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Eddie wasn’t sure what he expected when he arrived home after the school pickup that day, the day before Halloween, but it certainly wasn’t what he got. The long fold-up table, the one he used especially for hanging wallpaper, that had been in the attic since about a week after he moved in, was currently in the middle of the lounge. He had no idea where the coffee table had gone, and he didn’t want to ask. And on that decorating table there were three almost identical-sized pumpkins, an assortment of carving tools, scoops and knives, a stack of paper, coloured pens, and the massive bowl from the kitchen, which he assumed was to hold the insides once they’d scooped them out. And he didn’t know for sure, but he was sure that Buck had about a million pumpkin recipes stashed in a folder on his laptop, because he wouldn’t want to waste any of it.
“Buck! Are we carving pumpkins?” Christopher yelled as he bounded over to the table. “This is so cool, we did it at school! Can I design my own?” He babbled, grabbing a piece of the paper and two pens. “I have a cool idea, but I’m gonna need my computer to copy it, I’ll do it in my room.” He disappeared almost as quickly as he came, and Buck just smiled, calling back that he’d get the pumpkin ready for carving.
“Come on, Eds, grab a knife and a scoop!” He urged, and rolling his eyes, Eddie walked over to the table, rolled up his sleeves and did as he was told, knowing his life wouldn’t be worth living that evening if he didn’t. “I’ll order takeout, since we’re doing this, and I won’t have time to cook.” Buck said, then pressed a button on his phone. The Ghostbusters theme rang out, and Eddie just knew that his boyfriend had made up a Halloween playlist just for the occasion.
“Are we really doing this?” He muttered under his breath, earning him a nudge in the ribs from Buck’s elbow.
“Yes, yes we are! Now shut up and de-gut your pumpkin!”
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Once the pumpkins were all “de-gutted” (which Buck assured him was a real word. Eddie teased that he was looking it up in the dictionary later), they started to carve. Eddie had found a simple mouse design online, and set to work carving his, while Buck helped Christopher carve the Superman logo into his. Once the two of those were done, Buck started on his own, while Eddie tidied up, being sure to put the pumpkin guts in the fridge, on Buck’s insistence. Then he ordered dinner and sat the two pumpkins at the window, leaving a space on the right-hand side for Buck’s, because obviously Christopher’s was to be in the middle.
After dinner, and after Christopher had gone to bed, the two men lay on the couch, somehow managing to get comfortable, although they didn’t know how. Buck lay on top of Eddie, his head on Eddie’s chest, hair tickling his chin, but he didn’t seem to mind, just lay there watching an episode of SVU that neither of them had seen before. The end credits rolled by in a flash, and Eddie’s eyes flitted towards the window, the three pumpkins glowing with the LED candles inside them. Of course they weren’t going to have real candles, they were firefighters after all. Looking at Buck’s again, he pressed the mute button on the remote, and decided to ask the question that he’d been dying to ask all evening.
“Buck, I don’t know if this is some weird Pennsylvania tradition, or whether you’re just fucking with me, but I have to ask...your pumpkin, uh, why have you put a smaller one inside yours?” Buck glanced up nervously and swallowed the lump that had suddenly appeared in his throat.
“Well, I figured that since we carved three, they were representing some kind of element of us, right?” Eddie nodded thoughtfully. He hadn’t thought of that before, but he guessed that, because they’d designed them themselves, they were uniquely them.
“Right, I guess so, but that still doesn’t explain...” He didn’t get to finish that sentence, as, while he was talking, Buck had grabbed his hand and placed it on his stomach. “Buck, are...are you...are we...?” He stammered, looking down at the man lying on top of him. “But we always used...”
“We didn’t. Our first date.” He gently reminded Eddie, who groaned in recollection. They’d gone out to a restaurant, then to a bar, had gotten way, way too drunk (he blamed the bikini-clad women with the shot trays), gotten home and fallen into bed together. Their first time going further than just using their hands or their mouths, and neither of them had mentioned condoms. Or, if they had, it had obviously been dismissed in their drunk, horny state. But that was just one time, how could that happen...obviously it could, he knew from experience, the eleven-year-old asleep in the room down the hall was testament to that, but still...
Pulling himself up to sit upright, almost knocking Buck to the floor in the process, he stared at the other man, his eyes wide and almost wild. There were so many thoughts running through his head at that moment, and he wasn’t entirely sure what to say, although he certainly wasn’t expecting the words that spilled out of his mouth.
“Funny, Buck, really funny. You almost had me there.” He heard himself say. Because his brain was apparently telling him that it was Halloween, and so this was obviously some kind of weird, fucked up joke. “Gotta say, though, of all the pranks you could have pulled, I didn’t think you’d go for that one. I mean, considering that I’ve been through it all already. That was pretty mean on your part.”
Buck felt his jaw drop slightly as he stared at his boyfriend, who still seemed to be berating him for choosing to do this to him. And he had to agree, if this had been a prank, it would have been a pretty insensitive one.
“Eddie, I...” He tried to interject, but he was still going on. Something about how he’d never seen that side to him, and if someone had put him up to it.
“Eddie, stop!” Buck eventually yelled, surprising himself as well as the man in front of him. But at least it had shocked him into silence. “Look, I don’t know why you think I’d say that as a joke, because you know I wouldn’t. I hate that kind of thing, it’s not funny, it’s just mean. It’s not a prank and I’m not lying. There are currently nine tests in the bathroom bin, all positive. I was convinced after the first three that it was a bad batch or something, so I did three of another brand, then another three of a third brand. And when it got to nine, I realised that they can’t all be wrong...” He said softly, because, after yelling, he didn’t want to wake Christopher up. “I’m as in shock as you are, believe me.”
They stared into each other’s eyes for the longest time before either of them broke the silence between them, and that was only because Buck had reached for Eddie’s hand, and he had pulled it away, as if it was the most disgusting thing in the world.
“You’re really serious?” It was more of a statement than a question, but Buck nodded anyway. “You’re pregnant?” Another nod. “But we’ve only been together three months.” Another nod. “But you haven’t had any symptoms, you haven’t been sick, you...”
“Pains in my abdomen, tiredness, hormonal, snappy, teary, sore nipples...” Buck listed, and Eddie looked down and sighed. He knew every single one of those was true. Buck had been exhausted recently, as if someone zapped the energy from him around lunchtime, and he’d caught him napping at work a few times. The mood swings had been a nightmare too, but he’d put that down to the tiredness. He had snapped at probably everyone in the 118 lately. And, although the man had always been free with his emotions, it had heightened recently. Eddie could swear he caught him crying at a TV commercial last week, although Buck had insisted it was just allergies. “Baby, I...”
“I can’t deal with this right now, I’m sorry.” He whispered, and standing up, he walked over to the front door, pausing to pull on his sneakers, then placed his hands on the car keys hanging above them.
“Eddie, I...don’t do this, please.” Buck felt tears prick his eyes. This wasn’t how he imagined this would go. After all they’d talked about this, about their future together. He thought that Eddie would be happy. OK, it wasn’t ideal, and they hadn’t been dating long, but they’d promised from the start that this was it for them. The last relationship they’d ever have to think about. They were forever.
“I need some space, Buck. I need some time to think.” He didn’t even turn around. Because he knew the expression that would be showing on his boyfriend’s face if he did. One of hurt, of heartbreak, of sadness. Opening the door, he walked out, took his jacket off the back seat of the car, pulled it on and started walking, not sure where he was actually going. He just needed to walk alone.
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If Christopher hadn’t been there, Buck would have gone back to his loft for the night, but he couldn’t. As soon as Eddie had slammed the door, the tears started streaming from his eyes and down his cheeks. Placing his hand on his slightly bloated stomach, he rubbed it gently. He was going to have this baby, with or without Eddie. There was no negating that. He’d figured from the timing, he was around 11 weeks along so far, and that meant his baby was around the size of a fig, according to Google, and had little legs and arms already. Even though he only found out that morning, when Eddie had been at work, he felt extremely protective over his little bump already.
It took around an hour before the realisation came that Eddie wasn’t coming back anytime soon. And his phone was still sitting on the table, so Buck crept through to the bed. Burying his head in Eddie’s pillow, he started to cry again. The smell of coconut shampoo, hair gel and cologne overpowered him, and he took deep breaths, just in case this was the last time he’d smell it. Curling up into a ball, he drifted off into a dreamless sleep, only waking when he felt the familiar body press against his back, a strong arm wrapping around his waist, hand resting on his stomach.
“Sorry.” The muffled voice came from behind him as the head buried itself into his shoulder. “I’m an asshole, I shouldn’t have left.” Buck let out a deep breath and wriggled out from underneath the arm. Moving until he was sitting up in the bed, his back against the headboard, he looked down at the figure beside him. “Buck, baby, please.”
“No, I needed you. I needed you to tell me that it was OK, that we’re in this together. And you left. You just walked out on me. And I get that we didn’t plan this, and you’re probably in shock and scared, but I’m fucking terrified, Eds.” He yelled, this time past caring if he woke Christopher, or the neighbours. “Where did you go? To the bar? Did you have a few beers while I was here, worried that you were going to leave me?” Eddie always went to the bar down the street when he was alone and stressed, Buck had come to find out over the years, it wasn’t a stretch to think that’s where he had been.
Eddie shuffled up the bed, mirroring Buck’s position, not daring to touch him yet. “Hen’s. I walked to Hen’s house.” Buck turned his head and stared at him.
“But that’s like...”
“Five miles, yeah. And another five back. Believe me, I know, I walked it.” He snorted humourlessly. “She yelled at me, called me an absolute asshole, tried to phone you, and when you didn’t answer, she threw me out, telling me not to come back until I’d apologised.” He confessed, shyly sliding his hand across the bed and over Buck’s. To his surprise, he didn’t pull away, just looked down as Eddie slowly curled his fingers between his. “I’m so sorry, and I’m not going to leave, I promise. I just freaked out, and I promise I won’t do it again. I don’t know what else to say, except I love you, I love our baby, who is going to be beautiful, by the way. So long as he or she gets your looks and your brains, we’ll be golden.” Buck sniffed, feeling another tear roll down his cheek.
“Damn hormones!” He cursed, then giggled slightly. “Nah, your eyes and smile. Although if it’s a girl, we’ll need to keep her locked up until she’s at least eighteen.”
“Twenty-one.” Eddie countered, a smile creeping across his face as he rested his free hand on Buck’s stomach, knowing he probably wouldn’t be able to feel anything yet, but willing it anyway. “We’re having a baby.” He whispered, then, not waiting for an answer, he leaned down until he was practically laying his head on Buck’s lap. “Hey baby!” He cooed. “I know you probably can’t hear me yet, but I’m your Papi, and I’m going to talk to you every single day while you’re safe in there. We both love you, and can’t wait to meet you, but you need to stay in there, OK? You’ve got another six or seven months before you can come out. You’ll be the luckiest boy or girl in the world, because you’re gonna have two daddies who love you very much, and the best big brother in the world. Now, I’m gonna go, because daddy needs his sleep, and I think you’ve been tiring him out already.” He smiled, looking up at Buck’s now closed eyes. “Good night, pequeño , I’ll talk to you mañana.”
Pulling himself upright, he shook Buck awake again, telling him to lie down and get comfortable, then, when he did, Eddie snuggled into his back, arm around his waist, hand resting on his stomach, a sleepy smile on his face. They could talk more tomorrow, he thought as he drifted off to sleep, but for now, all he needed was his little family. And he couldn’t ask for a better one.