Work Text:
The gentle, scratching sound of a pestle and mortar being used filled the room. The aromatic smell of herbs and tea hang in the air, and the late afternoon sun cast its rays through one of the windows, warming the young woman's back as she worked. Eyebrows drawn together in concentration, Maomao kept her eyes on the mugworth filling the mortar, yet her thoughts were somewhere else.
Jinshi had invited Maomao to a cup of tea later, no doubt probably up to a new scheme he needed her help with. After all, along with his invitation came the promise of a reward that might interest the woman and was worthy of her time. Not something she could say no to. And in a sense, not something Maomao...wanted to say no to, admittedly, though that was not something she would say out loud.
Unfortunately, this invitation from the man with the face of a celestial being was the reason why she was so lost in her own head. The reason of her current struggles. The corners of Maomao's mouth ticked downward and she sniffed in annoyance. If she was quite honest, recently he had been... often on her mind. A bit, or rather, way too much, if she was quite honest. Though Maomao preferred to avoid thinking or even straight out denying it, she knew that Jinshi held affection for her.
The young woman's grip tightened on the pestle, and her mouth turned even more into a frown.
He held affection for her, and as much as she loathed to admit it - over time, especially more recently, it seemed something inside of her chest had grown to return that affection.
Love.
A strange word to her, something Maomao used to believe she could not experience, outside of her feelings when it came to medicine and all things related to it. And in a sense, she wasn't wrong with that - there wasn't an insistent, wild feeling in her stomach, like looking down from a great height. Her heart wasn't seemingly stuck in her throat whenever she looked at or thought about Jinshi. No inner emotional turmoil, so strong she could barely form words. No wild blushing whenever she was in his vicinity. She never had and still did not experience this wild, seemingly untamed beast called love that the other women at court had told her about, or that she had read about in some of the stories they usually enjoyed. In a sense, it was still strange to her. And if Maomao was honest, she wasn't sure if that would ever change. Or...if she even wanted it to change.
Rather, when she tought about Jinshi, there was a....calmness. A certain kind of determination that yes, indeed, she found affection inside herself for this man. Simply said, a knowing. It was hard to describe, weird to express. It wasn't like everyone had always told her, yet Maomao was...sure that it had to be something akin to that. She wouldn't know how else to describe or word it. And if Maomao was honest to herself and this weird, mangled bunch of feelings in her chest - she was alright with that.
Maomao had always been someone that fell out of the norm. Someone who felt and did things different to the people around her. Beginning with her love for medicine and strive to become an apothecary, and apparently ending with how she experienced affection for the people around her. Though still unlikely to admit it - if it were going to what she wanted, it wasn't something she would ever say out loud -, in a sense she held....something akin to love for a certain individual. it was simply different to how others experienced and expressed it.
And then there was also the point of his beauty. It was hard not to notice how everyone seemed to lose their mind when looking at this celestial nymph. And of course, even Maomao had to admit - from an objective point of view, he was beautiful. Yet, if it came to her more personal views, it simply...did not matter to her. At least not in the same way that it seemed to to everyone else around her. Even since the beginninng, when Maomao first saw him, all it really got out of her was annoyance and the worry that one day, it might start a war if the wrong person percieved it. But never the same sense of being overwhelmed by otherworldly beauty, breathlessly wanting to throw herself at him or swooning at the sight of him.
To her, Jinshi was simply...Jinshi. And his physical appearance did not have any impact to that. It simply did not matter to Maomao, and it did not influence how she looked at him or felt about him.
Though, there was that one incident involving a certain frog...
At that thought, Maomao shuddered and quickly swiped her left hand on her skirt. No, no. That did not matter either, other than that it made things very awkward between them for a while. But as long as she did not think about it, she could pretend it never happened, and that was something Maomao was more than fine with. A mindset she was more than happy to follow and already did quite often, especially when it came to Jinshi and his various...shenanigans. It made her life a lot easier and safer, pretending she never saw, heard or knew about certain things.
Still lost in thought, Maomao nodded slightly to herself, her hands working almost on their own as she finished the preparations for the moxibustion her sisters had requested. Yes, simply pretending to not know, preferring denial. Something she could apply just as well to her current...inner emotional conflict regarding Jinshi. It would do no good to continue musing about it, only make things more difficult for the both of them. Maybe one day she could properly embrace these complicated, different emotions coiling in her chest, but for now...
Maomao raised to her feet, dusted off her skirt and checked herself over quickly, making sure she looked decent enough to be in the presence of someone like Jinshi. Once satisfied, she put away her tools, tidied everything up and then left her small workshop.
Work awaited her.
Jinshi awaited her.