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1.
The young boy dressed in white pushed open the door to the servants’ supply room, a hand on the smooth marble wall as he called out.
“Yuu-chan? Are you here?”
He heard a shuffle, and his face broke into a smile. All he had to do was wait.
After a while, a groan issued from the closet tucked in the back of the room. “Dammit, Mika,” grumbled the dark-haired prince as he opened the door. He wore an outfit of black to match his scowl, and his boots clacked against the floor when he hopped out. “How’d you find me?”
Mika shrugged, as if he hadn’t pulled Yuu out of that same closet at least ten times by now. “You always hide here when you want to skip class.” He clasped his hands behind his back as he sauntered up to his best friend. “Come on now. If Lord Guren finds out that you aren’t attending your lessons, he won’t be pleased.”
Yuu turned his nose up. “That idiot Guren can be pissed off all he wants,” he said, following Mika back down the corridor. “He won’t know if I don’t write home anyway.”
“That’s mean, Yuu-chan.”
“Huh? You know what’s mean? Shipping his twelve-year-old kid off to another kingdom for a full year!” His eyes dropped to his boots. “Dumbass.”
Mika watched the side of his face as they walked, and his heart ached for his friend.
“Yuu-chan, you know he only wants the best for you. And even if it’s in part for the alliance, Sanguinem has the best collection of old artifacts and texts anywhere. It’s important to be aware of our kingdoms’ shared history, you know.”
Yuu cut his eyes at Mika briefly. “Seriously,” he muttered. “You sound like an old man.”
Mika hummed, a grin on his face.
“Besides, it’s not like it’s all on you. I’m coming to your kingdom next year to study too, remember?”
“Whatever.”
Their footsteps echoed loudly in the empty hallway, and suddenly Mika was struck with an irrational sadness. If Yuu was truly suffering here… then…
“If you really don’t want to stay, I can tell Krul for you.” Mika forced a smile. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure she and Lord Guren will understand—”
“No!” shouted Yuu, and Mika jumped. He realised what he’d done, and his face went pale. “I—urgh, I didn’t mean to yell, sorry—”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s—” Yuu pursed his lips. “It’s not that bad.” He looked sideways at Mika again. “Since you’re here.”
The air felt cold in Mika’s lungs as he breathed in hard. Something was pressing against the insides of his chest, warm and sweet and just a little painful.
“I knew it,” he said, not bothering to hide his smile.
Yuu was still looking at him, his cheeks now dusted with pink. “Knew what?”
“I knew you were a nice person.”
Yuu grumbled under his breath, but didn’t fight it.
They reached the room that was being used for lessons. Yuu stopped outside the door, and Mika paused, hand on the handle.
“Thanks,” he said. “For coming after me.”
Mika blinked, surprised by his honesty. Then he smiled, and bumped their shoulders together.
“You can pay me back when it’s my turn. I’ll be sure to act extra sad when I come, so you can comfort me more. Deal?”
Yuu pushed open the door, grinning.
“Deal.”
2.
Birds chirped in the bright sun that cast the entire garden in a warm orange glow. Mika sighed as he sat down on the bench next to Yuu. His katana was propped up on the seat beside his leg; in his lap, his white-gloved hands were curled into fists.
“It’s starting,” Mika said quietly. “Lord Guren sent me to find you.”
Yuu’s jaw tightened, and he stared more aggressively at the ground.
“You should at least be there.”
“I’m not interested.”
“Yuu-chan—”
“I’m not,” repeated Yuu, grabbing Asuramaru and hugging it close to his chest. “What kind of weirdo starts looking for suitors at sixteen?”
“Pretty much everybody. Better safe than sorry, I guess.”
“Safe?” Yuu scoffed, derisive and bitter. “It’s safe to let them decide who I have to spend the rest of my life with just because—”
Mika placed a hand on Yuu’s arm. “You’re the one picking, Yuu-chan.”
Yuu pressed his lips together, turning them white with the force.
“But they pick who I get to pick from, don’t they?”
He shifted his arm, and Mika’s hand slipped off, landing on the tiny space that remained between them on the bench.
When he’d heard about the royal family screening potential candidates to be Yuu’s betrothed, he’d written Krul at once. He’d thought she’d be reluctant to leave Sanguinem’s throne to the likes of Ferid Bathory, but to his surprise, his mother had supported him whole-heartedly: solidifying the already fruitful alliance between their two kingdoms could never be a bad option.
There was only one thing stopping him.
“I just don’t see the point in getting married,” Yuu said. He stretched out sideways on the bench, head landing on Mika’s lap as he closed his eyes against the sun. “Getting an heir isn’t the reason, clearly. I’m not Guren’s kid by blood and you’re not Queen Krul’s by blood either, so what’s the fuss? I don’t need anything else. I don’t need anyone else. Not when I already have…”
He trailed off, and Mika understood him far too well. Yuu flipped on his side, smushing his cheek against Mika’s leg, and he raised his hand to comb through the black hair that stuck out every which way.
“There is a solution.”
Yuu tensed up, looking at Mika out of the corner of his eye. “What?”
Mika met his gaze, and pressed on. “You could pick someone you already know.”
Yuu stared at him for a while longer before looking away. “No way in hell am I picking Akane, Shinoa or Mitsuba,” he said. “You know that.”
“I know. I meant—” Mika swallowed. “What if someone else besides them was there?”
At his words, the entire world seemed to fall silent, waiting for whatever he wished to say next. Yuu turned to look at Mika properly, green eyes wide and slowly filling up with light.
“What if someone else you knew for a long time was also there, and you wouldn’t have to explain anything, because they already understood?”
Yuu drew in a sharp inhale. “Mika… are you saying that… you—”
Mika smiled, tremulous, and patted the back of Yuu’s head. The other teen sat up straight, and he rose from the bench.
“Come on.” His voice felt raw in his throat. “Lord Guren is expecting us.”
He started towards the garden gate, then paused when he didn’t hear footsteps behind him.
Mika frowned, and turned around, heart throbbing painfully in his chest. “Yuu-chan?”
Yuu was standing by the bench, Asuramaru secured at his hip. He was looking directly at Mika, and his gaze felt like a blade of ice cutting straight through him.
“You can do that? I mean—You’d do that for me? For real?”
Mika’s breath caught in his throat. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“I mean…” Yuu’s eyes darted away and back to him. “It’s the rest of your life, Mika.”
Oh. Mika pushed down the painful swell of his feelings in his chest, and went back to Yuu’s side. His best friend watched him all the while, eyes glistening with what he knew were the beginning of tears.
“I know,” said Mika. “That’s why I’m asking.”
In the next moment, Yuu’s face was buried in his shoulder, his body pressed against Mika’s, his arms wrapped around them tightly.
Mika returned the favour, and smiled as he patted Yuu’s head.
“You can’t just say things like that.” Yuu’s voice was muffled against Mika’s shoulder. His body shook with his hiccuping breaths. “Sap.”
“Crybaby.”
A fist thumped weakly against his back. “Shut up.” Yuu withdrew, smearing the tears from under his eyes, and smiled bright and beautiful like a star. “Okay. Let’s go get married, Mika.”
Mika laughed. “We’re not getting married yet, Yuu-chan.”
Yuu’s face went red. “I—I know that! Ugh!” He pouted and stalked off, booting the metal gate open roughly. “I try to be romantic and this is what I get…”
He continued walking, not knowing that this time, it was his turn to leave Mika in the dust.
The sun had returned, and so had the birds with their songs, but all Mika could do was stare at the spot where Yuu had rounded the corner.
I don’t need anyone else when I already have you.
That was his line of thought. It had been ever since they’d met, even if he hadn’t understood it back then. But…
I try to be romantic and this is what I get.
It really didn’t matter to him, whether Yuu felt the same or not. Mika was just doing this to help him.
He shook his head, and jogged after his best friend. He wasn’t going to feed his selfish hopes. He didn’t need anything more.
What he had was enough.
3.
It was far too late in the morning, but Mika couldn’t bring himself to leave the bed. Their bed.
He turned over, pulling the sheets up to his chin as he pressed his face into Yuu’s pillow. The sun was growing steadily in heat, and it would soon be unbearable to remain there for much longer, but for now he would stay like this, breathing in the lingering traces of his scent.
They were married.
It still felt crazy whenever he thought about it.
Mika slid out from under the blankets, and threw on the most comfortable outfit he could find in his wardrobe. He took a towel from the dresser and left their quarters. The servants bowed their heads and murmured greetings as he passed them in the corridors, and he did his best to return them while stifling his yawns.
The training hall was empty save for a familiar crown of dark hair sticking out from behind the weapons rack. Mika closed the door silently behind him and leaned against it, a smile finding its way onto his face.
“You’re up early.”
Yuu jumped, and the rack clattered loudly as he hurried out from behind it.
“Mika!”
Experience told Mika to prepare, so he lifted his arms and angled his face away. Almost immediately after that, Yuu was in his space, flinging his arms around his neck.
Mika sighed, letting himself be crushed into his best friend’s chest. “Nice to see you too,” he said, allowing himself a short laugh. “Now get off me, I just woke up and you’re already sweaty as all hell.”
Yuu peeled himself off Mika with a pout. “Blame Kimizuki for that,” he said. “He doesn’t hold back on anything, especially when it comes to sparring.”
“As expected of the future general,” Mika hummed. He tossed the towel in his hand at Yuu, who caught it easily. “So good morning, I take it?”
Yuu slung the towel around his neck, and they exited the training hall together. “Better now you’re here,” he said with a grin, and Mika shoved him lightly. “Anyway, what’s on the agenda today?”
Mika rolled his eyes, knowing it was just an excuse for Yuu to listen to him talk, and told him anyway.
When they returned to their bedchamber, Yuu headed straight for the bath. Mika left a change of clothes on the table outside, then set about making the bed.
He knew he could just let the servants do it, of course—they already helped change the sheets every week—but it felt like it only made sense that he do it.
It was his and Yuu’s bed, after all.
“Mika!” Yuu’s panicked voice sounded from within the bathroom. “I forgot my—”
“Outside the door,” Mika called. The bathroom door opened and closed in quick succession, and when he looked back, the pile of clothes was gone.
He rearranged the pillows, then sat down on the edge of the bed, staring resolutely out of the window. The sky was a tranquil pale blue, thin clouds stretched over it, and the new recruits were sparring in the courtyard below, the sounds of wooden swords drifting up to them.
He couldn’t do this.
Mika slapped his cheeks and flopped sideways onto the bed. It had been five years since they’d been betrothed, three since they were wedded, and Mika should have gotten used to it by now.
But he hadn’t. Not in the slightest.
It didn’t help that Yuu seemed to have gotten more clingy ever since that day in the garden. Not that Mika would complain—the selfish human part of him would always take what it could get—but it just made it that much harder. Every day his heart would fight to free itself, to chase after Yuu like it longed to, and it was all he could do to loop the chains around it and keep it within the cage of his chest. But he didn’t know how much longer he could—
No. It wasn’t about whether he could do it. He would do it. He had to.
This was about Yuu. Not him. If Yuu was happy, then so was he.
The bathroom door clicked open again, and Mika lifted his head to look over his shoulder.
Yuu’s head popped out the top of his shirt as he pulled it on. He was grinning.
“You’re still tired? Even after you slept in?”
Mika raised an eyebrow. “And you’re not tired? After you woke up early?”
“Hey, I only got up since you seem to like having the entire bed to yourself.”
That made Mika frown. “What do you mean?”
Yuu opened their wardrobe and began digging around in it. “The minute I even begin to get out of bed, you’re already flopping onto my side like it’s yours. I don’t even know how many times you’ve smacked me in the face anymore,” he said, laughing, then stopped at the look on Mika’s face. “Hey, it’s okay, you know. I’ll still love you no matter what.”
“Don’t say things like that,” Mika rasped, hoping the tightness of his throat didn’t show in his hoarse voice.
Yuu’s laughter faded away, and he gave him a soft smile as he resumed his search. “Aha! Found it.” He stepped back from the wardrobe and shut the doors, flinging the white jacket at Mika. “Here you go.”
Mika pulled it on, ignoring Yuu’s eyes on the side of his face. He had to hide it better. Distance himself without Yuu noticing. It was the only way this could possibly go on. Even if it felt like he was ripping a hole through his own chest.
“Let’s go,” he said, and got up from the bed without looking back.
+1.
The candle flame flickered where it stood on the desk, but refused to die. Mika sighed and crossed over to the window, pulling it shut before returning to his seat.
He was the only one left in the library at this time of night; the librarian had retired to her quarters about an hour ago, leaving him to his own devices in the most secluded alcove in the back.
Yuu wasn’t here. He hadn’t been here for about a week—there had been word of unrest in the outskirts, and he’d gone with Guren to settle it.
This is what you wanted, isn’t it? sang the cruel voice in his head.
He’d been pulling away from Yuu as much as he could, holding back whenever Yuu touched him casually, never letting their banter go past more than a few sentences. Yuu seemed to have picked up on what he was doing, and it hurt, seeing him torn between trying to reach out and just letting it be. Deep down he knew it was uncharacteristic of Yuu to just let an issue sit, but by that point Mika had become far too miserable to notice.
He hadn’t wanted this, even if he’d thought it necessary.
But now he wasn’t even sure if that last part was true.
He scanned through the last few sentences of the report before him, then moved it onto the pile of papers that he’d spent the night going through. Mika rested his forehead on the glossy wood of the desk, sighing again. He should go to bed.
The shadows wavered as he stood, gathering the papers in one hand and reaching to pick up the candle with the other.
“Want any help with that?”
Mika froze. He set the stack of documents on the desk again, and holding his breath, turned around.
Yuu smiled at him from where he was leaning against a bookshelf. He’d changed out of his black uniform, and his hair was slightly damp—probably from a bath. Exhaustion was etched into the creases in his face, but the look he gave Mika was warmer than the brightest fire on the coldest night.
“You’re back,” Mika said, disbelieving, then mentally smacked himself. Rude. “I—I thought you and Guren wouldn’t be back for another week—”
Yuu shrugged. “I mean,” he said, and the smile fell off his face as he looked away. “I wanted to see you.”
The air stuck in Mika’s throat, blocking the words from coming out. At least it would have, if he’d been able to find anything to say.
Yuu pushed off of the bookshelf, stepping closer until he was right in front of Mika. “You’re tired,” he said, extending a hand. “Come to bed.”
Mika stared down at his hand. All of a sudden, the room felt like it was roasting him alive.
“I can’t.”
He watched as Yuu’s hand stilled, then fell to his side, curling into a fist in the hem of his shirt. When he spoke, however, there was no anger in it, only desperation.
“Did I do something to you?”
Mika looked up, shocked. “What? No!”
“Then why are you avoiding me?” Yuu took another step forward, and Mika flinched as his back hit the edge of the table behind him. “I’m not dumb, Mika, I know when you don’t want to talk! But I thought—I thought you’d talk to me eventually. But you never did. So I’m asking you now.”
He reached up, and caught Mika’s face in his hands.
“What’s going on?”
Mika breathed out harshly, feeling heat prick at his eyes. “I—It’s nothing.”
“Don’t—fuck, don’t push me away, Mika, please—”
“You don’t love me,” Mika blurted, and his eyes locked with Yuu’s wide, bewildered ones. “Not the way I—” He gritted his teeth, cursing himself as the tears started to fall. “You don’t love me the way I love you.”
He hung his head, staring at the floor, at their feet mere inches apart.
There. I said it. I failed. Are you happy now?
“What—” Yuu sputtered. His hands were still cupping Mika’s cheeks, and he tilted his head back up to look at him. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Mika grabbed Yuu’s wrists and pried them away from him. “You only see me as your best friend, don’t you?” he said. “That’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with it. I just—”
A hand clamped over his mouth, silencing him. Yuu’s face was slowly flooding with horror. “You. You don’t know,” he said, as if in a dream. “You don’t know?”
Mika pulled his hand down, frowning despite himself. “Know what?”
“Are you fucking serious right now?!” Yuu grabbed his face again and tugged him closer, green eyes blazing. “Mika, I’ve loved you since we were kids!”
Just like that, everything crashed to a halt.
Mika gaped at Yuu, at his shoulders rising and falling with his heavy breaths, at his eyes searching his face like it was the only precious thing left in the world.
“What? B-but that day, you said you didn’t see the point in—in getting married—I thought—”
”Shit,” Yuu breathed, and for a moment he looked like a teenage boy again, glaring at the floor with a face full of red. “I only said that because I didn’t want to marry anyone who wasn’t you. But then you pulled that shit with Guren and Krul, so…” He frowned. “Wait, why would you marry me if you thought I didn’t love you?!”
Mika stared up at the ceiling, blinking away the last of the water in his eyes. “I thought I’d be fine with it,” he said, painfully aware of how naive that sounded.
“Well, you clearly weren’t.” Yuu huffed, but his smile gave him away. “Idiot.”
“Hey, you’re an idiot too, assuming we’re in love just because we went and got married.”
“But… we are in love, right?”
Mika blinked at him, and right then, he felt the sheer magnitude of everything hit him in full force. He smiled, unable to help it, and squeezed Yuu’s hand where it rested still on his cheek.
“I guess we are.”
Yuu sighed, the tension melting from his shoulders, and he swiped at his eyes. “Okay, glad we got that out of the way.”
“Only took us, like, a decade to do it.”
“But we’re here now,” said Yuu. He was right, Mika supposed.
“Thanks, Yuu-chan.”
His husband frowned at him quizzically. “What for?”
Mika smiled. “You know,” he said. “For coming after me.”
Yuu’s eyes widened, and then he laughed, loud and incredulous and happy. “You just love being sentimental, don’t you?”
“It’s not my fault you make it so easy.”
They began walking out of the library, towards their room, their bed, hand in hand, side by side.
Against all odds, the tiny candle flame began to burn brighter than ever before.