Work Text:
Simon walks through the door of the now empty dorm room, heart in his throat as he looks around, desk cleaned, no clothes in the closet. He's in his suit, the funeral just finished, on his way to the wake but he had to see it, see the room were he fell in love, had his first time, watched movies with him, the room he'll never see again, the room of the love of his life, the room were he found him, motionless on the floor with pill bottles surrounding his lifeless body.
He walked around, he was alone and all he could think was how could he leave me. He's been keeping strong for everyone, but the pain became too much when he found a letter on the bed that he hadn't seen sooner, a letter with his name on it.
Dear Simon,
I'm sorry, the pain was too much. I couldn't do it, I didn't want to leave you but I had to escape, there was to much pressure to be perfect and I'm not. I hate myself, I needed to be with Erik. I've been strong for too long, This has nothing to do with you, you kept me alive, you made me want to live. I wish that I got to spend my life with you, have a family with you, grow old with you by my side. I'm sorry that i couldn’t, I wish things were easier. It felt like I was constantly drowning in a sea of my own thoughts but you kept saving me, I'm sorry, but the sea became too deep that nothing could save me. Never blame yourself for this, it was my decision. Move on, forget about me, meet a guy, fall in love, have a family that I know you want. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to be that guy. I'll paint the sky in beautiful sunsets for you. You'll always mean the world to me, I love you, I always will
Love Willie
It became too much, Simon crumbled to the floor on his knees, screaming and sobbing. The pain was too much, holding the letter close to his heart. He couldn't hold it in any longer. He left him, the one person he loved, the person who made him happy, the person who came out to the entire country for him, the person who made him feel safe, the person who he trusted more the anything.
Simon's never gonna see him again, never gonna kiss him again, never gonna cuddle him again, never gonna fall asleep watching movies with him again, never gonna feel safe in his arms again, never gonna see him smile again, never gonna hear his laugh again, never gonna hear his voice again. Now, he lives through stories and memories.
He wants the pain to end, he wants to see him again, see him safe and smiling at him. He has so many emotions, anger, guilt, confusion, but most of all, sadness. He's so sad, so heartbroken. He doesn’t know how he'll survive without him, Willie felt like the only thing bring light into his life, he loves him, he always will, he doesn’t want to just move on, he doesn’t want to forget about him, he wants him but he's not coming back.
Everything he wants, he knows he can't have. He can't have him back, he can't tell him how much he loves him, how much he misses him. It's all he wants and everything he can't have.
It's too much, but he has to get used to it, he's gone, he's not coming back, nothing he says or does will make the pain go away.
After an hour, tears still running down his face, he gets off his knees, walks over to the desk and places down something. It's a photo of Willie, in his room, smiling, dancing, living, breathing. It's Simon's favourite photo, he know's Willie loved it. He traces his finger over Willie's face, smiling softly with tears still streaming down his cheeks.
Eventually, he walks to the door, he turns around and takes one last glance around the room. He turns back around and closes the door, knowing that is the last time he'll see it, now all he has is memories, the times Simon snuck in, the times they ditched class, they're all distant memories.
He walks down the hall, looking at the door once more, and turns the corner. Still crying, thinking...
He's gone and he's not coming back.