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“Would you eat me in a survival cannibalism situation?”
“Fucking hell—“ Sol nearly falls off the sofa when Hickey appears in the doorway as if out of thin air. Sol hadn’t even known anyone else was home and it'd grown dark without him noticing, the only light coming from the TV.
“—If we were abandoned somewhere remote, just us, and there was nothing to eat and it became a question of survival…”
“Really?” Sol adjusts himself, clearing his throat. He definitely hadn't jumped at anything.
“Well would you?”
“What.”
“Would you eat me! Cannibalise me,” Hickey slinks downward onto the arm of the sofa, eyes intent.
“Is this a kink thing?”
“No. It’s a hypothetical.”
“Then no. Or I don’t know. Why would I want to do that?”
“Oh.” He says, sounding put out. “I would eat you.”
“What?”
“I’m starving to death Solomon, do you want me to starve to death?”
“Not particularly, but I’d like to be eaten even less than that.”
“I thought you’d take it as a compliment.”
“Because you wouldn’t hesitate to consume my flesh?”
“I’d take it as a compliment. And I didn’t say I wouldn’t hesitate.”
“So you want me to say I’d eat you too.”
“I can’t tell you what you’d do.”
“Sounds like I’d be a bit busy being cannibalised to cannibalise you back.”
“This wouldn’t be happening at the same time, obviously. These are different hypothetical situations.”
“Ok fine: I’ll eat you then. If it’s like that.” Sol says with an expectant look.
But Hickey’s face crumples up and he looks away.
“What now?”
“Didn’t think you’d actually do it.” He mumbles, crossing his arms.
Sol takes a hand to his forehead and sighs. Reaches for the remote to turn the quiet drone of the TV down further.
“I haven’t actually done anything. We’re talking about hypothetical survival cannibalism here. I just said it to cheer—”
“—I’m your best chance at survival. I just think eating me would be a waste because you’d die anyway.”
“My best chance at survival? Last week you nearly died getting out the shower!”
“No I didn’t—”
“— You did, I heard you.”
“Why were you listening to me in the shower? Perv.”
“I wasn’t— And when was the last time you… I don’t know. Put up a tent? Built a fire?”
“Why would I be putting up a tent?”
Which survival skills were you talking about?”
“I said best chance at survival. I’ve survived this long.”
“So have I!”
Hickey scoffs, “It’s not the same.”
Sol brings himself up to a sitting position and tries to level Hickey’s gaze but Hickey’s staring over-intently at the silent TV, feet tucked into a sofa cushion where he’s perched in a way that looks uncomfortable.
“So you really think you’d have a better chance at survival than me? In an emergency situation?”
“Obviously.”
“And because of that you think it makes sense for you to eat me?”
“Yes.”
“You do know I could literally throw you over my shoulder right now.”
“Are you offering?”
“No.”
“I don’t see how that’s relevant then.”
“I don’t know… How would you expect to carry me once you’ve started eating me?”
“Well I’d cut you up. Just take the meaty bits. Would be stupid to carry around an entire corpse,” Hickey shrugs like he’s been asked an asinine question.
“Jesus.”
“You asked.”
“Didn’t know you had it planned in so much detail.”
It’s at this moment that Hickey slides down onto the sofa, conveniently barrelling into Sol’s side.
“Oh no you don’t.” Sol twists his body away, maintaining a gap between them.
“What?”
“You’re not cuddling me after that!”
“I wasn’t cuddling you. I don’t—”
“We’ve been over this.”
“Do I fall asleep on you on the sofa sometimes? Maybe. That’s not the same thing.”
“You tell yourself that.”
Sol watches as Hickey inches his knee over until it’s touching Sol’s leg like he thinks he wont notice. “I just thought it’d be... Nice or whatever to think that… If it came to it, your body was sustaining the body of someone you, y’know, rather than rotting away in the ground, useless.”
“Someone you y’know?”
“Yeah.”
“Useless?”
“You’d already be dead, so. Yeah.”
“Thanks.”
“Do you get it now?”
“Depends… do you want me to eat you or not?”
“Ugh,” Hickey shoves Sol’s side and leaps up. “You don’t get it.”
“That was your original question.”
“And I take it back.”
“I don’t know if I could eat anyone, is the thing.”
“Oh you could,” Hickey waves a dismissive hand, leaning against the door frame. “And you would.”
“You don’t know that—”
“I know you’re not an idiot, I know you wouldn’t waste a last ditch attempt at survival if it was staring you in the face.”
“Ah so I do have survival instincts now.”
“I didn’t say you had none, just less than me.”
“So is your point that I should eat anyone to survive, including you, or is it that I should eat you in particular because of some… fucked up expression of…of…?”
“It’s both, It’s about logic but also sacrifice. On both sides. It’s about it being the last person you’d want to eat, but the person you have to eat, and that person wanting you to eat them because they want you to survive,” Sol can tell he’s completely serious at this point, brow furrowed in thought, eyes dark and focused. He feels something stir deep in his stomach. “That… person being the thing that means you can keep going. Them over anyone else.”
“But only if you’re the one surviving, and I’m the one being eaten. Not the other way around.”
“Well, maybe hypothetically—”
“—This is all hypothetical—”
“—realistically, like I said: I wouldn’t want us both to die. Neither of us want that. But if you did have a chance then… sure.”
“Wow,” Sol shoots him a rye look but Hickey wont meet his eye.
“Don’t get cocky Solomon.”
Because this was all par for the course for them. Hickey pushed him so that he’d push back. His constant battle to be a contrarian.
But this was also as close to a declaration of love, or something, as Hickey had ever given him.
“I thought it was a compliment.” Sol shifts forward to reach for the lamp.
“Don’t—” Hickey says, quick and Sol’s hand stills.
He looks at Sol for a long moment, fingernails tapping against the door where he still leans in shadow.
Sol looks back.
“Coming to bed?” Hickey says, moving off the doorframe. It isn’t really a question.
Sol had already offered himself up to be devoured a long time ago, he realises without remorse.
“Yeah, alright.”