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The thing is, Ed didn't want to hold Stede back.
Alright, yes, he loves him. So much. But that’s the thing - Stede was finally achieving what he'd wanted. He was a real, proper pirate! He was gaining notoriety, getting attention. How could Ed come in the way of that?
And there’s a not-small part of him that’s worried Blackbeard has rubbed off a little too well on Stede. And it showed itself in the shape of Ned Low dropping right off that plank and into the icy ocean.
Ed knows how this will go. He's happy for Stede, but he doesn't want to be a pirate himself anymore. He's done with that life, he's hurt a lot of people and he’s ready to move on, find more enjoyable ways to spend his time. He can admit it to himself - he loves Stede so much , but how can they make it work? Stede is a real-life pirate, Ed knows how much he loves his ship, his crew. How he loves the adventure of it all. How fast he refilled his quarters with decorations and trinkets and furniture.
Ed can’t take that away from him, he’s already inflicted too much damage. But Ed is done. He doesn’t want to go back to violence, to the pain he’s inflicted on others, a hard life. He’s ready for softness and comfort. Retirement. But, given the events of the past few days, and faced with the two choices, he’s pretty sure which one Stede will choose.
Has chosen.
Ever since they’d reunited, they’d been pulling away in opposite directions, like taffy, and eventually it was going to break. And he wouldn’t— couldn’t ask Stede to run away again. He wouldn't survive the answer.
No, the best thing was to leave, now, before Stede left him in the dust.
Again.
—
Ed’s new job as a fishmen comes with perks.
Well, okay, one perk - his very own fishing boat. Yeah, it was way smaller than the Queen Anne, but this one was all his own. He didn’t have to share. It was a perfect spot for thinking. Reflecting. Processing.
He takes the oars and eases away from shore, aiming for a little lagoon he’d spotted from the dock. Shallow-ish water meant fish - Fang — no Kevin — taught him that.
A lot has happened over the last week. Has it really only been a week? No wonder it feels like he’s been wrung out and turned around. He’s experienced his lowest lows and some pretty impressive highs, but he’s still feeling very unsure about a lot of things.
Hence, fishing. Processing.
He’s guiding the boat through the soft waves of the early morning sea when he notices the sun glinting off of something floating in the water off the bow. He grabs his net and scoops it out of the water.
A bottle?
He’s about to throw it back in when he notices a cork and a distinct lack of liquid inside. On closer inspection is that—? Yep. It’s a piece of rolled up paper.
Memories of a conversation from just last night resurface in his mind as he scrambles to fish the note out of the bottle. He pushes those memories down— he can ruminate later...After he’s read this note. Who knew this method of postal service was so popular? He really was away from land too long.
Finally, he's able to work the note out of the glass bottleneck and unfurl it. His heart stutters at the first words
Dear Ed,
He has to close his eyes and take a deep breath before he continues.
Things are going terribly. But I want to start off with an apology.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t meet you. I’m sorry I panicked. I’ll regret it until the day I die.
I’ve thought about it over and over - I didn’t deserve you then, I thought I’d ruined you, just like I’d ruined my family. Just like everyone else in my life. I’m not exactly anyone’s favorite person - I’m not even sure my own crew likes me some days. So when you came along, and then stayed? Well, I admit it gave me some confidence that I was doing things right, but I wasn’t, was I? Just kept mucking it up.
I wasn’t up to snuff, as they say, so I’ve been working on it. I’m trying to be a better pirate, more confident. I want to deserve being your friend…and more if I haven’t already totally buggered that too. No, I probably have done. Honestly, just a chance to see you again, explain myself. I just need that, and then I’ll leave - I’ll respect whatever boundaries you set.
We’ve been staying at Spanish Jackie’s trying to earn enough money to buy a boat to find you. I’m afraid it’s going to take some time given our rate of pay, but we’re working as hard as we can. We’ve saved money on housing by bunking together, we’re sharing meals- the Swede has even become one of Jackie’s husbands! There’s been a lot happening, but I find myself thinking of you more than ever. I hope you’re thinking of me as well. I’ve been in fear that your life is better without me in it, and maybe it’s true, but I need to find you, I need to tell you something. You can do what you want with it afterwards, but I have to tell you.
I was going to wait until I found you, but Jackie took our savings jar today, again, claiming fees for staying at the bar, and I’m beginning to fear the possibility that it’ll take years to earn enough. And I can’t wait that long. You deserve to know.
If I never find you, you have to know that I love you. I think I fell in love with you the day we met, and I’ve never stopped. I’m sorry I didn’t know what this feeling was when we were last together - I’ve never loved anyone before. But I know now - and love you with all of my heart and soul.
I don’t care how long it takes, I’ll never stop looking for you.
All my love,
Stede Bartholomew Bonnet XV
Ed only notices his eyes are streaming when the words start blurring on the page.
Love ? Stede loves him?! Somehow he both knew this and didn’t know it. Sure Stede had said some very love-adjacent things the other night at dinner, but he’s only now realizing how little he trusted those words.
Ed sits with that for a minute. It makes sense, Ed guesses, given this letter-full of new context. Had Stede really never loved anyone before? It’s a scary feeling, Ed knows. That’s why he left, broke things off with Stede before—
Oh.
Oh .
Suddenly, that night at the docks makes so much more sense.
Stede was scared too.
But… if he’s going to believe this letter – and he does, Ed’s surprised to note. There’s something about seeing it all in writing, permanently marking the page – it sounds like Stede had come to some conclusions Ed was not aware of.
And now— the puzzle pieces are fitting together — this is why he’s been leaning so hard into piracy lately. Ed had to admit he was a little surprised (and turned on) to find out how capable Stede had become after their time apart. He was moving so fast, unaware that he was dragging Ed along with him and that Ed had made practically the opposite decisions himself. But, at least now, Ed knows his motivations.
God everything Stede had been doing has been for Ed, however misguided, he can see it now. Ed’s brain had been so scrambled lately, and he’d had a hard time processing everything that had happened since he’d seen Stede again, but this letter has straighted some tangled neurons. Puts everything into perspective.
Ed wipes his eyes and sits up, but before he can do much else—
BOOM
He snaps his head around at the loud explosion, searching for a plume of smoke that he knows will be rising into his sight soon. It seems to have come from somewhere just around the corner of the island he’s paddled behind. Ah well, someone probably didn’t store their gunpowder correctly. Or else—
BOOM!
BOOM!
BOOM!
At least three more explosions sound off (it’s hard to tell with the echoes) and then he sees it - a wide, multi-plumed wall of black smoke curling up above the treetops. That’s coming from the harbor.
He’s not panicking yet, but that much smoke does set his heart on edge. Anyone who dared attack the republic of pirates was usually taken out pretty quickly. But there’s an uneasy feeling lingering beneath his skin. It’s the same one that he sensed the other morning. He rows faster and finally reaches around the bend.
The harbor is in ruins.
That is to say, almost every single ship he can see is either engulfed in flames, or on its way. Through the thick billowing smoke, he can’t spot the Revenge, and now is when fear strikes cold through his heart.
Stede .
Where had he spent the night? Ed had just turned away, found a spot to stay with the fishermen on the other side of town - he doesn’t know –. Gods willing, Stede was passed out at Jackie’s, but there’s a chance — actually a not-small chance that he- he—
Ed stomps that thought down, he just can’t think about that right now.
Ed’s brain feels fuzzy, God, who was he kidding? Stede was right, this fisherman thing was just another whim. He needs to find Stede, now .
He grab the oars and paddles as fast as he can back to the docks, hoping and praying all the while that he can find someone who knows what the fuck is going on.
—
Twenty minutes later, and Ed’s anxiety has only increased tenfold. The streets are mainly empty, but he spots a few heads peering out of windows as he walks by. He’s come across the wreckage of a few cannonballs as well that seem to have been launched from the harbor (accidental shots from the explosions? Or is there an impending enemy?) Ed notes these and resolves to stick to the alleys and shadows, taking the back way to Jackie’s, just in case.
He can already tell he’s out of luck when he steps down into the bar. He’s never seen it so devoid of people. There are a few, decidedly NOT blondes slumped over unconscious from last night's revelry, but he calls out anyway.
“Stede! Steeeeede!” he half-whispers, still mindful of potential enemies lurking about.
He creeps through and his heart rate increases with every drunken patron he inspects.
None of them are Stede.
He makes it out the back door and slumps against the wall, a sob working its way up his throat. Stede’s not inside, which probably means…
He hears a very quiet sniffle off to his left. That wasn’t coming from his own nose, right? No latent ventriloquist abilities making themselves known? No. He searches wildly around for the source. No that’s—
Ed zeros in and a wave of relief crashes over him as he spots a very familiar low cut shirt and golden curls just visible from behind a few sacks of vegetables. Stede’s sitting under a staircase with his knees pulled up, half-hidden. Ed’s legs threaten to give out with sheer relief and it takes him a moment to feel steady enough to walk over. It’s fine. Stede’s here. He’s alive .
Tears prick his eyes again as he pads over to Stede, only just now realizing he’s still walking with bare feet.
“Stede?” Stede sniffles and looks up.
“Ed!” A fleeting smile graces his lips but it drops immediately back down into a pouty frown that’s only ever born from immense sadness. Sure enough, Stede drops his head into his hands and his shoulders heave with renewed sobs. “Oh Ed” he squeaks out miserably.
Ed’s already dropped to his knees, coming up to Stede, overjoyed at his presence but heartbroken for him too.
“Aw, hey mate, C’mere, it’s alright” Ed’s words of comfort are automatic. His only mission right now is Stede.
Stede leans into Ed’s shoulder and Ed wraps his arms around him, cradling him, endlessly grateful to have Stede so close again. Eventually the tears subside and Stede take a few unsteady breaths.
"I was such an idiot” Stede starts in a nasal voice. Ed maybe agrees a little bit here, so he wisely keeps his mouth shut, waiting for Stede to go on.
“I thought- I thought I could be a better pirate. I thought people liked me for me, but they didn’t.” Ed stays silent, but wraps his hands around Stede a little tighter. “I don’t mean anything to them, I’ve never meant anything to anyone ! Not my whole life— and so at Jackie’s, when we were all celebrating— I really thought, maybe, this is it, maybe this is what it’s like to have friends , but- what?” He sits back and looks at Ed, who has pulled back himself and is now looking at Stede with one eyebrow raised.
“Cut it out man, of course you mean something to somebody, you have friends . And what about me, am I chopped liver?”
Stede’s eyes fill with tears again. “Is that a pirate term? Or– No, you–you left so I thought– I mean I don’t blame you, I- god I tried so hard to be worth something, to deserve— to be even a quarter the pirate you are– were , but I can’t even– I mean what kind of pirate— just- I can’t-“ Stedes breaths are coming faster as he gets worked up. “God and here I am blubbering all over your nice shirt-”
“Mate, I never needed that from you.” Ed took a deep breath and started again. “Look, I’ll admit, you went a little overboard last night, sure” Stede looked a little pained, “but, but it’s okay, we’ve all been there, totally normal. A pirate’s first kill’s a lot. I know a lot of people that handled it much worse than you did. And yeah, that Ned guy had to go. But-“ Ed pauses a second to organize his thoughts. “I don’t want you to do things just because you think you need to be a certain way for me to like you. I already like you, I thought we established that?”
Stede looked up at him with watery eyes. “But you left .”
Ed gives him a look. “Yeah, and how did it feel for you ? No— wait sorry, that was unfair, I mean not really but—“
“I’m so sorry, Ed”
“No, it’s. Well, it’s not okay, but it's in the past. Right. What I’m trying to say though is yeah, I did, but I… I didn’t do it to get away from you, I did it because I needed to sort my shit out, and I can’t go slow with you around.” Ed swallowed “I can’t help it.
“What I do know is that I don’t want to be a pirate anymore, and I’m sorry I didn’t make that clearer to you. And… I think… I needed to figure out how to be… me without you influencing it.”
“I’m sorry” Stede squeaks out in a soft voice, “I’m sorry for going too fast. For not listening to you. In hindsight, I can see I was a bit much. “
Ed cups his cheeks between his hands “You’ve never too much Stede. A bit overexcited? Yes. A bit ignorant of the people around you? Yeah. But never too much, not for me.”
Stede sniffles again and there’s a small quirk to his lips. “I’m still sorry. I admit, being infamous… it felt great at first, but honestly? After you left… it was the worst.” Stede looked contrite now. “I just… I let it get to my head. And paid for it. I understand if you need time away from that.
“And speaking of … I’m sorry about last night. I— I disagree that it was a mistake, I’ll be honest, I very much enjoyed it. But I respect your opinion. You’ve got a right to it. We don’t ever have to do it again— ”
“NO” Ed reels in his voice, coughs, “uh, I mean, no, that’s. No, I didn’t think– the sex was…” Ed lost himself in the memory for a moment, “it was good man, really good. I meant more like… the timing? Probably just, would have been better to have had a conversation, just then, ya know. Talk it through as a crew, as you say.” He waved his finger in the air to punctuate Stede’s catchphrase. “Gotta follow your own advice there, mate.”
“Yeah. Probably should.” There was that small smile peeking out again. “So what now?”
“I don’t know. Fishing job is probably fucked for a while, given… all this” he gestures to their surroundings. Might be best to figure out what the fuck is going on…and then,” Ed’s confidence fails him for a moment. He swallows and looks away. The message in the bottle was quite clear but then again, that was weeks ago. He brings his gaze down to the ground between them. “Then, we can get you back on your boat. Back to captaining.”
“Ed, let me make this perfectly clear: I don’t want to be a pirate if you’re not on the boat. I don’t care about raiding and pillaging and surviving day to day if I can’t come back to you at night.” When Ed finally glances up, Stede’s staring earnestly into his eyes. “I’d give all of it up, for you. Because I love you.”
If Ed thought reading it was life-changing, then hearing those three words in Stede’s voice was transcendent. Yeah, Ed’s heart was soaring onto a higher plane of existence right now. Which might explain the dreamy quality to Stede’s next words as they faded back to full volume.
“Ed! Ed - are you- is that okay?” Ed suddenly realized he’d been staring at Stede for a few minutes now. There was only one thing for it.
“Yeah, mate” he grinned, and as soon as he saw a matching twitch of Stede’s lips, he swooped in and crashed his lips to Stede’s. The hot press of lips warmed him down to his toes as he curled his arms around Stede into an embrace. Remembering himself, he pulled back slightly.
“I love you too”
Stede’s giggle turned into a muffled groan as Ed dove back into the kiss, both of their tongues gliding over lips and begging entrance.
Stede grasped the back of Ed's head and licked into his mouth at the same time, whiting out Ed's brain a bit. When he came back online Stede was pulling back just enough to rest their foreheads together.
"You make Stede happy."
Ed giggled and brought his own palm to Stede's jaw.
"You make Ed happy."
___
End