Work Text:
4:50.
It's a cold morning today. The wind gets under your clothes and the frosty winter air settles on your skin, making you shiver to the bone. But Rin doesn't complain. He wraps himself in a warm scarf tighter, pulling it up to his nose, and hides his chilled hands in his coat pockets. The air is fresh, fills the lungs with cold, burning the throat. Rin doesn't mind.
The sea waves are noisy, beating against the pier, and Rin watches, watches, listens with fascination.
Rin is empty. No anger, no longing, no sadness, resentment, hatred. Rin finally feels free, calm.
Rin has decided everything. He did everything he could. He will always be second. He will always do not do enough. He will never be on a par with Sae. He will always be after. Rin tried. Really tried. He devoted his whole life to this, spent all his time, all his strength, exhausted himself to be at least on the same level with Itoshi Sae. But that was never enough. Rin was tired. Rin wants peace.
Mom will probably cry. But Rin is sure she will understand. Even if not, it seems to Rin that she will not grieve for long. Sae was always in the first place with his father and mom. Rin wants to disappear. Rin wants no one to remember him after that, because he will always be known as Itoshi Sae's younger brother.
The sky is beautiful. The firmament from bright peach smoothly turns into soft blue. Lovely. Rin looks amazed and even feels a slight joy. This beauty will be the last thing he sees.
The sound of the waves is soothing. Beckons, calls for him and Rin agrees. He is not afraid of death. After death, he will finally find the peace he desires and this brings him a sense of relief. Finally, freedom.
Rin takes out his phone and looks at the time.
5:00.
He left at exactly four in the morning. I watched my favorite horror movies until the morning, tried several horror games that I hadn't gotten his hands on before, then gathered quietly and left the house. He reached the very small shop where Sae used to buy them ice cream with his pocket money, and bought one. Rin got a losing one.
He just chuckled to himself. Perhaps it's a sign, he thought, laying her down next to him.
5:05.
Rin logged into the only messenger he usually uses and flipped through the chats a bit. Sae. The correspondence was deleted for two long ago, and Rin threw it into the block, right after that day.
To be honest, Rin doesn't really want to write to him. But he wants to apologize. For disappointing him. For not being able to reach his level. For being an eyesore in the role of annoying little brother.
After opening the chat, Rin hesitated a little, but he started typing everything.
"I know I'm bothering you, but this will be the last time. I would like to apologize.
I'm sorry I've been boring you all this time. I'm sorry I bothered you all the time. I'm sorry you had to waste your time on me, your annoying little brother, instead of doing something more important. I know you may hate me, but this will be the last time I bother you.
I'm sorry, Nii-chan. Goodbye, and I hope that in the next life, I may be able to reach the level that you have achieved. I love you, Nii-chan. I'm sorry for all the problems I caused."
The final one, and Rin clicks on "send". He doesn't even hope that Sae will even look, at least notice that his younger brother wrote to him. This is expected, and Rin just mentally grunts, even hoping that he won't see it.
Sae hates weakness. And Rin is weak. And he will only be glad if his older brother does not see these disgusting messages personifying Rin's weakness.
Rin takes a deep breath and puts the phone down on the cold concrete next to him, looking up at the sky.
5:15.
Rin stands up and looks down, watching the waves break. Rin is also broken. A broken doll, with empty sad eyes, a doll's beautiful face and cracks covering the empty shell that replaces the body.
He takes a deep breath and raises his eyes to the sky for the last time. Nicely. Very beautiful. Rin is again glad that this will be the last thing he sees.
Just one step and a heavy splash is heard. Rin is suffocating, his lungs are filled with seawater. He closes his eyes, his head slowly begins to empty. Here it is, freedom. Rin just hopes it's not a dream.
The phone on the shore starts ringing. No one will answer.