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It had been a pretty slow day at Nelson, Murdock, & Page. There had only been two clients, and they were expecting no more for the rest of the day. Foggy and Karen were chatting at the receptionist’s desk, loosely covering for Valentina while she was out for a family emergency, while Matt was in his office finishing reviewing the meeting notes from earlier.
When Foggy heard the door open, he was expecting an adult coming in with concerns about the landlord they had received several complaints about. What he was not expecting was a vaguely disheveled teenage boy. He had shaggy brown hair, dark circles under his eyes that were too big for someone his age, and several piercings, including three in his nose and one on his eyebrow. His clothes were worn out and too big, and his shoes were distressed beyond repair. He had a skateboard and his backpack was covered in cool pins and patches. In conclusion, this random teenage boy was cooler than teenage Foggy could ever dream of being.
After about thirty awkward seconds of everyone just sort of standing there, the boy spoke up.
“Uh, hi. This is Nelson, Murdock, & Page, right?” he asked with a remarkably strong Queens accent, his hand holding the skateboard gesturing to the door behind him.
“Yes, it is. What can we help you with?” Karen replied politely, trying to make the boy a little less uncomfortable than he seemed.
“I have to, uh, speak with Murdock, about some legal troubles.”
Matt chose that moment to come out of his office, and he very much did not seem surprised at the presence of the teenager. He simply turned to him and said, “Hey, Peter, wh-”
Before Matt could finish his sentence, the boy, Peter, said, “I’m being sued.”
Well. Foggy certainly didn’t expect that. It seemed like Matt didn’t either, judging by the very surprised expression on his face.
“I’m sorry?”
“I’m being sued,” Peter said, very matter-of-factly. His uncomfortable demeanor dissolved the second he saw Matt, and Foggy wondered about the relationship between the two. He knew that Matt had vigilante friends that Foggy didn’t know, but he hoped this kid wasn’t involved in that.
Matt let out a resigned sigh, almost as if he knew this would happen at some point. He looked up at the ceiling, and then back to Peter and asked, “Who is suing you, for what reason are they suing you, and why are you here?”
Foggy also wanted to know these things, and it seemed like Karen did as well. Peter took a breath and started, “Flash Thompson– I’ve told you about him right?” Matt nodded. Just exactly how close were these two? “He’s suing me for property damage and assault.”
Everyone in the room was silent. Foggy and Karen's confusion worsened, now with a layer of concern, about what in God’s name is this kid’s deal. Peter was staring intently at Matt, and Matt just looked disappointed.
“What the shit, Parker.”
Out of everything Matt could have said, that was the last thing Foggy expected. It only left him with more questions. He and Karen were definitely sitting in on this meeting, and Foggy could not wait to figure out what exactly the relationship was between the two.
Before Peter could start talking again, Karen said, “Why don’t we go into the conference room and discuss this? I’m very confused.”
Once they were all settled in the room, the three adults sitting like vaguely respectable adults, and Peter sprawled out comfortably in his chair, like an average teenager being sued for assault. His demeanor was very casual, given the situation, and it worried Foggy.
“So, Peter,” Matt started, “For starters, does May know about all this or will I have to help you tell her?”
‘Is May Peter’s mom and why are she and Matt on a first-name basis?’ Foggy thought.
“Yeah, I called her right away and explained everything. Then she laughed for a solid five minutes and told me to come here and make you deal with it,” he answered, gesturing to Matt.
Before Matt could respond to that and start an argument with a teenager, Foggy said, “Would you please explain the situation to us from the very start? I know Karen and I are confused, and I’m sure Matt is, too.”
“Of course, Mr. Nelson. It’s a long story,” Matt muttered something like, ‘It always is with you’ under his breath, which got an offended look out of Peter. “So yesterday, I was on my way to school. It’s a very long journey, and I didn’t get home until about three in the morning, so I was running on an hour of sleep, a monster mixed with straight black coffee and espresso, and sheer willpower. I get to school and I’m walking through the parking lot like a zombie, when all of a sudden, Flash Thompson yells out to me,” he said ‘Flash Thompson’ the same way Matt says ‘Tony Stark’, so, basically, full of absolute loathing. “He’s driving slowly past me, and mocking me for all the usual stuff– orphan, poor, etc, etc– and I was lacking self-restraint due to no sleep and heavy amounts of caffeine, so I went to push his mirror in, just to piss him off, and ended up ripping it off.
“Immediately, and I mean immediately, after I do that, someone rear-ends him. Which he has decided is my fault, somehow. So he gets out of the car and starts yelling at me, then he pushes me. I acted on instinct and just fuckin’ decked him. And, not like a light punch. I mean, I knocked his fucking lights out. I’m talkin’ badly bruised cheek, broken nose, and actually knocked him out. All from one punch, just like you taught me, Matty,” Peter said this with an extremely proud and excited expression, while ‘Matty’ had taken his glasses off and had his head in his hands.
“So that all happens, I don’t get any punishment from the school because, technically, it was off school property, and before school hours, which Flash and his absolute nightmare parents were not happy about, so the three of them came in today with a letter of intent to sue, which had demands I absolutely could not meet, and then they filed lawsuit against me, so now I’m here,” Peter finished his story, and leaned back in his chair, dropping his hands onto the table.
After all that, nobody knew what to say. Foggy was incapable of forming any words, as he was trying to wrap his mind around what the hell just happened, and Karen seemed like she was going through the same thing. Matt still had his head in his hands, but he was shaking slightly with silent laughter, well, Foggy hoped it was laughter.
There was a minute of silence before Peter started talking again, seemingly (hopefully) to elaborate on why he came here, even though he’s from Queens, (and why he and Matt seemed so close), “You told me to come here if I ever need legal help, and I need legal help. I need you guys to defend me– I mean, both of you would be great, but I’d settle for just you, Matty –because I checked my bank account on the way over here, and it does not look good! I currently have a grand total of $4.13 to my name, and May won’t let me use rent or bills money because ‘it’s not her fault I’m an overpowered moron that doesn’t think before he acts’,”.
Matt was fully laughing out loud at this point, “So, what I’m hearing is that this is going to be the funniest court case any of us have ever been a part of,” Peter nodded. “I say we take it guys, on two conditions. You help us with everything in the case, and fix all the technology in the office.”
“Also, I would like you to explain the relationship between you and Matt, because I am very confused. But, yeah, we’ll take your case,” Foggy added, and Karen nodded in agreement.
Peter lit up, “Bet, let’s fuckin’ go!”
Karen took the initiative, and asked, “So, you and Matt know each other how…?”
“Oh! Yeah, he duct-taped me to a roof,” Peter said like that was a very common situation.
Foggy and Karen whipped their heads around to Matt, who just said, “Peter.”
“What? That’s what happened.”
“Peter, please.”
“Ok, fine,” Peter rolled his eyes, “I’m Spider-Man. Don’t tell anyone.”
Out of everything he could have said, this was the last thing Foggy wanted to hear. He was shocked. He was also mad at Matt, mad that he knowingly let a teenager do all the vigilante nonsense. When he voiced these thoughts, Matt said, “I told him to stop, and he laughed in my face before breaking out of the duct tape and telling me he didn’t respect me nor value my opinion. So I offered to train him instead.”
Peter smiled, “And now here we are: two-thirds of Team Red, the greatest trio in all of New York.”
“Fine, whatever, let’s start on your case,” said Foggy. This had been one of the most fun meetings they’d had, and Foggy decided it was necessary that somebody record the entire court case and put it on DVD.
“Who’s the final member of Team Red?”
“Deadpool.”
“WHAT!?”