Work Text:
Makeshift bandages / suppressed suffering / “I’m fine.”
Some things are simply not meant to be.
Donnie trudged into his lab after finishing helping Raph cover his burns and locked the door behind him.
At least I have four wonderful sons.
He sighed, plopping down in his desk chair and crossing his arms on the desk to lay his head on. He was so tired, and his head was pounding.
Donnie, you know how much this means to sensei.
Donnie closed his eyes, trying to alleviate the pain with a quick nap or something. He somehow felt both exhausted and restless at the same time.
Well, try harder.
He shook his head slowly. He felt guilty about trying to sleep when he could be trying something else, when he could be doing things.
You’re needed here now Donnie!
Needed, he was needed. He was necessary.
But was he wanted?
Leo was nearly turned to minced meat, Raph was still overheated, and Mikey was five seconds away from possibly losing himself to a second mutation.
But Donnie was just put in a simulation, not physically injured like the others. He got some electrical burns and bolts shot through his head, so what? He’d had worse from his laboratory in the safety of his own home.
He had to make sure none of Leo’s cuts were deep enough to need stitches, and change Raph’s wraps daily, and hold Mikey in the Shellraiser when the scare finally hit him.
He had to watch his father nearly jump to his death after their sister, only to be caught by April, and console his brothers through seeing that as well.
Donnie opened his eyes, looking at the flask that contained the botched brain worm cure, the black beneath it likely leaving a permanent stain on his desk. All of this trouble, this hurt, just because he couldn’t do it right, because he wasn’t smart enough to figure it out.
Try harder.
He got the materials back out, setting the botched flask carefully aside as he started again, trying a new combination of the chemicals he needed.
This time, the concoction turned an off-gray, and he tested its safety with some of his own blood.
No dice, it sizzled and popped like it would burn any organic material it touched.
Try harder .
The third go-round somehow ended up worse, breaking the glass it was in and pouring over the table.
And the sound of the crackling glass shot through his aching head, adding to the irritation.
Not hard enough .
Donnie shouted in frustration, swiping his arm across the desk and sending hours worth of working crashing to the floor, making a mess. A mess that he would have to clean up.
Just add that to the list, why don’t you?
He put his hands over his face, sinking to his knees. His head hurt, and he was tired.
And he really needed a hug.
He leaned up against the desk, trying to rub at his watery eyes as his chest ached. He curled his knees up to his chest and sniffled, squinting at the irritated burns on his wrists and ankles.
With a huff, he opened one of the drawers beside him, pulling out a first aid kit. He hastily put some burn cream on his wrists, then covered them in gauze. He knew that wasn’t the best idea, but it would have to do for the moment, until he could convince himself to get up. Once the burn gel dried, he’d have to pull the gauze off his injured skin. He covered the bandages with his usual wraps.
But at that moment, he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He brought his arms up to wipe his tears, and sniffled.
And for a moment, he looked toward the door, half-expecting that someone would have heard the commotion and come into the room.
No one showed up, so he set his chin on his knees, and went to rub his temples. Just brushing the skin there sent bolts of stinging pain through his skin, and made the ache in his head worse.
Great, more of my mess to clean up.
He pulled himself to his feet with a groan, stumbling over to the cot in the corner, beside a sink with a mirror. He checked his temples with the mirror, finding small electric burns branching out from the spots the helmet had been attached to his brain.
He made another makeshift bandaging job, then flopped down into the cot. He wasn’t going to get much done with the headache.
There was a knock on the lab door. “Donnie?” When he didn’t answer, they tried the door, receiving a click.
Right, he’d locked it.
He grumbled, hissing when his head pounded in the process of getting back up. He pulled his mask on, covering the bandages, and opened the door to find Mikey standing there. “Hey Dee.”
“Something wrong?” Donnie asked.
Mikey blinked, then looked at the ground. “Raph was looking for some ibuprofen.”
Right, of course. “Alright, just give me a second.”
Donnie turned back around, walking back over to his desk and retrieving the bottle,which he handed to Mikey. “No more than three every four to six hours.”
Mikey held the bottle in both hands, nodding. “Right, thanks.”
Donnie hummed, watching the youngest walk away for a moment before he trudged back to the cot to lay back down, leaving his door unlocked. He thought he should have taken some of the ibuprofen when he had a chance, but he didn’t want to go ask for it back now.
So he buried his head in the pillows, and by some miracle, he dozed off for a few hours until he heard someone enter the lab.
“Donnie?” It was Leo.
He wasn’t awake enough and didn’t want to answer through the headache that hadn’t gotten any better.
“Asleep?” Leo mumbled, then he paused. “What a mess, what happened here?”
He seemed to shuffle closer, hovering over Donnie for a moment before Donnie felt the shift of the weight of his brother on the cot, sitting by his legs.
There was silence for a moment before Leo sighed. “Donnie, are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” Donnie mumbled.
“You’re awake and laying in bed, you’re clearly not fine.”
Donnie stiffened, then sat up, trying not to show how much that made his head pound. “Sorry, should I be doing something?”
Leo blinked at him. “Pardon?”
“Should I be doing something?” Donnie repeated, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “I’m awake, so obviously I need to be useful, right?”
Leo seemed confused. “What gave you that idea? You can relax, you know.”
“Thanks for your permission.” Donnie growled, pushing himself up to stand, but his head swam in protest, and he stumbled, his knees buckling.
Leo shot up to catch him, “Donnie, stop!”
Donnie tried to push him away, but it was hard when Leo was essentially supporting his weight. “Get off.”
“No, Don, you’re hurt.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not.” Leo held him tighter, and Donnie blinked at where his big brothers arms were wrapped from his injuries, and the youngest pushed against him again.
“You’re going to hurt yourself more.”
“ I’m going to hurt myself more?” Leo said in disbelief, leading Donnie to a sitting position on the floor. “You’re the one that just about fell on his face.”
Donnie shook his head. “What do you want from me, Leo?” his voice came out higher pitched than he intended,
Leo buffered, before he asked, “what?”
Donnie pushed him back a third time, finally successful. “You want me to try harder, and now you want me to rest. Pick a side. I can’t know what you want when you can’t decide for yourself.”
Leo gaped at his younger brother for a moment, then he looked down at the ground. “Donnie, I-” he took a breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” he trailed off, unable to properly word it.
“It’s fine.” Donnie mumbled. “You were just speaking your mind.”
“No, it’s not.” Leo shook his head. “It’s not your responsibility to fix everything, it never was, and I shouldn’t have made it an expectation. You’re not a miracle worker.”
Donnie blinked at the ground, trying to hold back more tears. “But you wish I was?”
“Of course not.” Leo reached out to touch his younger brother's shoulder, bringing his gaze up so they were both looking in each other's eyes. “I don’t wish you were anything more than who you are.”
Donnie tried to blink back the sting in his eyes and the ache in his chest. For the first time he felt himself doubt his leader.
But Leo seemed to sense that, and moved to place his other hand on Donnie’s other shoulder. “Hey, I love you just as you are, okay brother?”
Donnie sniffled, and Leo gave him a small smile, pulling him into a hug. Donnie sank into his arms, the ache in his head fading slightly. Leo held him for a few moments, before he gave his shell a pat.
“Where are you hurt?”
“It’s-”
“Do not. ”
Donnie took a deep breath, pressing his snout into his brother's shoulder. “My head hurts, and I have a few burns.”
“Where?” Leo reached up to rub his head, soothing the ache further.
“Wrists, ankles, and my temples.” Donnie closed his eyes. “I put burn cream on them.”
“Did you take any medicine?”
“Raph has it.”
Leo nodded. “That’s okay, I’ll go grab it.”
“How are your arms?”
Leo sighed. “Don’t worry about me, Dee.”
“But-”
“No buts.” Leo pulled back, putting his hands back on Donnie’s shoulders. “Come on, let’s get you to your actual bed.”
Donnie glanced over at the mess on the floor. “I should-”
“It can be dealt with later.” Leo assured, moving to stand up and help Donnie up. “Your needs come first.”
Donnie ceded, letting Leo support him as they moved to his bedroom and settled him into his bed. Once he was all tucked in and medicated, Leo gave his shoulder a pat, then stood to leave.
Donnie caught his hand, and Leo turned to look down at him. “Want something else?”
Donnie pulled on his hand. “Stay?”
Leo smiled, sitting down beside Donnie’s bed. “Of course, as long as you need.”