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Zeb was used to coming back late from the tapcafe. Now that it was just him, Hera, Sabine and Chopper on the ghost, it was easier to slip in unnoticed. Zeb took full advantage of that, not that anyone would have cared what time he came back either way.
Things had been so quiet onboard the ship since Lothal. Sabine was hardly ever around, preferring to spend time on base when she wasn’t with her blood family. Hera hardly left her cabin anymore, and Chopper hardly ever left her side. So that left Zeb full reign of the ship pretty much whenever he wanted it. He never wanted it to be like this.
All those times he had yelled at Ezra for being too loud, or had chased Chopper from the crew quarters for waking him from a nap seemed like a strange dream. The ghosts of the past echoed through the Ghost’s hallways. Zeb would give anything to have his best friend and little brother back. Some part of his mind hoped that this was all just a bad dream, and that one day, he would wake up to Kanan barging into their room, berating Ezra for being late to Jedi practice. He knew it was stupid, but it helped to hold on to the hope sometimes.
For a while, Zeb had simply wanted to leave. The thought had crossed his mind once or twice to hug Hera and Sabine goodbye, and retire to Lira San. Maybe try to start over there, find a partner, and settle down. But every time he saw the dark circles under Hera’s eyes from her late-night crying sessions, he knew he couldn’t leave. It would break her.
He also couldn’t give up when there was still so much to do. He had once told Ezra that by the time he saw him again, they would have defeated the Empire. He planned to keep his promise, even though he likely wouldn’t see Ezra again until after the breath left his lungs.
So Zeb had taken to distractions, which were in great supply on Yavin. His favorite lately had been frequenting the tapcafe on base after long days of work. It had all started out so innocently, him simply craving a beer.
That first night, he had sat alone at the bar. He was only going to stay for one drink. That was, until Rex found him at the bar, inviting him to sit with him and some friends. Still feeling a little lost and downtrodden, Zeb had initially declined. Rex was unrelenting, however.
As he walked over to the table, he made note of who sat around it. Most faces he didnt recognize. However, he did send a nod and smile toward Wolfe and Kallus before sitting heavily in the empty seat in between the two men.
Things had been simple enough that night. A simple beer with some friends. And acquaintances, he supposed. That night, for the first time since he lost his best friend, someone had actually managed to make him smile. And that man was Alexsandr Kallus, of all people.
As time went on, things got more simultaneously easier and more complicated. Going to the tapcafe and sitting with Rex, Kallus, Wolfe, and the rest, became a routine. And every night, Zeb found himself more and more engaged, and felt more alive than he had in ages. Bantering back and forth with Kallus had also found a place in almost all of their conversations. The man eventually coaxed a laugh out of Zeb, after seeing him sulk for months. It wasn’t so much the laugh that made Zeb’s night, but the look on Kallus’s face as he heard the sound.
The feeling in his heart that night was unmistakable. Very simple things brought Zeb joy in this life, especially after Lasan. A good nap. A warm blanket. A meal shared between friends. And now, the way Kallus’s lips quirked up at the corners when he made the lasat laugh.
The more they talked, the more Zeb felt the fire reignite in his chest. He had to secure a safe galaxy for that smile to exist in, long after the empire was gone. He found himself slowly realizing that he would do anything to see that smile.
Of course, that also included not complicating things. Kallus had told Zeb many times that he enjoyed his company and friendship, but never hinted at anything more. And since that was what Kallus was enjoying, Zeb was more than happy and determined to keep him happy. Regardless of if he himself wanted more from their relationship or not.
And that was where Zeb was at when he entered the ghost that evening. He was still beaming, his cheeks warm with alcohol. He rounded the corner to head toward his bunk when he was stopped by Hera standing in the hallway.
“Hera,” he said, half in awe. He hadn’t seen the twi'lek for more than their daily meals in weeks. She had a contemplative look on her face. “What’s… What’s going on?”
She looked up, meeting his gaze. A small smile graced her lips. The small movement made Zeb’s heart sing. “I need to talk to you,” she said before looking back at the ground and heading back into her room, gesturing for him to follow.
As he entered the room, Hera sat heavily on her bed, patting the space beside her. Zeb tried to catch her eyes as he followed the motion, the mattress dipping under his weight as he joined her. “Hera, what’s wrong?”
She looked up at him, a slight smile once again on her lips. “Nothing more than usual. I just needed to talk to you real quick.” Zeb’s curiosity was piqued.
“About what?”
Hera sighed for a moment before looking down at the floor in front of her. “You know, I’ve loved Kanan since before we even found you.” She paused. Zeb let the silence fill the room, knowing she wasn’t done talking.
“I loved him for so long, and I didn’t say the words to him until it was almost too late. I like to think he knew…” she draped her hand across her stomach before continuing. “But I will never forgive myself for not telling him sooner.”
Scooting closer to her, Zeb put an arm around her shoulder. “He knew, Hera. I mean, everyone knew. So Kanan had to know too,” he said quietly, pulling her a little closer in a hug.
“But there will always be that part of me that wonders if he really did. Things could have been so different for us. Things could have been better.” Zeb could hear her fighting back tears as she gripped her stomach gently. He wasn’t sure how to respond to that.
“I’m not sure how to help, Hera,” he said honestly. “You know I would do anything to stop you from hurting, but I’m not sure what to do.”
Sniffling once, she looked over to him. “That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”
There was a moment where he just looked into her eyes. He could almost feel the grief radiating off her. He just nodded, prompting her to continue.
For a moment, their eyes locked. “You have to tell him, Zeb.”
Zeb felt his eyebrows knit together in confusion. Tell who? Tell who, what? “What do you mean?”
That smile graced her lips once again. “I see the way you walk these days. The spring in your step. I’ve seen you recovering. I see how you smile when you come back to the ghost after hanging out with him.”
He supposed he had been a bit too obvious then. “Nothin’ gets past you, does it?” He smiled involuntarily. Despite their little family having been mostly uprooted, he supposed some things never changed.
“Nope. I know everything that happens on this ship.” Hera was smiling more genuinely than Zeb had seen her in months.
Sighing, Zeb quickly reminded himself just why he couldn’t tell Kallus. It wasn’t as simple as Hera was making it out to be. Sure, he was fairly sure of his own feelings at this point, new as they may be, but the last thing he wanted was to scare Kallus away. Zeb wasn’t even sure if Kallus was interested in men at all, nonetheless nonhumans.
“I can hear you overthinking from here,” Hera said, breaking the cycle of his thoughts before it could get away from him. “Overthinking won’t get you anywhere, Zeb. You know that.”
Zeb nodded, knowing she was right. “It just doesn’t feel that simple. What if he doesn’t take it well?” The thought of Kallus distancing himself hurt acutely. He almost didn’t want to risk it.
“Tell me about him,” Hera requested quietly.
There was a moment of silence before Zeb spoke. “Well, he’s… a good friend. He’s been there for me the whole time. Whenever I’m around him, things just feel so normal.” He couldn’t help the small smile light up his face at the next thought. “He makes me laugh again. And his face, when I do laugh, Hera. It could light up the dark side of a moon.” There was another moment. Hera didn’t speak, letting Zeb collect his thoughts. “I didn’t ever really think things would go this far. But I really do like him. I like him enough to protect the friendship we have, you know what I mean?” He looked over to her, hoping to find understanding.
He found more than he was expecting. “If you’re talking about who I think you’re talking about, I don’t think you have much to worry about.”
“What makes you say that?”
Hera looked up at him, one corner of her mouth pulling up in a smirk Zeb hadn’t seen since before the losses. “He risked his life for you. He tried to dismantle the empire from within for you Zeb. Do you not see that?”
Zeb chuckled lightly, looking away from her gaze. “So it was that obvious, then.”
Hera laughed quietly, the sound lighting up the room as Zeb looked back at her. She looked so happy. Zeb would do anything to keep his friend smiling like this. “You weren’t exactly subtle.” There was a moment of silence as the smile slid from her face, leaving her looking content. “But please Zeb. Promise me you won’t make my mistake.”
Zeb shifted on the bed, wrapping both arms around her. He rested his head on top of her lekku as he felt her arms wrap around his back. “I promise.”
~~~~
Zeb hummed slightly as he became aware of his surroundings. Light was streaming into the room, the blanket wrapped around him was warm and soft, and the man in his arms was breathing deeply, still deep in sleep. He knew he should probably get up and start breakfast, but something told him to stay in bed just a little while longer.
He nuzzled his head into Alexsandr’s hair, breathing deep and enjoying the scent of his husband. The man didn’t stir. Zeb didn’t want to wake him, so he continued to hold him, slowly starting to run his hand up and down his arm. He pressed a gentle kiss against the back of the man’s head.
He stayed curled around his husband long after he awoke, simply enjoying his presence. The Lira San sunlight from the window told him it was almost midday when Alex finally did stir. Zeb pressed his lips to the top of his head as he slowly came to consciousness.
Alex tried to look back at him and failed, instead deciding to simply cuddle back closer to Zeb. “Good morning,” he mumbled, voice deeper than normal from sleep.
“Good morning, ni ashkerra.” Zeb once again nuzzled into his hair, drawing a chuckle from Alexsandr’s throat. “What would you like for breakfast today, my love?”
After being silent for a moment, Alex responded quietly. “I’m not exactly hungry yet. Maybe later, Zeb.”
Zeb nodded, having had a feeling that was going to be the answer, as it had been the past few days. It didn’t surprise or worry him anymore. That was just how things were now. “Is there anything you would like to do today?”
Alexsandr thought for a moment in silence. “I think I would like to go outside.”
Smiling, Zeb started to untangle himself from the sheets, before he felt Alexsandr’s hand wrap around his arm. When he looked down at him, the man had turned over. “In a moment. Stay with me for now, Zeb.”
Zeb couldn’t say no to such a request.
After spending a few hours simply existing next to each other in bed, Zeb helped Alexsandr out of bed and out onto their balcony. He watched as the man breathed in the air of Lira San, taking in the beauty of the surrounding forest. After all those months on a star destroyer, or the years more spent on a rebel craft in space, Zeb was sure it was truly nice to simply exist in nature.
Zeb enjoyed watching Alex. He enjoyed his mannerisms, the way he enjoyed simple things, like the wind, and the feel of the sun on his face. And of course, there had always been that smile. That smile that stole his very heart from his chest, and never returned it. Zeb had happily given it, especially after the war.
Things were safe now. They were happy now. He felt a swell of pride that he could give Alex this peace. This security.
They spent their day together. It was another lazy one, neither of them doing any housework or gardening. Lately, all Zeb had wanted to do was to be near Alexsandr, wherever he was. And today, that included a lot of time on the balcony, and simply just existing in each other’s presence quietly. He couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day with his husband.
When the sun began to fall behind the trees outside, Alex was beginning to get tired. Zeb could see it in his form as he looked down at where the man was cuddled up against his side on the couch.
“You ready to go to bed, ni ashkerra?” He asked quietly, not sure if the man had already fallen asleep or not.
There was a quiet hum which Zeb knew to mean yes. He carefully lifted Alex’s tired form off the couch and carried him to their room, carefully setting him down on their bed. As he tucked him under the warm blanket, he knelt in front of him, once again basking in the warmth of his smile.
“Alex?” Zeb asked, a strange feeling in his gut.
Alex didn’t answer with words, simply tilting his head in question.
“You know I love you, right?” His voice broke as he found himself suddenly fighting back tears.
Alexsandr’s hand reached out from under the blanket, landing on Zeb’s cheek as he smiled wider. He wiped away a tear before responding. “Garazeb Orellios, I don’t deserve the kind of love you shower me with. I know in every fiber of my being how much you love me, my dear.” He pulled Zeb’s head forward into a kiss. “And I hope you know how much I love you in return,” he mumbled against his mouth.
Zeb pulled back, tears streaming down his face at this point. He nodded, forcing a smile and looking Alexsandr in the eyes. “I have never been more sure of anything in my life, Alexsandr Orellios.”
And there was that smile again. Warm enough to dry the tears from his face.
When Zeb woke up that next morning, he saw Alexsandr was facing him in bed. His face was peaceful. The lines around his eyes were pronounced, yet beautiful. The years since their collective retirement had been good to Alex. He hardly looked a day over eighty. As the man had aged, the severe imperial agent he had once despised transformed into the beautiful, soft man he now saw lying before him.
As Zeb gazed at him, memories of their time together flooded his brain. The first time Alex had seen Lira San. Introducing him to his people. Their rebellion wedding. The proper wedding they had, once the war had ended. Their domestic life, spending the days fixing up their house, while Alex tended to the garden outside. Late nights at their kitchen table as Alex cheated at sabacc. Inviting Hera, Sabine, Jacen, and eventually Ezra and Ahsoka over for family dinners. They were all memories Zeb knew he would carry with him during whatever time he had left.
But their time together had been more than either of them deserved. He couldn’t thank Hera enough for telling him to admit to Alex how he felt about him back on Yavin. It had all worked out so perfectly, and for so long.
His husband of sixty years lay completely still in front of him. Feeling tears welling up in his throat, Zeb pressed a kiss against his forehead. Alexsandr didn’t stir. Pressing his forehead into his husband’s, Zeb whispered his love for Alex on shaky breaths, praying that through the Ashla, Alexsandr heard, and knew how much Zeb already missed him.