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How does Commander John Shepard like his coffee? During times of war you start thinking about the weirdest things and Kaidan isn’t sure how it started. With everything that’s going on, worlds falling apart around them, this shouldn’t matter. It’s basically the definition of insignificant. But maybe that’s it.
Coffee is normal. It’s safe. Coffee can tell you a lot about someone. Before all of this, back when everything was easy, Kaidan always made sure to see what people around him used to drink in the morning. Sometimes he could tell whether he’d like his superiors or not simply by how they prepared their coffee. But now, on the Normandy, it doesn’t work like that anymore. They all get up in the morning, pour themselves a mug of brown sluggish liquid, and drink it before they’re awake enough to notice exactly how horrible it tastes. The only thing this habit reveals about the crew is that they’re all hopelessly addicted to caffeine. And that they’re at war – that there are more important things to care about.
Kaidan knows all of this, but that doesn’t stop him from thinking about Shepard. Shepard and coffee. So one morning, not too long after that day in the Crew’s Quarters, he approaches Shepard in the mess hall. Out of all the people in the world, John is probably the last you’d think would have his own, personal mug. But he does. A bright blue one, with the words “this is my favorite mug in The Citadel” written in big, white letters. It might be a gift from Joker, or perhaps from a sponsor. Maybe, just maybe, Shepard bought it himself.
“You know, I heard about this place on the Citadel.”
“Uh-huh.” Shepard sips the coffee and glances at Kaidan. How anyone can stand to actually sip the Normandy-coffee is beyond Kaidan’s comprehension. Like most edible things on the ship it tastes horrible. Maybe it’s something you get used to. If there’s anyone in the galaxy who can get used to, and sip, coffee that tastes like rotten varren, it has to be Commander Shepard.
“Rumor has it they still sell coffee. Damned good one, at that.”
Shepard’s eyes light up, even if it’s just a little, just for a second. When you know someone like John, who has a bad habit of keeping his shields up even when he’s not in armor, even something as small as that is worth celebrating.
“With what we’re getting here I figured it’s worth a visit. Maybe next time we’re at The Citadel? Just this one time we’ll actually get our daily dose of caffeine from something that doesn’t taste… y’know.”
Maybe he’s imagining things, but the slight smile playing on Shepard’s lips still makes his heart beat just a little faster. And then the smile is there, so obviously there, and John is looking at him with one eyebrow raised.
“You’re asking me out to coffee, Major?”
It seems like Shepard never fully can say that word without a hint of sarcasm. Major. Or maybe it’s teasing; a question waiting to be asked. A reminder that things never go as planned. One of the few things that will never let them forget Horizon completely. All the “what ifs”, all that could’ve been. Major.
“Yeah. Just this once.”
Shepard nods. “I’m looking forward to it.”
And just like that he has buried himself in the mug again. The horrible drink must have gone cold by now, but it’s not like it seems to bother Shepard. He can’t help but to wonder if John will turn right at the end of the corridor. If he’ll hurry to the Men’s Restroom and spit it all out. Any sane person would. On the other hand, Vega might just be on to something with that nickname. Loco.
Yeah, Shepard wouldn’t be one to spit. Kaidan stares at the trashcan to his left and can actually feel the blush spread on his face. He did not just think that.
—-
He would never claim to know his way around the Citadel well, or to know much about the Citadel at all, really (which is kind of embarrassing considering the whole “second human Spectre” thing).
Just because he’s fought his way through these halls a few years ago and gunned his way through a gentlemen’s club – always at Shepard’s side, obviously, like he’d ever end up in those kinds of situations by himself – it doesn’t mean that he knows the place.
Despite being a super soldier, the legendary Commander Shepard, John doesn’t seem to know his way around the place any better than Kaidan does. Somewhere along the line one of them thought it would be a brilliant idea to ask an elcor for directions, and well, a short walk to get coffee turned into a several hour adventure. He’s seen enough Sanctuary ads to last him a life-time.
As they stand in the tiny coffee-shop, eying the menu above the counter, he’s not sure about what he wants Shepard to order. What kind of coffee says “we’re cool, I trust you, I enjoy spending time with you like this let’s do it again sometime” anyway?
“I don’t recognize any of these.” Shepard is looking at the long list of drinks, arms crossed and his head tilted slightly to the right. This is something Kaidan has seen him do many times, sometimes in tense, diplomatic situations, and other times when he’s just talking to the crew. It seems to be a something he does when he’s relaxed, but still not entirely comfortable.
He’s overanalyzing things. Again. He glances up at the menu and reads through the top ten drinks. Some of these sound overly complicated and straight out ridiculous. But they’re also so much more than a double espresso. Suddenly he feels like a very simple person; with all this to choose from he’ll still settle for what he used to drink back on Earth. He can’t help but to wonder if Shepard notices. Can’t help but to wonder what his order says about him.
“I hear yah. Orange Mocha Frappucino might as well be a new life-form.”
Shepard’s slight chuckle is enough to make this trip worth it. And finally John steps up to the cashier, still staring at the menu.
“Just give me something large, spicy and sweet.”
Whatever Kaidan was expecting, this was not it. But somehow it all makes sense. It’s a perfect moment; something simple. A sanity check in the middle of all this chaos.
Back when everything was easy, these were the kind of things that would matter. When you like someone you find out what they like to eat, what music they listen to and how they like their coffee. Kaidan knows so much about Shepard. He knows about his past, he has seen him fight… hell, he’s even seen John dance. All that’s missing are the easy things.
“Would you like some cream with that?”
Shepard nods and Kaidan is close to choking on his espresso when the barista adds some red and blue sprinkles on top of the drink.
“I can’t remember the last time I had one of these”, John says as they go to sit down at a table close to the windows. In the distance there are markets and Kaidan is kind of expecting Gianna Parasini to show up at their table at any second. There are so many people selling illegal equipment and profiting off the war these days and Parasini seemed to enjoy busting those kinds of people, at least judging from Noveria.
The small espresso cup is warm in his hands, and he tries to focus on the heat. On the present. So many people have passed them by, so many nice people. They’ve lost allies and friends, hell; some of them seem to have simply disappeared from the face of… well, the galaxy. But he’s still here, and so is Shepard. That’s what matters.
“So you’re saying you’ve had one of those before?” He nods at the giant mug Shepard’s holding. The sprinkles are slowly melting through the whipped cream, a mix of blue and red slowly turning purple. It’s kind of like watching a star system being born.
“Can’t say I have. It’s rather the experience itself, you know?”
Kaidan nods and finished his espresso. Yeah, he knows.
“I knew you wouldn’t put sugar in your coffee.” John says it with a small smile. In fact, he looks quite proud of himself, the way he usually does when pulling a joke.
Shepard joking is like Shepard dancing, it’s a brilliant experience in its own way, and completely unpredictable. He’s not quite sure if all of this is some kind of joke. If it is he’s both dreading and anticipating the punchline.
“Seems like you’ve got me figured out then”, Kaidan murmurs after a while, glancing out the window. “Whatever I was expecting I never thought you’d order… y’know, that.”
Shepard actually laughs. It’s been forever since he last heard it – the chuckle that has this surprised ring to it. As if John himself didn’t know he was capable of laughing anymore.
“Here, try it.”
The drink is practically forced on him, and only hesitating for a second, he brings it to his lips. It looks sticky and all kinds of wrong, like some kind of coffee mutant, but it tastes like Shepard. All the blue and red mixed together, sweet yet spicy and powerful. It’s so massive, so everywhere, and the liquid runs hot through his body and… and he better not continue that line of thought. At least not right now.
“It’s surprisingly good.”
“That it is.”
It’s not always about talking. Sometimes being quiet together is more than enough. Their hands touch briefly when Kaidan returns the drink, gazes meeting for a second before focusing on something else. Even though some part of the Citadel still seems to be in denial of the war, it has spread outside the holding areas. The result is a place so full of life and desperation it can barely be contained. It’s horrific, but also beautiful in some twisted kind of way.
With all that chaos outside, here they are on the other side of the window; a badly lit room full of steam and scents of all kinds of blends. Shepard’s coffee is even smelling sticky by now, and how that’s even possible Kaidan will probably never know. At this table, right now, it’s calm. Easy, even.
Maybe they’ll never have a moment like this again, or maybe there are hundreds of them waiting for them in the future. None of it matters. What Kaidan cares about right now is the man with bright blue eyes on the other side of the table, the man who’s currently licking his upper lip repeatedly in an attempt to get rid of a bit of whipped cream. For a second Kaidan wonders whether or not he should pull Shepard’s leather jacket up to cover the younger man’s face – you never know how people might react if they see Commander Shepard’s tongue out in the open like that, they might get ideas – but then he just smiles. A coffee-break has never been this good.
—-
“If I remember right we’ll get to the Embassies if we turn left here.” Shepard has stopped dead in his tracks and is staring down the hall. A giant Blasto poster is covering the wall further down, and John is obviously trying not to stare at it and failing horribly.
“There’s business you need to take care of? I can meet you at the ship.”
“Hah. You’re the reason I’m here to begin with.” He kind of wants to grab a hold of his own spine. Anything to stop the shivers running through his body, really. But then John is already walking down the hall, simply expecting Kaidan to follow. Maybe it’s the battlefield that does this to them. Out there they only speak if they have to; the rest is based on assumptions. They’ve spent so much time guessing what the other will do next and trying to predict each-other that they fall into this so naturally. It’s just obvious to know each-other’s thoughts. It’s expected.
In the end Shepard can’t help himself, and they end up staring at the Blasto poster for quite a while, watching the trailer twice. Just like John’s coffee is looks absolutely ridiculous, but fascinating in its own way, and Kaidan suspects he might just have found a pattern.
Once they leave the poster behind they reach the Embassies pretty quickly. During the final elevator ride John looks at him with this kind of silly grin. He never actually say anything though, and just as Kaidan is about to ask him why he’s smiling the doors open. These elevators used to be so slow. He can remember those first days after Eden Prime and how their mission probably would’ve taken half the time if it hadn’t been for those damn elevators. He never thought he’d miss that slow, outdated technology.
The doors close behind them at the Spectre office and the automated voice confirm their status. There’s something incredibly absurd about this. If he was asked to describe the first human Spectre he’d stutter and there would be a lot of awkward pauses, simply because it’s hard to describe someone like Shepard with words. “Shepard” is all you need to know.
“I remember when they made you a Spectre”, Kaidan blurts out, because he has to say something.
“A lot of people do”, Shepard says, and Kaidan isn’t sure but it’s like he can feel John next to him, a discreet heat building somewhere deep down. It could be something else, some kind of ridiculous wish he’s kept with him all this time, but maybe, just maybe, Shepard is leaning closer to him. “But you were actually there. Standing like this… it’s all kinds of crazy. Three years? More like a lifetime.”
“And here we are”, Kaidan says, his voice only breaking ever so slightly.
“Here we are.”
It’s kind of insignificant, really. After all, they’re just two Spectres who happen to visit the office at the same time. But it’s been a lifetime. Even though Shepard died he’s as good as ever, and he’s right here. He could be anywhere in the galaxy, he could’ve given up on Kaidan a long time ago, but he didn’t. They’re still by each-other’s side, changed and yet the same.
“We should do this again sometime”, Kaidan says, his voice a little too loud in an attempt to be heard over the never ending stream of news updates.
John doesn’t say anything, because he doesn’t have to. Everything about them was created by battle – bonds hard to break; bonds based on always having each-other’s back and knowing the other’s thoughts. And Kaidan has heard of this great place that still has steak. Maybe they could go there for a snack the next time they’re stopping by the Citadel. If they ever return here again, that is…
No that it matters. The newsfeeds keep updating, never allowing a quiet moment. The monotone voices echo around them, reporting about reaper forces and politicians and the second human Spectre. The offices are a cold and soulless place, but with John here they suddenly have a lot of heart. With so much being difficult, they finally have something easy; with everything being so cold they have a moment of warmth. Kaidan sighs and fights the impulse of reaching for Shepard’s hand. If he ever encountered perfection, this would be it.