Work Text:
Top was going through the last drawer when his eyes fell on a known cover. It might've been pushed aside with all the other notebooks and books he'd been packing for hours, but that one would never pass unbeknownst to him.
Months before he had spent almost all of his free time with that sketchbook in his hands, his sleepless, lonely nights turned into drawings and drawings of Mew. He didn't plan in advance for that to be a birthday gift, it was just something that happened. Whenever he was with Mew his fingers would itch to hold a pencil and capture that moment on paper. And when his birthday came, it just seemed right to give it to him - he felt like Mew would appreciate it.
And he did. But then everything fell apart.
The scar from watching Mew burning up one of those pages was still very fresh in his heart - to think the moment he held so close to him, of having Mew dancing in his arms, bright smiles on their faces while the song carried them away, had been burnt with the premise of being forgotten hurt more than he would've thought so before; to have his worst nightmare - flames - as Mew's clear message that he was giving up on them haunted him for all those nights they were apart.
He touched the sandish cover, his fingers carefully drawing out the edges of it. He was curious - had Mew burned up everything? Torn it apart? He was dying to check, but scared to know the truth.
He knew it was foolish. Mew gave him a second chance and they were back together, slowly but surely navigating these new waters with sincere affection. They were about to move in together. But all of their previous moments were still special to him and he'd like to believe it was for Mew, too. He was afraid to find out he lost that, just like the time they weren't together.
He took a deep breath and turned the cover when Mew called out.
"Top? Are you done?" He closed it again in a startle as Mew showed up on the door. His eyes zoomed in Top's hand quickly, though, so Top couldn't hide what he'd been doing.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to rummage through your things, I just…" He didn't know what to say. Mew looked a little off guard himself, a slight blush on his cheeks. He cleared his throat and walked in to sit down in front of Top, his legs crossed.
"I guess you found it…" His eyes were on the sketchbook and then watching Top's face intently.
"I didn't think you'd still have it." He confessed.
"How could I not?" Mew said, somersaulting his heart, but he couldn't hide the sad smile. "I'm sorry for that." Mew took one of his hands in between both of his. "Hey, Top" he called to have his full attention. "I know what I did that day was too harsh. I knew… I realized a second too late that the fire was too much, that it could trigger something for you. But I was just so mad, I was completely out of it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did that and I'm sorry it took me this long to apologize for it." Top let go of a heavy breath.
"It's okay, Mew. You know I understand why you did what you did." He twisted his hand to intertwine their fingers.
"It wasn't okay, though. Seriously, if I could go back I wouldn't have done that. It was one of my favorites, too." He ended in a weaker voice.
"What?" He understood what he meant, but he needed to hear.
"That drawing. That date." Top smiled.
"Really?" Mew smiled at him with fondness.
"Yes. It was the first time I saw you being… I don't know. You? You seemed so cheeky, and you had the biggest smile on your face while singing to me. I really loved you at that moment."
"Only at that moment?" Top teased and Mew flicked his forehead.
"Hey. I'm really sorry." Top brought Mew's hand to his mouth and dropped a kiss, his gaze on him.
"I'm really sorry too." Mew smiled, his eyes as sparkly as ever. Top loved his eyes. "Are they still here, then?" He asked and Mew looked confused. "The other drawings."
"Yeah, of course. I-" He stopped and looked away, his cheeks turning pink. "I used to look at it everyday before sleeping." Top's heart ached.
"I thought you were avoiding anything related to me at the time." The pain of those days sour in his mouth. Mew laughed humorlessly.
"I was. But I missed you. And this was the most heartfelt gift I ever got; I grew really attached to it."
"You're so cute, Nong Mew."
"Hey!" Mew protested with an honest laugh now. "Who are you calling nong?" He tried to furrow his eyebrows but Top pulled him in and kissed it away.
"Can I see it?" He asked, the sketchbook in his hand. Mew snuggled in his lap and nodded. Top put his arm around him while finally opening it up.
As soon as he opened it he noticed how overused it was - you could see from the edges how much those pages had been turned. And it was all there: Mew reading at the bookstore; having fun with the wakeboard; the space where the silent disco dance should be; the way Mew looked while they showered together after their first time; Mew with the broken glasses and a big smile on his face - one Top didn't see, but heard and felt at their blind dining; and the last one, when Mew finally accepted him as a lover. That "I love you, Top" still resounded in his ears.
"I can draw that one again. If you want." He said, hand brushing Mew's hair. He looked up at him with hope in his eyes.
"Yeah? I would love it, you know. But it's been so long…"
"I remember. I remember everything about you, Mew." Mew sniffed his cheek and kissed his lips, which Top complied to quickly.
"Can you do it now?" He asked, their lips still touching. Top caressed his face before holding his neck and bringing him back for another kiss.
"Yes. But we'll have to keep this going later…" Mew pushed him but he just smiled. Mew always made him so giddy. "Come here." He stood up and held his hand for Mew, moving to the bed.
He lied face down with the sketchbook and a pencil and started working right away. It had been a long time since art had come to him so willingly. If he thought before Mew had become his muse, now he was certain. It all came too easy, as if he was living that moment again; as if it was still so fresh. Still so vivid in his mind. He could almost hear Mew's laugh when he sang off-key.
Mew was next to him, his chin resting on Top's shoulder, watching attentively as he worked. He didn't say anything and the silence was comforting, the feel of Mew's breath on his neck keeping him grounded and content.
"It's different." Mew pointed it out when he was done, but he didn't sound disappointed. Top had added himself to this one, with his arms around Mew's waist and his head resting on his shoulder, a peaceful expression on his face. "I think I like this version better."
Top pushed him on his back and straddled his hips. Mew looked startled for a second before a wicked smile spread, expectant eyes dancing around Top's face and a hand touching his nape, daring him to keep his promise.
"We should continue where we left off then…" Top said slowly lowering down when Mew pulled him faster to close the space between their mouths.
They kissed and kissed and kissed and Mew still tasted like novelty and desire. He twisted them around to be above Top and it thrilled him just like the first time it happened. Mew taking over always left him breathless.
Mew pulled away and stared at him. His eyes were happy and his lips were a deep pink - both because of him. Both for him.
"I love you, Top." Top blinked slowly, a sense of déjà vu echoing in his ears. It was real and it was in the present. It wasn't a dream. It was happening. Mew loved him. Still. It was a gift he would never stop being grateful for.
"I love you too." He said.
His fingers itched once more to capture that moment, to have that look on Mew's face saved forever. And he knew he would. He knew he could .
They were just starting.