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Adrienne spends a lot of time looking at her own face and feeling nauseous. She’s not sure if that’s better or worse than the derealization.
Sometimes, when she’s busy, she can avoid mirrors and billboards and posters for a whole day and she almost forgets that anything is wrong.
Currently she is Chat Noire, sitting on a roof, looking across a few buildings at the latest, greatest, largest billboard yet.
There’s no way that’s her face. How is that her face?
Hell, her father calls her the face of the brand so often that it might as well be Gabriel’s face. Or Gabriel’s face, at least.
And it’s not that she looks like her father that’s the problem, she objectively looks more like her mother… if her mother were a boy.
She sighs.
“He is handsome, isn’t he?”
Ladybug’s voice makes her jump, but Noire has schooled her face into something cheerful by the time she turns towards the sound.
Her Lady does always cheer her up.
Ladybug sits beside her, smiling at the ad.
“I mean, objectively, yeah, the Agreste kid is attractive.” She can’t bring herself to say handsome. “But I prefer women.” In more ways than one.
Ladybug looks at her wide eyed. “You do?”
“You… couldn’t tell?” Has Noire not been flirting with Ladybug for months? Did she just imagine all that?
Ladybug shakes her head.
Noire winces. “I’ve been flirting with you, haven’t I?”
“I—well—I mean—you—it was just—it wasn’t just, you know, banter? Like in comic books?”
She turns fully towards Ladybug. “My Lady,” she says, and waits for Ladybug to turn towards her. She doesn’t want to have this conversation while either of them are looking at her other face.
Ladybug keeps stealing glances at the ad, but it’s better, at least.
“I am in love with you,” she says, enunciating clearly.
Ladybug looks between Noire and the ad a couple more times before she yanks on her pigtails, eyes finally focusing solely on the cat. “How can you just say that?”
“Because it’s… true?” Noire frowns, considering. She has long since accepted that she’s a girl—even before she found her miraculous, she’d known it was likely, at least, and then the sheer euphoria of being recognized as her gender had sealed that deal on day one— but it still takes her a moment to remember that liking women means she’s gay and that people might be uncomfortable with that even if they never learn the trans thing. It just does not compute as taboo to like girls when her father and her friends push her to ask out girls. “I mean, if it makes you uncomfortable I can stop with the flirting, My La—I mean,” she shakes herself, “Ladybug. I can stop with the flirting, Ladybug.”
“No!”
Noire flinches at the volume, and Ladybug switches to a slightly quieter, but still determined tone, “No, Kitty! You haven’t made me uncomfortable at all! I’m sorry I never even imagined that you were serious!”
Adrienne bites her lip, tilts her head down just so, and looks at Ladybug through her lashes. “Would you have acted differently if you’d known?”
“I—“ Ladybug glances back at the ad. “I’m sorry, Chat, but I’m in love with… somebody else.”
Suddenly, Noire is struck with a horrifying thought. Her stomach flips. She can’t keep the grimace off her face, “Are you in love with the Agreste kid?”
Ladybug splutters out a denial.
It doesn’t work.
Chat Noire is going to be sick off the side of this roof. She puts a hand up to her lips, swallows. It’s getting hard to breathe.
Ladybug gives up pretending, “It’s not a celebrity crush! I know him!”
No you don’t. He doesn’t exist.
“He’s the kindest boy on the planet, and we’re close friends!
No, she is not! She’s not any kind of boy!
“I wouldn’t turn you down for a celebrity crush, Kitty, I swear!”
“I need to go.”
Ladybug calls after her, but Adrienne barely makes it to an alley way before the heaving starts as is.
It’s not until the next day that Adrienne remembers, we’re close friends.
They’re close friends.
Adrienne barely has any friends.
The miraculous masking means that it’s all but impossible to go by physical appearance—sure, Chat Noire looks like she could be her own sister, but there’s no reason to think Ladybug wasn’t a little more careful with her magical changes.
So, personality wise, who among her few friends could be Ladybug?
Midway through third period, Adrienne realizes that Ladybug is sitting directly behind her.
She drops her head against the desk with a thunk.
Marinette is in love with him.
The perfect boy Adrienne must pretend to be.
She sneers at the thought.
“[Redacted], are you okay?” Madam Bustier’s voice cuts through her sulking, her deadname cutting even deeper than usual because of the tenor of her thoughts.
She jerks upright. She’s not okay at all. “I’m fine, Madam,” his voice says. She doesn’t think she’s going to start dry heaving, at least, so she’s doing objectively better than last night.
She takes careful deep breaths and does not turn in her seat to stare at Ladybug. Does not ask how such a brilliant girl can have such bad taste.
Eventually Nino passes her a note, You sure you’re good, dude?
She manages a wobbly smile, but he doesn’t seem even a little bit reassured.
Now her efforts to appear normal include trying to take notes, but everything sounds far away and she can’t make her eyes focus on the whiteboard for more than a few seconds.
Part of her wants to be excited—she and her Lady are in love with each other!—and part of her wants to die.
Chat Noire can’t just not tell Ladybug that she knows her identity.
And Adrienne can’t live with herself if she doesn’t tell Marinette that she’s in love with her, too—and Adrienne is.
When her friends tried to get her to ask out Marinette, the only two reasons she didn’t were Ladybug exists and not wanting to date someone who thinks she’s a boy.
Fuck.
She has to come out of the closet.
🐈⬛
It’s been days and the closet door won’t budge.
She had told Ladybug, “The Agreste kid doesn’t have many friends, you know. It would be really easy to figure you out.”
“…I trust you not to try.”
“I, um, might not have to, My Lady… If I figure it out—“
“Don’t tell me if you think you’ve guessed it! Plausible deniability, Kitty! You know nothing for certain!” She held her arms in an X in front of her.
A little later, Ladybug asked, “Um, about yesterday—“
“I’m sorry I left like that,” Noire cuts her off. “Something just… didn’t sit right with my stomach. Didn’t wanna barf on you.”
And that was that.
Adrienne knows.
Ladybug knows she might know.
And, “Dude, if you keep staring, you’re going to creep her out,” Nino says several days later at lunch.
Adrienne frowns. “I doubt it.” She lets her eyes flick away for a second, taking in Nino’s amused, teasing expression. “I’m staring in a perfectly non-creepy way.” They’ve made eye contact a dozen times because Marinette keeps glancing over at her.
Marinette can barely handle looking at her without getting flustered.
It would be adorable if Marinette knew the truth.
As it is, it makes that familiar queasy anxiety coil in Adrienne’s gut.
“[Redacted], are you still in denial about your feelings or can I tease you about your crush now?”
Adrienne looks at her best friend again. “It’s not a crush.”
Nino rolls his eyes. “Yeah, you’re staring at the pretty girl for business reasons, dude, tot—“
“I’m in love with her.”
Nino’s eyes go wide. “Dude!” he shouts.
Everyone turns to look at them.
Adrienne puts on a smile and waves until people begin to at least pretend to mind their own business.
Alya is totally still staring openly from her spot across the cafeteria, though.
“Dude?” Nino moves closer to whisper. “You’re serious?”
“Completely,” Adrienne whispers back.
“Finally! Man, we’ve been waiting forever!” He holds his hand up for a high five and Adrienne chuckles as she slaps his palm.
“When are you asking her out?”
Adrienne frowns. “It’s not that simple.”
“Uh, yeah, it is, dude. If you’re worried about her saying no, I really don’t think you need—“
“I know she thinks she’s in love with me.”
“How—What—what does that mean?”
Adrienne looks around at all the people that are probably not trying to evesdrop, but, well… She shifts uncomfortably.
“Wanna go somewhere else to talk?” Nino asks.
No. “Yes.”
When they get to the boiler room, Adrienne takes a moment to steel herself, fiddling with the hem of her t-shirt, tugging the fabric away from her too flat chest.
“Now, not that I’m confirming anything,” Nino says, “but why do you think she doesn’t really love you? Because, seriously? Girl has got it bad.”
Adrienne chuckles.
She’s wanted to come out to Nino basically since she met him, anyway, just always had an excuse to put it off.
“I…” she can do this, she can,“I don’t know if she likes girls.”
Though Ladybug had kind of hinted at it by not using I’m straight to turn down Chat Noire.
Nino has a few false starts, “[Redac]—Dude—Wait—,” before he settles on, “What, uh, what do you want me to call you?”
She tears up with relief. “I, um, I’m definitely not coming out to anyone outside of our class, and not even them yet, but… my name is Adrienne.”
She’s only told Plagg and Tikki before. It’s nice to tell a human person, and not just because Nino immediately hugs her—kwami hugs are nice, but Nino’s hugs are the best.
“Thanks for telling me, dudette.”
Okay, she cries a little at that.
🐈⬛
Just Nino knowing and accepting her is enough to make her almost giddy.
It’s as much of a rush as being Chat Noire, how his texts are littered with her real name and feminine terms.
Until, of course, “Who is Adrienne?” Alya asks when the four of them are sitting together in the library.
“…Why are you looking through my phone?” Nino asks too slowly.
“I was getting that footage from the last Akuma fight. You remember when my phone ran out of memory? Your text convo was up. I love you, Dri and I love you, too, bro are the most recent texts.”
“She’s just a friend,” Nino says instead of answering her.
“I can tell,” Alya laughs, “if only because she’s family-zoned you, bro.”
Adrienne can’t help but snort at that.
Alya grins over at her. “But I don’t recognize the name?”
Nino flounders. “Ah, well, um, she,” he’s blushing now, a dark flush crossing his cheeks. “You see, it’s just that—I mean—“ He resolutely does not look at Adrienne because he’s the best bro a girl could ask for, even as more and more and more words but absolutely zero sentences tumble out of his mouth.
Nino is a shit liar and Adrienne usually loves that about him.
Alya’s grin slowly transforms into a frown.
It’s one thing for Nino to have friends he says I love you to that he hasn’t told his girlfriend about yet. It’s an entirely different thing for him to have friends he gets this flustered over.
Adrienne can’t come between them for this. Especially not when she’s been trying to come out to Alya for the last several days anyway.
After one last look around to remind herself that they’re the only ones in this corner of the library, she closes her eyes and clinches her hands where they rest on the table. “It’s me!”
When Marinette, beside her, gasps, Adrienne remembers the reason she’d been struggling so hard to come out to Alya.
Because it would mean she’d have to come out to Marinette next.
Her Lady.
Well, at least she’s not going to be putting that off now.
“Oh my god!” Alya says. “I’m so sorry.”
Adrienne opens her eyes in surprise.
“Thank you.” Nino says, sinking into his seat, giving Adrienne a grateful look. “I thought I was gonna die, Sunshine.”
“That’s why you’ve been calling him—her—wait,” Alya grabs her wrist, “Pronouns?”
“Uh, she/her,” Adrienne manages.
Alya turns back to Nino. “That’s why you’ve been calling her Sunshine?”
Nino nods. “I mean, it is a fitting nickname.”
“Yeah it is!” Alya agrees, because she was the first one to use it. She turns back to Adrienne, squeezes her wrist. “Thank you for telling me, but I’m sorry you felt like you had to tell me to save this dorkasoraus.” She gestures at her boyfriend, who is hiding behind his hat.
Adrienne sighs. This is fine. This is good. “I’ve been trying to find the right time to tell you—“ she glances at Marinette, “—to tell you both for days, now. This is better than some of the things I imagined.”
Alya hums. “Sometimes there is no right time and you just have to wing it. For example: I’m bi.”
Adrienne chuckles. “I knew you had a thing for Ladybug.”
“Who doesn’t?”
“I sure haven’t met anyone! She’s brilliant and beautiful.”
Marinette chokes on air.
Adrienne plays stupid as she turns to Marinette and asks if she’s alright. She holds out her own water bottle in offering when Marinette continues to choke on Adrienne’s attention.
Marinette takes it and begins gulping down the water, Alya mutters something about being too thirsty.
“Oh!” Marinette gasps, when the bottle is empty. After a few breaths, “If you want to order anything online, you can have it shipped to the bakery—or we can order things for you, even!”
Adrienne blinks, stares at her friend, the love of her life.
She should have come out months ago.
A few days later—and a few thousand Euros of clothes on their way to the bakery later—patrol begins, once again, on a building with a view of an ad with her civilian face on it. To be fair to her Lady, there are very few spots in the city from which you cannot see her face.
Ladybug is there first this time.
She’s frowning at the ad.
Chat Noire lends behind her. “Still thinking about the Agreste kid, My Lady?” she asks with a chuckle.
“Why do you call—why do you say ‘the Agreste kid’, Kitty?” Ladybug does not turn around.
“…Because she hadn’t come out to you yet.”
She spins on her heel, looks into Noire’s eyes. “But you knew—you knew before her best friend.”
Chat doesn’t respond to that, keeps her gaze level.
It is, of course, answer enough.
“And you knew when she came out to me.”
Another non answer that gives away everything.
“I meant it when I said—I said I couldn’t date you because I’m in love with a friend of mine, Chat Noire. She’s just, she’s incredible. I really think you’d get along if you ever met. The puns would kill me. I would have said yes, otherwise.”
Noire nods. “She does sound pretty great. And I understand. My best friend kept trying to get me to ask out a mutual friend, our everyday Ladybug, because he could tell I liked her. And I liked her so much. There were only two reasons I couldn’t bring myself to do it.” Chat Noire reaches for Ladybug’s hand, slowly brings it up to lay a gentle kiss against her knuckles. “You.” She spreads Ladybug’s hand over her own chest, palm over her heart. “And me.”
Ladybug sways towards her. “I don’t think either of those are a problem, Kitty. Do you?”
“Not at all, My Lady.”