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“How did you know you’re in love with Cyno?”
The question visibly catches Tighnari off guard. He sets down his cup of coffee on the coaster next to his work and stares at Kunikuzushi for a moment.
“Who’s the lucky one?” he asks finally, raising an eyebrow and putting his pen down next.
“No one,” answers Kunikuzushi quickly. His response only seems to intrigue Tighnari even more.
“No one, huh?” he repeats. Kunikuzushi can hear his tail swish back and forth.
“No one,” lies Kunikuzushi. “I’m just… curious.”
He tries not to think about enchanting lilac eyes.
Tighnari hums softly. He picks up his coffeecup again and takes a sip, his gaze never leaving Kunikuzushi. The message he’s trying to communicate is clear- you know I won’t judge you .
But Kunikuzushi didn’t sit down here to talk about his feelings. He sat down here to talk about Tighnari’s feelings.
“Not every question I ask has an ulterior motive,” he tries.
“No,” agrees Tighnari. “But they usually have a reason beyond simple curiosity.”
Kunikuzushi sighs. "Just- please just answer the question."
Tighnari hums to himself and sips his coffee. "I'm not sure my response will be of much help to you, but… he was just different."
“Different,” repeats Kunikuzushi. Tighnari was right. His answer is so broad that it doesn’t help Kunikuzushi at all. Of course Lyney is different. He’s not like anyone Kunikuzushi has ever known. But isn’t that… a thing amongst mortals? Everyone is different. No two people are exactly the same.
"Yes, different," says Tighnari. "Archons, it’s- hard to explain.”
“..sorry,” mumbles Kunikuzushi.
“It’s alright,” replies Tighnari with a gentle smile. “I just need to collect my thoughts.”
Kunikuzushi nods. He stares at the table as Tighnari sips his coffee again, trying to collect his own thoughts as well. Different . It’s stupid, really. Such a simple answer has opened up a whole host of new questions- how different does a person have to be for it to count as love ? Does it mean the person is different in general , or only in the eyes of the one hypothetically in love with them? Because both of those criteria could apply to Lyney, but Kunikuzushi has no idea which one to focus on-
“Kuni,” says Tighnari, sounding almost amused while snapping Kunikuzushi out of his overthinking. Kunikuzushi’s gaze snaps up to meet Tighnari’s and he feels his face flushing with embarrassment as his face relaxes out of a deep frown.
“What do you mean, different ?” asks Kunikuzushi.
"Well.. when I first met Cyno, I was just a student at the Akademiya," explains Tighnari. "Cyno had only just become the General Mahamatra, but he was already making quite the name for himself- most of the student body was already terrified of being investigated by him. Honestly, though, I was only intimidated by the rumors until I met him.”
Kunikuzushi hums in thought.
“I remember the first time we spoke face to face - I was a little underwhelmed, to be honest,” admits Tighnari, chuckling. “I somehow managed to catch his interest - I don’t remember what I did, to be honest. But he was investigating me, and being trailed constantly was starting to get on my nerves, so one day I decided to confront him about it… and he was so surprised to find out I could hear his footsteps the whole time. It was sort of endearing. I couldn’t find it in me to be scared of him, no matter how infamous he was, when he looked like a little kid who got caught stealing snacks from the pantry.”
The mental image of Tighnari berating Cyno for doing his job is enough to make Kunikuzushi snicker.
“..I remember thinking his eyes were the prettiest thing I’d ever seen,” continues Tighnari.
Gross, he made it gay , thinks Kunikuzushi.
“After that, we kind of kept running into each other. I found myself actually feeling more relaxed around him than scared,” Tighnari adds. “And, well, studying at the Akademiya is stressful. So that’s when I noticed he was different; he made me feel less worried about classwork and exams, and I think it did him good to have someone not be scared senseless of him. So, we were like a breath of fresh air for each other; like going back to the forest after spending the weekend in the city.”
Kunikuzushi nods. He thinks he gets it now. And… it fits him and Lyney, he thinks. Lyney’s told him before that he feels like he can be more himself around Kunikuzushi. And Kunikuzushi is weirdly attached to Lyney in a way he hasn’t been to any mortal before, which… probably counts, right?
“Okay, so he was different,” says Kunikuzushi after a moment of deliberation. “What else?”
“Tell me about your mystery person first,” replies Tighnari, raising his cup to his lips again and his eyebrows in unison.
Kunikuzushi can instantly feel heat rush to his face as Tighnari questions him again. “There isn’t one,” he insists.
“I won’t tell anyone,” says Tighnari, trying to coax an answer out of Kunikuzushi. “Not even Cyno or Kaveh.”
“You…” Kunikuzushi sighs in resignation. Tighnari will find out sooner or later, anyway. “You don’t even know him.”
Tighnari’s eyebrows raise even higher. “Well, that’s just concerning. Tell me more.”
Kunikuzushi scoffs softly. “Does it really matter?”
“Well,” says Tighnari, taking a sip of his coffee. “I remember when you swore up and down that you’d never fall in love with anyone. And now here you are, telling me that not only are you considering the idea that you may in fact be in love after all, but also refusing to say anything about the lucky guy? I have a right to be interested, both as your father and as a scholar.”
“I said that years ago,” huffs Kunikuzushi, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m capable of change. You of all people should know that.”
“You’ve already proven that more than most would have expected of you,” agrees Tighnari. “But, come on. I’m allowed to be curious, no?”
Kunikuzushi scoffs softly. He stares at the table. “...does it really matter?”
“It does to me,” says Tighnari. He cracks a smile. “If you really don’t want to tell me, I won’t make you. But I will listen if you do.”
A short silence falls over both of them, interrupted only by the sound of Tighnari sipping his coffee. Finally, Kunikuzushi says, “His name is Lyney.”
“Lyney…” repeats Tighnari, furrowing his brow. “That doesn’t sound like a Sumeran name.”
“It’s not,” answers Kunikuzushi. “He’s from Fontaine.”
“Fontaine?” Tighnari raises an eyebrow again. “When did you go to Fontaine?”
“I didn’t,” says Kunikuzushi. “He came to Sumeru.”
“When was this? You could have introduced us.”
Kunikuzushi wrinkles his nose. “That would have been weird. I barely knew the guy back then.”
“And you know him well enough now to suspect you have feelings for him?”
“We write to each other.”
Tighnari’s eyes widen. “Oh, of course . I knew all those letters weren’t from the Lesser Lord.”
Kunikuzushi winces slightly as his admittedly terrible lie is called out. “You would’ve asked horrible questions if I’d told you.”
“I’m going to ask those horrible questions now,” says Tighnari. “You can’t escape them.”
Kunikuzushi groans.
“So, tell me more about this Lyney,” says Tighnari.
“No,” says Kunikuzushi immediately. “Tell me more about how you knew you were in love.”
“Only if you tell me more about your Lyney in return.” rebukes Tighnari.
“He’s not my Lyney,” says Kunikuzushi.
“Yet.”
“No.”
“He’d be a fool to reject your feelings, Kuni.”
“There’s hardly anything to reject. I don’t even know what my feelings are,” says Kunikuzushi.
“Yet. Isn’t this whole conversation about you figuring your feelings out?” asks Tighnari pointedly.
“Well, yeah, but that’s not going so well,” replies Kunikuzushi.
“What else do you want me to tell you?” asks Tighnari. “About being in love, that is.”
Kunikuzushi shrugs. “Everything.”
“Everything?... That’s a tall order,” says Tighnari. “Where do I even begin?”
“Why are you asking me?” asks Kunikuzushi. He huffs softly. “I don’t know.”
“It was a rhetorical question, Kuni,” says Tighnari wryly. “Alright, let’s see… I’m not sure there’s an exact moment where I realized I’m in love with Cyno until we first kissed. The feelings were there, and I was… aware that it was different to how I feel towards others, but I didn’t put too much thought into it. I didn’t want to put too much thought into it - so in a way I always knew, I suppose, but I didn’t get the realisation slammed into my face like a brick until he made his move.”
“Oh,” says Kunikuzushi. “And what’re the feelings like? Apart from different. Different is too vague.”
“I know,” says Tighnari. “It’s difficult to describe, but I’ll try. I know firsthand how confusing these feelings can be.” He takes another sip of coffee and says, “When I’m with Cyno, I feel more calm and at peace than I do with anyone else, for a start. And when I’m not with him, I miss him so much it sometimes gives me headaches.”
Kunikuzushi hums. He thinks for a moment. It’s been a long time since he’s seen Lyney in person, but he feels similarly about Lyney’s letters to him. The periods where he has to wait for his letters to be delivered to Fontaine and for Lyney’s response to arrive in Sumeru is always torturous, but Kunikuzushi feels calmer and happier once he has the letter in hand and gets to reread it until he knows it by heart.
…
“Is it gay if you memorize the letters someone sends you so that you can think about them all the time?” he asks.
Tighnari purses his lips and looks like he’s trying not to laugh. “I… would say that usually, yes.”
“Oh.”
Well… that puts some things into perspective.
“Are Lyney’s letters that special to you, Kuni?” asks Tighnari with an insufferably knowing smirk.
Kunikuzushi flushes. He crosses his arms and looks away. “He says… sweet things in them.”
There’s definite interest in Tighnari’s expression as he asks, “Sweet things? What kinds of sweet things?”
Kunikuzushi's face feels like its on fire by now. "....Things."
"You can tell me, Kuni."
"Maybe I don't want to."
…
Maybe he does want to.
Tighnari can see right through his words, but he doesn’t say anything. He just sips his coffee, and in a way, the silence is more inviting than any words could be. Kunikuzushi sighs quietly. The more he considers it, the more he wants to tell Tighnari. It makes sense to divulge more personal details if he’s going to figure out how he feels towards Lyney. And… if he’s going to trust anyone with his innermost feelings, it’s going to be Tighnari, the one who’s seen him at his lowest and helped him build a new and better life.
“Okay.” he concedes. “I’ll tell you.”
Tighnari nods, smiling to himself. “Go on.”
"He says he thinks about me a lot," begins Kunikuzushi hesitantly. "He always tells me about things he's seen in Fontaine that reminded him of me."
"How sweet," comments Tighnari.
Kunikuzushi's face burns again. "I guess so."
Kunikuzushi’s cheeks heat up again. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“What else does he say?” asks Tighnari, not even trying to hide his nosiness anymore.
“Lots of things,” mumbles Kunikuzushi with a shrug. “Sometimes he sends me photos of stuff. Like a while ago he sent me a picture of some flowers he found in some florists’ because he said they reminded him of my eyes.”
Tighnari’s eyebrows raise again. “...Right.” He takes a sip of his coffee.
“And then he said it was an unfair comparison because nothing could ever be prettier than my eyes,” mutters Kunikuzushi as quietly as he can. Not quietly enough, though, as Tighnari hears him loud and clear - and promptly spits his mouthful of coffee all over the kitchen table and descends into a coughing fit. Kunikuzushi freezes, not sure how to react, but by the time he’s decided to get up and help somehow, the coughing has subsided.
“He said what ?” gasps Tighnari.
Kunikuzushi feels almost guilty for the reaction he’s caused his father Tighnari. Almost.
“He said it’s unfair to compare my eyes to anything because nothing will ever be pretty enough to be a fair comparison," repeats Kunikuzushi.
Tighnari laughs softly, sounding slightly incredulous. "...Kuni, are you sure you two aren't dating?"
Kunikuzushi nods. “I’m pretty sure that’s something I would know about.”
“But he flirts with you? In his letters?” asks Tighnari.
Kunikuzushi freezes for a moment. “...I wouldn’t call it flirting ,” he says cautiously.
“I would,” says Tighnari. “Archons, Kuni. I’ve never seen more blatant flirting in my life , and I have weekly dinners with Kaveh and Alhaitham.”
Kunikuzushi scowls. “Lyney doesn’t flirt with me.”
“I would like to argue that he does,” says Tighnari.
“That’s stupid. Why would he flirt with me?”
“Because he likes you, I would assume.”
“Cyno loves you and he doesn’t flirt with you.”
“He does.” rebukes Tighnari, shaking his head. “He just… he’s Cyno. He flirts in a Cyno way.”
Kunikuzushi raises an eyebrow.
“It’s hard to detect when you don’t know what to pick up on,” says Tighnari. He eyes Kunikuzushi. “Unlike Lyney’s flirting.”
“He doesn’t-”
“Kunikuzushi.” Tighnari’s voice becomes more stern.
“What?” protests Kunikuzushi. “People don’t flirt with me. That’s just how it is.”
Tighnari sighs softly. “Kuni, it sounds to me like Lyney likes you a lot more than you’re letting yourself believe.”
Kunikuzushi finds himself flushing red again. “I… he likes me a normal amount. Average friendship amounts.”
“Average friendship does not constitute gushing about how beautiful your “friend”’s eyes are,” counters Tighnari, putting the word friend in air quotes.
“He doesn’t gush ,” snaps Kunikuzushi, his face burning yet again.
Tighnari chuckles softly. “I suppose I can’t know for sure, since I haven’t seen these mystical letters myself, but… from the way you describe them, he sounds pretty smitten to me.”
"He's not smitten," insists Kunikuzushi.
Tighnari raises an eyebrow. Kunikuzushi huffs and crosses his arms and continues, "He's not . And even if he is…" he gestures to his scars awkwardly.
Tighnari’s expression softens in understanding. "He hasn't seen them yet?"
Kunikuzushi shakes his head, and then hesitates before shrugging. "He's seen… some of them. But not the ones on my face." The worst ones , he adds in his head.
"And what did he say about the ones he's seen?" asks Tighnari.
"He… didn't say much," admits Kunikuzushi. "Like… he noticed them. And one time he asked what happened, and I said I didn't want to talk about it, and he said okay and dropped the subject."
Tighnari nods. "Good."
"He also said he thinks they look interesting," Kunikuzushi adds. "But like… I don't know. I don't see how the other ones could not be a problem for someone."
Tighnari sighs softly. "We've had this conversation before, Kuni."
"I know, I know," says Kunikuzushi, rolling his eyes.
"...And I'm not sure it's worth having yet again," says Tighnari with a look of resignation. "So… all I can say is, Kuni, you can't be sure Lyney will hate them until he's… actually seen them." Before Kunikuzushi can protest, Tighnari holds up a hand to signal that he's not finished speaking. "I know that's hard, and I'm not saying you have to let him see them any time soon. Just that… there's a substantial chance he won't find them hideous, or anything like that. So… just… give it a chance, alright?"
Kunikuzushi bites his lip and sinks back in his seat. "...I guess so."
"Good," says Tighnari, seeming satisfied. "So… what else does Lyney write to you about?"
Kunikuzushi shrugs. “Lots of things. Different things every time. I… like that. He always has something new to tell me about. It’s been a couple months since we first met and he still writes to me regularly about anything from something super mundane to his innermost feelings. He hasn’t… gotten bored of me yet.”
“From what you’ve told me, I doubt Lyney will ever get bored of you,” chimes in Tighnari with a slight amused smile.
Kunikuzushi scoffs softly. “He might. He’s so much… more than me. In every conceivable way. He's… a much better person than I am."
"You've become a much better person over the past few months," says Tighnari softly.
Not good enough , Kunikuzushi thinks, but says nothing out loud. He just shrugs and says, “Whatever.”
“I mean it,” says Tighnari. He furrows his brow. “Kuni, you’ve grown as a person a lot. In truth, I feel like if you somehow met a past version of me- one that’s only just taken you in, I wouldn’t be able to recognise the you of today.”
Kunikuzushi stares at him in silence for a moment. “Don’t say shit like that.”
“Kuni.” Tighnari sighs quietly. “You don’t feel like you’ve changed at all, do you?”
Kunikuzushi scoffs softly.
“You have,” insists Tighnari. “I remember when you first came here - and you were barely a shell of a person. Wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t speak, all you did was lie in your room with the lights off and stare at the ceiling. Look at you now. You have friends, you’re a fully trained Forest Watcher, you regularly attend classes at the Akademiya - you have a life .” His expression softens. “I’m proud of you.”
Kunikuzushi’s gaze drifts down to the table again and he bites his lip while pretending to study the wood grain. Tighnari’s right, in a way, but it doesn’t feel right to claim he’s become better.
“I had a nightmare like, last night,” he offers in an attempt to rebuke Tighnari’s point.
“And?” asks Tighnari. He takes another sip of his coffee. “You’re affected by your trauma still - so what? You’ve barely been out of the Fatui for a year. Those wounds are going to take time to heal. What matters is that you’ve come far enough to build a life outside those traumas.”
Kunikuzushi doesn’t answer this time. He crosses his arms and keeps staring at the table. He can hear Tighnari push his chair back and get to his feet, picking up his (probably) empty mug as he does. He passes by Kunikuzushi’s seat on his way to the kitchen and ruffles the puppet’s hair. “You’re doing great, even if it doesn’t feel like it.” His next sentence takes on a teasing tone. “I’m sure Lyney would agree with me.”
Kunikuzushi’s face burns again and he swats Tighnari’s hand away. “Shut up!”
Tighnari laughs softly and continues into the kitchen. “You know I’m right.”