Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Long ago, in medieval Europe, a deadly plague known as the 'Shadow Death' went about the countryside, bringing nothing but death and suffering to everyone, and leaving nothing but...death and suffering in its wake. At times, it even personified into a corporeal being...

A hooded figure, draped in black and red attire, floated menacingly into a village. Just several hundred or so feet away, the clueless crowd of villagers were scurrying about in their daily, ho-hum routines. Several anthropomorphic animals sat around a fire for lunch.

One of them looked up and…

“It’s the Shadow Death!”

“AAAAAAHHH!!!!”

And like that, all villagers turned into a frenzy of panic and scattered about like an ant colony under attack. All the people split up and ran for the hills, up trees, in holes, or wherever it’s convenient to stuff themselves. One gopher hid inside the mouth of a wolverine, while another tried to make himself very small inside a soup ladle.

Even the chicken roasting over the fire sprang to life upon seeing the figure of pure dread.

“Eeeeeeeeee!!” And it ran off.

So everyone avoided the Shadow Death like the bubonic plague that it was. And then there was the occasional fool…the cocky hothead who didn't believe any of this superstitious hogwash.

In a tavern, a brash and hefty-looking bull with a ring around his nose glared at a group of patrons cowering in the corner.

“You sissies!” he sneered. “It's only a dumb hedgehog...thinking he's some bringer of doom. Oooohhh, I’m shakin’! I'll show that little shit! I’m gonna tear off all his spikes one by one, then twist him up like a pretzel and stomp him out like a bug!”

And so, the intrepid bull rolled up his sleeves and walked out the tavern. Awhile passed. Everyone was still sissified. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

One patron turned to another. “Go answer it!”

“You go answer it!” the second one retorted.

“No way! I’m not dying a slow, agonizing death to that evil hedgehog Reaper!”

“I’m not gonna do it either,” yet another one chimed in.

The knocking became more insistent. Finally, one of the braver patrons sighed. “Fine. I’ll go open the door. It could be another poor sap out there, trying to escape the Shadow Death.”

He marched over to the door and with a nervous gulp, pulled it open with caution. The bull’s body fell to the floor, eyes shaped like crosses in the ‘dead’ symbol.

The patron jumped back. “Ayyiiiiiiiii!!!”

In the entrance way stood the Shadow Death!

The first patron turned to the others. “You know what I think, guys?”

“What??”

“I think we should RUUUUUUUUNNN!!”

They all blasted through a wall of the tavern, leaving a huge hole behind. But, alas, no one ever escaped the Shadow Death for long. And so, one by one, all the villagers contracted the horrible plague and began dropping like flies. It seemed bleak and hopeless for everyone.

The death toll rose in the thousands....in the millions…in the gazillions. Well, if one counts the thousands of insect colonies and other buggies, along with the tiny amoeba in the water…

Many prayed desperately for the Almighty to save them.

A wealthy manor. A nobleman kneeled before a cross he sloppily nailed together from rotted wood outside. “Oh God, Jehovah, Allah, Buddha...Kali? Please, please, PLEASE spare me of the Shadow Death, and I'll take back that plan about leaving my wife and taking all her money, and also for porking that hot piece-of-ass servant girl on the side!”

The wife walked in. “What?!”

The noble turned red, grinning.  “Uh....did I say ‘porking the servant girl?’ I meant—“

The wife grabbed the ash shovel from the fireplace and brought it down on her philandering husband.

 *THWACK!*

Elsewhere, in Italy, a diabolical prince trekked through the countryside, sowing his sinister deeds. A familiar, portly butterball rode in a lavish carriage, with several guards accompanying him to a poor little village. 

A sign flashed in neon lights reads, "Welcome To Dingy Rut Village - Yes, We're So Poor We Eat The Dirt."

The royal man was none other than Prince Robotnik, evil archenemy of that ToO-cOoL-fOr-YoU hero, Sonic The Hedgehog.

“Yeah, you know I’m so kewl!” Sonic smugly ran a hand through his spikes.

“More like a smart-ass with an ego problem,” Knuckles said.

“Shut up, you Predator reject!”

Knuckles bristled. “What did you call me?”

“Phhhtt!”

Sonic then sped off. Knuckles ran after him, chasing the blue hog in circles around the village. Amy Rose was left in the settling dust and sighed in exasperation.

“Why do I put up with those two’s immature antics?”

With that, she started thinking really hard and long about it. While the pink hedgehog ensnared in her contemplation, she didn’t notice several lavish carriages and a prison cage barreling into the village.

Robotnik stepped out of one of the carriages and landed on his rear, leaving a typical, egg-shaped crater in the ground. One of his henchmen stepped out after him and ended up falling into the crater.

His nephew, Snively, joined his side. He chuckled in sinister glee and gave creepy-ass stares to all the villagers, who were either getting freaked out or too brain dead to even care.

Robotnik stood in the middle of the crowd. “Greeting all you freeloaders and bums! It is I, the mighty Prince Robotnik! I’ve come to kidnap a few of you and make you worship Satan!”

“Will Ozzario Osbourno be there?” one grimy human villager asked.

“Of course,” Robotnik replied. “Why wouldn‘t he be? Next to me, he is Satan’s second greatest disciple!”

“Well, sh*t my pants, I’m hopping on then!”

“Uh well, I gotta kidnap the one called Sonic; a ditzy fangirl, Amy, a moronic meathead, Knuckles and....that other one, the slutty bat, what's her name?”

A white, curvy bat standing in the crowd glared back, hands on her hips.

“The name's Rouge, and no, I’m not a slut,” she replied icily. “I’m a world-famous treasure hunter.”

“Anyhoo, only the kidnappees can come,” Robotnik concluded. “Sorry, no one else.”

The smarmy man looked disappointed. “Damn. And here I was, ready to convert my two kids to the Evil One too.”

“Oh! Well, since you put it that way, why not come?”

“Oh f*ck yeah, that's what I'm talking about!” The villager shot his fist up in the air. “Power to Satan, my man!”

Oh good, Robotnik thought. Two more brats to use in my Meat Cleaver trap....

Suddenly, a blood-curdling shriek pierced the gloomy night. One of the prince’s guards came running up, looking pale as flour.

“Master, come quick!” he cried, pointing to a hut in the distance.

“As soon as I’m finish basking in the awesomeness of my rotten, depraved stench!”

“But it's urgent! I....I think it’s the Sha--"

“I’m done!” Robotnik swooshed past the henchmen and arrived at one of the huts where the screams were emitting from. As he cautiously peeked inside, he saw an old owl hag, blood oozing out all over her feathers and out her yellow eyes. She croaked right there, her face frozen in a scream of terror.

“The—the Shadow Death has struck!” the henchmen gasped. He started bawling like the insecure, little crybaby he was.

Robotnik backed away in horror.  “It--it can't be! No....NOOOOOOOOO!!!! *perks up* “Well, not to worry, 'cause Satan will protect us!”

Henchmen: “YAY!!”

“Now hurry up and kidnap some of these pesky rats!” the prince ordered. “Sonic, Amy, Knuckles and the hooker bat!”

“I’m not a hooker!” Rouge kicked him in the shin.

“Ow!”

Meanwhile, one of the henchmen spotted Knuckles still running after Sonic, and whipped out a large wok pan.

“Furry Trap No. 35!” he announced.

As the echidna and hedgehog were running past the henchmen, he stuck out the pan.

BOONG!!

Sonic smashed his face into it and so did Knuckles, both of them seeing stars. They were then thrown in a burlap sack and carried over to the prison cage at the back of the last carriage. A henchmen tried to grab Rouge, but she flew out of his reach, suspended in the air.

“What makes you think I’m going with you bastards?” she demanded.

One of the guards whipped out a dazzling blue Topaz. “Furry Trap No. 7!”

Suddenly, Rouge’s eyes grew huge and starry. She gawked at the shiny, perfectly cut hexagonal jewel, being she couldn’t resist them whatsoever.

“Yes, nice pretty rock! Very, very pretty…” the guard sweetly cooed, as he led the spellbound bat toward the cage.

Another guard picked up Amy, who was still oblivious to anything going on around her as she kept figuring out the intricacies and petty reasons of an old rivalry with a stubborn hedgehog and echidna.

*   *   *

Robotnik stood before the captured furries in a dark and dreary dungeon. Screams of prisoners being tortured filled the air...actually, it's just scary Halloween sounds from a MP3 playlist...

“Now then, I'm taking Amy to be my bitch, while the rest of you of stay locked up in this dungeon,” he announced.

“Okay,” everyone agreed, except Amy, who was still thinking away.

“Wait a sec...shouldn't we be opposing Robuttnik?” Sonic asked.

“It's Ro-bot-nik,” the prince corrected.

“Botnik, buttnik...whatever. Well, I don't like what you're doing. You can't have Amy!”

“Oh, I believe you're wrong, my spikey little rat. I have the patented Power™, therefore I control everyone here. I shall turn her into a devil-worshiper, BWAHAHAHAAAAA!!”

“NOOOOOOOOO!!!” Sonic yelled.

“Lock'em up!” the prince ordered.

The guards tossed Sonic, Knuckles and Rouge into a holding cell, complete with Satellite TV, internet, air conditioning, and a fridge.

“Oh yeah, here's some poker cards, a bag of Bugles, and a copy of Halo Wars 2 to pass the time,” Robotnik added.

He then threw them into the cell. Sonic and others fought over the Bugles and video game, while Robotnik whisked Amy away, who still hadn’t snapped out of her long-ass reverie   O_o

*   *   *

Robotnik sat upon on a gargantuan throne, watching a bunch of rich, loaded guests dancing around the lavish ballroom. Some were head-banging like there was no tomorrow. Others were doing breakdancing moves or the usual nasty, freaky grooves. In a corner, a huge fight broke out over a Taylor Swift beanie baby.

A few people just stood around, wondering what the hell was going on. Meanwhile, System Of A Down's "Chop Suey" blared loud over the speakers.

"Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup? You wanted to! Why'd you leave the keys upon the table? You wanted to!" Robotnik belted out the lyrics.

"Sire, shouldn't we be playing orchestral music?" Snively pointed out.

The prince balked at that. "Bah! I felt like putting on something different. Need to break the monotony, ya know."

"But who had heavy metal music in medieval/Renaissance Italy?"

"Who cares? Everyone loves it!"

Nearby, Amy finally broke out of her heavy contemplation.

“NOW I know why I put up with them! I'm supposed to be some airheaded, stalker girl chasing after Sonic in the hopes he'll marry me. Knuckles, now...he usually comes around to start crap with Sonic over the Master Emerald, so of course that's why he's even standing there...”

She paused, looking around the ballroom. “Where the heck am I?!”

“So you finally stopped thinking,” Robotnik said.

“Prince Robotnik? What am I doing here?”

“I kidnapped you as an inductee for the cult of Satan.”

“Er, why?”

“Hmm, think he said he needed an innocent pink puff to complete a midnight ritual <leave Kirby outta this>. I also brought along your jerkfriend and his pals. They're locked up in my dungeon.”

“Sonic? NO! Please, I beg you, don't harm him!” *pause* “Do I sound whiny and irritating?”

“Yes.”

“Good. That means I get my full pay's worth for acting this part to the tee. But anyway...oh no, pppleeaasee, oh ppleeaaaseee, don't hurt my friends--!!”

“Well, no harm will come to them as long you bow down to Satan and give yourself to me...body and soul.”

“G-Give myself to you??” Amy tried not to throw up this morning’s breakfast.

Just then, the main event of the night was about to start. A dancer would entertain the guests. As the crowd parted, a chippy female rabbit came walking out of an elegant, ornate hall, dressed up in a blue ballerina dress. An orange fox walked by her side.

Robotnik hopped out of his throne and down the steps to face the guests. He clapped his hands to gather their attention, and then announced, “May I present to you all - Tails and his lovely little dancer, Cream, for your entertainment!”

Both gracefully walked out to the center of the room and bowed before Robotnik. The orchestra started again and begin to play an exotic, Middle Eastern song. Cream started belly dancing to the hypnotic beat, as well as doing twirls and shaking her shoulders to the rhythmic beats.

“Ah, she’s cute!” Amy adored.

“As cute as a playtoy to break,” Snively sneered.

“Stupid creep,” Amy muttered.

Cream continued dancing around the room. As she neared Snively though, she got a little too close, and accidentally whacked him across his long nose with her ear.

“Ow! Why you—“ he yanked Cream by her ears and started shaking her around like a rag doll.

“Eeeeeeeeeee!” Cream screamed.

“Cream!” Tailed cried.

“Why’d you have to hit me in the nose, clumsy little pissant?!” Snively snarled.

“I’m sorry, it was an accident!” Cream wailed.

“Leave her alone!” Amy yelled.

“Now, now, my dear nephew, put the little bunny down. We don't want to show our victims--I mean guests petty hospitality now, do we?”

The bald man grudgingly dropped Cream to the ground. Robotnik then turned to the silent crowd.

“Well?! Don't just stand there like gawking idiots, let's get on with this party! Start up the music!”

The musicians began playing again and everyone was grooving to Lil’ Wayne.

Robotnik turned to Amy. “You know of a nasty plague going around killing everyone, yes?”

Amy trembled. “The--the Shadow Death?”

The prince nodded with a smirk. “Horrifying, isn’t it? But not to fear. I have made a pact with Satan to protect me and everyone in my castle from that ghastly abomination.”

“Satan?! But he's evil!”

“Ah, he just sees things in a different light.”

“That’s…some light…”

*   *   *

After the ballroom party, Cream hurried back down a large hall, to her room. Tails would be there in a bit so they could catch the latest on the singing show, “Medieval Voice.”

“Hm, I wonder who's getting rejected this time?”

Though she also wondered how she and Tails ended up working for such a crack overlord like Robotnik. Well, anything to pay the rent she supposed. Suddenly, Snively stepped out from behind a pillar. Cream was startled and jumped back.

“Eeeeee!”

The evil man smiled, showing his yellow, crooked teeth.

“Wh—what do you want?”

Snively lashed out, grabbing her by the ears. “You, bunny toy.”

Cream’s eyes widened, and she tried screaming. Snively just stuffed a banana in her mouth and carried her away to his quarters.

Chapter Text

Amy wandered down the hall from her guest quarters, determined to find the dungeon and free her friends. She had a plan in place – she just hoped it didn’t backfire. She came across two guards asleep at the entrance to the ballroom. Why Robotnik kept them around when they were clearly shirking their duties was beyond her.

“Uh, excuse me?” Amy poked one of them with her foot.

Stirring awake, the guard groggily glanced up. “Eh? Oh, it’s only you, our Master’s latest girlfriend who he wants to turn evil…or something like that…”

Amy cringed at the revolting implication. How many of these 'girlfriends' had he converted over to the dark side? “Uh, I suppose. Tell me, which way is the dungeon? I’d like to visit my friends.”

The second guard immediately stood up. “No one is allowed inside there! So, don’t get any ideas on sneaking past us, Pinkie!”

The hedgehog merely shrugged, turning away. “If you say so. I guess you’re not interested in the two free tickets I have to the Kristen Stewart burlesque show followed by a naughty bedtime story…”

“Wait, wait! Did you just say Kristen Stewart?” Both guards’ eyes widened with insanity.

Amy smiled deviously and pulled them out of her pocket. “Sure! Just tell me where the dungeon is, and I’ll give--”

“First secret door to the left, in the Yellow room where the multi-colored rooms are.” The guard thrust in the keys in her hand while swiping the tickets from the other.

“Oh gee, uh, thanks?” Amy couldn’t believe her luck.

She then went on her merry way while both guards swooned and obsessed over the small photo of the actress on the tickets.

Soon, Amy arrived at the seven different colored rooms that the prince previously showed her. Each one had a Chaos Emerald adorned above their ornate arch windows (sometimes they were small bay windows). She wondered what they signified. The last room, however, was closed off with a heavy-iron door and several reinforced locks.

That’s probably where he performs his stupid Satan rituals, she thought, disgusted. Or whatever the hell kind of morbid crap he’s into…

 According to one of the guards, a side door in the Yellow one indicated a secret passage leading down to the dungeon. She tried the key, hoping for one startling moment that they hadn’t betrayed her.

It worked though and she made her way down a spiral staircase, lit up by fire torches along its gray, stone walls. Soon, Amy found herself facing the entrance to a corridor; each side was lined with barred cells.  

She shivered, not liking being down here. “This place sure gives me the heebie-jeebies.  Oh, yeah, it's supposed to give frightened girls like me that feeling. Duh.”

Passing various cells along the way, a tortured scream rang out from one of them. As she walked by, she saw a woman in a Dominatrix suit spanking a man.

“Oooh! Aww!” he mewled. “Oh, do it harder! Harder!”

Amy balked. He's not being tortured! Weirdos.

She passed another cell, where more anguished cries were heard...actually, all she saw was a dark, Venetian room with a shrouded bed. A shadow of a couple doing...

“Oh, excuse me!"

She continued on her way, shaking her head. One cell had some guys watching WWE wrestling, another had these top Dons doing a drug deal. Another had a big, green slimy thing that she hurried right past, not wanting to know what it was. And then...she heard distinct, familiar voices. Her friends! She also could pick up gunshots and explosions coming from a TV.

“Sonic?”

She peered into the cell. Sonic and Rouge were playing the Halo Wars 2 game on an Xbox One S. Unfortunately, it also came with some pain-in-the ass glitches. But not as creepy as the breakdancing corpse glitch.

“Why do you always just STAND THERE when the glass beam comes down instead of running?!” Sonic complained.

“Well, it's not my fault whenever the control freezes up while I'm trying to move the Marines!” Rouge scathingly shot back. “I’m stuck so I can’t do a f*ckin' thing!”

“Next time, use the Hellbringers to take those Banished troops out before going back to building the base, dumbass!”

“Shut up! I’m trying to get that Power Node, that’s why I’m running up the hill, you blue idiot!”

“Uh, guys?” Amy spoke up.

Sonic noticed her and grinned. “Oh, hey Ames! Wanna come in and play a round of this bitchin' game? You're probably better at it than Rouge--OOF!!”

Rouge elbowed him hard in the stomach.

“Well, that's nice and all, but I've come to rescue you guys,” Amy announced.

 “Eh?” Sonic grew puzzled. “Why would we need rescuing?”

Amy cupped her forehead. “Because this is evil Robotnik's lair and we're the good guys, and he's holding us prisoner??”

“Oh...yeah. Whelp, lead the way!”

So, the pink heroine pulled out the keys and began trying each one in the keyhole. One of them fit and she turned the handle to unlock the iron-bar door.

“How'd you get the keys?” Rouge asked.

“I bribed two guards with free tickets to a Kristen Stewart adult show.”

“Oh. Smooth...”

“Where's Knuckles?”

“In the bathroom,” Sonic replied. “He's been in there for over an hour. Hope he's okay…like, he didn’t pass out vomiting over the toilet seat or somethin.’ ”

“Let me go get him.” Rouge walked over to the bathroom door and knocked on it. “Knuckles? *knock, knock* “Knuckles??”

“What the &!@#$ do you want, woman?!” came an irate reply.

“Jeez, cranky ass. Amy's here and we're escaping the prison.”

“Can’t you see I’m trying to squeeze out a log that’s stuck in my ass?! Now let me shit in peace!”

Sonic came up and kicked down the bathroom door. Knuckles was on the toilet, looking surprised and pissed off.

“WHAT--” Knuckles began.

“Come on, Knux!” Sonic yanked him out and towards the unlocked exit. “This is our only chance to escape! ‘Sides, I got some laxatives in my pocket ya could take.”

The incensed echidna wretched his hand from Sonic’s grip, about to protest again, when Rouge and Amy pushed him forward from behind.

“Hurry!” Amy urged.

“Which way?” Rouge asked.

“This way.” Amy pointed down right down a larger corridor. “But first, we need to sneak past a group of guards in the lounge area.”

They tiptoed down the hall, arriving upon a spacious room with a barred entrance. Several guards are seated around a table playing poker and eating chili dogs.

Sonic sniffed the air, ravenous. “Is that chili dogs I smell?”

Amy, Rouge, Knuckles: “Shhhhh!”

The pink hedgehog signaled for her friends to wait silently. After a moment, they darted past their oblivious enemies, who were too caught up in an argument over one of them cheating. Amy continued leading them toward another corridor, but Sonic paused, glancing longingly back at the lounge room.

“I really want a chili dog!”

He tiptoed into the room, his mouth watering at a plate of steaming hotdogs on the table.

As the other escapees were rounding a corner, Amy noticed the blue hog wasn’t with them.

“Where's Sonic?”

Now all of them turning around, they saw him sneaking into the lounge room.

“Sonic!” Amy harshly whispered.

Meanwhile, Sonic picked up the plate of chili dogs that was located on smaller table near the rectangular one where the guards were seated out. He sunk his teeth into one of them, savoring the delectable treat. “Mmmm...gooood...”

One of the guards wrinkled his nose, suspicious. “Say, why do I get the feeling my chili dogs are being eaten?”

A second guard just turned back from watching Sonic scarfing down another one. “Hmmm, because they are?”

Eyes widening, the first guard whirled around. “ACK! MY CHILI DOGS!”

“Get him!” the third guard ordered.

All three guards lunged at Sonic, but he was too quick and bolted from the lounge. Catching up with the others, Knuckles was ready to punch him.

“You idiot hedgehog! You gave us away!” He took a swing at Sonic’s face.

The spry speedster ducked. “I couldn't help myself.” He was noisily chewing the food, while chili beans dribbled down his mouth. “Ohmigosh, these chili dogs are SO good! You should try one!”

Knuckles was about to strangle Sonic, when Amy grabbed his arm to hurry.

“Nevermind that, let's get outta here!”

 “STOP THEM!” the first guard yelled.

All four Sega mascots went bounding down the hall, desperate to get away from their not-so-happy captors. But soon, the guards started catching up! One of Sonic's chili dogs dropped on the ground, and the first guard slipped on it. The other two tripped over him and went sprawling on the ground.

Escaping their pursuers for the moment, Amy & Co. continued running down several more corridors, then up a flight of stairs before reaching a door with the words “Exit” atop.

“Finally!” Sonic panted out. He pulled open the door and all four quarries stepped out, finding themselves on the castle’s rooftop.

“YAY!” Amy cheered. “WE'RE FREE, WE'RE FREE!”

“B--but what about the Shadow Death?” Rouge reminded, shivering fearfully.

“Oh yeah...forgot about that...”

“It appears you left that important aspect out of your pinky little head,” a familiar voice rang out.

Startled, all turned to see Prince Robotnik stepping out from behind a tower, along with a group of guards, grinning toothily.

“Robotnik!” they all cried.

Suddenly, some crab and chicken badniks appeared from behind the entrance way and grabbed Amy and the others, holding them in a tight, iron grip.

“Ow! Let us go!” Amy protested.

“How'd you know we were gonna escape?” Sonic wondered.

Robotnik scratched his head. “Gee, I'm not sure. Call it a woman's intuition?”

“Oh, yeah.” Sonic shrugged. “I get those too.”

The first guard from the lounge room appeared from the entrance way and pointed an accusing finger at Sonic. “Master! This blue dickwad took my chili dogs!”

“Ah yes, one of the hedgehog's weaknesses,” Robotnik observed. “Well, it appears you committed an Ultimate Sin--eating another's chili dog. You shall pay with your life, Sonic.”

Amy grew alarmed. “NO! I beg you, Prince, please spare him!”

“Wellll....I'll challenge him to a game where he'll play for his life. And if Loverboy loses, HE DIES! BWAHAHHAHAHAHA!" *cough, cough* "Shall we go back inside?”

Robotnik's jiggly, egg-shaped body turned to waddle back inside the castle. The rest of everyone followed him back inside. From a distance, neither of them noticed a lone figure standing atop a hill, watching them with red eyes. The Shadow Death!

*   *   *

The Ballroom. A crowd of guests all watched as Robotnik flipped on a huge, 4K TV. Sonic, Knuckles and Rouge all stood before it, each holding a gamepad. Amy watched them, not looking happy at all. Nearby, some loud, incoherent 'Mudvayne' song is blaring on the stereo.

“Sooo, what are we playing?” Sonic asked.

Robotnik turned to him from setting up the old-school Sega Genesis console, smiling giddily. “My all-time, personal favorite! Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine! YAAAYYY!!!” He clapped hard, then paused for more claps. Everyone was silent. 

A random guest shouted, “Hah! That sorry-ass game went straight to the bargain bins!”

Hysterical laughter broke out all around the room.

Robotnik was red-faced. “Shut up! Shut up!”

The crowd gradually settled down, but some snickers could still be heard.

“Now then. I, Prince Robotnik, present you all with this event that'll determine the fate of these prisoners. This one here—" he pointed at Sonic. “--has sinned. He ate another's chili dogs.”

The crowd gasped, horrified by this unspeakable atrocity.

The Prince continued, “As a consequence, he will be subject to play a game. If he loses...he dies, of course. If he wins, he'll go back into the dungeon...of course. The others—” he indicated Knuckles and Rouge—“will have a commuted sentence. If either one loses, they go back into the dungeon. If they win...”

Everyone moved in closer, eagerly awaiting the supposed reprieve.

“They go back into the dungeon.”

Everyone: ????

Knuckles leaned over to Sonic. “Hey hotshot, why haven't you tried to outrun this place with your famous super speed? Or use that spin dash attack of yours?”

“Because Robuttnik took away my speed shoes and replaced them with these ugly brown loafers,” the blue hog replied, pouting. “Plus, I can't curl up in a ball because I got a bad back.”

“That sucks, man.”

“Yeah. And why can't you use your big fists to pound down walls and stuff?”

“Because the director won't allow me.”

“That double sucks. He’s probably not lettin’ Ames use her Piko Piko Hammer either, otherwise that dumb Buttnik would be pounded into pulp right now.”

“I can't use my large, powerful feet because I just got a pedicure,” Rouge added.

Sonic & Knuckles: O_o

“Let the game begin!” Robotnik declared. “Knuckles and the Hoochie Mama are first!”

Rouge bristled with anger. “Why that little egg bastard…”

And so, the hapless echidna and bat began playing the game.

“What's the point in all this?” Knuckles complained. “We'll still be thrown back in the dungeon.”

“It's for the sake of entertainment,” Rouge replied dryly. “Filler fluff.”

The two played on a double screen, with Knuckles expertly completing Stage 1. Rouge finally caught up with him, and finished Stage 1 as well.

“Whoohoooo!!” Both gave each other hi-fives.

They continued onto to Stage 2, Stage 3, Stage 4...

Snively was admittedly impressed. “Wow. They're pretty good at this game, sire.”

Robotnik just glared while savagely biting into a ham.

Eventually, Knuckles and Rouge made it to Stage 5. But as luck goes, it soon ran out. Rouge was struggling to match the refugee bean bars into an open section of the puzzle, but it looked like they were quickly adding up in those open spaces. Rouge finally lost. All the doomed beans dropped away and fluttered up the TV screen into little angels.

“Aww shit!!” the bat cursed.

“The prostitute loses!” Robotnik announced. “Throw her back in the dungeon!”

Rouge finally had it with the demeaning insults. “I’m NOT a prostitute, you fat-ass tub of lard!”

 The guests broke out into raucous laughter again.

“SHUUUUUTTTT UUUPPPPPPP!!!!!” Robotnik roared.

When mostly everyone was silent again, the prince turned to Rouge. “How dare you! No one insults Prince Robotnik and gets away with it! For that, your sentence is....'The Paper Cuts & Lemon Juice Torture!' "

Another horrified gasp from the crowd. The guards carried Rouge way, who let loose a colorful string of profanity and offensive names at Robotnik, which only pissed him off more and more.

“Actually, I changed my mind. That mouthy little bitch will suffer the Orgy of Terror!”

“Oh please, don't torture her, Prince!” Amy begged. “I--I'll do anything to save her!”

There was a sinister gleam in Robotnik’s eye. “Anything?”

“Yep. But don't ask me to eat curry crab, though. Blechhh!”

“Fine then. You shall go to bed with me after this farce is over.”

An involuntary shudder ran through Amy. “Uhhh, besides that one too…”

“Not doing IT, of course. Just spending the night in my room. You can sleep on the left side of the bed.”

“Oh...swell.”

The game continued, with Knuckles making it to Stage 6. But then Sonic's annoying voice cheering him on began to grate on his nerves.

“Atta boy Knuckles!” Sonic encouraged. “Get’em, Get’em! Go Knucksy, go Knucksy!”

The echidna whirled around. “SHUT THE F*CK UP, SONIC!”

Not paying attention to the TV screen, Knuckles messed up and lost the game.

 “F*ck!!” Enraged, he threw down the gamepad. “If it wasn't for you distracting me--!”

“Scream, weep, bawl--back to the dungeon with you, Dreadlocks,” Robotnik ordered.

The guards proceeded to carry Knuckles away, as he vowed revenge. “I'll get you for this, Sonic! %$#*&@!!”

“Hey, I was just egging you on to win!” Sonic didn’t see what the big deal was. “Why do you always blame me for everything, Knux?”

 Robotnik then rubbed his hands gleefully. “Now, it's your turn, my old nemesis.”

Amy shed a tear. “Oh Sonic, my love...I pray you'll win.”

Sonic started the game, with Robotnik's hideous face flashing across the screen, and then the puzzle of the village beans began. He flexed his hands, grabbing the gamepad. “Hehe, just like Tetris. This'll be a cinch.”

He lost after five seconds.

“HAHAHAHAHA, YOU LOSE!” Robotnik unsheathed a high-tech laser gun. “NOW DIE!”

“Sir, aren't you supposed to use a sword?” Snively pointed out.

“I like this weapon better.”

“But in 14th century Italy, there was no high-tech—"

“Shove it, Snively! Who cares about time accuracy right now?” He aimed the weapon at Sonic. “Prepare to meet your maker, hedgehog.”

“Stop, please!” Amy cried. She was ready to jump in and shield her beloved if she had to.

“Muhahahahaaaaaa—” the Prince paused. “You know, it would be too easy killing you like this. So, I'll give you a slow, painful death. I shall throw you outside the castle, where the Shadow Death awaits!”

Sonic nearly turned white.

“Oh Prince, I beg you--!” Amy pleaded.

 “Guards!” the insidious egg lord shouted. “Toss him out!"

Several armed servants snatched up Sonic and dragged him away to meet his horrid fate.

“I'm so sorry, Amy!” he yelled. “I'll always love you!”

“SOONIICCC!” she ran after him, but Robotnik blocked her path.

“Now, now, my dear. He deserves what he's getting for defying me and committing a treacherous act.”

“I’ll do anything!”

“It won't work this time. “

Amy covered her face and bawled.

*   *   *

Tails paced around the room, occasionally checking his sundial watch. Nearby, some chips, beer and McDonald's lie on the table, uneaten. Cream's been gone for over three hours now. ‘Medieval Voice’ was already over and she never missed an episode! She was betting on one of the singer finalists, Scorchin’ Blaze, to win the round.

“Oh, where could she be?” the worried fox lamented.

Suddenly, there was a soft, timid knock on the door. Tails eagerly ran over and opened it.

“Cream!”

The distraught rabbit flung herself and sobbed in Tail’s arms.

“What happened?!” he asked. “Are you alright?”

“It was Snively!” Cream confessed between sob hiccups.

“What did he do?! Did he...did he...”

“N--No, nothing like that. He...he...”

“Yes, my love?”

“He made me watch reruns of Cop Rock! Oh, it was horrible!!!” she cried even harder.

“Oh my--I'm sorry, Cream.” Tails held her, gently stroking her soft fur. “My poor little Cream...” A burning vengeance grew within Tails and his eyes darkened with frightening resolve.

Snively....ye shall pay for this! And for making her miss ‘Medieval Voice’ too!

Chapter Text

The atmosphere outside Robotnik's castle was one of a sinister air, as fog had settled over the nearly desolate land. Most of the citizens had either fled to escape a horrifying fate from the plague or were already dead. The vile smell of their deaths was everywhere.

The moon was full. A wolf dismally howled. A 'boot' noise pierced the ominous night, as Sonic was literally kicked out of the castle. He ended up landing some fifty feet away, face down in a puddle of muddy water from a recent rainstorm.

“Yuck!” He spit out the dirt water. “And to think, I used to drink this every day. Being poor will get’cha that.”

He glanced back towards the castle with a determined resolve.

“I have to find a way back inside!”

But just as he barely took one step, a solid steel wall shot up all around the castle, complete with robot guards, nuclear missiles and snipers. A grid-like fence made up of lasers then shot up from the ground, covering the whole vicinity within a 49.5 feet mile radius--just 5 inches from Sonic's nose.

Hover crafts fly overhead, scanning the area. Sonic just stood there, jaw agape. Suddenly, there was a zapping sound from one of the lasers. Sonic looked down to see the charbroiled remains of a mosquito on the ground.

“Whoa! Severe, man!”

As if acknowledging this valid perception, bullets begin firing at Sonic's feet.

“Yiiiaahhhhhh!” The speedster’s fast reflexes kicked in just in time to dodge the first few that grazed his shoes.

“Hey you! Get your ratty ass off the grounds of Prince Robotnik's castle!” a Robot Guard blared over a loudspeaker.
Sonic had no choice but to scurry off into the woods, lest he become pumped full of bullet holes for Robotnik’s trigger-happy cohorts. Moreover, he didn’t recognize any of the strange devices that was futuristic technology…was it the work of dark magic? Those bullets fired sure sounded loud and scary. Anyhow, the castle was certainly off-limits for the unhappy blue hog.

“Dammit! Now I can't get back inside the castle! That horrible Shadow Death is out here, waiting to get me. Man, if only I had my speed shoes, I can outrun it. Stupid Egg Belly! Hmmm....maybe if I find someplace to hide. Yeah, somewhere really good!”

Anxiously looking around, Sonic spotted a dried up, dead cow's hide by a creek.

“That's it!” he dashed under the cow carcass.

Awhile passed. The woods are silent. Even the animals were all dead from the Shadow Death’s reign of devastating destruction. Sonic couldn’t keep his heart from pounding loudly, hoping to the Lord/gods/goddesses that the accursed Shadow scourge of Italy wouldn’t find him.

“That sure is nifty hiding spot,” came a voice.

“You think so?” Sonic spoke from under the ratty, dead hide.

“Oh, a most clever disguise.”

“Yeah, I learned it off this movie called Rob Roy!”

“May I ask why you're hiding?”

“I'm hiding from the Shadow Death! Ya see, it's going around killin' everyone like a plague. You die a slow, agonizing death...lots o' dizziness, nausea. Then blood drips down your body through ravaged pores and puss sores, and finally....death by slow asphyxiation!”

“That does sound...horrible.”

“I know. Hey, I suggest ya hide too! The Shadow Death could get ya at any moment, standing out here and all!”

“Oh, I'm afraid I have no need for that,” came the nonchalant reply.

“Huh? Why?”

No answer.

“Uh, mister?”

Still no answer.

Sonic popped his head out of the bovine hide, only to come face to face with...

“Because I am the Shadow Death,” Shadow answered, crimson eyes glowing brightly.

Sonic just lied there, before a huge and stupid grin broke out on his face.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!”

He leapt up to run like a bat out of Hell, but Shadow easily caught him by the tail.

“LetmegoI'lldoanything,pleasedon'tkillmeimtootodieohmigodmamawhereareyou--!!!”

“Hey, relax,” Shadow assured. “I'm not going to make you die a slow, painful death.”

The blue runner stopped panicking. “You’re not?”

“I have to spare a few souls, you know.” Shadow shrugged. “Comes with the job.”

“Oh, um...'k.”

“I'll spare you on two conditions. You tell me a bit about your god and admit a sin or two. Sound like a deal?”

Sonic’s brows furrowed in contemplation. “Mmmmm...sure, okay, no prob! Well, let's see...God made the universe and everything! Mankind, bugs, rocks? We gotta serve him and all...ya know, go kick it at the church for awhile. Follow 10 rules. I think they're called the 10 Amendments.”

“You mean ‘commandments?’ ”

“Em...yeah! I always get those two mixed up. But anyhow, Hallelujah people gotta obey them.”

“You mean Jews and Christians?” Shadow corrected once again.

“Oh yeah! That's what I meant--Joos and Kristy-ans!”

Shadow sighed. “Alright. Now then, what about your sin?”

At that moment, Sonic grew uncomfortable. Heaving out a nervous breath, he muttered, "Okay, how does that sin prayer go?" Perking up, he gushed out, "Bless me, God daddy of the sky, I f*cked up. So ah, this is my seventeenth one--"

"You do not have to recite the whole Catholic confession mantra," Shadow reassured.

“Oh, okay." Sonic cleared his throat. "I--I ate someone's chili dogs.” He bowed his head in shame. “I couldn't control myself. Chili dogs are my favorite thing to eat! I eat'em for breakfast, lunch, dinner....it's an addiction.”

“So, you admit it was wrong.”

Sonic nodded, ears drooped.

“Here.” Shadow pulled out some mumbo jumbo card and handed it over to Sonic.

“What's this?”

“Divine Will,” Shadow cryptically replied. “Tonight, the Shadow Death will make an appearance at Robotnik's party.”

“I dunno, Mr. Shadow Death--they do alot of crazy, weird stuff at his parties. You're not into Beezlebub and twisted bondage involving carrots, are you?”

“Uh, no. Not my preference. What I mean is, I will appear as an uninvited guest. For Prince Robotnik's time has come. It has been for a very long time.”

He walked past Sonic, in the direction of the foreboding castle.

“Wait!” Sonic called. “C-Can you stop him?”

Shadow only smiled knowingly before continuing his way.

*  *  *

Robotnik (dressed as Humpty Dumpty) stood at the top of the stairs leading down to the ballroom, where the Evil Rich Guests were dressed in various costumes. Some are dressed in the usual stuffy, noble wear with masks. Others are dressed like chickens, vegetables, beasts, Halloween themes and....some naughty things best not mentioned ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Overhead on a large, mounted TV screen, The Duck Song was playing.

The prince turned to Amy. “Quite the little rave, isn't it, my dear?”

Amy just stood there, stone-faced.

“My dear?”

When she didn’t acknowledge him, he waved a hand in front of her face. No reaction from the pink hedgehog.

“She's still in shock from losing her boyfriend,” one of the henchmen spoke up.

“She'll get over it,” Robotnik drawled, followed by a sardonic chuckle. “I'll make her forget all about that blue rodent, as I induct her into the Circle of Satan tonight. Soon, she'll be swooning all over me, massaging my sexy bald head and hand feeding me caviar. After all, who could resist such a handsome, virile man like me?”

The henchman silently gagged a few times, but the arrogant, pudgy prince took no notice of it. His attention was caught when the dancing crowd parted and a rampaging Snively dressed as Pinocchio (the Disney version ^.^) came barreling through. He was running around, poking everyone's butts with his long nose. Tails chased after him, dressed as his creator/father, Geppetto.

“Get back here, Pinocchio!” Tails mockingly demanded.

“Buttocks! Buttocks!” Snively excitedly shouted, poking more guests in their rumps and earning startled cries from some of them.

Seeing Snively occupied with his perverted fun, Tails pulled out a remote control from his costume’s pocket and pressed a button. Again, why modern-day technology even existed in a medieval setting was null at this point. A circular imprint on the marbled floor opened and a metal bed rose from a secret hole in the ground. Snively continued to assault the guests.

Tails scampered up to him. “Psst! Snively! It's time to do the magic act that we rehearsed for yesterday!”

“Oh yeah, the Disappearing Act! This'll be FUN!” the smarmy human happily skipped over to the metal bed and lied against it. Watching Snively with a calculating look, Tails then pushed another button. Metal straps suddenly appear from behind the bed and tied down Snively.

“Hey, Tails, don't you think these straps are little too tight?” Snively asked.

The fox then turned towards the crowd. “You see everyone, I have a rather naughty Pinocchio under control. As punishment, I shall cut off his nose. Have no fear...it's all magic!” *mutters* Not!”

Then Tails whipped out a buzzing chainsaw and started lowering it towards Snively’s face. His eyes bugged out in surprise.

“What?! I thought this was the Disappearing Act!” Snively protested.

Tails wore a cold, menacing expression as he paused, the serrated blade just inches from the man’s long honker of a nose.

“What kind of prank is this, Tails?!” Snively demanded. But he could see that the fox was dead serious. “You wouldn't dare!”

“Yes. For hurting my beloved Cream.”

And so, Tails began sawing off Snively's nose, while the trapped human screamed in agony. Blood spurted everywhere, spraying the guests. Some of them started screaming, while others watched with morbid curiosity, thinking it was all a magic act. Tails then took Snively’s saw-offed nose and ran off with it.

“Come back with my nose, you little dwarf bastard!” Snively yelled.

“Guards, remove my nephew from the scene,” Robotnik ordered. “Oh, and clean up all that fake blood, too.”

“But sir, that's real blood,” one of the henchmen pointed out.

The prince frowned. “It is? I thought it was a magic show. Mmm, Tails is sure developing a sick sense of humor.”

“Look who’s talking,” the henchman muttered.

The musicians resumed playing an orchestral tune and Robotnik took one of Amy’s hands. “Shall we dance?”

Amy: *sad dog-eyes*

“Why the droopy face?” Robotnik asked, though he didn’t sound genuinely concerned. “Your lover's probably dead by now, so why cry over moldy Swiss cheese? You'll get over it. Soon, you'll see that Satan has alot to offer....tweaking, The Lohans, sleazy lawyers, child sacrifices—" he abruptly stopped, suddenly seeing Shadow weaving through the dancing crowd. “Who is that?!”

Amy snapped out of her catatonic state. “Who?”

“That--that person wearing the black and red cowl!” Robotnik seethed. “I forbid anyone to wear those two colors together! How dare he mocks me!”

Grabbing Amy's hand, he hurried through crowd after the mysterious figure. Arriving at the portion to the abbey, they passed through the seven colored rooms.

Amy saw how some guests were trying to pry the green Chaos Emerald off the wall in the same matching-colored room. She still hadn’t figured out which each one symbolized. Maybe the prince just liked rooms with starkly differing hues and decorated with jewels.

They finally arrived at the last room, where Shadow had disappeared into the heavily fortified double doors. Both of them were astounded, not believing what they had just witnessed. How could a body just flow through a metal door??

“Curses! How the hell did he do that?” Robotnik wondered, as he proceeded to unlock the security bolts. Throwing the doors open, Amy finally got to see the last room. It was dark inside, but with a bay window facing the eastern side and a glowing red Chaos Emerald aligned over it. It was Robotnik's devil-worshiping room, complete with the usual: inverted crosses, glow-in-the-dark pentagrams and a life-size cut-out of Jesus. Obviously, someone drew a goatee, fangs and devil horns on Jesus's face with a black marker.

“You there! Stop!” Robotnik ordered, leveling a finger at the intruder.

Shadow turned around. A black and red mask covered his face, along with a matching cowl shrouding the rest of his form. The colors seemed to complement the grim hues to the room.

“Yes, Prince Robotnik?” the figure patiently asked.

“Who are you?!” the prince demanded. "You are violating my edict by wearing the sign of the plague colors!"

The uninvited guest remained silent.

“Well?!”

“Don't you recognize me?” Shadow asked. “I have arrived...for you, Prince.”

Dawning realization replaced the smoldering anger in Robotnik’s eyes. “You mean...could it be? Is it really…”

“Yes,” Shadow replied.

Robotnik remained quiet for a good five minutes before blurting out, “IT IS YOU! OH, YOUR ETERNAL DARKNESS, YOU HAVE FINALLY COME!”

Amy had no idea what was going on.

He bowed down, kissing Shadow's robe. “Oh Satan, I have waited *kiss* so long for your arrival! I have *kiss* brought many to sacrifice *kiss* to you! Just like *kiss* you instructed!”

“Excuse me, but I am not Satan,” Shadow countered.

Robotnik stopped in mid-smooch. “You're not?”

“No.”

“A messenger from His Darkness then?”

“No.”

“His son, the anti-Christ?”

“No. I am...”

“Yeah?” Robotnik awaited with nerve-wracking anticipation.

“The Shadow Death.”

The prince was silent for another five minutes. During that time, Amy decided to go for a bathroom break. She came back afterwards.

“Did I miss anything?” she asked, looking over towards a still frozen, aghast Robotnik.

“No. His rotting mind is still trying to comprehend the impossible I revealed.”

“NO WAY YOU’RE THE SHADOW DEATH!” Robotnik burst out loudly, startling Amy.

“Indeed, I am,” Shadow rebutted.

“Nuh-uh!”

“Uh-huh.”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Uh-huh.”

“You can't be the Shadow Death because I know for solid, scientifically proven fact that it can't get inside my castle walls!” Robotnik said smugly. “Satan's protecting me and all. So there!”

“He is not as powerful as you think.”

“You lying pissant!” Robotnik spat.

“Very well...I shall prove it to you.” The Shadow Death gestured for both to follow him back out through the multi-colored rooms and into the lavish ballroom.

“Now Prince....witness the Dance Of The Shadow Death!” The dark hedgehog raised one of his hands and snapped his fingers. The music changed to some hip-hop and all the guests began bumpin' n' grindin' to it.

“Oops! I am getting awfully rusty. That’s not it.”

Shadow snapped his fingers again. Everyone proceeded to square-dance to some happy, cheesy country music.

“That's not it either.”

Well, the third time’s a charm. So, Shadow did the snapping and the whole room turned into a salsa-mambo fest.

“Heyyy, not a bad beat!” Robotnik started grooving to the combined tune of horns, congas, electric guitars and flutes.

“Yeah, it’s pretty catchy!” Amy got right in step with his dancing, sashaying her hips.

Shadow sighed, disappointed. “Oh, buggers. Might as well do this the ol' fashioned way.”

He turned to a dancing couple and touched them on their shoulders. Immediately, they fell to the floor dead and covered in red blood seeping out of their pores. He then went around doing the same to the other guests.

“AAAAAAAAAHH!! You are the Shadow Death!!!” Robotnik ran away in terror.

Shadow turned to Amy. “Go now. Your Sonic and comrades await you outside the castle.”

Amy couldn’t believe it. “Sonic? He--he's alive??”

The dreaded bringer of doom nodded. “Yes. I spared their lives as is dictated by universal law.”

Amy’s eyes widened like big, starry anime ones. “Oh Sonic, I knew you wouldn't leave me and die! I'm coooommmiiiinngg!!”

She took off in a burst of speed.

Shadow shook his head. “She's got it bad for him.”

Meanwhile, Robotnik sprinted across the ballroom as all around him, the guests begin dropping like flies. Shadow simply followed him.

“Humpty Dumpty sat on wall...” Shadow started to chant.

Robotnik dashed into one of the guest rooms and locked the door. He jumped in the bed and hid under the covers. “Oh Satan, where are you?! You said you'd protect me!!”

Suddenly, the Shadow Death appeared in the room. “Humpty Dumpty had a great fall...”

“AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!” Robotnik leapt out of bed and dashed towards the door. But to his horrid dismay, it was solidly locked as a bank safe.

“All the king's horses and all the king's men...” Shadow creepily cited, coming closer and closer to the frightened prince.

“Wait! Can I see behind your mask?”

Shadow shrugged. “Sure, go ahead.”

Robotnik reached out and ripped off the hedgehog reaper’s mask. “WHAT?!”

Staring back at the devil worshiper was his own face! Actually, Shadow was just wearing a Robotnik mask from a kid's costume he got from Walmart ^.^

“You see, prince, Death has no face until the moment of your own!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! *thinking* I better get a bonus paycheck for all the screaming I'm putting my lungs into...

The villain collapsed to the floor, dead.

“Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again,” Shadow finished.

The monstrous Prince Robotnik's reign had finally come to an end. Only a few were left from the Shadow Death's devastating plague....Amy, Sonic, Knuckles, Rouge, Tails, Cream....and some old geezer with a nasty cough who'll probably die in a few days anyway. Why the Shadow Death chose to spare him is beyond rationality.

“CUT!” the director shouted.

“Thank God,” Shadow grumbled. “Now I can take off this stupid mask.”

“Bravo, bravo!” the director clapped as Sonic, Amy, and the others appeared from behind the room stage backdrop. “Everyone, you all did a FANTASTIC job with this production! Come all out and receive your well earned reward for kissing my ass and accepting this stupendous venture!”

Sonic couldn’t help but bow like the egotistical show-off that he was, and then turned to the others. “This film was weird.”

“I'll say!” Rouge agreed. “Hope I never get cast in another Edgar Allen Poe adaptation again. This was just....morbid.”

“Yeah...especially the Duck Song video,” Knuckles threw in.

“Hey, I thought the video was cool!” Sonic protested.

Knuckles ignored him.

The director’s assistant came up and handed him a set of scripts. “Ah, here they are. Well guys, it looks like you're getting cast in another movie. Starting tomorrow, you rehearse for The Phantom of The Opera.”

Everyone just stood there, stumped. Not another horror film…

But Amy was indubitably excited. “Ooohh, ooohh! Is it the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical?!”

“Yes!” the Director confirmed. “Sooooo, I suggest you all brush up on your vocals, ‘cause there'll be lots of singing in this one.”

Everyone let out huge groans, except for Amy.

“Here!” the Director went around, thrusting a script in each character’s hand.

“Who am I playing?” Amy eagerly flipped the cover and cheerfully screamed. “I'm playing Christine! YAAAYY!"

Sonic glanced distastefully at his role. “And I'm playing...Raoul?”

“Who am I playing?” Shadow flipped his own cover, reading the cast list. “I'm Erik, the Phantom?”

“You're what?!” Sonic burst out laughing. “Hah, hah, you're playing that ugly-ass dude who lives in a sewer dump and has to wear a creepy Captain Kirk mask!”

“Uh, I believe you’re confusing the mask with the Halloween films,” Rouge corrected.

“Ah Shadow, you're perfect for the role! Bwhahahahahahaha!” Sonic continued taunting.

Shadow had enough of Sonic’s shit and knocked him out cold. The blue hog crumpled to the floor.

“Dammit, I wanted to do that!” Knuckles complained.

“I'm playing Carlotta, the prima donna,” Rouge said, also not approving of her role.

“Hah! It suits you,” Knuckles jeered.

“Oh yeah? Who are you playing?”

The echidna tentatively eyed his own script. “I play Piangi, Carlotta's...what?! Lover?!”

“Ah-hah...” the sumptuous bat gave him a flirty smile and waggled her eyebrows.

“Shut up!” Knuckles snapped.

“I'm playing Firmin, one of the opera house managers,” Robotnik announced. “By the Eggs, I've never heard of a more pompous, idiotic role.”

“Ohhh, how sweet!” Cream exclaimed. “I'm playing Meg Giry, Christine's friend!”

“And I play the other manager, Andre,” Tails said and shuddered. “Just hope Robotnik doesn't trip over and squish me...”

“You see…” the Director began, pacing past all of them. “I carefully mulled over who should be given the roles, and think about it...a story with some sappy love triangle...in this case fan-based, buuuut sound familiar?”

"Yeah, it does make sense...in the bizarre minds of Sonic fans out there,” Rouge dryly admitted. “Just look at all the Sonic/Amy/Shadow romances all these years on the Internet!” She teasingly eyed the pink hedgehog. “You know Amy, I think Shadow has a thing for you.”

“What?” Amy blushed red.

“I do not!” Shadow protested.

“Uh-huh, yeah, who’s the one that choked back up your real memories in Sonic Adventure 2?" Rouge challenged. “Who’s the one that reminds you of your dead friend, Maria? Hmm?”

“That doesn't mean a thing in the video games!” Shadow shot back, getting flustered. “She simply jogged my memory by her words!”

“And I love Sonic, not Shadow,” Amy chimed in.

“See? Deny it all you want. Shadow's dark and mysterious, like Erik. Amy is sweet and innocent like Christine. Sonic now...he's the ordinary boyfriend for Amy, dashing and less dark; the default Hero, like Raoul. So, of course, you all fit the roles.”

Shadow crossed his arms, annoyed. “Whatever.”

“Well, Shadow, you are...kinda cute,” Amy admitted. “I mean, in your own dark way...”

Oh god, she reminds me of Maria...so soft, sweet... the edgy hedgehog thought.

Sonic awoke and lifted his head. “Wha-? Did I miss anything?”

“Arrgghhh!” Knuckles knocked out Sonic again, who blissfully went back to Dreamyland. “Okay...I feel better now.”

Chapter Text

Over in a dressing room backstage, a make-up artist was adding the last layers of rubber and make-up to one side of Shadow The Hedgehog's face. It was truly a ghastly appearance, as the artist meticulously glued on several latex pieces of acid-eaten skin to the dark hedgehog’s cheek; part of the left eyelid was lifted and ‘melted’ into his skin to expose his eyeball, giving him a creepy, wild look.

It will be his full appearance as the hideously deformed Phantom when Christine yanks off his mask during the ‘Point of No Return’ segment. How rude! She didn't even let him finish singing that sappy song to her.

“Well, just a little more eyeliner here, but not so much that you look like Boy George – mmm, some more gray lipstick there to accentuate the rotting flesh look and....viola!”

He abruptly swung the chair Shadow was sitting in to a vanity mirror. “How’s that for a ghoulish freak simping over a dollface 11^th grader?”

Indeed, the Ultimate Life Form found his terrifying visage to be unnerving. “Oh my—"

“Yeah, I know, kinda did a sloppy job. But hey, I'm no Picasso. They'll either love ya or hate ya.”

Shadow exited the room, feeling queasy over his updated Phantom appearance. Hopefully, the stage crew and cast had stronger stomachs. Meanwhile, a group of eager fans surrounded Tails backstage, while he graciously engaged with them and gave out autographs.

“Oh Tails, you're absolutely adorable!” a Light-Core Tails Fan cooed. “You should have more spotlight in the games! I mean, Sega is being so unfair to you. Giving all the spotlight to that spiky blue rat and that cringefest edgelord! Don't even get me started on that weird-looking Jamaican or the hoochie mama bat!”

Tails was used to the fans bashing on his friends, and sometimes defended them. But this time, his ego was particularly being stroked because, well, it was true. He was pushed to the sidelines in the last two decades. He needed an actual epic game on the PS5 or the Switch 2 with kickass play mechanics that wasn’t some dinky, 2D side-scroller. So while he let the pointed insults towards Sonic, Shadow and Rouge slide, the kitsune still felt the need to correct Knuckle’s identity.

“Well, Knuckles isn’t a Jamaican. He’s an echidna, but inspired by the cultural attribu--"

“I have ALL your video games, and movies!” Obsessed Tails Fan butted in. “Hell, I got Tails slippers, Tails soap, Tails toilet paper, Tails cereal, Tails underwear! Now all we need is the Cult of Tails!”

“Nah, more like tattoo discounts and a lowrider skin,” Hard-Core Tails fan chimed in.

“You so cuuuuuuuuuuuuuttteee!!!” Huggy Tails Fan grabbed and squeezed the ever-living crap out of him.

Tails: “ACK!”

Just then, Shadow appeared from a hall with his mangled face.

“AAAAAAAAAHH!!!” All the Tails fans freaked out and scattered away.

The little fox grew puzzled. “Huh? What’s wrong, guys?”  

He turned around and saw Shadow. Letting out a choked cry, Tails turned ghost white and fainted.

At that moment, Rouge and Knuckles appeared from a hallway, just in time to see the poor fox crumple to the ground. Shadow’s back was turned to them, so they hadn’t spotted his monstrous appearance yet.

“Tails?” A concerned Rouge uttered, as both ran over to the unconscious heap. “Are you okay?”

“Alright Shadow, what did you--” Knuckles demanded, glaring up at the hedgehog. “WHOA!”

“Huh? What's wrong?” Rouged looked up as well. “EEEEEEEEEE!!!”

She grabbed hold of Knuckles, scared out of her wits. Alerted to the bat’s screaming, Sonic and the others come rushing onto the scene.

“Eeeeeeee!!!” Cream hid behind Sonic.

“Choooaaaaa!!” Cheese hid behind Cream.

“Shadow, is--is that you?” Amy asked.

“Of course it is!” the irate hedgehog replied.

“Dude, what happened to your face?!” Sonic was aghast.

"This is the disfigured look for my character. It's for the next scene we're shooting...ya know, for the Don Juan musical part?”

Eggman eyed him, impressed. “The make-up department sure did an excellent job in making it look real. It's like your face is melting off from a nuclear fallout.”

Sonic snickered. “Yeah, too good a job. Hey Shadow, you're so damn repulsive-looking, you'd probably scare the zombies or Dracula! Or Medusa! No wait, you'd give them nightmares!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

Shadow’s eyes narrowed.

“I mean, first the Beast in 'Beauty and the Hedgehog', now a butt-ugly phantom thing from beneath a sewer?  So, is that your line of work in Hollywood now? What's it going to be next, 'Hedgehog From The Black Lagoon'?? Or, how about the Shadowstein Monster?!”

Everyone stood there watching while Sonic doubled over, laughing.

“Or how about Quasi-Shadow?! All you need is a hump to your back and a retarded walk! The Hogback of Notre Dam....only instead of being the Ultimate Life Form, you'd be the Ultimate Freak Show! Free admission too!”

Uh oh, it seems our favorite blue mascot pushed Shad's buttons a little too much. A dark energy force suddenly vibrated around Shadow, his eyes flaring bright red and a promised wrath of unbridled rage. He raised up a lethal hand full of crackling power.

“CHAOS SPEAR!”

“HAHAHAHA--huh??” Sonic noticed the oncoming attack “Yow!”

He dodged the deadly spears in the nick of time.

“You will pay dearly for insulting me, faker," Shadow snarled.

“Hey waita minute, Shadow! I was only kidding!”

“CHAOS BLAST!!”

Sonic: O_O

The Blur Blur dashed into a nearby dressing room for cover, but in a shocking twist, the vengeful attack followed him inside. The next moment, a horrid scream could be heard, then a riveting explosion that blew half the room away. The rest of the others braced themselves from the forceful impact, covering their ears or shielding themselves from the flying debris and billowing smoke.

A few blue spikes fluttered to the ground. Rouge was still holding on to Knuckles, while he glared at the place where Sonic's ass got fried.

“Man, what a jerk.”

                                                                                                                    ~ Fin ~