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Falling out of bed isn’t the best way to wake up.
To be fair, he was just trying to shut off that goddamn annoying alarm clock that wouldn’t let him dream of soft, luxurious mounds (which was better than the nightmares of what was and all that was no more). So that was how his morning started. Ear deafening beeps, frantic movement to end his suffering and a loud bang, searing pain all over his front side, especially his head. Eh, he’s felt a whole lot worse than falling out of bed.
Pulling himself up as best he could and with as much effort he could muster this early in the morning, Denji took a look of his surroundings.
Everything looked like it should.
The old, dusty wooden tiles of his room that he really should clean, the posters of Shark Week ( he doesn’t focus on those for long otherwise he’d be flooded with memories filled with friendly smiles and shark themed clothes which’ll get more waterworks out of him then he’d like), the half broken blinds which let the tell tale signs of a cloudy, bright blue early morning settle in.
With the way he woke up, all things considered, he’s amazed nothings broken. His porno mags and Aesop’s Fables (weird mix, he knows) neatly organised on his bedside table. The only thing askew was the rug he definitely didn’t scavenge from a shelter and his personal cat pillow (it wasn’t his but it wasn’t like she’s gonna use it anymo-).
Denji’s mind quickly looks for the next thing to preoccupy his mind and that’s when he spots the peaceful form of a black haired little girl instead of the blonde hair he associates with sharing his bed.
Right, Nayuta. His daughter. He feels so shitty that he’d forgotten she’d be here, mind still too foggy from the haze of sleep. It’s not like he can afford another bed for her, of course she’s here, sleeping as still as a stone as if her dumbass of a dad hadn’t fallen face first off the bed and ate crap.
Sometimes he can’t believe he’s a dad of a five year old, to be fair he’s only 17 himself. If it weren’t for her teeth and the fact he’ll never forget how she came about he’d think she wasn’t his.
(Red hair and gold eyes staring right through him, hands moving over every inch of his body to the point that even years later Denji still feels the cold, spidery fingers caress him as he scrubs himself red and bloody in the shower, always filthy).
What breaks him out of this common spiral is the reappearance of his least favourite sound, the alarm. As he clicks the top to end this cacophony of pain (see Aki, Himeno, he knows big words. Suck it Pawa!), he checks the time.
“Crap! Gods sake why’d I even buy this goddamn clock if it ain’t ever gonna wake me up right!” Denji exclaimed, exasperated at waking up half an hour later than he should.
He fumbled to his daughter’s side of the bed and started emphatically tapping her sleeping form.
“Oi, Nayuta! It’s nearly nine already, we both got school, gotta get up.” The thought of school and what it entailed already made his stomach drop but this was for her.
“Mmmh...couple more minutes...” Nayuta grumbled, barely even stirring.
“We’re in this problem cause I let us sleep for a ‘couple more minutes’, now get your ass up. Gotta get us both ready.” Denji was not really in the mood to negotiate, he didn’t want to go to another parent teacher interview so the word punctual could be explained to him (Aki, Himeno and even She had told him too many times to count).
“Say it right or I’m stayin home...” Nayuta said petulantly, not even pretending to still be half asleep anymore.
Ugh, don’t get Denji wrong, his little girl was a sweetheart... most of the time. Times like this, she inherited the worst of his bratty behaviour and all of Her bossiness.
He had to do this, the more time he spent, the more he’d be chewed out by his teachers and hers. Normally if he’d woken up on time he’d do this on instinct but alas with a sigh he started the morning ritual.
“Good morning Princess, would you pleeeeaase get up and help daddy get ready? He couldn’t do it without ya help, ya know.” Denji spoke in the softest, sweetest voice his croaky morning voice could muster.
As Nayuta’s golden, honey coloured eyes opened, black hair ruffling as she stretched out the lingering tiredness, she locked eyes with Denji.
(Sometimes her eyes set him into a panic, like he was back to being a beaten up pup with a leash around his neck, too tight, barely able to breath or think anything besides how worthless he was and how wrong Her love felt compared to his family).
God, he was a bad dad.
“Hmmmm, only if you make me the bestest breakfast with eggs and bacon and waffles and cereal and steak and.....Oooh icecream!” She said already expecting him to cave into her wants.
“I’m sorry sweetie but Daddy messed up reeeaaal bad and I can’t cook all that in time, can ya forgive me?” Denji said pleading for this to go as unproblematic as it could (sometimes Pawa was easier to persuade).
“Hmph... fiiine! Only if you make me Super Duper Awesome Toast!” As far as Denji was concerned that was nothing if it got Nayuta out of bed and getting ready.
“Deal! Comin right up!” Denji exclaimed as he nearly tripped making a beeline out of their bedroom and to the kitchen.
First Breakfast, then clothes/school bags and finally brushin teeth. Don’t have the luxury for a shower but they’d be fine until tonight, god knows he’s gone waaaaay longer than a day.
As he skidded down the short hallway to the main living/tv/kitchen area, Denji had nearly crushed the two furry blurs running across the floor.
“Fuck! Nyako! Tiramisu! Watch out next time will ya! Nearly kicked your shit in.”Denji yelled in frustration, realising he’d have to sort out breakfast for those two as well.
God, he was a bad pet owner (maybe just a bad person in general).
As he put two pieces of bread in the barely working toaster, he quickly checked if they had any food for the pets. Luckily there was enough for this morning at least, he’d have to ask Kishibuddy for more pet food allowance ( if he’d taken all of Her dogs, he’d be flat broke by now).
He put the biscuits into their bowls, both animals sprinting to the food. Pets down, child to go. Denji looked through the cabinets taking longer than what it should have, if he’d actually bothered to organise it, to get out the ingredients.
Strawberry jam? Check. Orange Marmalade? Check. Honey? Check. Cinnamon? Check.
He might have screwed up getting ready but as always this toast would be the stuff of legends!
As the toast popped up, ready to go, Denji got two plates and started to assemble the masterpieces.
“Hey Nayuta! Ya dressed and got ya bag ready? Just finished breakfast, come get it before bread gets soggy and shit.” Denji said while biting into what was once the end-all-be-all of his dreams.
(It was small moments like these, savouring that almost sickly sweet syrupy goodness, that Denji was reminded he’s doin a helluva lot better then when he started. Even when everything he’d lost comes back to haunt him).
There wasn’t any response, which if he’d had a better frame of reference, wouldn’t send a spike of worry and fear through him.
He rushed back down the hallway to the bedroom/bathroom side of the apartment. A million different ways of how his sweet precious daughter was already hurt this early in the morning, just by getting ready.
“Nayuta?! Everythin alright, princess? Are you okay?” Denji said as a cold sweat was pouring down his face.
What he found wasn’t the sight of blood or bruises or any disaster his mind had conjured up, his little girl was looking in the mirrored closet door, a frustrated look on her face as she messed around with her hair.
“Daddy, braid my hair! It’s to frustrating to do and I wanna look extra cute today!” Nayuta said commanding Denji to fix her current woes.
Denji has a lot of confusing feelings about this which is weird since it’s such a normal thing, barely a bothersome ask at all but Denji only knows how to do a top knot and buns. The only braid he knew how to do... was Her’s. Nayuta’s hair wasn’t as long as Her’s but it was still a decent length.
Thank every god out there that she’d not gotten Her red hair. Instead his daughter was framed with pitch black hair, he could almost lie to himself and believe she’d gotten it from both his sorta-foster parents but that’s not how that worked if Science class had taught him anything.
(He remembers a distant, blurry memory of a woman holding him, pitch black hair tickling his face as coughing and splotches of red cover him).
(He also remembers gentle, soothing arms around his neck as soft lips meet his own, fireworks igniting all around as pitch black hair tickles his face. Sometimes he pretends that Reze is Nayuta’s mom).
Denji blinks suddenly as gentle, repeated thudding echoes throughout his leg and he looks down to see that Nayuta is knocking on his leg.
Woooow he is such a bad dad. Ignoring his own daughter because he was getting all girly and teary eyed over a braid.
Get it together, Denji, you’re way more cool than this...
Denji quickly gets to work braiding and like riding a bike, it’s all fluid motions. He’d perfected it in the past thinking he’d get a reward, now he gets a hands down better one, a beautiful smile adorning his little girl’s face.
“It looks sooo pretty Daddy! Imma look the best in the class today, guess I can forgive ya for not makin steak today.” Nayuta professes with a quick hug, hop, skip and a beat out of the bedroom to her awaiting breakfast.
Denji stands there for moment until his mind has finished rebooting after the mess of conflicting emotions and starts to climb out of his comfy, definitely not at all sentimental pajamas and into his bland, douchey school clothes.
Of all the schools to drop him in, why’d Kishibe have to choose a private school? At least his own daughter got to choose what she wore, apparently grey sweaters and plaid skirts were in this week.
Staring at his own reflection, he doesn’t look as bad as he thought he would. Ash blonde hair unkempt and frizzy like usual, amber tired eyes with huge bags underneath, sharp pointed teeth just peeking out, a scrawny figure still a truck loads better than how gaunt he was growing up and his heart tattoo in the middle of his chest, same bright orange ink covering his surgery scar.
(She’d given him so much. A new heart, a new family and even a kid. He’d be truly grateful, still in ‘love’ if She hadn’t taken more than what she gave).
There wasn’t that much time to admire his stunningly handsome face (he wasn’t coping) so he got his bag from next to the doorframe, shot straight to the bathroom to use his mangled toothbrush and zipped back as quick as possible to Nayuta.
Denji returned to see that both her plate and his were empty, his half eaten piece left behind in paranoia, nowhere in sight. If it meant more food for Nayuta, didn’t matter. What did matter was the Jackson Pollock levels of sugary mess covering both her face and hands.
“Nayuta, what have I told ya about not makin a mess with ya food? Never mess with ya food, now come on let’s wash all that junk off and clean ya teeth before they rot out.” Denji half heartedly admonished while guiding her to the bathroom.
“Not my fault you make the best toast, couldn’t help it.” Nayuta stated as if it was an obvious fact, well to Denji it kinda was, his toasts were pretty awesome.
“Yeah, yeah I’ll help clean up.” Denji said as he started wiping the confectionary amalgamation off her face with some wet toilet paper as Nayuta started on brushing with her equally mangled tooth brush.
He’s happy she got something from him that makes it easy to tell she’s his but the shark teeth? Why couldn’t it be his eyes? Eyes didn’t need brush replacements regularly.
“Done and done! See? See? Perfectly white and sparkly! Ain’t ever gonna rot out.” Nayata proudly stated, looking at her dad expectantly.
“Good job, Princess, proud of ya.” Denji said as he ran his hand through her hair, petting the top of her head. If the smile she made at the braid was beautiful, her smile from that small show of affection was stunning. Despite the circumstances he was blessed with having a kid, especially her.
He took her hand, made sure to grab both their back packs and made his way out of the apartment.
First thing that hit him when he walked out the door was the blinding golden hued yellow of the sun basically flash banging him and the second was the semi scummy smell of the run down area their apartment complex was in.
The smell of old cigarettes, booze soaked ground and neighbours trash that hadn’t been put in the communal bin but just outside in the hallway. A smell he didn’t want his little girl to grow accustomed to but one he was very familiar with. Reminded him of when he was Nayuta’s age... he has to find a new place.
The walk from their third floor apartment to the nearby bus stop didn’t take too long, around five minutes if Denji had to guess and better yet no crackhead or shifty asswipe tried anything with him today.
It was pretty sweet that this bus basically took them right outside Nayuta’s kindergarten, what wasn’t sweet was that Denji’s highschool was in the other direction.
And considering that he woke them up late at 8:30 instead of 8:00, all the times he spent mouth agape head empty with nothing but lingering reminders, they probably got to the bus stop at 8:50.
Which wouldn’t be bad for Nayuta, barely getting to her school on time but it’d take another thirty minutes for Denji to get to his, he’d miss homeroom entirely.
Honestly, he didn’t like school as much as he thought he would, (it’s better than what he did before) he’s never been to school before this so he’d probably be more at speed with Nayuta’s class than his own. He doesn’t quite get most of what he’s learning, sometimes he can’t focus to save his life no matter how hard he tries, the words he can barely read get jumbled up from time to time and his classmates aren’t all that friendly.
Especially miss goody-two-shoes edgelord, Mighty Ass or something. For someone as pretty and small as she is, she’s just as bossy. Know it all and rub it in your face smart.
(Her braid, her yellow tinted brown eyes, her stare, her smug smile, her attitude all looks and feels frighteningly familiar. Just lookin at her gives Denji shivers sometimes, unwanted phantom touches from someone dead and buried).
Today is going to be one of those days, is all Denji can think. The only anchor is his little girls head tucked away on his shoulder, arms wrapped loosely around him and the soft melody of an old Russian nursery rhyme he’d taught her reverberating against him.
Too bad Nayuta couldn’t just come to school with him, definitely smart enough to especially considering she’s only five.
A good trait from a bad source.
The bus came to a halt as Denji scooped Nayuta into his arm while getting off and headed down the path to her kindergarten. It was a peaceful walk and one that Denji relished in, he had a feeling it’d be the only peace he’d get today. It was nice just getting to appreciate the warmth of the sun soaking into his skin and the weight of his daughter in his arms, happy and smiling as if nothing had or would ever change that (if Denji had his way, nothing would).
As they saw the gates to the school, Nayuta all but jumped out of his arms and bounded off to some other kids and their parents, some he could recognise from dropping her off at playdates.
As always, the looks from the other adults were nauseating, there were some disgusted looks, some looks of what Denji thought was typical pity at a highschooler having a five year old and the worst look, the one he hated the most, was the ‘how dumb and irresponsible can a kid be’ look.
(He’s grateful that Nayuta was in his life and that he had such a wonderful daughter but he didn’t exactly ask for it)
(A traitorous feminine voice says that he asked for all of it and more)
He hurriedly starts to catch up to Nayuta but as he gets to her and is about to tell her off about running away from him like that (despite the supposedly safe environment, they are still near a road, sue him for being overprotective!) the teacher ushering the kids in cuts him off.
“Mr.Hayakawa, nice of you to drop little Nayuta off on time today, the past two days she’s come in the middle of reading time.” Nayuta’s teacher, a woman by the name Mrs.Higashiyama, says in an overly sweet tone.
(Something about that name sticks out in Denji’s head, never been able to put his finger on it).
“Yeah, look that’s my bad and I hope ya don’t scold her bout it, just a bit hard with school and work to get any sleep plus bills and all that junk.” Denji grits the explanation out as apologetically as he can but the way she said it made it real hard not cuss this lady out.
“I understand but please try not to make a habit out of it, Nayuta might pick up on some tardiness.” The teacher said, having the gall to say that Denji isn’t being a good role model for his daughter made him keep talking.
“Ya understand?”Denji said with heated eyes, the teacher already looking like she had stepped on a landmine.
“Ya understand what it’s like to be a single dad at seventeen and have basically no adult lookin after ya? Ah okay, well then I guess keep tellin me I might make my girl lazy.” In all honesty, if it was Denji on a good day he might’ve let that slide, he knew Nayuta loved him (somehow) so what others thought didn’t matter much.
But he’d had too many reminders and he hadn’t even gotten to his own school yet.
“That’s not what I-“ the teacher startled as she was cut off by the schools siren.
(Saved by the bell, ya old bat. Luckily for her Denji doesn’t hurt women)
(His mom, Himeno,Pawa,Reze,Her and even Kobeni would disagree)
(Ooh that’s where the name’s from. Huh. Small world)
Nayuta butted in between the two and shook Denji’s leg, trying to get his attention. When he looked down, she started to freak both him and Kobeni’s Mom ( Probably?) by looking like she was gagging until, out from her mouth, a spit slick flower was held in her hand.
“Tadaaaaa! I learnt that trick you showed me! Got some of the outside flowers for you, isn’t that awesome Daddy?” She said with the most open and wonderful look on her face, as if Denji’s answer was the most important thing in the world.
“Awww hell yeah! That’s amazin, princess. I’m impressed you managed to pull it off, I think this deserves a fist bump” Denji said bending down and motioning his hand out, Nayuta returning it with a celebratory fist bump explosion to boot.
“You kinda looked sad a bit today so I hope that flower cheers you up, just don’t let some girls take it and you away okay?” She said in a pleading manor, pouting while doing so.
“Don’t sweat it, ya always come first okay? No matter what girl might come on to me, your number one so me and this awesomely pretty flower is gonna be just fine. I love ya princess.” Denji didn’t really care that Nayuta was becoming late to her class and her teacher was right there, now knowing he taught her to swallow and throwback up flowers.
His little girl was bein sweet and lookin out for him. He needed to hug her, so he did. Enough said.
(It should be him comforting her but of course he dropped the ball on that one, lucky that she can be manly enough for both of them).