Chapter Text
There is no emotion, there is peace.
“I don't hold anger towards you Juhani, I wish you peace.”
The words continued to reverberate in Juhani's mind, a balm over the chaos of emotions spiraling through her. How could this woman, this stranger, somehow turn her life around? How could she be so kind to a wild and angry Cathar who had threatened and made obvious intent to kill her? So many questions yet the answer seemed so easy. Because she was at peace, because she was good, because she was light.
Juhani had met many humans, but only a few had ever impacted her like this. And only one other before had seemingly glowed with the Force, paragon of all that the Jedi hoped to embody. Juhani hoped that this Jedi would stay her course. The Council seemed to have faith, and a surprising amount of it, in their new Padawan. “Enough that they are even burdening her with me,” she thought remorsefully before shaking her head of it. “No, I must not think that I am a burden, she has already forgiven me. They all have given me this chance, to aide her on her journey. I must not be a burden, I must strive to be as she is. A true Jedi, strong and beautiful, with the Force.”
“Uh...Juhani, right?” The young twi'lek startled her from her thoughts as she stuck her head into the storage bay Juhani had holed up in. “I'm sorry about the delay, but it seems like we're still trying to figure out which bed is for who. Carth offered to sleep in the cockpit and Zaalbar said he's too big for the bed anyways, but it's not right to make you sleep with the boys. Bastila said we all need proper rest and then went on and on about how improper rest leads to crankiness and before we knew it she was lecturing us about the dark side again. I might have slipped out without her noticing.” Mission offered an awkward smile.
“I don't wish to make trouble for your friends. If needed I can sleep here. It is at least warmer than the grove was.”
Mission winced. “Look, you ain't gotta think about that stuff anymore, okay? Renata ain't gonna make you sleep on the floor. She'll get those idiots to figure it out.”
Juhani allowed herself a rare smile. It was nice to be around people again, especially the lively crew of the Ebon Hawk. Something about the constant chatter really helped her push her negative feelings of self-doubt down.
“Is Renata still on the receiving end of a lecture then?”
“That's what Bastila thinks, at least.”
The blur of blue robes was all Juhani saw of Renata before the Jedi was behind her, sheepish smile on her face as she exchanged a wink with Mission.
“Padawan, what are you doing?!” Juhani exclaimed, the others quickly shushing her outburst. “Sorry, I'm just a little shocked to see this behavior from you of all people.”
She sighed, the tension in her shoulders leaving as she exhaled.
“Ah, sorry. I know you and Bastila take this Jedi thing pretty seriously.” She ran a hand up through her bangs, her eyes sparkling with an emotion Juhani couldn't quite place. “It's just...well, life's too short to spend it all being that uptight. You need to loosen up a little, enjoy these brief times when we can let our guard down a little and well...be ourselves. As much as I think Bastila and some of the Council don't want to admit it, there's no harm in having fun.”
Mission nodded sagely. “Ain't nothing wrong with having a little fun now and then.”
“Plus, it helps improvise in tough situations. Don't let Bastila know I told you, but...let's just say I had to rescue her by winning a swoop race and she was not happy about it at all.”
Juhani's eyes widened. So much for her image of a graceful and posed Jedi; this one was more scoundrel than Padawan! And yet...
She narrowed her eyes. The aura that she felt emanating in the Force from Renata was if anything brighter and warmer now than before.
“You are a strange one, Padawan.”
“Renata,” she clarified. “Formalities might be good for formal situations, but here on this ship we are just friends all on a journey together, okay?”
“R-Renata?” Juhani tested. She felt her cheeks burn with awkwardness and she darted her eyes away. “It may take some getting used to.”
A gentle hand on her shoulder drew her attention back. “That's okay. We can work on it. It'll be nice to have you to train with, Juhani. I'm sure you've got a lot you can teach me.”
“...I highly doubt that,” she murmured, her eyes downcast. “You are most talented for one so new to the ways, even the Council saw that you have great potential. If anything, it is I that will have to learn from you. I, who have fallen, certainly have much to learn.”
She wasn't sure when Renata's hand had darted down, but suddenly she felt her long fingers slowly uncurling the fist at her side.
“Peace, Juhani. It is not a war we should wage between us.” She gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “Believe in yourself. You are more than you think you are. And if you do not think it so, then believe that I can see so much potential in you as well. There is much each of us can teach each other if we are only open to the thought. You will be a great Jedi, I know it.”
Those final words, those same words the Jedi that had been passing through Taris had once told her many years ago, brought such a calm upon her she was momentarily stunned.
“I...Thank you, Padawan. I hope to live up to your faith in me.”
Renata smiled. “You will. I know you will.”
A sharp trill and whistle snapped the two out of their conversation as T3 came rolling up to Mission and beeped out a series of noises before rolling off down the hall.
Mission gave the two Jedi a smile. “Little guy says we should have something to make a hammock from. Guess that solves our sleeping arrangements. I'm going to go help put it together because I'm sure it'll be way more comfortable than sleeping beside a certain someone and their snoring.”
Renata moved to follow her down the hall. “Hey now, we can't all be perfect like Bastila, okay?”
“Well you should try harder on this one!”
“Oh? Like someone should sleep without their brain-tails flopping over into my bed?”
“Serves you right for making the engine sound quiet!”
As the two voices and the accompanying laughter moved further away, Juhani took one last look around the small room. Even with the chance of a snoring roommate, something about joining the others seemed far more appealing than a lone night amongst the storage.
“For so long I thought that to find true peace, I needed solitude. How wrong it seems I've been.”
And feeling more at peace than she had in quite some time, Juhani made her way across the ship to where the others were waiting for her.