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The first time Izzy almost died was shortly after his birth. Of course he didn’t remember it, but his mother had told him all about it, how he hadn’t breathed right those first few days, and they were worried he wouldn’t make it. She had never made him feel guilty, but he still felt awful for putting her through that, for making her worry about him. He had vowed to never make her, or anyone worry like that again. That was why he had waited until she died before he left for the sea. He had always been drawn to it, but he knew she’d worry if he was away from her for too long, and the sea is unpredictable. Nothing is guaranteed.
The second time Izzy almost died, it was his own damn fault. Hornigold had heard him badmouthing him, and he’d been locked in the brig for the night. Izzy had roared, yank on his chains, and received the shock of his life when one of the bars came loose and landed point-first in his abdomen. If it had hit any higher, he would have lost a lung or his heart and died in an instant – instead, he bled out until Ed found him the next morning when he let him out. Eddie had found it funny – asked Izzy to stab him in the same place to see if he would survive it. When Izzy had (obviously) refused, Ed just went to Jack and of course the two of them went to sleep that night with multiple holes each in their left sides, snickering at their “scientific” discovery. Izzy had rolled his eyes, but was glad that his near-death experience had at least granted some entertainment. Ed’s cackle as he explained what had happened to another crew member almost made it worth it.
The third time Izzy almost died was because of Ed. They should have been more suspicious when Ed told the crew to evacuate on boats and rafts, but by the time it was only Izzy and Jack left on deck, smoke was already rising. That was the only time Izzy had ever seen Jack scared - when they were hit with the realisation of what Ed had done. Neither of them had understood when Ed had said they needed to destroy the ship.
They found Ed cutting up Hornigold’s face, his arms and torso already ripped apart. The ocean they could see through the porthole flickered with flames, and the floor of Hornigold’s cabin was warming. Still, neither of them could snap Ed from his manic rage as he yelled at his Captain, his torturer. Izzy pleaded, his eyes running from smoke irritation, and eventually Jack had simply grabbed Ed and pulled him to the door. Ed, single-minded in his thirst for revenge, turned his blade on Jack, and the two fought while Izzy did his best to help Jack guide them at least to the main deck. It was a slow process. Too slow. Jack had long forgiven Ed for his burned-up arm, and Izzy’s lungs had recovered from the smoke with time, but neither were sure Ed felt particularly remorseful. He’d never been good at apologies.
The fourth time Izzy almost died, he’d been alone. The gun Ed had given him felt heavy, his mind fuzzy in the delirium as he felt his stump twinge yet again. He was so fucking fed up of this. He’d given everything to Ed, to protect him from himself and any potential crew uprising. Not that Izzy blamed them, Ed had become as bad as Hornigold was when they first began discussing mutiny. Izzy closed his eyes and tried to remember a time when things were good. Tears fell as he realised how far back he had to go to find one, and even then he couldn’t remember much. Specific details came to mind – Ed’s hair blowing in the wind as he tied it back to keep it out of his eyes, Ed’s laugh, the way Ed’s eyes used to twinkle when he got an idea, Ed had been everything to Izzy for 30 years, and now it was over. He had lost it all.
He pointed the gun at his temple the best he could and pulled the trigger.
The fifth time Izzy almost died they were running from the English Navy. Again. There was a gunshot, and he felt arms around him, familiar in a way he hadn’t felt in years, maybe decades. He couldn’t look up, he just focused on the sand in front of him and keeping his legs moving – not legs - his one stupid fucking leg and the piece of shitty driftwood those fuckers made him. As another set of arms appeared, supporting him as he ran, he was suddenly overcome with exhaustion, and collapsed into the second person’s chest, still clinging to Ed for dear life as they dragged him between them back to the ship.
His face reddened as he was tenderly lain on the deck. He got shot, how fucking embarrassing. The warmth from Ed’s hands helped anchor him even as he felt his soul desperately trying to leave his body. Stede ran off to sort help, but all Izzy could think about was ignoring the pain in his chest, and focusing on the hands caressing him, touching him so gently. Izzy growled a babble of words, telling Ed to stop worrying, there was no point, it was all too late.
“Ed, I’m sorry-“
Ed interrupted by shushing him. His beautiful eyes, so full of concern, bore into Izzy, as he sucked in all the air he could past the pain.
“I’ve been terrible to you, Izzy.”
Izzy’s eyes furrowed, even as his heart leapt.
“Your leg, your drinking, it’s all my fault. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I abandoned you.”
Ed apologising? This was unprecedented, and before he could help it, his cheeks were streaked with tears.
“I love you.”
He could make it. He would make it. For Ed.