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Ragna could feel his body growing heavy under him as he sat under the shade of the tree. Half of his lack of energy could be blamed on the kaka kittens using his arms and legs as pillows. The other half was pure exhaustion. Maybe it’d be fine just this once. The little guys were cute and it wasn’t exactly like they’d pose any sort of threat. When Ragna first arrived at the Kaka Village that day, some of them ran around his feet excitedly, making themselves dizzy in the process. Others latched onto his legs excitedly. All of them seemed happy to see him and even more happy to use him as a perch.
But it was nice for Ragna, to have moments like this where he didn’t have to worry about anything, where no one was trying to kill him. Those were far and few and few in between, and yet he was never sure he could really trust them when they were at his feet. Years of dealing with bullshit made cynicism inevitable, and oftentimes Ragna could only hope that whatever bad thing happened to him was funny. But having peaceful moments… that was something different. Something he both wasn’t used to and had to choose when they made their way to him.
Sometimes Ragna wondered what it would be like, to have moments like this all the time, afternoons under the shade tree, leftovers all week, family all together. It was essentially a pipe dream at this point though. The sister was dead. Saya was gone. And Jin was well… Jin and that was never really gonna change no matter what. But sometimes in moments like this, Ragna thought about what it would look like.
It wasn’t like he imagined utopia. Everyone would still probably get on each other’s damn nerves, but it would at least be better than this…whatever this was. The last shards of a broken family. A crazed little brother fished out from the wreckage. Most of the time it felt like they didn’t even speak the same language anymore. If Ragna thought about it too long, it would just make him frustrated. It didn’t matter right now. Not in this one rare moment of peace.
Feeling one of the Kaka kittens shift slightly, he looked down to see the little guy flinching and whimpering. Looking hazy, Ragna watched the kitten cling tighter onto his leg.
“Good guy…! Tama had a nightmare-!”
Without saying anything, Ragna gave a small pat to the kitten’s head, watching as Tama used his pant leg to wipe their tears.
“Hey…careful with that.” Ragna’s voice was soft. Not being able to muster up the energy to even care much, he felt his eyelids grow heavy again. As Tamakaka readjusted, Ragna took that as his cue to just…rest…just for a little while longer. The trek to where he had to go next was brutal so he’d need as much sleep as he could get.
Though, it was always a gamble to fall asleep, not knowing what he would see when he closed his eyes. Sometimes the dreams were abstract, sometimes they were just straight-up weird, other times they were…
It’s your fault… it’s all your fault, brother…!
Downright fucking awful…
At first, it seemed like that was where this was going. Seeing Jin in his head was usually the cue to Ragna for those types of things. But this time, there were no burning buildings or a reddened sky. It was just Jin. Alone in a room. As young as he was during that incident. Covered in blood, though, noticeably Ragna felt fine. Jin, however, looked empty-eyed. Staring back at Ragna, he didn’t say anything.
“Jin?”
“What do you want…”
“Seems time hasn’t changed your shitty attitude. The hell’s wrong with you this time?” Ragna wasn’t sure how far to poke this dream, this version of Jin, so different from the one that burned in his memories.
“None of your concern.”
“You at least wanna try and tell me? Come on. I know you’re just in my head so it’s not like I’m gonna hold it against ya.” Ragna reached out his hand.
“I’m stuck…brother. I can’t move forward. I can’t move back. It’s me...”
“The hell does that mean?”
“I’m responsible. I killed you…I killed you. I killed you…! I killed you-! I killed you!”
“Woah! Hey-! Wait a minute-!”
“I have to kill you again-! And again-! And again-! Over and over-!”
Ragna can almost see this version of Jin begin shaking and dry heaving. “Jin-!”
The dream cuts to adult Jin with his sword in Ragna’s chest. He’s not happy or manic, like usual…just…sad and almost tired-looking.
“Goodbye. Brother.”
Ragna startles awake as the kaka kittens crowd around him, “Is good guy okay?” one of them asks.
“Ah…yeah. Just. Had a nightmare, that's all.”
One of the kittens positioned on his arm begins to climb up, then another, and then the two on his legs begin to make their trek. Before Ragna can ask what they’re doing, they begin to pat his head clumsily.
“Good guy always does this for us when we feel better! So we want to do something for good guy!” One of the Kaka kittens says as the others continue to ruffle his hair. A soft laugh escapes Ragna.
“Guess that makes sense.”
The words spoken in dreams float around in Ragna’s head. This Jin was different than the others. Still nerve rattling but closer to…Jin than he’s seen in a while. Though Ragna can hardly ever understand what’s going on in Jin’s head he does remember the solemn expression from when they nearly parted ways before everything with MU-12 happened.
And though he can’t forgive Jin…maybe one day they could meet in the middle and form something not unlike acquaintanceship, or maybe amicable strangers. Some of the last shards of a broken family in their respective parts of the picture. But for now. Ragna drifts right back off to sleep.