Chapter Text
It was well after twelve in the afternoon which is exact time Zahard would normally get a cup of instant ramen and boil water to cook it, his usually brunch. However when he was doing the normal thing of struggling to turn on the stove he had forgotten that he was a celebrity. One that had agreed on doing a reality show for the band he leads. So when he looked over to grab a bowl he saw a team of camera men, not his typical mid-day audience. He jumped, hit the pot, feel on his back, and as the pot came down with lukewarm water spilling to the floor the pot hit his face.
Hearing the noise the others came rushing in. Lo Po Bia Yasratcha, their bass player. Po Bidau Lyborick Khun, their guitarist, and Kallavan, their drummer and back-up singer. All had different reactions to seeing their lead singer on the floor soaking wet. Kallavan immediately went over to help him. Lyborick pulled out his phone to record while Yasratcha was holding in his laughter. The camera men kept their silence. Zahard thanked Kallavan as the only person to assist him in this situation. He just took the cup of uncooked ramen then put it back in the pantry.
“I’m going back to my room.”
(The camera cuts to black)
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YASRATCHA: I am so glad we agreed to this!
LYBORICK: I am so glad we agreed to this.
KALLAVAN: I am so glad Zahard is fine with this.
ZAHARD: I JUST WANTED MY FOOD?!
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(The camera shows what to be the band signing the contract to do this reality show. It zooms in on Zahard who looks like he is being held at gun point. Wait, what’s that red spot on his head?)
(The scene cuts to their theme song.)
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Lyborick can be seen sitting in the living room writing something down on a notepad. He continues to scribble as Kallavan enters the room. Suddenly the atmosphere changed. Was it sexual tension? Was it murderous intent? Nobody knew. All the producers know is they can’t show either one on national television.
Kallavan just sat to Lyborick on the couch holding his cereal. The other man looked down at his band mate’s cereal of choice. It was none other than the rainbow cheerios. [A.K.A. Froot Loops #NotSponsored] He slowly put his pen and notepad down. He watched as Kallavan ate his breakfast. He picked his pen and notepad back up then stood up and walked a few steps away from him. He cleared his throat.
“[bleep]”
“What did you say?” Kallavan said in utter shock and still with milk in his mouth.
“What did you hear?”
“I’d rather not repeat it.” He said still with milk in his mouth.
“Well then I guess we’ll never know.” He walked away leaving Kallavan confused with milk in his mouth while slightly offended.
Lyborick is seen writing something in his notepad with an ear to ear grin.
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LYBORICK: So what if I called him a [bleep]? I know what I saw he’s a [bleep] [bleep]! I saw [bleep] so I said [bleep] that ain’t bullying?! That’s an astute observation. He is a [bleep].
(Everything goes silent for a minute.)
STAFF: You do know we’ll have to sensor this right?
LYBORICK: I don’t give a [bleep].
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If life really wanted to screw with Zahard it should’ve just screwed him, he hadn’t gotten laid yet so it would’ve been nice, not whatever this was. “Uh…I can explain.” No. No he really couldn’t. Yasratcha was upside down by the toes (How in the headon did he manage that?!)
Apparently a rope was tied around it. He looked like a piñata with horrible hair. “I told you to catch the rat. Not hang yourself by the big toe. I never bought rope to begin with. Where did you get the rope?” He had a million other questions some related, some not. He still wondered why Yasratcha insisted on wearing sneakers in the house with a robe on. Did Zahard confuse him as an intruder because of the outfit. Not at all, that scar on his forehead was also not at all cause by him because he thought he was a stranger. Nope not at all.
“Look okay don’t tell me you never wanted to be a cow boy!” He really wished he misheard that but this was Yasratcha his was talking to. The “Bathroom Incident” spoke for itself. Somewhere in the distance you could hear a squeaky laugh behind the walls.
“That’s your explanation? Where did you get the rope then?” The thing was it wasn’t rope it was more like a thin piece of metal and it wasn’t that long and it had knots in it…wait…WAIT...WAITAFUCKINGMINUTE.
“So you see-” Yasratcha was quickly cut off by a loud ‘THAT SLIMMY HAIRED POINTY TOOTH SHORT LEGGED POOR EXCUSE OF A HUMAN?!!?!’ in a very Lyborick voice.
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YASRATCHA: As I was saying so you see-
LYBORICK: THAT [bleep] TOOK ALL MY GUITAR STRINGS?!
YASRATCHA: I took Lyborick’s guitar strings to make myself a D.I.Y. rope.
(The camera switches over to Zahard not on a confessional chair but facing a wall, head down)
ZAHARD: Why am I friends with these people.
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Yasratcha’s room door swung open
– swung as in it broke in two and fell–
and a very Lyborick looking person (some would even say it was Lyborick) ran up to Yasratcha and started shaking him. Keep in mind that Yasratcha is still very much upside down being held up by guitar strings. Was he in fact turning blue? No, for he was in fact turning purple!
“You sneaky rat! Why would you take my strings?! You have your own, you’re our bass player for the love of headon! Did you think I wouldn’t know you’re the only one that knows how to detach the strings!?”
The very Lyborick looking person continued to shake him left and right. Zahard not wanting to be an accessory to a crime tried to stop the very Lyborick looking person, pulling him back successfully.
They crashed on the floor as Yasratcha finally stopped moving.
“What’s going on?” Kallavan who heard all the noise rushed in to see what was going on.
He saw Zahard and the very Lyborick looking person on the floor with Zahard specifically face first to the floor. He also saw a hanging Yasratcha who was slowly turning white. He stared, taking the scene in. He sighed nonchalantly. (He’s seen weirder things with these motherfuckers)
“I’ll get some scissors.”
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KALLAVAN: If you think this is the worst thing I’ve seen within this house you’re dead wrong. The only reason I haven’t said anything is because they bribe me.
LYBORICK: I need give him like 20 bucks.
YASRATCHA: It’s like paying extra rent…anyway I give him a little stuff animal. We have a system.
ZAHARD: What bribe?
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(It was the next day. The sun was shining bright, the birds were singing, the flowers blooming! What could go wrong?)
“Zahard Jahad! You lying scum!” (The camera quickly shifted to the front door) A blue haired man opened their door and came in screaming. He looked around to be in his late twenties. Very tall granted he was wearing heels.
“Eduan?!” Yes, Khun Eduan. C.E.O. of Mago, face of almost every wine company, and amazing marksman! Was here in casual clothes on a Saturday morning. What an interesting cameo.
“What are you doing here! And what do you mean ‘lying’?!” Zahard was confused. Eduan had told him that he was going to an archery show this Saturday. So why was he here? Well a certain Lyborick looking person might have the answer.
“Lyborick texted me saying you weren’t eating right again! Didn’t I tell you’d die living like that, now you subject your band mates to it?! Here I bought some groceries.” He shoved two plastic bags into Zahard’s arms. Not even looking to see if anything had fallen. However the only thing that did fall was Zahard. Eduan not caring grabbed him by the back of his collar and dragged him to the kitchen.
“You’re going to help me cook. You need to learn one of these days.” As Eduan slowly dragged him. Zahard could be seen mouthing the word ‘traitor’ while Lyborick could be seen mouthing the words ‘long live the king.’
(I think I’ve seen this movie before…)
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LYBORICK: Haters will say I snitched on him because I’m petty he stopped me from killing Yasratcha and they would be right. But my fans know this was actually a group effort.
YASRATCHA: Look I love Zahard okay. Would go to hell and back for him but a man can only eat take out so many times.
KALLAVAN: I swear the next time I see a paper bag I’m fighting it.
LYBORICK: Actually Eduan has visited us a few times before and each time he brought something he cooked and when I tell you my soul healed.
KALLAVAN: We need to eat a proper meal however…
YASRATCHA: None of us know how to cook and I don’t think instant noodles count.
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While the two were cooking. The alliance was discussing.
“So what the [bleep] do we do if he snipes us?” Lyborick pulled out his notepad and a pen. He scribbled something for a second before showing them. They both slowly nodded their heads.
(One word was written on it in red ink: RUN)
Soon enough Eduan and Zahard came out with the food. One covered in sauce and spices and the other spotless (can you guess which is which?)
“You guys should get some drinks from the fridge!” They did as the two placed the food down. To say they cried tears of joy is an understatement. People would say they were being dramatic but eating take out for eight months does something to a person.
‘Finally some good fucking food’
- Gordon Ramsey
It was just some salad and tacos but headon was it good. Even though he was very much not admit it Zahard was also thankful because if he ate another pack of ramen he might’ve tried to fight god. Though they tried to hide their absolute hunger and acted proper. Their surprise but not really surprise visitor was also eating with them making small chat.
“Uh so what’s with the cameras?” He pointed to the camera men behind him who were taking every possible angle known to man.
“Reality show.” They all said in unison like robots…it was creepy.
“Right. Why did you sign I thought you guys like keeping things private.” They all smiled in unison.
“We can’t say nondisclosure agreement.” Again they said in unison. Eduan was starting to get a little suspicious but he had this feeling like he should pry.
“Anyway how about you? It’s been so long since you visited.” Yasratcha asked being the talkative one. He sounded like a grandpa with children who don’t love him and never visit.
“Oh! Well my brother got married. His husband may or may not be a wanted criminal and in the mafia but you know whatever makes him happy-” As he went on Zahard was staring at him while in turn his band mates were side eyeing him.
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KALLAVAN: Really? In front of my salad.
(He took a bite and turned to the staff)
KALLAVAN: Hmn! You want some?
LYBORICK: His crush on him is very much not obvious because that man cannot express his feeling to save his life. You’d think our leader would be confident and upfront but he would rather die than admit what he’s feeling.
YASRATCHA: I think it’s his mommy issues – No! His daddy issues – No! Wait both. Either way he has issues.
ZAHARD: …No comment.
LYBORICK: See?
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As they finished eating Eduan left telling them to learn how to cook so they wouldn’t die.
“You guys should learn I can’t keep cooking for you.” He said sarcastically.
“Hahaha Yeah yeah safe travels.” Zahard closed the door and awaited a good minute so Eduan would be out of hearing range. Then he turned to his soon-be-dead friends.
“You mother[bleep].”
“Scatter!”