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Suguru hides away in the medical wing and he’s not proud of it. But it’s one of the few places Satoru wouldn’t look for him—it’s not as if either of them ever really get hurt anymore—and if they hang out with Shoko they usually do it in one of their dorm rooms instead of the medical wing where more gruesome bodies are being brought in than Suguru is comfortable thinking about. So right now it’s the only safe place for Suguru.
Even if the body Shoko is prodding at does make his stomach turn.
“Why are you here, again?” Shoko bites out over her work and Suguru presses his lips together. “If you want to hang out with me, you could just say.”
It’s not quite what Suguru wants to do at the moment and Shoko damn well knows that, too, going by the look she gives him.
“I’m just bored,” Suguru tries, imitating the tone and shrug Satoru usually uses but he knows it’s not very effective.
“Liar. You’re hiding. From Satoru, of all people. Why?” Of course Shoko would immediately notice what’s going on, or maybe Satoru has complained to her before.
Either way, it seems pointless to lie.
“For reasons,” Suguru gives back, unwilling to lie, but even more unwilling to really put everything into words.
“You’ve been avoiding him,” Shoko goes on and Suguru nods his head once before he tenses.
He can feel Satoru’s cursed energy, just the faintest wisps of it, but it’s moving steadily closer. Either Satoru must be really desperate to look here or Shoko told him Suguru is there. Both seem possible.
“I have been avoiding him, yes,” Suguru admits, tracking the energy until it comes to a stop right outside the door.
He’s listening in, then, instead of confronting Suguru. Very well, maybe he can use that to his advantage.
“He’s unhappy. And even more annoying than usually,” Shoko informs him and Suguru does feel bad that she has to suffer both of their moods.
“That’s really not my problem, Shoko,” Suguru says, even though it is, and it hurts him to hear how much he’s upsetting Satoru.
But he can’t waver, not now.
Shoko gives him a sharp look, clearly mulling something over and it takes her a while before she speaks again. The energy outside doesn’t move.
“He’s in love with you, you know,” Shoko finally quietly says and Suguru flinches.
He suspected as much, if he’s being honest, and while he would usually be overjoyed about that, right now it only makes him sick.
“That’s also really not my problem. I don’t care. It doesn’t matter.”
When Suguru swallows a curse it goes down fighting, making it feel as if his entire throat is being torn open until it settles hot and heavy in his stomach. Right now, the words coming out of his mouth have the same effect on him and Suguru wants to throw up.
There’s a noise outside, followed by the sound of footsteps and Shoko’s eyes go big.
“Was that him?” she breathes out and Suguru closes his eyes as he nods. “You knew. How did you know he was there?”
“His energy,” Suguru whispers.
“I couldn’t feel anything,” Shoko gives back, frowning at him and Suguru feels like crying.
“I can always feel him. I always know where he is.”
“And you tell me it doesn’t matter. You’re such a fucking liar, Geto. What is going on? What are you doing? You said that to hurt him, just now. Why?”
“Yaga came to me two weeks ago,” Suguru tells her, staring at the wall instead of facing her glare. “He told me Satoru refuses to go on missions without me. Said he even refuses lessons specifically tailored to him if I’m not there.”
“So?” Shoko demands to know and Suguru lets out a harsh breath.
“I’m holding him back, Shoko. I’m shackling him down and I can’t do that. He’s the strongest, he’s supposed to be the strongest and he can’t be that when I trail after him all the time. Satoru won’t understand his technique like he could without me. He doesn’t need me to hinder him every step of the way.”
Suguru is hit by a pair of tongs.
“Ow, Shoko, what the hell,” Suguru yelps, rubbing his hand over his sternum where he was hit.
“Never before have I heard anything this stupid and I talk to Gojo regularly, so this is quite the feat.” She’s practically seething and Suguru blinks at her.
“Shoko, I—”
“No, you shut the hell up!” She takes a deep breath though it hardly does anything to calm her down. “You think Gojo cares? You think he wouldn’t trade all of his powers in just to stay by your side? Like you would do too, normally?”
Suguru opens his mouth but no words come out. He knows that Shoko is right, of course he does, and he would give anything to be able to stay by Satoru’s side but maybe some things are simply not meant to be, no matter how much they hurt.
“I won’t let him,” Suguru whispers out and Shoko snaps her glove at him.
“You do not get to decide that for him, you moron!”
“But he’s not going to chose what’s best for him!”
“And who are you to decide what’s best for him?” Shoko shoots back and Suguru feels his eyes burn.
“You think this is easy for me?” he breathes out, his voice almost breaking. “You think I want to lose him? But I’m not good enough to stand by his side.”
“Then change that,” comes Shoko’s reply and Suguru’s head flies up.
“What?”
“You both are the strongest. Maybe Satoru is out of your league right now, but right after him there’s you and then nothing for a good long while. And your technique is unprecedented. We have never seen anything like it, there are no records of it anywhere. Who knows what you can even really do.”
“What I can really do? Shoko, I swallow curses and then use them for my own. That’s what I can do.”
“Did you try something else?” she asks him and raises an eyebrow in question.
“Like what?” he defensively asks because it’s his technique, and he doesn’t like how she insinuates he’s doing it wrong.
“Merging curses, for example. Storing them somewhere ahead of time so others can use them. Swallowing parts of it and then using that to track the original curse down. That would come in handy for those disgusting fingers the higher-ups keep talking about,” she muses and Suguru feels as if he’s been hit with something again.
“You think I could do something like that?”
“I think you never even tried and just gave up before you even started. And I don’t only mean your technique, I’m talking about Gojo, too, just so you know.”
“Aw, you do care,” Suguru gets out, his mind whirring with possibilities.
“Only because you’re both insufferable if you’re not together.”
“It will still take some time for me to learn more,” Suguru mutters, biting his lip in thought and Shoko rolls her eyes.
“Maybe talk to him before that, because I am not going to survive another week of this.”
“I—thank you, Shoko,” Suguru says instead of promising her anything he probably can’t keep anyway and then makes for his own room.
He has some training to do.
~*~*~
Merging curses is much more difficult than it has any right to be and it makes his control over them strenuous at best. And sometimes it outright fails, he has to learn with despair, as the one that was supposed to carry him high up into the sky evaporates underneath him.
He was trying to merge two flying ones together to see if it would enhance their speed but right now all it did was enhance his chance to die, because he’s too high up to survive a fall like that.
Suguru is about to summon a few fly heads, hoping that they can at least slow his fall down, when he notices Satoru’s energy coming rapidly closer a split second before strong arms come up to meet him.
“What the hell,” Suguru breathes out once his fall is slowed down, and to his embarrassment he finds Satoru bridal-carrying him back down to earth.
“You’re welcome,” Satoru bites back, his voice hard and he pointedly does not look at Suguru.
Suguru might have taken Shoko’s advice about advancing his own technique but he definitely ignored the one about talking to Satoru first and so this is the first time they’ve seen each other outside of class in weeks.
“You’re mad at me,” Suguru whispers, even though he knows it’s his own fault. “Why are you still carrying me?” he asks and he pointedly does not mention the fact that they have long reached safe ground.
“Cleaning up the stain you’d leave behind by splattering on the ground would be a huge pain in the ass,” Satoru gives back, almost joking like he usually does but something is missing from his voice.
Something that made it warm and teasing and that Suguru fell in love with.
“Can you—let me down?” he finally asks, trying to push those thoughts away because he’s not strong enough.
He can’t stand as Satoru’s equal yet.
“Right. Because I’m the last person you would want you to carry like a bride,” Satoru says with something that comes close to a grin but only serves to make Suguru’s heart squeeze in his chest.
It’s clear how much it affects Satoru, the way Suguru rejected him, the way he’s avoiding him, and Suguru thought it would be fine until he can stand next to him with his head raised high, but now that he actually sees Satoru, that he is able to touch him, his resolve crumbles.
He slung an arm around Satoru’s neck when he caught him—and even now the knowledge that Infinity does nothing to stop him makes his head spin—and when his feet hit the ground he keeps it there as he buries his face in Satoru’s shoulder.
Suguru can feel Satoru go tense underneath him and he laments the fact that he didn’t listen to Shoko before.
He really should have talked to Satoru.
“What are you doing?” Satoru asks, his voice strangled and Suguru puts his other arm around Satoru’s waist.
“You’ve lost weight,” he absentmindedly notes and Satoru lets out a displeased huff.
“Hardly your concern,” he shortly gives back and Suguru presses himself even closer.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers and knows Satoru heard him when he stops breathing. “I’m sorry for avoiding you, I’m sorry for lying to Shoko like that when I knew you could hear it and I’m sorry for not being strong enough yet.”
There’s a beat of silence before Satoru haltingly says “You—lied to Shoko?”
“I did. It matters that you’re in love with me, and I care about that because I’m in love with you, too.”
“You have a really fucked up way of showing that,” Satoru says with a disbelieving laugh, “so sorry if I can’t quite believe you.”
Suguru tightens his arms around him once more, afraid that Satoru is going to vanish the very next second but to his amazement he stays right where he is.
Maybe Suguru will get a chance to at least explain.
“I’m not strong enough,” he says. “Not good enough.” He almost chokes on that part. “I’m holding you back.”
“Holding me back from what?”
“Reaching your full potential.”
When he hears that a jolt goes through Satoru and he puts his hands on Suguru’s shoulders, pushing him away, quicker than Suguru can try to stop him.
“You’re the worst idiot I have ever met,” he insistently tells him, finally looking straight at Suguru and a shudder runs down his back.
How he has missed these eyes on him.
“I don’t even want to reach my full potential if it’s not with you by my side. We’re supposed to be a duo. Together as the strongest. What are you even thinking?”
“That I’m not. The strongest,” Suguru tacks on when confusion falls over Satoru’s face. “I can’t be your equal and I can’t stand beside you, not yet. All I do is hold you back.”
“Will you stop with that!” Satoru yells out and his grip on Suguru’s shoulders borders on painful. “I couldn’t give a fuck about any of that. If you’re not there nothing matters. Nothing, Suguru! I need you by my side, I need you to be there.”
It’s eerily close to what Shoko told him a while ago and Suguru hangs his head in shame.
“I just thought—”
“Well, you thought fucking wrong,” Satoru snaps and then lets his head drop on top of Suguru’s. “You’re wrong. I only need you,” he whispers and Suguru isn’t above using that moment to hug Satoru close again.
“I’m sorry,” he mutters right before the breath is squeezed out of him by Satoru’s forceful hug.
“As you should be,” Satoru mumbles into his hair. “Just—say that you’re back. Say that we’re a duo again, please, Suguru.”
Suguru always has a hard time telling Satoru no, but with his voice like this, the warmth Suguru loves so much back in it, his lips shaping his name in that certain way that makes Suguru feel as if he’s home? There’s not a chance in hell he could say no to that.
“I’m back, Satoru. I’m back, I’m sorry for ever leaving in the first place, and I love you.”
The admission is easy now, knowing what he does now.
“Damn right you do,” Satoru jokes, but his voice sounds just as choked up as Suguru feels and he’s quick to press a reassuring kiss to Satoru’s throat.
“Damn right I do,” he quietly agrees because really, what else can he do but love this impossible boy, and he feels Satoru’s lips at the crown of his head.
“I have missed you so much,” Satoru admits and Suguru can feel his eyes grow hot.
“I’m not leaving again,” he promises him and for now, that’s enough.
Because all that matters right now is that he and Satoru are together again and this time Suguru will make sure to keep it that way.