at her with no hints of stopping. She remembered screaming at Cady. She remembered the accident. She could hear the screeches of the car brakes and the sound of a sickening crack as the car slammed into her, the collision happening so quickly that she couldn’t even react, unable to move a single muscle. She could feel her body being hit by the bus, the pain searing through her as her bones shattered and broke inside her.
Regina’s eyes snapped open and her hand moved to slap her chest, a pathetic cough leaving her throat while her mind was overwhelmed with questions she couldn’t answer. Was she dead? Is she some sort of ghost? Why was her skin translucent? Why the fuck was she in Cady’s room?
She looked down at her body, and a strange sensation ran through her, as if her body wasn’t really hers. She knew that she was looking at her body, but it just felt foreign to her. Like she didn’t belong.
Regina died when the bus crashed into her.
Her blood ran cold as her head spun with the bright flashes of memories flooding her head. Regina was realising exactly what happened to her way too fast.
She was dead. She was really dead.
She felt a surge of pure dread as she realised what that sentence meant.
A desperate, primal urge to leave this room, this house, this world clawed at her. Nevertheless, she couldn’t. The only thing she could do was watch, and she felt the wave of horror start to wash over her as Cady continued to shift miserably on her bed.
Her attention went back to the girl laying on her bed, her cries having lessened, her breathing evening out, and Regina registered that she had probably fallen asleep, exhaustion taking over her body. With how Cady looked when she walked into the room, she doubted the redhead had enough energy to even last her half an hour.
Regina thought about how Cady didn’t see her. Then, she looked at her shoes, and tried to move her legs again, and to her shock, she saw her feet move, but she stayed rooted at the same spot she was a second ago. So, she did her best attempt at bending down, her balance thrown off the second she did, but shaking that away, Regina’s hands flew to her heels, her fingers trailing along them, thinking about how ridiculous she must look, and then she remembered it wasn’t like anyone could see her. She wanted to yank her heels off, her fingers already digging into the edges to peel them off her feet, however, they were glued to her skin and refused to leave her touch.
Experimentally, Regina moved one of her hands so that they would touch the bottom of her feet and swung her leg again, letting out a frustrated grumble. As she pulled her arm back to stand up, she unexpectedly started to realise that, wait, there was a space between her feet and the ground. A really big space.
She was floating.
With all the surprises thrown her way that day, Regina could hardly find it in herself to fake being shocked. She was dead and probably a ghost so, why would it surprise her if she could float?
Finding out how she could move was tricky, though. Ignoring every single burst of emotion in her heart and stuffing them into a bottle, Regina put her attention into figuring out a way to move first. Unpacking whatever the hell was happening can come later.
Regina’s hand still glowing under the moonlight, she remained unmoving for a while, basking in the fact that she died, in a road accident out of all the things she could’ve died from, no less.
She tried to push her body along with her feet this time, since her weight wasn’t entirely pushed into her legs anymore. Thrusting herself forward, she slowly shifted from the spot she had been placed at, and Regina felt the first smile she had sparked since— well.
The ghost spun around, looking at her body, still astounded by how she was floating. She wondered if she could float any higher, but she decided that was an experiment for a different day. The outfit she was wearing covered about every inch of her body but her hands, and Regina felt almost disappointed because the luminous look of her skin was kind of fascinating to her. As weird as that sounded, she had just been trying to keep a positive outlook on this situation, okay?
Semi-satisfied with her progress, Regina continued to study the way her new body worked, directly ignoring how her friend (was she still her friend?) had cried to sleep right in front of her.
She wanted to float over to Cady, to take a proper look at her, but she refrained from moving anywhere near the other girl. Regina noted the chair that had been placed next to the window from the corner of her eye and hovered around it, before giving in and sitting down on the chair. She was still floating above the chair, but the distance between her and the chair was lesser than that of her and the floor when she had been standing.
Regina took a moment to take a deep breath. She wanted to talk to Cady again. She wanted for her to wake up and spring a hug onto her. She wanted to try to communicate with her. To tell her that she was sorry for being a bitch or to tell her that she maybe had a little crush on her, Regina couldn’t tell you.
The blonde had been avoiding and ignoring her emotions all night, and it was starting to crash into her all at once. She couldn’t ignore them anymore. Fuck. Regina was dead.
The storm of conflicting, overwhelming emotions from the very sudden and unwanted realisation that she had died and the lingering curiosity about the fact that she was a ghost along with all her unexplainable emotions about Cady was all too much for her to process all at once.
Turning away from her thighs, Regina looked across the room at the sleeping girl in the bed. She watched the way Cady’s chest was heaving as she breathed and the little twitches that followed along occasionally, an odd feeling of wistfulness bubbling in her stomach acid.
Considering the circumstances, Regina thought she was taking this situation pretty well. The whole thing was absolutely surreal. She felt a little unsure about how she was supposed to feel about her new life, but the weird ghost body she now inhabited brought enough entertainment for her to not dwell on it too much.
As the days passed on, Regina watched as Cady continued to miserably live her life, seldom leaving her room and constantly laying in her bed, her sobbing never coming to an end. Regina could only sit and watch as the plates of food Cady’s mom brought in went untouched, and when they were eaten they immediately went out of Cady’s body.
She spent her time doing two things; investigating her new body and it’s ghostly abilities, as well as observing Cady. Regina never strayed from her spot whenever Cady was still awake, and only moved around to explore the room when she fell asleep.
She would sit quietly in the shadowy corner of her room, thinking about the events of her last few days while she had been alive. Regina had wanted to cry, but her new body didn’t allow her to do that. She wasn’t able to produce tears anymore.
Regina was a ghost now, which meant that she didn’t need to sleep, eat, drink, or do anything at all, except watch the girl across the room from her wail, shake, and fall into a state she’d never thought she’d see her in.
Her understanding of the situation was getting better, and Regina was starting to accept that this was her life now.
She had wanted to live, to explore the world after high school, to have fun, make friends, and maybe after she graduated, when she moved far, far away from anyone she knew, pursue a romance that was true to her heart. And now, she was dead, stuck in an endless cycle of watching over Cady, who was slowly driving herself into a state of miserable depression.
Regina didn’t know how long she could take this. It was like the skies above had decided that this was the worst type of torture she could be put through in order to atone for all the shitty things she did while she had been alive. She wanted to fix everything that had gone wrong, to make everything okay and normal again, but she couldn’t do anything.
If she had to stay here forever, unable to do anything but watch Cady cry and cry again over her death, then maybe Regina should just die again. She prayed and hoped to whoever was up there that she could come back to life, or just disappear entirely. While there was a sort of peace that came with not having to put on a mask and shelter her true self from the world around her, the dread that came with watching Cady destroy herself was too much for her.
But Regina stayed in that uncomfortable chair, watching over Cady like some guardian angel, unable to look away as she shrivelled up into a wilted flower.
She was sort of okay with it. Not Cady suffering, but being trapped with Cady. Maybe a little part inside her was still sort of mad at her, but each time that thought passed her mind she instantly shot it down, berating herself for thinking anything negative of the girl that was sobbing her heart out in front of her. Regina knew that Cady did wrong things to her too, but looking at the state she was in had softened her heart so much that it had been nearly impossible to truly feel any distaste towards her anymore.
Regina pressed her hands to her knees, her knuckles white from the amount of force she had exerted on them. The side of her head leaned against the wall, she shut her eyes momentarily and allowed herself to reminisce on the days when she had spent her time with Cady.
The necklace that Cady kept gripping onto had been gifted to her by Regina. It was a spur of the moment decision to buy the necklace, Regina remembered, an impulsivity she had been helpless to fight against. The day they first met, Regina had been blown speechless by the way Cady’s smile had shone, and at first, she hated her for that. Regina hated how the girl made her feel, all tingly and mushy on the inside.
She wasn’t stupid, she knew what it had meant. Regina knew she liked girls in a way she probably shouldn’t if she wanted to fit in, and the moment Cady walked into the cafeteria she knew her annoying heart would fall again. She had wanted to protect herself, keep those feelings of hers in check, and Regina thought she could have done that by gaining control over Cady, but if anything that just made her feelings towards her more complicated.
The number of times Regina had felt the urge to lean in and kiss that dumb smile off Cady’s face was both embarrassing and irritating to Regina. But hey, she was dead, so there quite literally was no point being embarrassed about that now.
When Cady’s intentions had been shouted out to the world by Janis fucking Ian, of course the image of the girl she disastrously fancied so much had been ruined by the girl she used to like in middle school, it had stung like a bitch. Regina was hurt, obviously she was, because while a part of her had recognised that Cady probably would’ve wanted to overthrow her spot as queen bee like Gretchen had, she hadn’t actually expected her to do it. The elaborate plan she had been participating in had gone completely unnoticed by Regina, and she knew the exact reason why.
Regina placed too much trust in Cady. She was too blinded by her sweet laughter and kissable freckles to spot the plan that had been brewing for the whole time she had known her. Regina could vaguely recall all the times she had been so captivated by Cady, and she had known she would have never had her, so she acted out against that thought by doing whatever she could to make sure that Cady couldn’t end up with anyone at all. If that included having to string along Aaron, she couldn’t care less. Yes, Regina felt bad that she was hurting people, but at that point in her life, who hadn’t she hurt? It was humiliating to admit to herself that she had a dumb little crush on Cady, like her mind just had to degrade herself by making her feel things towards people she really shouldn’t have felt.
Still, she wanted to apologise to Cady. Being alone for so long did something to really make Regina think about how screwed up her actions towards everyone around her had been, even if she had just been using a shield to protect herself.
Whatever. Regina had to keep reminding herself that she physically couldn’t apologise to anyone even if she wanted to.
Instead of focusing on the messy thought process that occupied her brain, she put her energy into trying to speak.
Regina had been in the middle of trying to bring out a word from her throat, only succeeding in making noises that sounded like they belonged to a demonic entity, when out of the blue, she noticed Cady staring right at her.
She stilled, staring right back at the girl surrounded by blankets, her throat even drier than it already was. The thought that Cady could see her was impossible, she had to keep reminding herself. She was probably just zoning out and had happened to look right in her direction. It was probably a coincidence, Regina decided on, trying her very best to ignore green eyes on her while she sat above the chair, the remnants of her heart skipping.
This became a pattern.
Regina was a little glad that she had a small trace of Cady’s attention. The blonde hadn’t realised how much she had missed just staring into the brown flecks of Cady’s green eyes until she had been given access to the opportunity to do that again.
She looked sickly, sure, but Regina thought that Cady was still a spectacular piece of a person. Regina couldn’t help but look in awe at the way her auburn hair glowed in the small amounts of light rays that flowed in from the windows.
It was also really nerve racking to meet her gaze again. The fact that it kept happening was also sparking up some concerns for Regina.
Regina kept practicing her speech abilities. It wasn’t coming easily to her, and it felt like someone had been pouring glue down her throat, but she continued trying anyway. While Cady was passed out, the ghost would sit and spend the night trying to talk. She had been able to make out a few syllables, and it felt really exciting to her. It wasn’t that she had to relearn speaking again, it was just that it had been so long since she had last spoken that something inside her ghostly vessel had melted her throat together, sticking the walls together in a way that would render her unable to talk unless she kept trying to push it out. That was what Regina imagined was happening, but the actual answer was probably something she’d never find out, because there was not a single book in the world that could help her truly understand her ghost body.
Cady had started to eat more, and Regina felt beyond relieved. She had been moving around a lot more now, distracting herself with more activities to not constantly melt into a little puddle of tears and vomit. Regina watched as Cady wrote in her notebook for the fifth time of the day, her knees propping up the book, her eyes so set on the writing that she hadn’t even glanced away once since she had flipped to an empty page.
Regina was a little more than curious about what it was Cady had been so obsessively writing in that notebook of hers, and she could technically just float over and see what she was writing, but Regina felt deeply uncomfortable at the thought of being that near to her.
Shuffling around in her seat, she diverted her attention away from the girl and looked out the window, at the dark clouds that had started to pile together outside, a dull purple dyeing the sky into an ugly shade of gray.
Regina parted her lips, whispering under her breath as more attempts at talking rained out of her mouth. She lazily poured the noises out, frankly feeling a little fuzzy.
Little whispers of Cady, Cady, Cady, came out of her mouth, each rendition sounding distinctly different from one another. Each one had a different pitch, experimental speaking arising from the ghost that was almost a little bored. She tested it under her breath a few more times, proud of herself for finally managing to say the word, attempting to bring it back to the correct tone she used to use when addressing her friend.
“Cady.” She mumbled, loud enough for a human to hear. She hadn’t been expecting anything to happen, but she mutely cheered internally, glad that she now had more sources of entertainment for herself when Cady was sleeping.
“Regina.”
What.
Regina looked up at the shocked expression on Cady’s face, and all she could bring herself to do was to smile widely.
She had no idea what that interaction meant. Could Cady hear her? Should she respond?
“Regina.” Cady said again, sounding like she had just won the lottery.
Regina couldn’t move again. Her lips parted slightly in surprise, but she otherwise didn’t react or move a single muscle throughout the rest of the day.
“Cady.” She would repeat in the middle of the night, whispering in a voice so soft and gentle, like the wind flowing on a spring day, that it was almost unrecognisable.
It took all of Regina’s willpower to even find the voice to say her name. Her name felt numb on her tongue, sticking to the rough surface of the muscle and leaving a sticky remnant behind after leaving.
Regina was scared that if she made another sound it would startle Cady awake. She watched Cady’s chest rising and falling with each breath, and she was so thankful that her friend was still alive.
Regina wanted to talk to Cady now. She wanted to talk to her about everything. She wanted to laugh and cry and hug and kiss her and make her forget about all the grief she was experiencing. She wanted to do anything as long as it made Cady not suffer.
The giddy thought of being able to communicate with Cady again made Regina an embarrassingly excitable mess.
When the ginger woke up in the late morning, blinking away sleep and instantly taking in gulps of water, Regina said her name again, and again, and again, but Cady hadn’t responded to any of her words.
The day before, it was as if Cady could see and hear her. Why else would have she looked so startled when Regina spoke?
Maybe she hadn’t heard her the first time, Regina had thought, strewing out a stream of sentences that made absolutely zero sense, even going as far as to wave her hand at Cady, but she sparked no reaction. It was like Cady couldn’t see her again.
Dismayed at the outcome, Regina continued to make the effort to make herself be heard by Cady.
By the end of the third day, Regina had given up. She went back into the old habit of no longer talking, and so, she made it her job to watch over Cady like a hawk again.
Maybe it really had been just a coincidence. Maybe staying isolated for so long had started to affect Regina’s mind.
Each day that Regina continued to stay in Cady’s room, the boredom that came with not talking to anyone worsened. She wished she had something else to do other than watch as the days turned to weeks, her concern for Cady’s mental and physical health growing insufferable. Regina wanted to lay on the bed with her and in the back of her mind, she had the insatiable craving to comfort her, but her ghost status prevented her from doing either of those things. She missed Cady’s touch, she missed hearing her voice, and she missed being alive. She missed not being powerless to do anything.
Desperate for anything to happen, Regina started inventing her own interactions with Cady inside her head. The ghost was mumbling to herself to stave off the extreme boredom she felt. The emptiness of the room was devastating and her solution was to imagine things in order to cope. Finding fun in the boredom was hard, with Regina imagining Cady speaking to her as if she were still alive, as if the rift between them never happened, hearing random things being spoken by the raspy voice she missed so much. She quietly laughed to herself, her sanity hanging by a thread.
Idly, Regina’s mind wandered to how the rest of her friends were taking her death. More strikes to her rib cage were blown when her sister came to mind. How was Kylie? How was her mom doing? What was going to happen to her bedroom and all the stuff she owned? Bitterness plagued her head, and she dragged her nails across her thigh in a desperation to feel something, but nothing came to her. Pain from an outside source was something that had been forever lost to her, so she was stuck with internal pain. Her back was killing her. She missed her bed.
The stinging coming from her back wasn’t too painful, it was better described as an irritating itch that never went away. No physical injuries were visible on her body, but the effects of the accident were still weighing on her body. The numbness helped a ton with masking the pain from Regina, but be that as it may, she found herself longing for the pain to come to her. She had gotten used to her back injury long ago, to the point where she barely felt a thing. At least when the pain had been at its worst, she could distract herself from Cady.
Regina’s sour musing was cut short by the rustling of sheets and the sound of a sniffle coming from Cady’s bed. The ghost looked up from her seat and saw that she had woken up from what she could only assume was another nightmare. Cady clutched onto her pillow and sat up, burying her face into it, her sobs rattling through the air, biting into the room like a predator ambushing its prey.
Despite everything that had happened between them, Regina couldn’t not feel a surge of pity emerge within her whenever her friend was awake. It was hard to watch someone hurt so deeply over her death. Cady was like this because Regina died.
Regina wouldn’t put it past Cady to have somehow found a way to blame herself for her death.
Pale green peeked up from the tear soaked pillow, desolate eyes shooting right through Regina. Other than the occasional sniffle, Cady had fallen into a silence that made Regina squirm.
It took a lot of restraint for Regina to not just float over to Cady’s bed and put her arms around the girl, so she stayed put on her seat, completely at a loss on how to handle this. Cady’s crying tore down Regina’s unbeating heart and dragged it through the dirt, soiling it with her heartbroken tears. Regina didn’t want to begin to imagine the things Cady was thinking, much less the nightmares that haunted her every night without failure.
Regina began to say Cady’s name, but she stopped herself before any noise could come out. She had gotten her hopes up so many times before. She had to accept that Cady couldn’t see or hear her.
She truly believed that.
Then, Cady started to talk to her.
And Regina felt her heart shatter into millions of sharp, sharp pieces.
“Regina.” The girl had said, eyes shining with unshed tears as she held onto her sheets, her pupils directly placed towards Regina’s direction. “I miss you so, so much.”
Her voice was quiet, held back from the usual strong emotions that she had.
Regina had been rendered into a state of paralysis. Any goosebumps she might have felt when she was still alive were probably covering her skin like a rash.
“I never truly disliked you,” the redhead continued, her gaze wandering. “It was stupid, right? What I did.”
Regina’s immediate instinct was to say yes, but she tightly pressed her lips together instead. She wanted to cry, and maybe scream too.
“I was mad at you for playing with my feelings for Aaron, but I don’t hate you.”
Regina didn’t know what was worse, isolating silence or Cady actively talking to her.
She was wobbling, trembling with emotions. She let out a shaky exhale, her body having gone colder than it already had been.
“I wish I could smell your perfume again. Is that weird? That I miss you?”
Regina didn’t want to talk, she didn’t want to respond. She didn’t want it to be real.
Stop talking, stop, stop.
“Goodnight, Regina.” Cady laid back down, burying herself into her blanket.
After that haunting interaction, Cady made it a habit to talk to the ghost daily. Regina wasn’t sure if she could actually see her, or if she had only been coping with her feelings by talking to herself.
She always wanted to respond, but she didn’t know what would happen if she did.
Regina was afraid.
She really didn’t know if Cady was able to see her. She would stare at her intently, a million thoughts flying through her mind. Had Cady really noticed her presence?
In the middle of the night, Regina found her voice again.
“Hey, Cady.” Unable to hold back the urge to say something, she whispered, her voice catching in her throat.
It took all of Regina’s willpower to keep speaking. Her throat was dry and she felt like she had lost her voice. She wanted to say so much more, but the words came out in a trickle, each word pronounced through a tickle in her throat.
“Goodnight.” She said, louder this time, but still at an unnaturally soft volume.
After that night, Regina decided that it was time to leave the seat she had bound herself to.
She floated around the room to look for a new spot, fighting against herself to instantly go over to Cady and curl up in bed with her. After what felt like hours of searching, she swung open Cady’s closet door and she squeezed herself into the small space, bringing her knees to her chest and letting out a small sigh. Regina really couldn’t handle seeing Cady any longer. She felt that one day she might just snap and explode all over Cady.
Even if it was for a short period of time, she needed alone time to think, and reflect.
Cady’s scent covered the closet, coating the items kept within the wooden surfaces, and Regina relaxed, leaning her head back onto the back of the closet.
She closed her eyes, and spent her time thinking.
She thought of her family, her mom, her sister, her dad. She thought about her mom having to watch her body get buried.
She thought of her friends. Gretchen, Karen, and how they had completely abandoned her when Cady took over her spot. Were they sad? Relieved? Probably relieved. Regina was never particularly nice to them, despite them having been friends.
She thought about the rest of the school, and how they had turned on her the moment her power wavered. They were probably pretending to care about her death. She knew a huge majority of the school population hated her guts, they had just been too scared to admit it.
She thought about Cady, who was crying outside. Regina had to glue her eyelids together, she couldn’t bear to see Cady’s tears again. All that she had done aside, it was hard not to feel sorry for her after hearing the desperation for each of her sobs. Regina had at one point loathed Cady for stabbing her in the back, but she had never wanted her to suffer that much. She still liked Cady, and her crush on the girl had never left.
She wanted to talk to Cady about everything. She wanted to talk about all the stupid things she had done and the way she had treated all her friends. She wanted to have a heart to heart with Cady. She wanted to tell her things she never could’ve thought of admitting when she had still been alive.
Regina thought about all the wrong things she had done in her short-lived life. She took pleasure in others’ pain and suffering, she always knew she was selfish and arrogant, and she had taken pride in it. She knew she had been a complete and utter ass to people, and maybe she might’ve deserved what she got. She only thought about herself, uncaring of anyone, detesting anyone who got in her way. She was so consumed by her own needs that she never stopped to think about how her manipulative tactics affected other people, and she honestly still felt a small satisfaction at how she had managed to control that many people.
If she had one chance to do it all again, Regina hated to admit it, but she would for the first time in her life, apologise and make things right with Cady.
Regina was always aware of how much of a terrible person she was towards everyone at Northshore, and now the feelings of regret were starting to settle in at that moment. She had spent so much time focusing on making sure that she was popular that she never really cared enough to stop and think about how much she alienated her friends. Regina had been so mean to her friends, so much so that they weren’t even her friends anymore. They were really just people she talked to and used at her disposal. She never gave them the chance to actually be friends with her.
Growing up, Regina never wanted to be a mean girl. She just wanted to stand out in the crowd of unknown faces, to be recognised. She had spent her entire childhood under the influence of media she really shouldn’t have been allowed to consume and her mother, who acted less like a mom and more like a friend who tried too hard.
The more she thought about it, the more she wanted to apologise for how she abused her power over everyone around her. She wanted to tell Cady everything she felt about her. She wanted to find the confidence she never got and kiss her at the party where Cady had tried to subtly lean into her, the intoxicating scent of her shampoo almost enough to snap Regina’s last straw of control. She never was able to fully embrace her true self— she was useless to society if she didn’t like men, and the last thing she needed was to have her entire world crumble just because of a small thing. If that meant she had to pretend to find men attractive, then be it. Regina couldn’t risk being put under the same ostracism she gave Janis.
Regina wanted to admit her mistakes, to beg for forgiveness, and even if she could never get Cady back in her life, she wanted to know that she could’ve died a person who had no regrets.
She was anything but that.
She tucked her face into her knees and let herself cry as much as she could without actual tears leaving her. She was actually the worst person in the world. Ever.
Regina couldn’t imagine how much more Cady was suffering, since she seemed to be beating the entire weight of it all after the blonde’s untimely death. Cady had to wake up every day and had to face the fact that Regina was dead, when she didn’t deserve it.
Regina was a terrible person. It was weird to admit that to herself, but it was true.
She had to leave the closet eventually.
When she had gotten sick of the confined space, Regina slipped out of the closet, her heart heavy and her vision strained. The first thing the ghost saw when she left was Cady sitting on her bed, her breathing heavy, her cheeks flushed, covered in sweat and tears.
The sight was too much. Regina couldn’t take it anymore. She made her way towards the ginger, floating around her hesitantly before making the decision to accompany her living friend on the bed.
After a moment of contemplation, Regina shuffled a little closer to her, watching the way Cady completely shut down her breathing, her eyes wide with confusion and maybe even fear. Something tugged at Regina’s lips, and in an experiment, she leaned in so that she was even closer to her.
Hope was starting to brew inside Regina.
Maybe, maybe.
“Boo.” She bit her lip, pausing, already starting to regret her choice and hurriedly pulled herself up to rush away from Cady.
To her utter horror, Cady turned her head to where Regina had been at a moment before, the movement stiff.
Any sleepiness from the girl had been completely washed away. She looked around frantically, and when her eyes landed on Regina, her jaw landed on the ground.
Holy fuck, it actually worked. Cady heard her. Cady could see her.
Desperate to get her throat going again, Regina coughed. “Hello, Cady,” she started with way too much enthusiasm. “Oh, finally, it worked.”
“Hi, Regina.” Cady returned the greeting, and that was how it all started.
———
Now, Regina was sitting, or more accurately, floating above the seat of a swing, watching Cady non-committedly push herself back and forth. It had taken a lot of convincing, but Cady finally relented and left the house, only with the promise that Regina would be with her.
Regina hadn’t anticipated how peculiar it had felt to be outside again. The air was fresher, and the colors were so much more saturated compared to the darkness that clouded Cady’s room. She had to take a hot minute to get used to the sudden burst of colors and the change in atmosphere.
Cady was wearing the same outfit she had worn the first time Regina had spoken to her. The girl’s collection of flannel shirts was unbelievable. Her ginger hair was tied into a loose ponytail, and her eye bags weren’t covered up, making her look more like a ghost than Regina.
A ghostly hand reached out to touch the person beside her, her hand finding its way between the space of Cady’s fingers.
“It’ll be okay.” Regina breathed, her tender tone unfamiliar to even herself.
She couldn’t believe herself, but seeing Cady’s smile again was worth it. She had missed seeing her glow. The wind blowing on her hair along with the light from the rising sun that was projected on her made her look angelic, a mix of the warmest colors Regina had ever seen.
“It’s really good to be with you again, Regina.” Cady said slowly, as if she was just realising how true those words were.
A deep satisfaction washed over Regina, her heart having filled to its maximum capacity. When Cady placed her hand above Regina’s cold ones, her heart skipped a beat. Cady had always been so good at being gentle and unashamedly affectionate with people and cared about.
Regina thought hard for a while about how she could reply to her, but before she could say anything else, Cady turned her head to stare back at her, knowing the spirit had been watching her.
“Cady,” Her words came out slowly as she thought about how to properly articulate her feelings and thoughts. In a lot of ways, death forced her to be introspective about things she would’ve never considered when she was still alive. She couldn’t help but get a little light-headed at the way Cady looked at her. Maybe her voice sounded a little too tight for her situation, so she tried to bring the tone a bit to a more appropriate level.
“I loved you. Love you.”
Regina felt her lips curl into an uneasy smile as Cady’s grin widened. The staring went unbroken, she was scared that if she looked away for even a second, Cady would leave. She watched the wind flutter through her hair, marvelling at how unreal everything felt.
“You love me?” Cady giggled, and Regina felt the urge to wipe that smug grin off her pretty face.
“Shut up.”
Lips quirked up and Regina squeezed Cady’s hand. The ghost was still having a hard time with all the changes in her life, but Cady’s presence was making things so much easier to deal with. Floating away from the plastic seat, she moved to Cady’s side, letting her lean on her shoulder.
Cady went quiet, her smile faltering.
Regina looked down at the suddenly silent girl, concerned. “Cady?”
The ginger was silent for a moment, and Regina watched her dig her fingers into her clothes. “It’s been so tough the past few weeks. Thank you for watching over me.”
“I didn’t exactly have a choice.” Regina simply responded, her cheeks flushing, the air around her getting warmer.
Cady snorted, nuzzling into Regina’s shoulder.
The ghost left a lingering kiss on Cady’s hair. “I’ll stay with you for as long as I’m allowed to.”
Cady was focused on watching the sunrise in front of her, her eyes fixed on the beautiful sky. With each passing moment, the sun floated higher, bathing the two of them in a golden glow.
As tender and loving as someone alive would, Regina ran her fingers through Cady’s hair. The feeling of Cady with her was enough to make all her worries disappear. Regina was so happy that she could hardly comprehend it. A feeling of peace came to her.
She basked in the glow of the sun, happy to be able to hold Cady’s hand and watch her hair dance in the breeze. Regina was content to let herself enjoy the moment.
Thoughts about her funeral could come to her later. Right now, she didn’t want to think of that. She’d prepare herself for that when the time came. She wanted to focus on the girl in her arms for however long she could.