Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Beverly?” Deanna touched the taller woman’s shoulder lightly. “Beverly?”

Beverly remained frozen, staring at the marker on the ground in front of them, a white camellia clenched in her hand. “I…I can’t, Deanna.”

“Yes, you can.” She ran her hand down Beverly’s arm to touch the flower. “Go on, let it go.”

“No.” She shook her head, oblivious to the group behind her. “I…If I do, he’ll be gone.”

“He is gone.” Deanna murmured. “Come along now.” Gently she turned Beverly’s hand over and opened it. “Now.” Together they tossed the flower onto the marker, then backed up a few steps as an honor guard approached, a folded flag being carried by the leader.

“Beverly Howard Crusher.” He held out the flag. “It is with honor and our deepest regrets that we present this flag to you on behalf of the Federation and Starfleet. Admiral Jean-Luc Picard was specific in his instructions that you be presented with this, the flag from the ceremony.”

She stared at the man, then accepted the flag, the standard reply coming automatically. “I accept this token on behalf of the family and friends of Admiral Jean-Luc Picard.” They saluted and turned, leaving the memorial site.

“He’s not in there, Deanna.” Beverly whispered as the small group began to disperse. “I couldn’t keep my promise.”

“Your promise?” Deanna linked her arm through Beverly’s as Will Riker joined them.

“I promised…if he, and I was still alive, that I’d make sure he was laid to rest. Peacefully.” She shook her head slowly. “We couldn’t find his body…I couldn’t lay him to rest. He’s not there.”

“Beverly.” Deanna began, only to have Will shake his head at her.

“Beverly, you kept your promise to the best of your abilities. We couldn’t find what was left of his physical being. You can lay his spirit to rest.” He glanced at Deanna, reading the pain in her eyes, a reflection of what was in all of their hearts. “Come on. It’s starting to rain.”

“I want to stay out here for a while longer.” Beverly looked up at him. “I need to. Please, you go on back to the house, I’ll be fine.”

“No. You want to stay, we’ll stay with you.” Taking Deanna’s arm, he led her a short distance away as Beverly slowly sank to her knees, one hand reaching out to touch the simple marker, partially covered in flowers.

“Oh Jean.” Gently, she traced his name on the marker. “I’m sorry…I tried…I…” Shaking her head, she dropped her chin as tears ran down her cheeks.

********

“Have you heard from her since we left?” Will Riker set his glass down and gazed across the table.

“No, and it’s almost been a month. Usually I hear from her every few weeks or so.” Deanna sighed. “I know she stayed on Earth, and took a leave of absence from the Nightingale, leaving the refit up to her senior staff. She hasn’t answered any of my comms. You?”

“Nothing.” He shook her head. “I got a message from headquarters asking if anyone had heard from her. Apparently, she’s not answering anything from them as well.”

“Even about her ship?” Deanna frowned. “That’s not like Beverly.”

“No. Not at all.” Will hesitated. “At least not like the Beverly we knew. And wherever she is, she’s alone.”

“Mmm.” Deanna looked past him at the passing stars. Finally she looked back at him. “Captain, I’d like to submit a formal request for a temporary leave. I’d like to take a shuttle back to Earth…”

“Approved.” He smiled. “How long do you need to get ready?”

“A few hours, I’ll get some sleep on the way.” She rose. “I’ll check in with my staff and let you know.”

Chapter Text

At the sound of the door panel, Beverly rolled over and stared at the wall next to the bed. When it repeated several more times, she sighed and slid off the bed. Striding across the room, she pressed the control. “What?”

“Beverly?” at the voice, she groaned silently. “Beverly, is that you?”

“Merde.” With a sigh, she pressed the control and turned to return to the bedroom. “What do you want Deanna?”

“Bever…” Deanna entered the small apartment and blinked in the dim light before following the other woman back to the other room. “You were in bed? Are you feeling all right?”

“I’m fine.” Pulling the sheet up, she curled up on the bed. “I just didn’t feel like getting up. Is the Enterprise back already?”

“No, I just decided to take leave.” As Deanna continued, she absently began to straighten the room up. “I hadn’t heard from you in a while, so I thought I’d stop in.”

“And check up on me?” Beverly rolled over. “You’ve seen me, I’m fine.”

“Fine?” Deanna raised an eyebrow. “You’re in bed in the middle of the afternoon, the apartment is a mess, and you’ve got who knows how many messages on your personal comm.”

“You could tell that from a quick pass through.” Beverly sighed. “Your powers of observation astound me.”

“Why don’t you get up and we’ll go do some shopping and get something to eat.” Deanna offered.

“I’m tired.” Beverly remained where she was, eyes closed.

“Or, we could just have some tea and a snack?” Deanna disposed of a pile of cups in a disposal and turned back toward the figure on the bed.

“I’m not hungry. Or thirsty.” She sighed. “I’m not feeling like doing anything right now, Deanna. Why don’t you just go on and do something, perhaps we could do something tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Deanna looked around the room. “How long has it been since you’ve been anywhere besides this room?” Beverly shrugged silently and tightened her grip on the sheets around her. “I know it’s been at least a month. Beverly?”

She heaved a sigh. “I don’t know. Don’t care. Just tired. Let me sleep, Deanna.”

Deanna perched on the side of the bed. “Auditioning for Romeo and Juliet are we?”

“Don’t go Counselor on me.” Beverly shook her head slightly. “My First Officer is overseeing the refit, so I don’t need to be monitoring that constantly, I’ve spent most of my life missing out on sleep, I think I’ve more than earned the right to sleep some.”

“Some, yes. Constantly, no.” She nudged Beverly. “Move over.”

“Why?” Beverly frowned.

“Because I’ve had a long trip to get here to see my best friend, and if she’s going to nap, then I’m going to.” She slid down on the bed. “Ahhh.”

“You came all the way back to see me?” Beverly turned her head to look at Deanna’s profile.

“Mmm. That and I had some leave time earned up.” She fell silent for a minute. “Will says hello, by the way.”

“How is he?” Beverly stared at the ceiling.

Deanna shrugged. “Captainly, as you used to say about Jean-Luc.”

Beverly hesitated. “So I did. How’s everyone else?”

“Fine.”

They lay silently for a few minutes before Beverly whispered. “Captainly was the only word I could find to describe him sometimes.”

“It fitted him.” Deanna smiled slightly. “And the way he’d pull his uniform jacket down.”

“The Picard Maneuver.” She sighed. “I used to tease him about it, and sometimes he’d do it just to get a rise out of me. He knew just how to get a reaction out of me.”

“Hmm.” Deanna nodded. “So did he teach you to be captainly?”

“Me?” Beverly turned on her side to stare at Deanna. “No. He told me I had to find my own defining term. Although he did suggest a few.”

“Did he?”

“Yes.” Beverly’s lips twitched. “Some more complimentary than others.”

“He did have a way with words.” Deanna turned to meet Beverly’s gaze. “I miss him. I miss feeling him, actually, I miss feeling both of you.”

“Both of us?”

“When we were all together, I could feel everyone, like an underground river, a constant silent flow. Geordi always inquisitive or enthusiastic about some new discovery, Worf…” She smiled slightly. “Always alert. Will….” Deanna paused. “Will, I know better than anyone. And then there were the two of you. You, so strong and passively aggressive towards life, and the Captain, so strong and secure. Both so secure in yourselves and each other. The two of you were my stability more than you knew.”

“We were?” Beverly sighed. “I didn’t realize…”

“We were family.” Deanna reached out and caught Beverly’s hand. “We still are.”

Beverly remained silent for a long moment before shaking her head. “The night before…The Nightingale was spearheading the medical rescues, you knew that.” Deanna nodded. “And he was along to represent the Federation, to help them gain assistance as needed to recover.”

“It was a massive undertaking, so many of the settlements were damaged or destroyed.” Deanna interjected softly when Beverly paused.

“Massive indeed. We had three ships there doing medical work, and you were scheduled to arrive the next day. Along with all the other traffic in and out of the area.” Beverly shuddered slightly. “A logistical nightmare. I remember the night before you arrived, when I finally got back to my quarters, we’d planned on having dinner together, but I’d missed it by about three hours.”

“A typical occurrence for captains. At least it is for Will.” Deanna nodded.

“And it was for Jean-Luc, and as we were finding, for me as well. So, I thought he would have returned to his quarters on the Nelson.” Beverly sighed. “That’s where he was posted, and although it does seem to be fairly common knowledge that we were in a relationship, we were trying to be discreet. But, he hadn’t left. He was there, waiting for me. I came in, dead tired, and he had just run a bath for me, he gave me a glass of the most wonderful Picard wine I’d ever tasted…and then we went to bed. And slept. Just slept all night long with his arms around me.” She smiled slightly and wrapped her arms around her waist. “It was a beautiful, romantic, safe night. And just to lie there with his arms around me.” Her eyes closed. “If I’d known it was the last time, I don’t know if I would have savored it more, or just not let him leave the next morning…We were prepared for the fact that one of us wouldn’t return one day, but not from a stupid accident.”

“It wasn’t a secure area.” Deanna spoke softly.

“But, it wasn’t a high security risk.” Beverly turned away from Deanna. “It shouldn’t have happened.”

“Death never should. Is that what you mean?” She prodded.

“I’ve seen more death than you ever will, Deanna.” Beverly replied bitterly. “It’s something that must come, will come, always comes…to those who deserve it, and to those that don’t. It doesn’t discriminate, it doesn’t choose. It just comes. Always.” She fell silent, shoulders shaking as she sobbed soundlessly, Deanna finally reaching out and rubbing her back gently until Beverly fell asleep.

Several hours later, Beverly rolled over and sat up, squinting as she tried to see into the next room. There had been a noise… “Deanna?”

“You’re awake.” Deanna appeared in the doorway. “Hungry?”

“Not really…” She replied automatically.

“Then get up and have some tea, and sit with me while I eat.” Deanna turned. “I made myself at home, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Do I have a choice?” Beverly muttered, then slowly sat up. Pulling on a robe, she washed her face, avoiding the mirror, then joined the younger woman. “You’re not going to go away, are you.”

“If you really wanted me to, I would.” Deanna smiled. “Have some tea.” As Beverly obediently took a swallow, Deanna continued. “I went through your comms as well, separated the personal from official ones. Your plants…”

Beverly turned her head slightly. “They need light. You watered them?” Deanna nodded. “Not that it really matters, but they should have some light. I’ll do it later.”

“Very well.” Deanna took a swallow of the soup in front of her. “How much weight have you lost?”

Beverly shrugged. “I needed to lose some. Sitting in a chair puts on pounds.”

“So I’ve told Will.” Deanna laughed softly. “You seem to have gone to the extreme, however.”

Beverly reached up and touched her cheekbone, prominent against her pale skin. “I’ve not been hungry.”

“Hmm.” Deanna took another swallow of soup. “As I asked earlier, Romeo and Juliet?”

“I am not starving myself to death. I can take care of myself.” Beverly glared at Deanna.

“Go look at yourself in the mirror and repeat that.” Deanna raised an eyebrow. “Dare you.”

“I’m fine.” Beverly crossed to the replicator and returned a moment later with a bowl of soup. Defiantly taking a bite, she tilted her head at Deanna. “See, I do too eat.”

“One bite doth not a meal make.” Deanna nodded. “Finish the bowl and I might admit you do eat.”

“Fine.” Beverly sighed and took another bite as the comm sounded.

“Priority one alert.”

At the alarm, one of the few she couldn’t ignore or shut out, Beverly shook her head. “Damn.” Standing, she crossed the room and sat in front of the console. “Com system on.”

“Identification.”

“Crusher, Beverly. Captain of the Nightingale, security code beta rho, voice recognition.” She sat back, arms crossed as the link connected. A moment later, she leaned forward as a message appeared. Reading it, she frowned, then touched the panel. “Message received. Please notify Starfleet we’ll be ready.”

“What is it?” Deanna frowned as Beverly turned to look at her.

“Some sort of emergency. There was a confrontation, I don’t have all the details, but we’re the only medical ship near enough to assist as needed.” She wrapped her arms around her waist and gazed around the room. “Damn…”

“So much for your safe shelter.” Deanna hesitated. “You have to report back immediately?” Beverly nodded slowly. “And your crew?”

“They’ve been notified, I have a good first officer. We leave in three hours, about a week sooner than expected.” She remained where she was. “Deanna…I can’t...what if…” She stared at Deanna. “They’re all depending on me…”

“Beverly.” Deanna crossed to stand in front of her friend and grasped her elbows. “Beverly, you can’t stay here for the rest of your life. You have to get out of these rooms…Jean-Luc would not want you to sit here. He would want you to do what you do best. To help people.”

“I couldn’t help him.” Beverly shuddered. “I couldn’t even find him.”

“Beverly…” Deanna sighed. “How long until you get to where your ship is needed?”

“We leave in three hours…our scheduled arrival time is eighteen hours later.” Beverly stated softly, then shook her head. “I can’t. I’ll have to let Starfleet know I’m not ready. I’m not able to handle it mentally. You of all people should know that.”

“I also know that if you don’t go now, you will never be able to.” Deanna thought for a moment, then nodded. “I’m coming with you.”

“Coming with me?” Beverly’s eyes widened. “You can’t do that. You need to get back to the Enterprise.”

“If it’s a rescue operation, you might need an extra counselor.” Deanna raised an eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure I can get my captain to let me transfer temporarily.”

“But your leave…” Beverly bit her lip nervously, her eyes hopeful.

“Don’t worry about it. Can you handle being yourself with your staff?” Deanna smiled. “And we’ll talk.”

“It’s not really ethical, you should have me removed from duty. You know it and I know it. No, I’ll have to contact Starfleet, Commander Stone will have to take over command, Medical can provide someone to oversee the medical aspects.” Beverly shook her head wearily. “I’m not…I can’t…”

“Beverly, you know more about emergency triage and organization than any other qualified person they have right now.” Frustrated, Deanna whirled and strode across the room, turning to look back at Beverly when she was on the far side. “It’s selfish and totally against who you are to be a coward like this!”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Beverly dropped her arms, eyes wide.

“I’m talking about someone who accepted the responsibility and now is going to hide behind a small personal event to elude that responsibility.” Deanna accused. “Totally selfish. And hiding away from anyone and everyone who might have helped you, cowardice!”

“How dare you!” Beverly strode across the room to tower over Deanna, eyes blazing. “How dare you come back here and accuse me of that! And don’t even begin to hand me the line that I’ve survived it before, I can survive it again! You have no idea of how it feels, of what I’m going through!”

“I don’t?” Deanna stood her ground. “Do you think that you’re the only one who lost something when he died? Yes, you lost your best friend, your lover, your confidant. But others also lost something. A friend, a father figure, a mentor.” She took a step closer to Beverly and gestured toward Beverly. “You are not the only one that suffered from this. We all loved Jean-Luc Picard, we all feel his loss. You are not alone in this unless you choose to be!”

“You don’t understand, Deanna!” Beverly took a deep shuddering breath. “I am alone! I have been through this before, and this time no one needs me. Last time I had to be strong for Wesley. The brave Starfleet widow,” she sneered. “Proud that my husband died while serving, knowing that he made a difference. Unless you have been through that, you have no idea what it’s like. The pity in people’s faces, the empty words. They’re worse than that empty spot next to you at night. ‘And after time goes by, it will get easier’ they’ll say. But they don’t know, they don’t care. You can tell they’re thinking, at least it wasn’t my husband, my wife, my son or daughter…I’ve had to tell too many people about their dead relative or friend, knowing it was killing something within them as well.”

She turned and moved back to the window, and gestured towards it. “And then there are those who are laughing at me. ‘The ice princess gets her own, she only deserves it after being so selective. Too bad it was Admiral Picard, however, he was a good man, perhaps I’ll go comfort the princess.’ And they’ve tried. You wouldn’t believe some of the offers I’ve gotten, and he’s only been gone for two months.”

“Dead.” Deanna interjected softly.

“What?” Beverly glanced at her.

“You said gone. He’s not gone, Beverly. He’s dead.” Deanna crossed the room toward her. “Like Jack. But you got to say goodbye to Jack, to make your peace before you went on living. I know about Jean-Luc taking you to the morgue. About the nightmares it caused. But, you did it. Jean-Luc isn’t any less dead because you couldn’t go see his body in a morgue, and neither are the other people whose bodies couldn’t be recovered. Wesley was your reason to continue with living after Jack. Now, you have to find another reason to go on. To live again. Whether it’s the people you will help as Captain of the Nightingale, or the survivor you will mourn with during a rescue operation because you know what it’s like to survive when those around you die. You have survived again for a reason, Beverly. Now you have to find it. And you’re sure as hell not going to find it by hiding away in a dark room.”

“Well I’m sure as hell not going to find it by doing what I’ve been doing all my life.” Beverly moved to where a row of wilted plants were sitting on a shelf and began pulling off the withered leaves. “I should just give up. Why not? Other people do, but no…I’ve always got to be the strong one. The one who keeps going. Well maybe for once, I don’t want to. What’s Starfleet going to do if I decide I want to return to Caldos and just…be. I’ve more than paid any debt I may have had to society and to the Federation.”

“Well, that would be your right.” Deanna admitted, returning to the table and picking up her glass of wine. Lifting it to the light, she gazed at it thoughtfully. “I can see where it would be tempting to go hide away and just be.” She shrugged and took a swallow. “You may have earned it. Maybe not. But, then again, as you said, perhaps you have paid your dues. Done for others, and now it’s time for Beverly to do what she wants.”

Beverly eyed Deanna suspiciously for a moment, then tossed her handful of dead leaves into the disposal. “Not what I’d expect you to say.”

“Why?” She set the wine glass down and settled back down on the couch, arms crossed.

“What about the guilt, the reasons why I’m needed?” Beverly paced the room.

“I don’t do guilt.” Deanna shrugged. “And I already gave you reasons. You’re of legal age. I can’t force you to do anything, and God knows the only person ever able to win an argument with you is dead.” Beverly paused, then resumed her pacing. “So, what’s the point? I waste my energy, you waste time in contacting Starfleet. Unless this is all an act, and you just want attention.”

“I don’t care about any attention, I just…” Beverly exhaled. “Dammit Deanna, why couldn’t you have just left me alone?”

“You want to be alone? Fine.” Deanna stood and moved to face Beverly. “I’ll leave you alone. Here with your dying plants, in the dark, you can just go back to bed, no one to bother you about eating or drinking. No responsibilities, no concerns, no priorities. Just you, alone in the bed. I’ll let Starfleet know that they’re losing you as a researcher and commander. There’s others that will take up the slack. Should I add your name to the casualty list from Delaxia Five?” With a sniff, she turned away. “No, you’re already there. I’ll add it to the fatalities. Don’t worry about a thing, go on back to bed. You don’t care enough to even try to get better, why should I, or anyone else, bother. You may have been worth it at one point. But you know something Beverly? If doing what you do better than any other doctor I’ve ever known doesn’t matter to you, why should it matter to me. I’ll just go on back to the Enterprise. I’m sure it matters to Jean-Luc that by dying, he’s killed you as well.”

Beverly stared at Deanna, then abruptly crumpled to the ground, sobbing. Deanna hesitated only a moment, then knelt next to her. “Shh…” Wrapping her arms around the sobbing woman, she gently rocked her back and forth. “Beverly, it’s all right…shh…”

“I…I didn’t…I couldn’t keep…” Beverly shook her head. “Deanna…I loved him so much and I don’t think he ever realized…”

“He knew, Beverly.” Deanna soothed, still rocking back and forth slowly. “He knew. And he treasured what the two of you shared.”

“I held him off for so long, I was so stupid. So foolish.” Beverly hiccuped softly. “So stupid. I miss his arms around me, I miss him holding me and telling me he had the same problems in his first command, and telling me his problems. Telling me we were going to be all right. And just holding me. And when we weren’t together, knowing that we would be together soon…” She shook her head again. “And now…never again, I’m so alone, so…scared.”

“You are not alone. You have friends, you’ve been there for us so many times, let us be there for you. And it’s all right to be scared.” Deanna gently stroked Beverly’s hair. “It’s going to take time, but we’re going to be fine. Just fine.”

Chapter Text

“Well?” Deanna watched Beverly move slowly around her quarters on the Nightingale. “Tired?”

“Yes.” Beverly managed a slight smile. “But I need to review some ships records. I did keep track of the refit, from time to time, but I need to know it completely now. And make sure everyone is ready, although Commander Stone and Doctor Selar are doing their usual excellent jobs.”

“I like your staff.” Deanna shrugged. “I’ve enjoyed working with them before, this is going to be a difficult situation, however.”

“I know.” Beverly shuddered. “A slave depot revealed after a rebellion. There’s been very little medical work done, the Terrar is having all it can handle by keeping other raiders out, we’ll be busy.” She paused and smiled slightly at Deanna. “You’ll be able to see what we’re supposed to be able to do.”

“I look forward to it.” She watched Beverly continue to move around the room. “Are you planning on sitting any time soon?”

“What?” Beverly picked up a picture and stared at it. “Oh, yes. Did you want anything to drink?”

“If you’d take the time to look, you’d notice the tea set in front of the couch.” Deanna raised an eyebrow. “Can I pour you a cup?”

“Please.” She moved to sit next to Deanna, still holding onto the picture. “Thank you.”

“What’s that?” Deanna gestured with her cup towards the picture.

“My birthday last year.” She held out the picture for Deanna to look at. “Oriental Express program.”

“You two always wore that era so well.” Deanna smiled as she gazed at the picture of the two of them, laughing, with their arms linked, dressed in period costumes.

“It was a beautiful day.” Beverly sipped her tea, then leaned back against the couch, eyes closed.

“Were you able to spend much time together over the last year?” Deanna curled her legs underneath her as she turned to look at Beverly.

“Here and there.” She sighed. “We managed to meet every other month or so, and we were on the same missions three times, which helped in planning leave time, even though he was only posted here one of those times. I think we treasured the time we had more, because it was so occasional.”

Deanna laughed softly. “It’s still hard to imagine, after all those years on the same ship, you finally do something about your relationship six months before you’re pulled off for your own command.”

“Timing never was one of our strong points.” Beverly managed a weak smile.

“You said something about a promise. That you couldn’t keep?” Deanna broke the silence a few minutes later.

“Oh. That.” Beverly pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around them, resting her chin on her knees.

“That.” Deanna echoed softly. “A promise?”

Beverly sighed and closed her eyes. “It was on one of our leaves, we were on the beach.” A smile touched her lips. “We were lying on a blanket, there was a light breeze, but it was warm out, so we were comfortable. There was a shooting star.” She laughed softly. “Jean-Luc always would come out with the scientific explanation, I always made a wish. Anyway, I rolled over and rested my chin on his chest. Then I told him I couldn’t remember ever being so completely at peace, at rest. We were together.” Opening her eyes, she looked at Deanna. “I made him promise me that if I died, he would bury me somewhere, somewhere I would feel safe and protected, be safe and protected forever. Then I promised him I would do the same. We promised each other that we wouldn’t leave the other somewhere, unprotected.” She looked at the picture and shuddered. “I made him promise, then I couldn’t keep the promise.”

Deanna sat silently for a long moment, then stood and moved to the replicator. Returning with a new pot of tea, she poured a fresh cup and handed it to Beverly. Pouring herself one, she settled back down and tilted her head, looking at a picture on the far wall. “Not your usual style.”

Beverly followed her gaze to the picture, a cliff overlooking an ocean on a stormy day. “Data did it. We were talking one day, about analogies, word pictures. I made a passing reference to my fear of heights and perhaps I was like that about my relationships as well.”

“You were talking to Data about that?” Deanna looked surprised.

“Well, it was while Spot was having kittens, and he was nervous, or at least as nervous as Data could be. I was trying to distract him. And we’d spoken in the past about relationships, parent and child, as well as romantic relationships.” She shook her head. “When we launched, he sent it, along with a note about new experiences being like a cliff we were afraid to approach, something exhilarating, and exciting, as well as terrifying. But, that beyond the horizon, lay a new world of adventures, experiences, something to build upon our past, and to create a future. Much as the sailors of old did, not knowing if they were going over the side of the earth, or not.”

“Interesting.” Deanna mused.

“Indeed. And even though it wasn’t to my personal taste at the time, I found myself growing to love it.” She smiled. “Sometimes when I would began to be overwhelmed, or missing Jean-Luc too much, I would just sit here and look at it, lose myself in it. And when I returned, I’d be refreshed, or have a new perspective. It’s my cliff to overcome.”

“I can see where it would provoke thoughts.” Deanna gazed at the picture for a long while. “Tell me about the last day.”

“The last day?” Blinking, Beverly shook her head, trying to clear it.

“You told me about the night before. Tell me about the last day.” Deanna asked softly.

Beverly took a long swallow of her tea, then set the cup down. “I have a feeling this is going to turn into a long session. I’m going to change out of uniform, if you don’t mind.”

“Your ship.” Deanna smiled. “Go on. I’m going to get some food.”

“No chocolate.” Beverly stood and laughed softly. “Just teasing.”

“Good.” Deanna muttered, a smile on her lips as Beverly left the room. By the time she returned, now clad in a loose sweater and leggings, Deanna had set out a plate with sandwiches and fruit. A small bowl sat next to the fruit, which she defended when Beverly shook her head at it. “I know it’s chocolate, but it doesn’t count if it’s with fruit.”

“You can justify almost anything dealing with chocolate, can’t you.” Laughing, she sank down next to Deanna and picked up a sandwich just as the comm sounded. “Crusher.”

“Captain, you wanted to know when the triage centers were completed?”

“Yes.” Beverly eyed her sandwich and set it down with a sigh. “I’ll be right there.”

“Very good, sir. Bridge out.”

“Come or stay?” Beverly stood. “I’ve got to go check on the triage centers. We’ve done it enough, but, with the new equipment I wanted to make sure.”

“I already caught up on all my comms, and reading.” Deanna stood. “I’ll come along. I need to be familiar with your ship anyway, if I’m to be any help tomorrow.”

“You can reheat the chocolate fondue.” Beverly teased. “Come along.”

“Did your head counselor tell you we went through the Academy together?” Deanna fell in step as they left the apartment.

“Actually yes.” She laughed softly. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about a few things. Something about a certain other cadet being invited to a fake Betazoid wedding?”

Deanna blushed. “He deserved it. And the pictures came out wonderfully.”

“There were pictures?” Beverly’s eyes widened as she led the way into a lift. “Deck five.”

“He didn’t tell you?” Deanna nodded innocently. “Very publishable pictures.”

Beverly rolled her eyes toward the ceiling. “Personal note. Verify any and all invitations to Betazoid weddings from Deanna Troi.”

“I would never do that to you.” Deanna laughed. “Unless you deserved it.”

“Just remember, I know how to contact your mother.” Beverly arched an eyebrow as the lift stopped.

“Not that.” Deanna groaned. “Anything but that.”

“Just remember.” Beverly winked and led the way into a large bay. “This is one of the four bays we use for storage and clear in case of triage needs. Full medical supplies in the storage units on the wall, diagnostic unit connections, connect directly to Sick Bay. I’m going to check on a few things, feel free to wander, ask any questions.”

“Thanks.” Gazing around the large room, Deanna blinked, then moved to inspect one of the diagnostic units.

An hour later, they were returning to Beverly’s quarters. “I had no idea…” Deanna shook her head. “All that cargo and storage space becoming Triage Bays. And you say all the science crew doubles as medical staff?”

“In a pinch, about eighty percent. The other twenty percent are redundant command crew and technical personnel.” Beverly picked up the fondue bowl and plate, and disposed of them, then replicated fresh food. “It meant a lot of additional training for many of the staff, but the chance to be on a new research vessel has been worth the time and energy for them.” Setting the food down, she gestured. “You have indeed earned your fondue, Counselor.” Picking up a sandwich, she settled down. “Actually, I do appreciate having you along, since the Terrar reports that the majority of the victims are children.”

“I still can’t believe there was a slave depot in that sector, and Starfleet didn’t know about it.” Deanna shook her head. “It’s a well traveled sector.”

“Familiar story. Right under their noses, and there was so much other trading going on, that since the base was underground, unless you knew who and what to look for, it wasn’t seen.” Beverly looked at the sandwich, then set it down. Standing, she crossed the room. “The Terrar hasn’t even been able to get down to the lower levels yet, so they can’t give us an accurate number, or even species. So far, everything from Humans to Bajorans, even some Klingon children have been seen.”

“Klingon?” Deanna looked up in surprise as Beverly returned with a bottle and two glasses.

“We’ll have our work cut out for us.” Setting the glasses down, she opened the bottle and poured wine into the glasses. Handing one to Deanna, she sat back down and picked up her sandwich again. “Careful, it’s the real stuff.”

“Impressive.” Taking a sip, Deanna smiled. “Ah. Now. About the last day.”

Beverly wrinkled her nose. “The last day?”

“Don’t be dense on me.” Deanna dipped a strawberry in the chocolate. “You know very well what I’m talking about. And we can talk about it now, or early in the morning, but I want to talk about it.”

Beverly took another bite and chewed it slowly before setting it down and picking up the wine glass. Swirling the glass, she stared down into the liquid. “I was on the bridge, monitoring the exchanges from all three ships, I’d already been down for a few hours, and was planning on going back down later. Suddenly my tactical officer hit the alert, there was a disturbance on the planet’s surface, the remaining administration buildings had just collapsed.”

“How did you know he was there?” Deanna watched Beverly’s face.

“We’d spoken about it at breakfast, he was scheduled for meetings all day.” A smile touched her lips. “He had to wear his dress uniform, he wasn’t very happy about it. He’d do anything to keep from wearing it.”

“That, I remember.” Deanna laughed softly.

“It wasn’t one of his better kept secrets.” Beverly shook her head. “I was on the team that transported down within minutes of the explosion. The rooms where the delegates had been meeting were completely demolished. It was later determined that there were explosive devices set and activated, almost all traces were destroyed. There were only traces of DNA patterns left of all those who’d been in the room. Nothing more. That’s why I couldn’t keep my promise.”

Deanna sat, watching Beverly, remembering all that Beverly hadn’t said. Of Beverly leading the rescue team, managing to organize and coordinate the rescue efforts, of continuing to search even after all others had given up. And of her attempt to lose herself in the needs of her position and responsibilities until the return to Earth for the funeral, several weeks later. “You truly tried, Beverly. You need to put him to rest in your heart. Perhaps not your mind, but your heart. Let him rest.”

Closing her eyes, Beverly let out a soft whimper. “I’ve tried. But I feel so guilty.”

“Why guilty?” Deanna reached out and refilled both glasses. “What could you have done?”

“My ship, our sensors should have detected the explosive devices.” She took a sip of the wine. “Was I so blinded by the focus of the medical mission that I was lax on the security of the delegates?”

“Was he posted to your ship?” Deanna shifted her weight to look at Beverly.

“No. But, we were the focus ship. We were in charge of the mission. I was in charge of the mission.” Beverly shuddered. “I was the reason he died, and not because I was involved in a dangerous mission, or situation, but because I was careless, and I didn’t have my security sweeps done thoroughly enough.”

“Were all three ships running standard sweeps?” Beverly nodded slowly. “And of incoming and outgoing traffic?” Another small nod. “And how many patients was your ship, cancel that, were all three ships dealing with?”

“Twenty seven thousand, five hundred and fifty six.” Staring across the room at the painting they’d been talking about earlier, Beverly let out a soft sigh. “In addition to the two thousand, nineteen that died.”

“So if all ships were doing their part in dealing with a tremendous patient load, as well as with increased traffic in and out of the system, why are you responsible?” Deanna took a sip of her wine.

“Because I was the officer in charge.” Beverly set her glass down and stood. Pacing across the room, she shook her head. “Damn it Deanna, I was in charge. I should have anticipated…”

“On top of everything else.” Deanna raised an eyebrow.

“I should have.” She moved to the viewport.

“And so then, you are responsible for everything that happened.” Deanna watched Beverly.

“For everything. All the death. Jean-Luc’s death.” Beverly stared at the passing stars.

“For the lives. The twenty seven thousand, five hundred and fifty six who lived. Not the two hundred thirteen that died after you arrived.” She moved to join Beverly, and wrapped her arm around the older woman’s waist. “I did my research. Of the two hundred thirteen, most of them were already past help when you arrived. You pulled off an incredible rescue and relief mission, as well as saving over sixty percent of the existing population.” She moved to look into Beverly’s eyes. “Tell me that Jean-Luc would have rather had an innocent child die because your ship was too busy running extensive security sweeps. In an area that had already been deemed by the Nelson as needing only the basic security sweeps. Can you do that?” Beverly stared into Deanna’s eyes, then slowly shook her head.

“But, I still couldn’t keep my promise.”

Deanna sighed. “Beverly, the body is a physical shell. The spirit and memory is what you have to put to rest.”

They stood in silence for a few minutes, then Beverly reached out and touched the viewport. “You know what I think I miss most?”

“No idea.” Deanna smiled. “Breakfast?”

“No.” She sighed. “I miss his eyes. Looking into them and reading what he was feeling. Even if he was calling me onto the carpet, which he did without hesitation if I, um, deserved it.” She paused as the soft snort from Deanna. “Let’s just say I have a higher appreciation now that I’m a captain as well. Appreciation, not agreement. But even when he was…remember the solar shields, and the Ferengi scientist?”

“You mean the time you disobeyed a direct order and did an autopsy, then stole a shuttle?” Deanna laughed out loud this time. “While preparing for a court martial?”

“Um, yes.” Beverly sighed again. “When I returned, he cornered me in Sick Bay, maneuvered me into a private room and yelled at me for five minutes straight, kissed me, then stormed out. Later I got another lecture in his Ready Room, the official one this time. The entire time, the thing that hurt the worst was seeing what was in his eyes. The pain that I had caused by breaking his orders, then nearly dying to prove I was right.”

“Not one of your finer moments.” Deanna agreed, returning to her seat and picking up the wine glass.

“His eyes were just so…compelling. I could always read his love…” Beverly turned. “Not to say he didn’t have an incredible…mind, but…”

“Mind?” Deanna grinned. “Beverly, who was it sitting next to you in the Spa? The one to whom you confided that he was one of the most perfect physical specimens you’d ever seen.”

“I was speaking in a professional sense.” She retorted loftily, striding across the room to pick up her glass. “Really.”

“Very well.” Deanna stood and stretched. “Not having slept all day for the last three weeks, I am going to bed. Should be a long day tomorrow.”

Beverly’s smile disappeared. “So it should.”

“Rescue and medical attention, that’s all you need to concentrate on.” Deanna smiled gently. “Beverly?” She inspected the other woman’s face. “Do try to get some rest, and I’ll see you for breakfast?”

“Seven hundred. I’ve a senior staff at seven thirty, hopefully we’ll be ahead of schedule.” Beverly moved forward and hugged Deanna. “I’ll be all right. Really. Thank you. I wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for you.”

“Hmm.” Deanna shrugged. “Just doing my job. Besides,” she moved toward the door, and grinned over her shoulder. “I’m just afraid if you don’t keep this command, either you’ll come back and continue to beat us all at poker, or Starfleet will send me over here to command this thing.” With an elaborate shudder, she swept through the door as Beverly laughed softly.

*****

“I want the Alpha Teams on the pads and ready to go when we arrive.” Beverly’s gaze swept the room. “Not after we arrive, but when we arrive. Beta Team standing by for the secondary transport, Gamma will be staffing the triage centers on board. Team leaders, you know the drill. Extreme cases initially, then as space allows. Doctor Selar will be with the Alpha team, I will be with the Beta team. Commander Stone will be in command while I am planetside.” She paused and looked to her left. “Counselor?”

A slender man nodded back at her. “Thank you captain. Our counselors are spread so that the majority are in the Alpha and Beta teams. They will be coordinating with the security teams for search and discovery of any…potential patients that would be hidden away. From the early reports, the majority of the slaves are children, ages three to seventeen standard years, and represent…” he glanced at his notes. “At last count nineteen species. We were able to have an additional counseling staff on temporary loan, including twenty three interns from the Academy who will be assisting us. As well, Counselor Deanna Troi has joined us on a temporary basis.” He glanced at Deanna, who nodded in response. “I’ll be leading the Alpha Team, she will be overseeing the Beta team.”

“Very well.” Beverly looked around the room. “We’ll be dealing with a large group of extremely frightened individuals. They are also incredibly courageous. Somehow, they banded together and overcame a large contingent of guards, then contacted a passing Federation vessel on a secure channel. Since then, they’ve been given supplies, and emergency medical care as the Terrar could provide while dealing with various vessels attempting to approach and land illegally. We are to go in, get the former slaves out, and get out ourselves. The Terrar will provide some security cover, but I want all security staff armed, stun setting, and no one is to go off on any solitary missions.” Her gaze swept the room. “Understand? And I want all team leaders to familiarize themselves with the layout of the base.” There were nods all around. “Good. Any questions? Comments?”

The first officer grinned and slowly stood. “Just glad to be getting back to what we’re supposed to be doing.”

“Agreed.” Beverly stood. “Let’s go, arrival in just over two hours.”

“Let’s do it.” Another officer stood as the room slowly emptied, leaving Beverly and Deanna.

“Good staff.” Deanna watched the door close.

“The best.” Beverly smiled. “No offense.”

“None taken. We couldn’t do what yours do.” Her lips twitched. “Just imagining Barclay on a triage team.”

Beverly burst out laughing. When she finally caught her breath she shook her finger at Deanna. “I needed that. But now…”

“Go. I need to get to the Counselors briefing. Scout out the interns.” She turned to leave.

“Best friend or not, we’re a medical ship. I get first dibs!” Beverly waved Deanna out the door, then followed slowly, moving to her Ready Room.

*****

“Selar, report.” Beverly touched her commbadge as she materialized in the base.

“Alpha team has approached the first four levels, we have transported thirty four up, and have no urgent cases at the present.” Selar reported back. “The…residents are coming to us.”

“Good, Beta team, let’s get down and support the Alpha Teams, I want Beta teams one through fifteen to go with me, we’re going to check out the lower levels.” Beverly gestured toward several of her team. “The rest, report down to Selar. I want to know immediately if there are any situations or problems. Let’s go.” Turning, she led teams toward a staircase.

A few minutes later they were below the busier levels, Beverly having directed teams down seemingly deserted corridors, until a door appeared in front of them. “Security?” Stepping aside, she waited as one of the security team members managed to open the lock, then the door. Squinting into the dark, she held up a torch beam and caught her breath. “Merde…I want teams in here now. We also need lights.”

Moving into the black beyond the opening, she heard her orders being relayed as she knelt next to the first body. Scanning it quickly, she read the diagnostic, then pressed a hypo against the neck before straightening the broken legs and splinting them. “Beam out to Nightingale, one being, one meter in from of signal.” As the body disappeared, she moved on to the next body as other team members brushed by her, those entering carrying lights which were set up, illuminating a large cave like room, filled with piles of what looked like rags, some moving in the unexpected light, some not. As the teams worked, Beverly was aware of someone replacing her nearly empty medkit, then moving on to assist another doctor.

Finally, five hours after they’d entered the room, Beverly dropped her tricorder into her stained jacket pocket, stood and stretched the kinks out of her back, scanning the nearly empty room. “How many?” She glanced at a nearby ensign.

He consulted a padd. “We transported one hundred fifty six up to the Nightingale, and another ninety four to level four. There were twenty four fatalities prior to our arrival, none of the ones we’ve transported have died, but there are thirty nine in critical condition.” He looked up at her.

“That’s enough.” She nodded wearily. “Thank you.”

“Captain!” At the call from across the room, Beverly turned. “Over here, another room.”

“How big?” Striding across the room carefully, Beverly pulled her tricorder back out.

“About a third of the size of this one.” The woman who’d called her over backed out of a low door. “We didn’t even see the door until the bodies were removed. I’d say we need five teams in there, looks to be same condition as this room.”

“Let’s go.” Beverly dropped to her hands and knees and led the way in. “Same thing, lights, please.” A torch was passed in behind her and braced against the door frame as the others followed her. “Fan out, you know the….” She froze.

“Captain?” A nurse crawled up next to her. “Captain?”

“Fine. Sorry.” Beverly shook her head. “The scar…” She moved her tricorder up and continued to scan. As the reading registered, she paled. “No…” A whimper escaped her.

“Beverly?” Deanna moved next to her.

“Sorry.” She shuddered. “The reading, he’s human, older, he has a heart the same model as Jean-Luc had…it caught me off guard.”

“Are you all right?” Deanna dropped her voice to a whisper.

“Fine. Tired.” Beverly shook her head and pressed the hypo against the man’s neck, then signaled for a beam out to the ship. Turning to Deanna she smiled weakly. “I know, Counselor. I’m seeing ghosts, more men than Jean-Luc have replacement hearts. This one was lucky, his kept him alive. Barely. I’m tired, all the teams are. Any problems?”

“Apart from hysteria, relief, malnutrition?” Deanna shook her head. “You have a well oiled crew, some stress, but no one who’s letting it overcome their medical training. The counseling staff has their hands full, but a lot of the older children had taken the youngest under their care. The rooms you’ve found down here have had the worst injuries, and most of the adults we’ve recovered. They seemed to be segregated because of age or medical condition. Perhaps for punishment and control.”

“Okay.” She looked around the room and nodded. “Head back on up to assist the Alpha team, we should be done down here in an hour or so, then we’ll be reporting back up to the ship.”

“You’re all right?” Deanna gazed into Beverly’s face.

“I’m the captain. I’ll be fine.” Beverly gestured. “Go on.” She watched as Deanna obeyed, then turned to the next body on the ground.

Three hours later, Beverly was striding through the last of the cargo bay triage centers, stopping occasionally to ask a question, when her combadge sounded. “Crusher here.”

“Captain, can you come up to Observation Lounge Five?” Her first officer’s voice came across the link.

“Be right there. Crusher out.” Standing, she smiled down at the child she’d been talking with. “Let us know if you need anything.” He nodded shyly. A few minutes later, she entered the observation lounge. “Commander Stone?”

“Captain.” He nodded toward the table. “I’d like to present the leaders of the insurrection to you.”

“Ah.” Beverly managed a smile and moved toward the table, where seven teenagers sat nervously. “Welcome aboard the Nightingale.”

One of the girls stared at her for a long moment, then turned to look at the boy next to her. Standing, she moved to face Beverly. “You are Crusher?”

“Beverly Crusher.” She nodded. “I’m the Captain of the ship.”

“I’ve…We’d heard of you.” She whispered, then returned to her seat as the boy next to her spoke up.

“What’s going to happen to us.” He stared at Beverly. “We could survive. Don’t want to go to no prison camp.”

“Prison camp?” Beverly shook her head. “You aren’t going to a prison camp. Once we’ve got everyone on board, we’ll be returning to Earth. From there, you will have the option of returning to your homeworlds, or remaining. Starfleet and the Federation will make every effort to find your families, and if that’s impossible, we’ll find places for you to live.”

“We can take care of ourselves.” Another girl spoke up. “You’ll make us work for you.”

“No. We’ll work together to find places for you.” Beverly glanced around the table. “All of you. But, we’ll need your help. You are the ones who managed the near impossible, of surviving and overcoming…we need to get testimonies from those who are able to, and find out exactly what happened. After you get some rest, and some food. You’re safe now.”

“What if we get attacked on the way there?”

Beverly smiled slightly. “We’ll have another ship in escort, and due to the nature of, um, emergencies that we sometimes find ourselves going into, we also have a few weapons systems available. What we ask is that you encourage and set an example of having everyone remain where they’re assigned.”

“You going to lock us in?” The smallest boy, a Bajoran scowled.

“No. You’ll have plenty of room to roam, however, there’s quite a large number of medical situations we’re dealing with, and it would help us if you’d remain in your assigned areas.” She paused and bit her lip. “Anyone thirsty? Or hungry?” They exchanged silent glances.

“We hadn’t had time to get a meal together yet.” Stone moved forward.

“I need to get back down to the Medical Bays, Commander, if you could see to the testimonies of this group? And a meal?” She smiled. “I’ll check back with you all later? If you have any questions, Commander Stone, or anyone else can contact me.” Beverly paused and reached out and touched the head of the nearest child. “If no one has said it, you are all extremely brave and strong people. All of you.” Her eyes swept the room. “Thank you.”

Stone waited until she’d left the room. “The captain has a personal grudge against slavers, and anyone who causes pain to children. Now. Food anyone?”

Beverly leaned against the wall outside the observation lounge and exhaled softly before closing her eyes, trying to summon a reserve of energy from deep down. She’d just begun to relax when her commbadge sounded again. “What. I mean, Crusher here. Sorry.”

“Beverly, it’s Deanna. I need you in Sick Bay. Now.” Deanna stared at the man on the bed in front of her.

“Give me a minute, I’m on my way.” With a sigh, Beverly closed the channel and wearily moved toward the lift, tugging her jacket off as she went. When she entered Sick Bay, she tossed the ruined jacket into a disposal and grabbed a new one off the pile next to the door. “Where’s Counselor Troi?” She asked a passing nurse.

“Isolation Room…” He thought for a second. “Five.”

“Isolation?” Beverly frowned. “Thank you.” Continuing through Sick Bay, she took the opportunity to check on some of the more severe cases as she went until she approached the room. “Deanna?”

“Beverly.” Deanna stepped outside the door and caught her arm. “Hold on.”

“What’s wrong? Did one of the children have a virus?” She craned her neck to see into the room.

“Beverly.” Deanna physically pulled her around to look in her face. “Look at me. I need your attention for just a minute.”

“Deanna, we have a ship full of injured children and adults that I need to get back to Earth.” She frowned. “I need to know what’s wrong, now.”

“The patient. In the room.” Deanna took a deep breath. “Beverly, you remember the man you sent up, with the replacement heart?”

“Like Jean-Luc’s.” Beverly nodded. “Yes.”

“It isn’t like Jean-Luc’s.” Deanna whispered, waiting for Beverly to comprehend what she wasn’t saying.

“Of course it is, I should know the…” her voice trailed off as her eyes widened.

“I’ve no idea how. He’s alive, but just.” Deanna tightened her grip on Beverly. “Look at me.”

“Jean-Luc’s in there.” Beverly stared past Deanna and into the room. “He’s not dead?”

“No.” Deanna managed a slight smile. “I think I’ll call Data on the odds for this scenario.”

“I need to see him.” Beverly tried to pull away. “Now. I need to see him now.”

“Hold on.” Deanna shook her head. “Look at me. You still have a ship full of people relying on you.” She waited until Beverly stood still. “There were six survivors from the explosions that have been recovered. He’s in the worst condition. You did the prelims, you know what he’s facing.”

“Deanna.” Beverly gazed steadily at the Counselor. “Get out of my way, now. Or I will go through you.”

Deanna smiled slightly. “There you are.” Stepping aside, she watched as Beverly brushed past her and paused, looking back.

“Thank you.” She whispered before continuing to the bed. Picking up the padd next to the bed, she scanned it quickly, then looked at the diagnostic panel above the bed. “He’s resting comfortably?”

“Yes.” The doctor who’d been working on Picard glanced up at her. “He’s got a way to go.”

“I can see.” Beverly nodded, then took a breath. “Can I have a minute alone with him?” The doctor nodded, then silently left the room, closing the door behind her, leaving Beverly alone with Picard.

Reaching out, she gently traced the healing scars on his face, trailing her hand down to rest on his chest before leaning over and pressing her lips against the faint scar over his heart. “Thank you.” She murmured, then turned her head to rest her ear against his chest, listening to the steady beat. Finally lifting her head, she wiped her eyes with one hand and took his hand with the other. “Jean-Luc. We found you.” Pausing, she smiled slightly. “Actually, we weren’t looking for you, but we found you anyway. You’re safe now.” Leaning back over him, she touched his lips with a finger. “I’m going to keep you safe now, I’m not going to let anything else happen to you…until you’re stronger and can handle it.” Her eyes swept his body. “And, that could be quite a while, the way you look.” She smiled again. “If you wanted us to spend more time together, there were easier, and safer ways.” Her smile crumpled as she sank into the chair next to his bed, silently crying as she rested her head against his arm.

“Beverly.” Deanna had entered silently and touched her arm. “Here.” She handed her a square of cloth.

“Thanks.” She wiped her face and looked up. “How do I look?”

“Better.” Deanna looked down at Picard. “He’s there.”

“I know.” Beverly took a breath and stood. “I’ve got to get back to work. I don’t want him left alone.”

“Already taken care of.” Deanna gestured to a child waiting outside. “This is Alexis, she’s been helping the staff since she came up.”

“I had to find something to do.” The girl fidgeted nervously. “I mean, I had the care of the infirmary sometimes when there wasn’t anyone else, so I know kind of what to do, but I couldn’t really help anyone because of my leg…” Her voice trailed off as she focused on Beverly. “You’re the Captain.”

“How come people keep saying that?” Beverly shook her head.

“I didn’t think Captains cared about anything but their ships or making money.” Alexis stared at Beverly.

“Here.” Deanna urged Alexis toward the chair Beverly had been in. “You aren’t supposed to be on your leg for more than a few minutes.”

“Broken?” Beverly glanced down.

“Three places.” Alexis sank down into the chair. “I’m okay though.”

“If you’re sure.” Beverly bit her lip nervously. “I want to know…I mean you need to let one of the doctors in charge know immediately if there’s any change in his condition.”

“Yes, Captain.” The girl nodded quickly.

“Come on, Beverly.” Deanna touched her arm. “Alexis has been told what to watch for, and the doctors will be checking in frequently.”

“Very well.” With a final gentle caress of Picard’s cheek, Beverly turned and strode out of the room. A few minutes later, after checking on some of the other patients, she left Sick Bay and headed for the bridge. Arriving, she nodded at the comm officer. “I want a link to the Terrar, patch it through to my Ready Room.” As he bent to his task, she continued into her office, letting the doors shut behind her. Seating herself behind the desk, she pulled up the most recent files and scanned them before her comm beeped. Touching the control, she smiled at the sight of the Terrar’s captain. “Hello there, Tony.”

“Beverly.” He returned her weary smile. “I hear you’ve been busy.”

“Likewise.” She nodded. “Thanks for keeping all that traffic out.” As she relayed the numbers, he sobered. “And the conditions down there…” She shuddered.

“I went down once with my CMO.” He shook his head. ”Don’t know how beings can treat each other that way. I’ve seen animals in better conditions. Your staff need any relief?”

“You’ve got your hands full. Keep watching our back, that’s what we need. We’ll be able to depart in about three hours, you’re coming as an escort back to Earth?” She paused as he nodded. “Very well. I’ll have the course and time transferred over as soon as we’re ready.”

“We’ll be waiting.”

“Do you expect much trouble?” She inspected his face.

“You’ve got a shipload of slaves we just freed from a depot. What do you think?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Any ideas?” Beverly leaned back in her chair.

“You got all the slaves out? No one left?” When she nodded, he smiled. “Well then. Perhaps a…display of our combined firepower?”

“Wouldn’t want anyone else to move in now, would we.” Beverly nodded thoughtfully. “We’ll run a scan, and as soon as we’re clear…how about right before we leave.”

“Fine.” He nodded. “As I said, we’ll be ready and waiting. Anything else?”

“Actually, yes.” She paused for a moment. “You’ve got the surviving slavers?”

“Tucked away in a high security brig, yes.” Tony shook his head. “With guards.”

“There were some sealed rooms, on the bottom level. We found what were possibly, political prisoners.” She raised an eyebrow. “Adults. Didn’t look as if they were expected to go anywhere any time soon, possibly just left there to disappear unless needed.”

“I’ll see what we can find out. Any idea where they were from?” He pulled a padd close and made a note.

“Some from the Delaxin system.” Beverly hesitated. “I believe some of them are Federation representatives. I’ll send over some information on the ones we’ve identified as soon as I get it.”

“I’ll check into it.” A grin touched his face. “My security chief has been itching to do a formal interrogation, perhaps I’ll let him get started before we return to Earth.”

“And perhaps said interrogation could involve a room with a view of their former abode before we leave.” Beverly nodded. “Thank you, and we’ll be in touch as soon as we’re ready to depart. I’ll have my security officer coordinate the attack with your ship.”

He nodded. “I’ll look forward to hearing back from you soon.”

“Will do. Nightingale out.” Cutting the channel, Beverly stood and moved out to the bridge. “I want a full scan done, any lifeforms. Let me know when it’s complete.” She moved next to her security officer. “We’ll be combining our firepower with the Terrar, complete destruction of the slave base.” At his smile, she nodded. “Right. Contact their security officer to coordinate, if you would.”

“Right away, Captain.” As he replied, she touched his arm, then returned to her office.

Crossing the room, she stared out of the viewport and down at the slave base, then seated herself behind the desk. Reaching out, she ran a finger along the frame of the picture in front of her, then smiled and turned to her console once again.

Chapter Text

Three hours later, she was seated in her chair on the bridge, when Deanna slowly entered. “You’re just in time.” Gesturing to a seat to the side, Beverly gazed at the viewscreen. “Full ship, yellow alert.” As the command went out, she leaned forward. “Let the record show, no life forms remain on the target, three full scans completed. Primary target attack control to the Terrar.”

“Attack?” Deanna looked at Beverly, now sitting comfortably in her chair.

“Mmm.” She nodded and waited for the confirmation. “Very well. Patch a link through.”

“Terrar here.” Their bridge appeared on the screen.

“Captain Tigerre.” She smiled. “You have primary target control.”

“Captain Crusher. Primary control accepted.” He nodded and glanced to the side. “All viewsceens focus on attack coordinates.”

Beverly waited until he looked back at her, then repeated his command. “On your mark, Captain.”

“Very well.” His face disappeared as the slave base appeared. “Stand by….Mark.” Two beams, one from each ship lanced out toward the base.

“Captain, two ships decloaking from behind us.” Beverly’s security officer announced.

“Full shields up, secondary weapons systems standby. Target their primary propulsion and weapons systems. Spilt screen, base and rear vessels.” She glanced at the control on the arm of her chair. “Terrar, we have two visitors.”

“All yours, Nightingale.”

“Confirmed.” Her voice overlapped the security officers.

“Both ships targeting and firing.”

“Brace for impact.” She paused as the ship shuddered. “Open a channel to the ships.”

“Open, shields holding.”

“Unknown vessels firing upon the Nightingale. We are a medical vessel on a mission of mercy.” She glanced at the control on her chair arm again and shook her head. “We ask that you break off immediately, or we will return fire.”

“Surrender your vessel immediately, female.” A snarl came back. “And discontinue your fire upon the base below.”

“Once again, I ask that you break off.” Beverly winced at the reply that came back, both over the audio channel and in the form of another blast to the ship. “Very well. Secondary weapons systems fire.” Without affecting the destruction of the base, two photon torpedos shot out from the rear of the vessel and pierced through the shields of both ships. “Report.”

“Both ships breaking off, weapons systems and propulsion systems off line.”

“Wonder where they got the cloaking devices?” Beverly sighed. “Damn. We don’t have time for this.”

“Terrar to Nightingale.”

“Go ahead.”

“We show full destruction of the base. Do you concur?” The captain asked formally.

Beverly glanced over her shoulder at her security officer, then nodded. “We concur. We also have two ships dead in the water behind us…”

“I’ve got boarding crews there already.” He paused. “Damn, Beverly. Weapons and propulsion?”

She shrugged. “It’s a new system, Tony. We’ve been working on it.”

“Very well.” He sighed. “Our teams are on board and have taken control, minimal confrontations. We’re ready to go when you are.”

“Let’s go home. Nightingale out.” She cut the channel and turned to her navigational officer. “Warp Four.” She looked around the bridge. “Shall we go home then? Engage.” Catching Deanna’s stunned gaze, she turned to face her. “Yes?”

“I thought you…” She shook her head. “You have two complete and separate weapons systems?”

Beverly smiled sweetly. “What, you thought the Enterprise was the only ones who got prototype weapons?”

“But…” She blinked. “Oh my.”

“We detected the two ships about an hour ago, and figured what they were waiting for. Decided to take care of them sooner than later.” Beverly stood. “Stand down from yellow alert, but I want full sensors out, and I need to know anything that seems out of order immediately. I want a senior staff meeting in two hours. Full reports on the status of all patients.”

“Yes, sir.” As the order was relayed, she beckoned to Deanna.

“I’ll be in my Ready Room with Counselor Troi.” Pausing at the door, she looked around the bridge again. “Good job everyone.”

“Well.” Deanna waited until the door closed behind them.

“Surprised?” Raising an eyebrow, Beverly retrieved two cups from the replicator. “Yours is hot chocolate.”

“Thanks.” Taking the cup, she sank down on the couch and waited.

Beverly sipped her tea and sat facing Deanna. “It bothers you that I could just give the command to destroy the base and take out both ships?”

“Not really bothers…” Deanna took a deep breath. “More of a…I don’t know. It’s so different from the way…”

“The way I was when I was Chief Medical Officer, occasionally thrown into command decisions.” Beverly stood and crossed to the fishtank standing across the room, staring at the lionfish swimming lazily inside. “Tony and I decided to destroy the base. Had we not, it would have been reinhabited within the week, more slaves…We removed the opportunity.” She turned to face Deanna. “Secondly, we have over five hundred former slaves on board. A prime market target, with that many in one place. By destroying the base we displayed the firepower that we were capable of. The two ships were unexpected, but not unanticipated.” She returned to her seat on the couch. “My…our primary function is of rescue and medical recovery, secondary is research. But, we have to be able to defend ourselves. I don’t take the offensive unless it’s absolutely necessary.” She smiled coolly. “And you’ll be glad to know that the slavers are being questioned on the Terrar. Tony is aware of the political prisoners we’ve found, and is making that one of his main topics.”

“How are you?” Deanna reached out and touched Beverly’s arm. “When you’re not fighting back?”

Beverly froze and stared at Troi for a long silent moment before taking a deep breath. “I’m not thinking about it. I get hourly updates on all the critical patients.”

“Have you been back down to be with him?”

“I have reports to file, I have to get information off to Starfleet Medical so they can be ready for us.” She gestured weakly.

“Notify Starfleet you’re on the way, you can’t do anything with specific numbers until after the Senior Staff meeting.” Deanna paused. “Go down and see him. Unless you’re afraid.”

“I’m not afraid.” She shook her head. “He would understand…”

“Go.” Deanna stood and smiled. “Alexis could use the break.”

“De.” Beverly’s voice stopped her at the door. “Thank you.”

“I’ll see you later. I’ll be in Triage Bay One if you need me.” Deanna turned and left.

Beverly absently placed both cups into the disposal, then sat at her desk, making notes for her preliminary report to Starfleet. Fifteen minutes later, she strode through the bridge. “I’ll be in Sick Bay, call me if anything changes.”

*****

Jean-Luc Picard slowly opened his eyes and focused on the dim lights above him, the shape and noise of the room vaguely familiar. Turning his head slightly, he caught sight of a glimpse of red resting on the bed, then frowned and moved his hand slightly. At the noise, the red disappeared as a face blinked up at him sleepily. “Bev…” he managed to croak out.

“Stay still.” She ordered softly, then leaned over and picked up a damp cloth. “Don’t try to swallow yet.” Running it along his lips, she smiled, then gently placed a small piece of ice in his mouth. “Let it dissolve, it should make your throat feel better.” As he obeyed, she scanned him, then nodded and stood. “Right back.” Moving to the door, she spoke to someone, then returned. “Did the ice help?”

“Yes.” He took another breath. “Shouldn’t you be on the bridge?”

Her eyes widened in shock, then remembering her first words to him after the crash onto Veridian that had destroyed the Enterprise and put her in intensive care for a week, she burst out laughing before leaning over and kissing him gently. “Let’s say I have more sympathy for your side of the story now.”

“Bon.” He closed his eyes, then reopened them. “The others?”

“Later.” As someone walked into the room, she glanced over. “For now, you need to listen to your doctor, actually my doctor.”

“Which you should do yourself, Captain.” Selar approached the bed. “Admiral.”

“Doctor Selar.” He replied. “How long has she been here?”

“Don’t answer that, Selar.” Beverly smiled smugly. “The Admiral has been relieved of any command duties since we believed him dead. Hence, he can’t give you any orders. Or, come to think of it, he can’t give me any orders either.”

“But I can.” Deanna entered, smiling. “Hello Admiral.”

“The Enterprise is here?” He attempted to smother a yawn.

“Just me.” She stopped next to the bed. “And now, captain. You promised that as soon as he regained consciousness, you’d return to your cabin and get some rest.”

“Beverly. Go.” Picard’s eyes fluttered shut. “Just going to get some sleep.”

“I will send the results of his tests to you as soon as they are complete, Captain.” Selar gestured toward the door.

“But…” With a final look at Picard, Beverly sighed and conceded. “Very well. We should be back at Earth in a few hours. I’ll get some rest and review the files in my Ready Room.” She caught sight of Deanna’s face and shook her head. “I mean my quarters.”

“More like it.” Deanna nodded at Selar. “Thank you.”

A few minutes later, Deanna and Beverly entered Beverly’s quarters, Beverly moving to the console on her desk. “Bridge, put me through to Admiral Jtries, secure link to my quarters.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll patch it through as soon as the link is connected.”

“Tea?” Deanna offered from the replicator.

“Please.” Beverly sank into the chair and rested her head on her hands. When Deanna placed the tea in front of her, she slowly lifted her head, smiling. “He’s alive, Deanna. And he woke up.”

“Yes.” With a smile, Deanna sank down in a chair facing Beverly. “He did. How long a recovery time did Selar recommend?”

“With all the damage that was done?” Her smile faded. “He’ll need medical care for at least the next few months, recovery and rehabilitation. As well as the mental healing, again.” She broke off as a tone sounded, then a face appeared on the console screen. “Admiral.”

“Captain.” He nodded at her. “You requested a secure channel?”

“Yes, sir.” She took a breath. “You’ve seen the preliminary numbers?”

“Yes. We should be ready by the time you dock.” He shook his head. “Incredible what people can do to each other.”

“I agree.” Beverly nodded. “There’s more.”

“More?” He raised an eyebrow. “I’ve also seen the report about the destruction of the base and the two ships the Terrar’s crew is bringing in.”

“It’s about some of the…recovered…” Her voice trailed off. “They were from Delaxia Five.”

“Delaxia Five?” He stared at her. “On top of the planet being practically destroyed, they were taking people from there?”

“Several specific people. We found two lower-level cells, both full of adults. I suspect in addition to the slave market, there was also a secondary market in political slaves. From various colonies, planets as well as Starfleet.”

He stared at her. “Picard?”

“He’s alive.” She smiled wearily. “And recovering. We weren’t sure how much damage was done, but he woke a few minutes ago.”

“Jean-Luc Picard is alive?” A smile spread across his face. “How are you?”

Beverly shook her head. “Unofficially, I feel as if I’m dreaming. Officially, I am delighted and proud to be transporting representatives of many races and ages to Earth, where they will be assisted in their recovery.”

“Right.” He nodded. “Thank you for advance notice. I will want to make preparations for his arrival.”

“Sir, he’s going to be in recovery for several months. As will most of the people we found in the lower levels." She hesitated. “We should be arriving in just over three hours. Some of the more severe cases, I’d like transported to isolation areas immediately.”

“Understood.” He paused. “We have you in dock for three days, then you head back out.”

“Thank you, sir.” Beverly nodded. “Anything else?”

“Actually, yes. A comm from a certain Captain Riker, asking about the whereabouts of his Counselor.” He smiled. “Would you know anything about that?”

Deanna laughed, then circled around behind Beverly and bent over her shoulder. “He knows perfectly well where I am, and when I’ll be back. You can let him know I’ll be back when I’m good and ready.”

“You know, Deanna. Seems as though it’s been a while since I spoke with your mother.” He chuckled. “Perhaps….”

“No!” Deanna held out her hand. “I’ll behave. Really.”

“You better.” He chuckled again. “Just teasing, Deanna. Thanks for being available to assist. I’ll see you both in a few hours.”

“Yes, sir.” Beverly leaned forward and cut the link. “Well.”

“Well.” Deanna returned to her seat and eyed Beverly. After a few minutes of silence, she smiled. “He’s alive, Beverly.”

“I know.” She stared at the screen in front of her. “I…”

“You what?” Deanna prompted softly.

She lifted her eyes to stare at the counselor. “I don’t know. I need to talk with him.”

“As well you should.” Standing, Deanna stretched. “I’m going to go grab a couple of hours of sleep. You should too.”

“Maybe.” Beverly shrugged. “We’ll see.”

“You need it, Beverly. Before you make any rash decisions.” Deanna discarded her empty tea cup. “See you in a few hours.”

“Bye.” Beverly waved absently, then opened another file, losing herself in the preparations for their arrival.

*****

“Hello there.” Beverly swept into the room.

“Humph.” Picard scowled from the bed as she bent and kissed him, then adjusted his pillows. “When do I get out of here?”

Settling herself on the edge of the bed, she smiled and reached for the medical padd next to the bed. “Obviously, you’re feeling well enough to complain.”

“I hate it in here, you know that.” Crossing his arms, he frowned. “Medical people coming in at all times, poking and prodding.”

“Well, aren’t you the grumpy one.” She scanned the padd. “Only been here two days and already threw out a trained counselor, demanded recent reports…”

“No privacy at all.” He reached out and took the padd from her. “Beverly. Look at me.”

Relenting, she reached out and touched his cheek. “Miserable, are you?”

“How well you know me.” He turned his cheek into her light touch and sighed. “How much longer are you here?”

“We ship out tomorrow.” Watching his face, her smile faded. “We were just in for over a month prior to that run and need to get back out.”

“I know.” He lifted his hand and brushed a stray strand of hair back off her face. “You’re wearing it up again.”

“Easier.” Beverly shrugged. “Jean, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

His hand lowered. “What?”

“I wanted to ask you before I went to Medical about it.” She continued her light caress of his cheek. “Because it would affect…how we’ve been. And our relationship.”

“How?” He watched her face.

“We’ve been relatively discreet. So to speak.” She let out a soft laugh. “Not as if everyone didn’t know.”

“Indeed.” Picard shook his head.

“You’re going to need several months to recover, at least one month before you can return to even partial duty. And physical therapy as well as regular sessions with a counselor.” She paused. “With Marie off visiting family, there’s no one here for you to stay with.” Her lips twitched. “To keep you out of trouble, so to speak. I thought you could be transferred to the Nightingale. We’ve got the facilities and the staff. You could have a private room in Sick Bay, or you could stay with me.”

He stared at her for a long moment, then took a deep breath. “So, it’s remain here surrounded by well meaning medical staff, or go with you, as an observer on the Nightingale.”

“The captain might be able to get you bumped up from observer to medical project.” She raised an eyebrow. “I’ve an in with her.”

“What does Starfleet say about my going with you?” He caught her free hand and caressed it.

“I haven’t exactly asked them yet. I wanted to ask you first.” She gazed at their interlocked hands. “I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about being on my ship.”

He absently caressed her hand as he thought. “Doctor Selar would oversee my medical needs?”

“She is my CMO.” Beverly smiled slightly. “Although, I would be available for consult.”

“And my psychological recovery?” He raised an eyebrow.

“I have a well trained staff. And, again, I would be available.” She hesitated. “And of course, if I should need advice, or a sounding board for any command decisions, I would expect a reciprocal ear.”

“Don’t try to make me feel needed.” He chuckled. “I know what happened with the Terrar, and the two attacking ships.”

“Oh.” Beverly shrugged. “We can debate the prime directive over breakfast.”

“Are you bribing me, Captain?” He reached up and gently pulled her head down to his and kissed her gently. “I don’t want to leave you just yet either Beverly.”

“So, you wouldn’t mind if I approached Medical about transferring you?” She smiled.

“If you don’t mind putting up with me.” As she started to stand, he gave her hand a tug, pulling her back. “And Beverly, you know how I hate Sick Bay.”

“I’ll make room for your things.” Standing, she bent and kissed him again. “I’ll be back soon.”

*****

At the savage yell, Beverly shot up in the bed and hit the light panel. “Jean-Luc.” She bent over him. “Jean-Luc, wake…” As he struck out, she rolled off the bed, landing with a shriek. Climbing back to her feet, she caught his arms. “Jean-Luc!”

Panting, he sat up, looking around the room wildly. As his surroundings registered, he choked back a sob. “Beverly?”

“I’m here.” Climbing back onto the bed, she wrapped her arms around him, rocking him gently. “Shh…I’m here, cher.”

“Merde.” He breathed out, finally getting his breath back.

“Be right back.” Beverly gave him a gentle squeeze and slid off the bed. Returning a minute later, she handed him a mug. “Drink.” She ordered gently, then carefully wiped his forehead. “Better?”

“Sorry.” He breathed out, eyes closed. “Cold.”

“I know. Here, pull off your top.” Rapidly, she helped him change into new pajamas. “Can you move to the chair if I help?” He nodded silently, then waited as she moved around the bed, then linked his arms around her neck. “On three. One, two, three.” She winced as she lifted him and helped him move around to sit in the chair next to the bed. Once he was settled, she changed the sheets quickly. “Want to stay up a bit, or go back to bed?”

“Up.” He lifted his head to look at her carefully. “Where’s your medkit?”

“What’s wrong?” Kneeling next to him, she ran her hands along his side. “Where does it hurt?”

“For you, not me.” He caught her chin and lifted it. “I did that, didn’t I.”

“No.” Absently, she lifted her hand to her cheek. “I fell off the bed, you didn’t hit me.” He raised an eyebrow. “Jean, you didn’t. Really.”

Shaking his head, he sighed. “Beverly, get the medkit.” As she obeyed, he waited until she was perched on the bed facing him. “Scan me if you must.”

“I must.” Scanning him quickly, she nodded. “As expected.”

“After two weeks, you’d think I’d be over these nightmares.” Picard frowned. “You haven’t gotten a decent night’s sleep since I arrived.”

She chuckled. “More like since Delaxia Five. But you’d be how surprised how comfortable the couch in my Ready Room is. Of course, if you were still an Admiral on duty, I’d never admit that.”

“Never.” His frown relaxed as he sighed again. “Dammit Beverly…”

“Jean.” Setting her medkit aside, she slid to the floor and knelt next to him as she took his hands. “It’s been two weeks. We both know it will take time.”

“Time. While you must help me in and out of bed, change the bed linens after I wake up in a cold sweat.” He leaned back and closed his eyes. “Time I spend in bed, or in Sick Bay, or on the couch. Thinking…”

“We’ve been through this before, Jean-Luc.” She leaned forward and kissed him. “We weren’t lovers after Wolf 359, or after Gul Madred…and we still got through it. Now, we are. And we’re closer than we’ve ever been. And most importantly, we are together.” He shook his head. “Jean-Luc, look at me.” When he didn’t respond, she squeezed his hands. “Look at me. I love you. I would rather, and I know this from experience, I would much rather have you here, the two of us working through this together, than not have you at all.”

“It’s just so damn frustrating.” He sighed.

“I know, Jean.” Tears burning behind her eyelids, she lowered her head to rest it in his lap. “I know.”

*****

“What are you doing out of bed?” Beverly stopped cold as she entered her quarters. “You were supposed to stay in bed. Resting.”

“I was…getting a cup of tea.” Jean-Luc Picard stood facing her in the middle of the living area.

She continued into the room, eyeing him. “So where’s the tea?”

“I just finished it.” He remained where he was.

Beverly stopped in front of him. “So why is my comm on, and a pile of padds next to it?”

He blinked at her, then sighed. “What did you do? Put a sensor on the comm?”

“Of course.” She smiled innocently. “You’ve done it to me.”

“Damn it Beverly, I do nothing but sleep and rest.” He frowned. “I was just catching up on some correspondence.”

“I don’t doubt it.” With a sigh, she caught his arm. “C’mon, I’m off duty now, I want to change clothes.”

Together they moved back into the bedroom, arms linked together. “You’re early.”

Beverly shrugged. “Not really. You lost track of time.” As he sat on the edge of the bed, she tugged off her jacket and tossed it next to him. “Dinner in? Or are you up to going out?”

“Am I allowed out?” He raised an eyebrow as she entered the closet.

“I might allow it.” Her voice was muffled. “You promise to behave?”

“If I must.” He sighed. “If you want me to.”

“I definitely want that.” She reappeared, clad in a loose collared sweater and slacks. Pausing to kiss him lightly, she continued to the bathing area, unpinning her hair as she went. “It will do you good to have some exercise.”

“Ah. Been reading my medical records again, have you?” Standing, he moved to change clothes.

“Guilty as charged.” Beverly pulled a brush through her hair. “And having conferences.”

“All behind my back.”

“Don’t even try that. You knew I would.” She returned and smiled. “Remember, I promised Starfleet that I’d personally oversee your recuperation if they’d release you onto the Nightingale.”

“And well you have.” Reaching out, he pulled her into his arms, wincing slightly.

“Take it easy.” She wrapped her arms around him. “As incredible as the progress you’ve made in the last two weeks is, you’ve still got a long way to go.”

“I know.” He kissed her gently. “But I am hungry.”

She sighed. “I thought that was my line.”

“Thought I’d beat you to it.” He stepped back and caught her hand. “Shall we, Captain?”

“We shall, Admiral.” Together, they moved out of the room.

Several hours later, they were curled up together on her couch, Beverly lying with her head against his chest as he gently stroked her hair. “Jean?”

“Hmm?” He looked down at her.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” She hesitated.

“You know I hate it when you leave that phrase standing alone.” Picard chuckled softly.

“I know. Sorry.” She took a breath and closed her eyes. “When we thought you were dead. And, I had to arrange everything, and bury you…I mean set the memorial…I couldn’t find…I couldn’t put you to rest, I couldn’t keep my promise.” She shuddered. “And I couldn’t…I just couldn’t…”

“Deanna told me how she found you.” He bent and pressed a kiss on the top of her head. “And some of what she had to do. Beverly, I know you. Better than anyone else does.”

“But I had promised you.” A tear ran down her cheek.

“We promised that we would, if at all possible.” Shifting his weight, he winced slightly.

“What?” She sat up, her hands already running along his ribs. “What happened. Did I hurt you?”

“I’m stiff, Beverly.” He caught her hands. “Stiff. That’s all. Look at me.”

“Are you sure you’re not…”

“Beverly.” At his sharp tone, her eyes flew to his face. “Beverly.” Gently, he wiped the tears off her cheek. “You are an incredibly beautiful, capable, strong woman.”

“No. No, I’m not.” She shook her head. “I shut down, Jean-Luc, I couldn’t go on. Deanna should have removed me from duty. I had no right being in charge of a ship…”

“If Deanna hadn’t been there, I would have agreed.” He gently caressed her cheek. “I’ve spoken with her as well. But she was right. You were the most qualified captain, that was a mission that this ship was designed for. And if you hadn’t gone on that mission, you would have never taken command again. Not because of Starfleet, but because you wouldn’t have. You are human, Beverly, not infallible.”

“Still.” She took a deep breath. “I couldn’t…”

“Beverly. How many times have we held each other because of nightmares?” He held her chin so that she was forced to meet his gaze. “And how many nights have we spent alone with our demons? We both know what it’s like to live through the pain and horror. Alone, and together. I want us to make another promise, all right?” She nodded slightly, choking back a sob. “If one of us ends up alone, we don’t shut down. We go on. We fight the pain with the memories. And we find a friend, Deanna or Will, or someone else. And we let them help us. Promise?”

“I promise.” She nodded slowly.

“Good. You know I know best because I’m older and wiser.” He teased softly.

“Don’t tease, Jean.” Reaching up, she cupped his cheek. “Not just yet. I need to…I just…”

“I need your laughter, Beverly Howard Crusher. Your light.” He bent and kissed her lightly. “I need to feel alive again. To be involved with life. The months that I lived in that arena…the darkness, the pain…the degradation.”

“I’m not light, Jean.” She gazed up at him. “I’m not. I’m scarred, so confused…I get so frightened, I don’t know how to handle…what to do…”

“None of us do, cherie.” He smiled slightly. “For now, we just keep trying to heal our scars. And deal with living. And you need to know I’m always with you. And remember that.”

She managed a weak smile. “Is that an order, Admiral sir?”

“I am officially your commanding officer.” He tapped her nose. “Captain, sir.”

“You’re temporarily removed from duty.” Her smile grew stronger. “So you can’t tell me what to do.”

“Ah, wrong again.” He raised an eyebrow. “I am on partial duty. Evaluating reports.”

“The comm?” She sighed. “Damn. You are my commanding officer after all.”

“Damn right. And for now, Captain, sir.” He pulled her head to his and kissed her deeply. When she moaned softly, he released her. “I am released into your medical care, you know.”

“Ah. Want a physical, sailor?” Beverly slid off the couch and backed toward the bedroom. “I promise to be gentle.”

“Do you now.” With a chuckle, he slowly stood and followed her. “Seems as though I’ve heard that one before.”

“Are you doubting my word?” Standing next to the bed, Beverly pulled her sweater over her head and tossed it to the side before perching on the edge of the bed and kicking her shoes off.

“Now that,“ he moved to face her and leaned over her, his arms on either side of her, effectively trapping her. “That, is something I would never do.” He bent his head and kissed her lightly before pushing her back onto the bed. “That, cherie, I promise you.”