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The past couple of days hadn't been easy ones.
Sure, recovery had its ups and downs, Raph knew that- but after so many months had passed, he hadn't really been expecting any downs.
There hadn't been any troubles recently. Mikey still struggled with his hands, sure, but Donnie's gloves helped immensely. Leo was walking around again, Donnie's seizures had lessened- and he stopped obsessing over upgrading their security, which was great. Heck, Dad was all fine again, and even having conversations with Draxum now! April and Casey were doing well in school, Raph's eye was bothering him less, and everything had been going exactly as it should-
Until a week ago, Leo had twisted his ankle in the middle of a fight with Hypno.
Gone was all the process from the last couple of months, evaporated into thin air as the slider wasn't allowed to walk again. It should heal much faster, according to Donnie, for it was just his ankle and he hadn't broken it, just twisted wrongly was all. But being bedridden again brought... flashbacks. Apperantly. Raph hadn't even been aware until he walked in on Leo crying silently, whimpering about how he was useless again, just like during the Krang, and how he hadn't gotten better at being a leader as he thought. The oldest was quick to smash those thoughts down, of course. Donnie had sensed his twin being upset because of course he did, and then Mikey joined in-... he couldn't remember why Mikey had walked in, actually. Probably just knew in that special way of his.
And then the next day Donnie worked himself to the bone to try and build a brace that should help Leo move around as if there was nothing wrong, wanting his twin to feel better- failed at building it, got upset for not getting it right, which made Leo feel guilty again because Donnie was upset because of him-
Long story short. It... hadn't been a nice week. There had been a lot of talks with Doctor Feelings and many, many movie nights. And as fun as those nights had been, the reason for them...
Neither of the twins was home, right now. It was Splinter who had purposefully asked the two to go get groceries- so that Donnie could do something he was sure he could do and Leo could move around at his own pace. It improved their mood- but the others too. As selfish as it was, Raph was happy they left for a bit. It allowed everyone to take a breath. Win-win!
...Well. It would have been.
Raph must have jinxed himself. That or their family was cursed, doomed to always be suffering in some way.
The oldest had noticed that Mikey spent less time with them in those days, yes. But he had assumed that was because he was up making those presentations he kept bombarding the twins with. Apperantly not. Even after Leo and Donnie had left, Mikey stuck to his room. They had been getting better, there was no need for any more sessions for now...
Hmm... okay. Think back about the week, Raph. Did Mikey look upset?
Well, yeah. Being Doctor Feelings for that long, as well as the sessions, staying up late to be ready for the next day, and being around... upset... people- God dammit.
Yeah, no. Mikey had always been the one who absorbed others' emotions the easiest, feeling responsible to fix said emotions. How could Raph forget that?
The snapper, who had been in the living room looking for a game to play, turned off the Switch as he got up. His Big Brother Senses™ were tingling right now, and that just wouldn’t do.
"Mikey?" He knocked on the wall beside the door, trying to keep the worry out of his voice. The youngest didn't like being smothered, but after everything it was so hard to not just do that- with all of them. Still, Raph tried, still is trying. "Big man? You in there?"
"Raph?" A cheerful call of his name. So far so good... "Come in!"
So he did. Mikey was sitting on his bed, smiling cheerfully- wearing his comfort hoodie. Fuck.
"Hey, Mike..." he said slowly, eyes trailing around the room- and that was his comfort food on the nightstand. "I thought you might be taking a bit of a break now since Leo and Donnie are out?"
"Oh, I would!" squishing something in his arms, check. "But it never hurts to have a back-up plan, ya know?" Mikey swung his legs over the bed, tapping repeatedly with a finger on his leg- "I'll stop, don't worry, I just need to finish the final lesson plan, first!"
...Yeah, no. Raph had seen what he needed to see. Silently, he closed the door behind him.
That action made Mikey's smile fall, for a moment, probably sensing the shift from lighthearted to serious. He got silent... then curled up, refusing to meet the older's gaze. The larger turtle silently sat down beside him without asking.
"Hey."
"..." the younger pulled into his shell a little bit. Raphael turned to face him, looking a bit sad. As much as he wished he didn't need to keep reminding him, he would let the box turtle know every single day that he didn't have to hide the way he felt if he needed to. "You don't have to hide how you feel, little brother. We talked about this. Just because you're good at understanding how others feel doesn't mean your own emotions don't matter."
He only shrunk further in response.
Seeing Mikey wasn't going to talk, Raph decided to make it easier on him, instead. "Is it because of Leo and Donnie being upset?"
A hesitant shake of the head. Huh. "Did one of your seminars not go the way you wanted?"
Another shake.
"...Are your hands bothering you again?"
"No-" Mikey groaned, pulling his hands out of his pockets. While they were shaking, it wasn't as bad as usual nor glowing and he wasn't wearing his gloves. Good. "They're- they're fine, I'm fine, I'm great, this is stupid-" he growled again, bending and grabbing his head. The older one intervened right there, gently pulling them away.
"Hey, no... let's take a breath, okay?"
"I don't need a breath, I seriously am-" he was getting worked up, and realized that. So Mikey gritted his teeth, his hand now tapping rapidly against Raph's palm. Thats okay.
Raph just let him tap it out. Holding his smaller hands in his larger ones, patiently waiting. After a minute, the younger stopped. And looked down at his knees, ashamed. "...It's stupid."
"If it's making you upset it's not."
"But it is," Mikey argued. "There is nothing wrong with me. My hands were- I mean are perfect, my cooking is great, no nightmares or anything, and mystic training is going well and Donnie and Leo are okay now and I am just being so selfish-" The more he went on, the more his breath started hitching. The snapper stopped him again. He did not feel like having Mikey choke.
"Slow breaths, big man. Like this..." he took in a deep breath in, then a deep breath out. He made sure Michelangelo copied him, smiling when his breathing calmed again. "There you go."
"..."
He wouldn’t be able to explain without getting upset again.
Mikey looked defeated as he sighed. He pulled his hood over his head, reached out for his nightstand, and opened his cabinet. Out of it, he pulled a paper, and handed it to Raph. Then, he curled up again.
The snapper was a bit confused but looked anyway. It... was a drawing. But just. Thats it. It was one of Mikey's art pieces. It seemed a bit more shaky than usual- after having opened the portal, Mikey had been barely able to use his hands at all. Let alone for art. Donnie's gloves had helped stabilize his hands, yeah... this drawing looked shakier than usual though. "...Are the gloves not helping anymore?"
"No..." the turtle leaned forward, burying his face into his arms. As if hesitant about what he was gonna say next. "I... I drew that without my gloves."
Without the-
His eyes snapped back to the drawing in shock. Without? Without? This was without?!
But then- the drawing held so much detail! There was a background, it even looked like a story, it was colored! Nothing like before his hands became this way, but this- actually looked like a drawing! And he did this without the gloves?!
A wide smile appeared on his face as Raph turned back excitedly. "But- Mikey this is amazing! You drew this on your own?! Why didn't you tell sooner, this is great-"
He paused. Mikey... did not look happy about it. "And... you're upset."
"..." he curled up further. His voice was harder to hear thanks to the fabric muffling it, so Raph strained to hear what he said. "I drew that last week..."
Clearly, his brother didn't understand. He tried, but he just couldn't. Why wouldn’t Mikey tell them this the moment it happened, it was great news! "And...?"
The turtle groaned miserably. "Last week... when Leo got upset...?"
When... Leo got upset? Well, yeah, but, what did that have to do with-...
...Oh.
Ohhh.
"...You came into the room to show your art." He thought slowly, watching for a reaction. He knew he found gold when the turtle reacted with a whine. "But you didn't so you... wouldn’t... upset Leo...?"
"He was already feeling bad about not healing right... I wasn't gonna rub it in his face." Mikey mumbled. He sniffled. "I was... I was gonna show it the next day... but then Donnie got upset... and they're more important than some stupid accomplishment- can it even be called that, my hands started messing up after again, it's so dumb, dumb dumb-"
"Of course it's still important, little brother..." Raph purred soothingly, placing one hand on Mikey's shell and just letting it rest. "I get why you chose not to show it... but you can still be upset about it."
"...I know I shouldn't be upset about it..." Mikey pulled his head up slightly so only his eyes were visible... there were tears in them. "But I worked so hard." He sobbed. "And I couldn't even show it..."
Raph was pulling him into a hug before he even realized it. Now understanding.
To work so hard on something, only for your pride to be crushed...
He purred soothingly, rocking back and forth as he rubbed his shell tenderly. "You worked so hard, Mikey." He rumbled, feeling the smaller's arms wrap around his torso. "This was something you couldn't before, and you worked so, so hard to get this far... and you couldn't even show it. I wish you weren't so selfless, little brother... but I get why you wouldn't."
"I didn't wanna upset Leo or Donnie..." his breath hitched, nuzzling closer. "And showing anyone else would take attention away from them which is bad-"
"Shh." A kiss was pressed on his head. "I know, I know... And you had a good reason... but just because it's a good one doesn't mean you're selfish for being sad about not getting to show off. You're important too, Mikey." he placed his head on Mikey's, squeezing gently. "...For what it's worth. I'm proud of you."
"..." Mikey pulled away slightly, rubbing away his tears. As much as it didn't make him feel better... he appreciated it. The moment had passed the moment he found Leo crying in his room. And as much as Mikey didn't regret not telling anyone in favor of comforting his brothers instead... he still wished he could have shared. He had been proud. But now he just got upset when he thought about it...
He pulled away fully, only to miss Raph's warmth and curl up against him again. The snapper just held him and squeezed. It didn't make it okay, per se... but Mikey did feel a little better now. "Thank you..."
"Any time."
...
"...You wanna play Mario Bros Wonder with me?" He asked after thinking. The youngest turtle looked up with wet eyes. Then reached for the chocolate he had left on his nightstand.
"...I wanna be Daisy."
That made Raph chuckle, tighten his hold to be able to carry him and get up. Mikey didn't protest, giggling when the snapper lightly scratched his shell, tickling him. "You can be Daisy."
"And I want more chocolate." Mikey pouted, then cringed. "...I ate it all."
"I'll text Don to get some on the way back." Raph pressed a messy kiss on his cheek, making the box turtle shriek and try to pull away, giggling. "You deserve some for everything."
He smiled softly when he placed Mikey on the couch, then went to the TV to set up the switch. He could hear Mikey bounce on the couch in the background, excited to finally play the game he had wanted to start.
His art was long forgotten in his bed room.