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Hold Him Down 'Till The Boy Stops Shaking

Summary:

Riza had heard the shouting the moment she had come into the military clinic. She did not run, needing time to breathe through her own emotions as she pushed her way through the crowd of patients and nurses all vying for the best view.

A few patients recognised her, stumbling back with rushed apologies, but she did not care. She had only one task at this time and that did not include assuring these goggling fools that she was not angry with them. Of course she was angry; Edward Elric was scared and panicking and they were treating it like some street show.

Whumptober 2023, Day 17 'You're The Lump In My Throat and the Know in My Chest'
Collar - Touch Aversion - 'Leave Me Alone'

Notes:

This fic contains mentions of captivity and the use of collars, severe bruising, prosthetics being forcibly taken, panic and passing out, please read with discretion.

Work Text:

Riza had heard the shouting the moment she had come into the military clinic. She did not run, needing time to breathe through her own emotions as she pushed her way through the crowd of patients and nurses all vying for the best view.

A few patients recognised her, stumbling back with rushed apologies, but she did not care. She had only one task at this time and that did not include assuring these goggling fools that she was not angry with them. Of course she was angry; Edward Elric was scared and panicking and they were treating it like some street show.

At last she reached the room proper, still hearing snarled threats and yelled curses and even a loud crash as something was thrown against a wall.

“Out.” Riza called.

“But Lieutenant, he-“

Riza rose a single brow and the crowd went scurrying, leaving only her and Ed in the room.

The boy in question was leaning up against the wall, brandishing a knife that should have never been left in the room with him. His chest was stuttering, eyes blown wide, seemingly unawares of his missing automail limbs. Unaware of anything apart from the pain and the fear, blood seeping through bandages on his remaining shoulder and the binding on his ribs.

There were deep bruises on Edward’s throat, not like fingers but a single band around his entire neck. A collar, apparently, like he was some dog that needed to be punished and not a kid who had already been through so much.

She didn’t call out to him, instead taking a seat by the bed. Riza was going to have to be careful, pushing him now would just upset him more. Ed needed stability, patience, and dignity that neither his captors or his doctors had yet shown him. While Edward needed space as well, Riza would not abandon him now.

“Leave me alone!” Ed shouted. “Or I’ll fucking kill you!”

Riza did not stand, nor did she balk under his erratic gaze.

He was shaking, flesh leg struggling under his weight while he was so weak. She knew what had happened, knew that he had been taken in the middle of the night and tortured, his prosthetics ripped from him, his body beaten over and over. But reading a report and seeing the hurting boy was completely different and Riza found herself doing measured breaths again.

Al was still missing, the rest of Roy’s team hunting throughout the entire city to find the young boy, but Riza didn’t even know if Ed realised that he was gone, nor did she know what Ed was currently seeing. Riza wasn’t sure if Edward could even recognised her at all at the moment. His chest stuttered with every breath, chewing his lip so hard it suddenly sprung blood, confused as to why she wasn’t trying to tackle him like the doctors had been.

Confused as to why she wasn’t invading his space.

“Get away from me.” He begged, tears streaming down his face. “Don’t touch me!”

“I won’t.” Riza promised.

Ed shoved the knife towards her, golden eyes blazing.

“I’ll kill you!” He declared.

“Go ahead and try.” Riza said. “I’m not afraid of you, Ed. I’m afraid for you. You need rest, you need to let your wounds heal.”

Edward shook his head so hard he nearly overbalanced. Every breath was agony, broken ribs jarring with each shout. Ed shifted his weight and Riza’s entire body screamed to go to him, to catch him before he could fall, but she stayed on the chair and he stayed barely standing, covered in his own blood, sweat and tears.

“Edward,” Riza said gently. “I know that it doesn’t feel like it, but you’re safe now.”

“They took him!” Ed snarled. “The bastards took him!”

So Ed did know that Al was still gone after all. Even in his haze of fear and pain he knew that what mattered most was Alphonse. And, he knew that Al was in danger.

“He was scared,” Ed continued, hand curling ever tighter around the knife. “He was so fucking scared and I couldn’t do anything.”

“I know, Ed.” Riza said. “It’s going to be alright.”

He was shaking his head again, choking back a sob.

Riza stood at last, slowly, forecasting her every move. Edward’s breath hitched as she came closer, swinging the knife around like he didn’t quite remember how to use it. The bruises looked even worse than Riza had feared. His neck. His arm. His ribs. Everywhere, mottled flesh bled into his already ruined skin. The port where his automail arm should have been was angry and red, infected no doubt from how his prosthetic had been incorrectly disconnected.

No, not just incorrectly disconnected. Ripped from him, alongside his dignity. He had been held down, shaking no doubt, but still fighting.

He had once told her what it was like whenever his automail leg was taken from him during fights or captures, that it wasn’t the searing nerves that bothered him so much as it was the utter hopelessness to know he could be so easily subdued. The awareness that without his mobility aids, without his alchemy, Edward was useless.

Ed heaved a breath, tears still falling.

“Lieu…tenant?”

“It’s me Ed.”

All at once he was crashing into her, clutching onto her uniform with his remaining hand while his leg crumpled beneath him. She set them both down on the ground carefully, wrapping her arms tight around the shaking boy. He jolted, ribs jarring, but he did not let go of her.

Then all of a sudden he did let go and he was scrambling away from her with a cry.

“Don’t touch me!” Ed screeched.

“Edward?”

“I said don’t fucking touch me!”

Riza knew that he was upset but he had been so close to calming and yet now he was more agitated than ever. She stayed right where she was, watching as Ed tried and failed to rise, his body refusing to listen to his commands. He slammed a fist into the ground, giving off a loud scream and it was all Riza could do to not let herself cry.

He was hurting and she couldn’t do anything to help. She could only watch as he screamed again, curling into himself and then crying out when it hurt too much. His anguish absolute, his cries haunting, his soul utterly destroyed.

“Edward,” Riza said. “What… Happened to you?”

Ed flinched away from her, new tears mixing with the old. He sobbed openly now, too exhausted to hide it. A hand clawed at his throat, wincing when he touched the deep bruises that had developed there as if the collar had never been taken off of him.

What little colour that was left in his face drained away and Ed lurched forward with a gag.

“Breathe, Ed,” She soothed. “It’s okay. You’re safe now. No one’s going to hurt you.”

Never again. Riza was never again going to let anything like this happen, not on her life. Edward deserved love, he deserved safety, most of all he deserved to be a kid.

“Leave me alone.” Edward croaked. “Please just… Leave me alone.”

“I can’t do that Ed, I won’t.”

His hand was back on his throat, swallowing roughly. The poor boy was miserable, no doubt in pain no matter what he had been given in the IV’s he had long since ripped from his flesh arm. Riza briefly pictured him using his teeth to do it, or simply pulling away so fast as the tubing would have come out all on its own.

Even if he was receiving medications, Riza doubted they would work. With his history of surgeries and therapies, it was nearly impossible to find medications that took away any of his pain without outright having to sedate him. He could no doubt feel every single thing, every damaged nerve, every deep bruise, every fractured rib.

Every memory that was still haunting him.

“Lieutenant?” Ed’s voice was hollow, his eyes suddenly glassy. “I don’t… I…”

Riza surged forward, regardless of Ed’s touch aversion, barely keeping his head from hitting the ground. She repositioned him carefully, never wanting for him feel like he was trapped even if he was unconscious.

He was exhausted, physically and emotionally. Riza lifted him carefully, hating that even with how much muscle he had he was still so light, still so small. Ed wasn’t just vulnerable in his size but in how he wore his heart on his sleeve. Edward was one of the bravest people Riza had ever had the honour of meeting, an idiot of course, but a brave idiot who protected the ones he loved.

And today, in Ed’s mind at least, he had failed. Al was still missing, taken when Ed was unable to do anything to help him because of his bodies limitations. It brought a lump to her throat to know deep down, Ed was going to blame himself for this. If only he was stronger. If only he had fought harder. If only he could have protected Al. 

But, to Riza, the only if only that mattered was the question if this would have been different if she had been able to protect her boys first.