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You aren't the first. But God, do you wish you could be the last.
When he looks at you, nobody notices. But you do.
Third grade. He's shy. You both are. But laughing about the way other people make you uncomfortable is the first easy joke of many. You discover a shared love of Batman, and your bond is cemented in thirty seconds flat.
His laugh is still quiet. You didn't mean to promise yourself you'd change that, yet you did.
When he looks at you, the colors change. But in the dark, he doesn't see the warmth in your cheeks when you realize it. And thank God, because you wouldn't be able to explain it.
Junior high. Another night of staying up too late watching movies and pretending to study. His dad stares at you too long when you say hello like he always does, but you try to forget it. Tired worries like parents and school seem unimportant in moments like these. Hours pass like seconds, movies like episodes, albums like songs. And the smile it puts on your dumb faces is your favorite part of the whole routine.
He climbs over you every time he gets up to change the DVD. Sometimes you wonder what would happen if you pulled him into your arms, but you're too indecisive to do more than laugh and make funny sounds and pretend he's crushing you. Still worth it. He ends up throwing all his weight on you and the battle begins.
When he looks at you, it's with love. But by now, you're used to it. One day you just already knew. Could see the trust in his eyes and knew why it was there.
Senior year. When you go somewhere, you go together. If you've seen a show he's seen it too, cause he watched it with you. Whether time races or goes at a snail's pace, there isn't enough of it. You want to stay in the smiling, laughing, snorting minutes instead of thinking about the growing, maturing, difficult years ahead. Avoiding harsh realities is what you're good at.
Maybe you should finally work up your courage. Maybe that would change things. Maybe that doesn't matter— maybe it does. All you know is there's a friendship bracelet woven with the strings of your heart on his wrist, and you hope it never breaks. It's been so long, you figure it should've a long time ago; fallen off somewhere and gotten lost. But it didn't.
He's careful with things like that.