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Two men were standing before an unassuming concrete building with an angled roof. It looked a slightly shabby place, with the walls faded and stained by the sea air, but it had a homely sense of somewhere well loved and ready to welcome you in. By the roadside in front of it was a sign declaring that the place was a restaurant, called ‘Freedom’, that served western style food such as curry. One man was taller than the other. He had vibrant red hair and wore a pale yellow coat over a black shirt with a white pinstripe. The shorter had bandages over one eye as well as one stuck on his cheek and he wore a long black coat on his shoulders over his black three piece suit. It was clear they knew each other well even though this was only their second time meeting at this place. This second meeting could not have been any more different from the first unless one of them had grown a second head or turned up with a unicorn.
Only a few days ago they had sat happily side by side at the counter within, feeling the warmth of the sun on their backs as it beamed through the front window. The same counter the owner of the establishment now lay dead behind having suffered three gunshot wounds to the chest. The overbearing greyness of the current overcast sky made it impossible to believe that the glorious sunshine of before could ever exist. The air was heavy with the smell of an impending storm and it was impossible to tell whether the static energy radiating in the immediate area was also because of the weather or a result of tension between the two men standing there.
“Dazai? What’s wrong?” The man with the red hair asked flatly, his voice slightly hoarse.
“Odasaku, I know what you’re thinking, but don’t.” The man in black’s voice wavered in desperation. “Doing that isn’t going to—”
“Isn’t going to bring the kids back?” Odasaku interrupted. He knew this. He wasn’t stupid. After all he had staggered to his feet and checked inside the bus after the explosion. Dazai hadn’t. That’s why he could say that. That’s why he could stand there and talk at him like there was something else to be done. He didn’t know that the children, like his heart, were in pieces that could never be put back together.
Odasaku knew Dazai was still talking but couldn’t make out what he was saying. His brain couldn’t or wouldn’t process it. So he interrupted him again.
“I already know where they are. They left me an invitation.”
Dazai took the piece of paper Odasaku extended to him as he spoke. It was a map. His brows furrowed as he looked at it, his mind raced as he realised what it meant. Something fishy was going on and he just needed a bit more time to figure out exactly what it was. He tried to explain this to Odasaku but he replied more harshly than Dazai had ever heard him speak before.
“‘Something?’ There isn’t anything, Dazai. It’s all over. Everything. Whatever else happens now is meaningless—”
Dazai felt his own heart start to break. He knew that Odasaku had said whatever else happens is meaningless but the way he said it, the way he wasn’t listening, meant Dazai heard “You are meaningless.” And if Dazai was meaningless did that mean their relationship was meaningless? Was every moment they had spent together over the past couple of years meaningless? Meeting Odasaku had been the best thing that had ever happened to him, Dazai thought he knew that, but if he didn’t there would never be a more important time to tell him than right now.
“Odasaku…,” he said softly. “Do you know why I joined the Mafia?”
The sun started struggling to break through the clouds as Dazai explained his belief that being close to violence and death would give him a better understanding of human nature. The sky brightened briefly as he touched on how he was searching for a reason to live. His heart swelled as he looked at Odasaku and felt that, that reason to live, that something he was desperately searching for was closer than ever. If Odasaku would just stick around he would find it but only if Odasaku stayed. Dazai finished speaking and overwhelmed with trepidation looked wide-eyed to his friend in hope.
As Odasaku met Dazai’s gaze with despondency, the sky dulled again.
"I wanted to be a novelist,” he said before continuing on to explain how his desire to write was the reason behind him choosing not to kill; however, he emphasised, it didn't matter anymore. If had continued speaking honestly he would have confessed how it felt as if it never mattered. That he never mattered and that what was about to happen, should have happened a long time ago. “There's only one thing I want now." He said emptily, lowering his head and turning his back on Dazai to walk away. In the same instant the sky suddenly darkened further and a low rumble of thunder sounded in the distance.
As Dazai watched Odasaku turn away, he felt a sharp pain in his chest as if Odasaku's heels were twisting a knife into his heart.
"Odasaku!" Dazai yelled after him as another rumble of thunder sounded, followed by a flash of lightning.
Dazai's head was swimming, the pounding of his heart sped up and found rhythm with his rapid shallow breathing. He tried to follow after Odasaku but his first step faltered as he felt the entire world collapsing around him.
"Odasaku!" He cried again more frantically, reaching out his hand hoping to grab on to him; both to steady himself and stop Odasaku. However, his swipe only managed to grab a handful of air. Thunder rumbled again, louder this time and left Dazai feeling like he'd been punched in the gut. Doubled over he braced himself with his hands on his knees desperately trying to make himself come to his senses as he watched Odasaku's feet slowly step further away.
Time. I just need more time. Dazai thought to himself. As lightning flashed again he suddenly snapped up. He had an idea.
Odasaku slowly started walking away from the restaurant. Feeling numb, he was in no hurry which is why he didn't mind stopping when Dazai suddenly reappeared in front of him. He waited. Odasaku expected Dazai to speak, there seemed to be a thousand words poised on his lips but he just quietly stood there. There was nothing left Odasaku wanted to say either so after a minute or so he decided to simply step to the side and walk round Dazai. Only Dazai moved too. So Odasaku stepped the other way and again Dazai moved too. No matter what steps Odasaku tried to take, Dazai would follow him. As they engaged in a bizarre little dance Odasaku furrowed his brows in annoyance and narrowed his eyes at Dazai.
The change in Odasaku's expression motivated Dazai to speak up again.
"You have to find someon–, some-thing" Dazai corrected himself "to hold on to."
"Something?" Odasaku scoffed, either missing or ignoring Dazai's slip up. “There’s nothing.” He stated matter of factly.
“Am I nothing?” Dazai asks pointedly through gritted teeth as if trying to not let his emotions get the better of him.
Odasaku looked away and made another attempt to manoeuvre around Dazai, giving the impression of a vague shrug in answer to Dazai’s question.
“Is a future for us nothing? Has the last two years been nothing?” Dazai continued on and again did his best to block Odasaku’s path.
Odasaku refused to answer or meet Dazai’s gaze but his chest heaved and he cast his gaze upwards a moment whilst biting his bottom lip. It’s true that his life had been better than ever since Dazai appeared on his doorstep. Their strange understanding of one another, befriending Ango, nights together drinking and talking like they didn’t have a care in the world. Looking after the children, helping Pops, taking responsibility for sustaining life, it was all more than he had ever dared dream he could enjoy. But Ango had betrayed them, they would never drink together again. Pops and the children were dead. More thunder crashed overhead as he looked at Dazai and no longer saw a friend but a stark reminder of all that was lost.
“Move. Dazai.” He sternly commanded as he looked back down.
“No.” Dazai retorted with the same energy, leaning in as close as he could to Odasaku’s face. “You can’t go. Don’t give him what he wants”
Odasaku forcefully puts his hand on Dazai’s shoulder, the pressure an unspoken instruction to stay in place as he finally, silently, steps past him. Fists and jaw clenched Dazai begrudgingly obeys and stays still, letting him pass. Once Odasaku releases his shoulder though he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and counts to five before dashing after him.
“You bastard!” Dazai calls out in a rage as he swings his fist forcefully towards Odasaku. He knows he is at a bad angle and that Odasaku will see it coming so it’s no surprise when his attack is dodged. Undeterred Dazai steadies him from the momentum added by the miss and lashes out again. Dazai is not an unskilled fighter but he is no match for Odasaku especially with his foresight ability. Dazai doesn’t care though, he doesn’t actually want to fight. Engaging this way is a means to an end of getting Odasaku not to leave. It almost seems as if it is working as Dazai’s continued advances and repeated swinging slowly forces Odasaku back towards the restaurant.
The early-afternoon could now pass for night as somehow the sky has managed to darken even further and there is no light left in Odasaku’s eyes as he finally meets Dazai’s gaze.
“Dazai.” He states threateningly, adjusting his posture to broaden his chest and stance making it clear he is in no mood to play around.
Dazai adjusts his stance too and raises his fists to make it clear he intends to stand his ground.
“If you want to fight Mimic you are going to have to fight me first.” Dazai cries out as he launches himself at Odasaku again. This time though Odasaku easily catches his fist and as he does thunder cracks loudly across the sky. Dazai tries to push against him but cannot move. He tries to pull back but he cannot move. Locked there Odasaku stares him down continuing to exert more force on Dazai’s fist until he starts to buckle slightly under the strain. The second there is that give from Dazai’s knees Odasaku follows up with a swift and powerful punch to Dazai’s gut from his other hand sending him flying across the concrete car park accompanied by another crash of thunder and a bright flash of lightning. Floored and winded, it takes Dazai a moment to stagger back to his feet. As he sways and tries to focus his vision he sees Odasaku walking away again and forces himself against the complaints of his aching muscles to sprint back into his path.
“Enough. Dazai.” Odasaku angrily growled.
The guttural sound of his voice sent a shiver down Dazai’s spine, eliciting goosebumps all over his body. Dazai said nothing but swallowed hard as he again stood his ground and raised his fists. The air tenses as the two of them stand there staring at each other. Dazai recalls his warning to other mafia subordinates about not making Odasaku angry and finds himself swallowing back his own bile as he tries to not think about how badly this could go for him.
Suddenly water drops in Dazai’s eye and in the split second his gaze becomes unfixed, Odasaku moves. Dazai lashes out again as the rain starts lashing down but this time Odasaku doesn’t dodge, he blocks. Then he attacks, easily knocking Dazai flat on his back in a single move. He lands with a splash, his bandages hungrily drinking up the water all around him. He leans to start getting up but decides against it and tries instead to attack Odasaku’s legs with his own. It’s uncoordinated and gangly as Dazai kicks and squirms whilst Odasaku easily steps over him and quickly brings a foot to rest on dazai’s chest. The pressure increases as Odasaku leans his weight onto it and looks down at Dazai.
“Stay down” he asks, his voice softer than before and tinged with exasperation making it almost sound like a plea.
It falls on deaf ears though as Dazai decides to grab Odasaku’s foot with both hands and move wildly, squirming and twisting in the hopes of toppling him. The man barely moves despite Dazai’s best efforts but eventually he does feel Odasaku lift his foot slightly and in that split second quickly decides to let go with a small push and scooch to the side. Thunder rumbles and Odasaku cries out angrily, like a wounded beast, as he wobbles slightly and brings his foot crashing down into a puddle that splashes water and mud all over Dazai’s face. Dazai blinks the spray from his vision just in time to see Odasaku’s foot quickly rise above him again. Frantically he scrambles to his hands and knees to get away whilst being chased by Odasaku trying to stomp and kick him. Although Dazai cannot see his face or expression he knows that something has changed for Odasaku. Something has snapped and he is no longer waiting for Dazai to initiate the attack. After a couple of slips and stumbles Dazai finally makes it back on his feet and he quickly swipes his saturated hair from his eye just in time to see Odasaku appear before him. Nimble and quick as Dazai is, Odasaku is quicker, more agile with lightning fast reflexes
Dazai wheezes, and spittle flies from his mouth as he takes punch after punch after punch with no opportunity to fight back. It gets harder and harder for him to regain his composure. Dizziness is setting in, he starts feeling disorientated and for a moment he feels confused as to why he is all wet. It’s only when a sudden punch sends him back with such force that Odasaku follows up by reaching out and grabbing him by his collar to steady him, that Dazai remembers it’s raining. Balancing there an arm’s length away from Odasaku, Dazai gives a small smile thinking this pause means he has come to his senses. That smile shrinks though as Dazai looks from the fist holding him to the face of its owner. Dazai recognises the hair, the clothes, and features as being Odasaku but he doesn’t see his Odasaku. He stares longingly into the empty eyes before him desperately searching for a trace of that man who stubbornly cared for him, that would sit next to him at the bar, that would make air headed comments, who told wild and interesting stories as if they were completely mundane occurrences, but there was none. It was like staring into a frighteningly vacant void barren of humanity. Dazai gave an involuntary shudder and his breath suddenly hitched.
His gaze was broken when he felt himself moving and looked away to realise he was rising up off the ground. The higher he rose the tighter his collar became around his neck and he started to panic.
“O-da. Oda-sa-ku” Dazai choked out as the other man's knuckles began to press against his windpipe. Urgently Dazai began kicking and flailing against Odasaku’s grip. Neither the rain or Dazai's fingers poking and slapping against his hands and face deterred Odasaku. Lightheaded and with his vision clouding with light sparkles, Dazai made a final attempt to claw at Odasaku and managed to grab a handful of hair which he yanked with all his might. This caused enough disruption for him to swing a forceful headbutt. A wet clonk was followed by multiple splashes as Dazai dropped to the floor, nose bleeding and gasping for air and Odasaku stumbled backwards.
Odasaku felt a dull pain in the front of his head and ringing in his ears but dismissed them with a small shake of his head. Looking up he realises that the way in front of him is clear and he is seemingly free to walk away. This makes him suspicious and he scans around looking for Dazai and hears his feet slapping against the wet ground as he runs towards him before he sees him. His ability informs him that no matter what choice he makes he will end up slipping on the wet and landing on the floor so he chooses to let Dazai crash into him. The pair tumble to the ground with the rain and puddles splashing and sloshing around them as if a half hearted third contender in this fight. Arms and legs fly every which way as they wrestle each other and their own demons. Dazai makes the most noise until he manages to clamp his teeth down on Odasaku who lets out an agnosied howl. From that point it doesn't take long for Odasaku to overpower Dazai and pin him to the ground.
Looming over Dazai, Odasaku adjusts his weight and knees so that he feels confident about releasing the grip of his hands. The rain drowned out the resulting crack and exclamation of pain from the man on the ground. It also muffled the sounds of the pummelling that followed. Odasaku raised and lowered his fists oblivious to the cold, the wet, the concrete under his knees and the softness of the body beneath him. He was trapped in his mind, fighting against a swarming rush of pain, fear and loneliness. He fists swung harder, as his head swam at all the years had been left by himself to navigate an unfair world, the stupid book with its stupid unfinished ending that had cruelly teased about hope in the world, the loss of his friendship with Ango, the knowledge that the kids would never to grow up and live lives of their own, no longer being able to write his book, the frustration of no matter how hard he’s tried to live well everything has been taken away from him. He had nothing, there was nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
Dazai.
A flash of lightning and the loudest crack of thunder yet abruptly snapped Odasaku out of the trance he had worked himself into and there was Dazai. As he stared down at him, he relaxed his legs and his fists, the rain began to ease and the darkness began to brighten. Odasaku looked at his fists and then at Dazai's face. His chest heaved as a choked sob escaped him.
“No, no, no,” he whispered repeatedly to himself as he slowly leant forward and started tenderly brushing Dazai’s hair out of his face. He gently cupped Dazai’s cheek as he turned to put his ear close to Dazai’s nose, straining desperately to hear the faintest sound of breath. Nothing. He sat back up and forced himself to look at the state of the man beneath him. He wanted to look away, to run away but he had caused this state and needed to face it. As he stared, his eyes burned and welled but then he noticed it. The faint rise and fall of Dazai’s chest. It was so shallow that it’d be easy to miss but now that he had noticed it, there was no mistaking it. Dazai was breathing.
More than that. Dazai was speaking. His voice was so faint that Odasaku could barely hear it.
“O..Oda…sa…ku” Dazai wheezed out, clearly pained by the effort to speak.
“I’m here Dazai, I’m sor-” but he was interrupted by the sensation of a wet smear across his face. Dazai had managed to raise his hand and it trembled as he struggled to hold it there and move his thumb to gently caress Odasaku’s cheek.
“I…I….” a cough cut Dazai off and his hand started to slip.
Odasaku’s own hands instinctively flew up to keep holding it in place and as he did he pressed it firmly against his face as he nuzzled into the palm.
“Dazai, please. I’m sorry!” He cried in shame and panic.
There was no response. Odasaku gently placed Dazai’s hand back down and leant his head into the left side of his chest.
“You’re something” he whispered softly as heavy tears rolled down his cheeks.
“You’re something!” He said again, louder and more forcefully whilst clutching at the lapels of the Dazai’s jacket and pressing his mouth hard against Dazai’s chest.
The rain had finally stopped and the clouds were clearing to reveal a sky glowing eerily in a shade of subdued orange. Two men were before an unassuming concrete building with an angled roof, one was carrying the other in his arms as he slowly walked away.