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Fire crackled in the center of camp as everyone set up their tents, ready for a night of rest after finally leaving the cursed lands that were now being given the chance to heal. Baldur's Gate wasn't that much further now which meant the final battle against the Absolute was drawing ever closer. Mikael wasn't really focused on that though as he now had an idea of who he was exactly.
A bhaalspawn with a pile of bodies already under his boot.
Of all the things Mikael had expected from his past, that wasn't one of them although it did explain the violent urges he was experiencing. If anything, he had simply thought his God was giving him a test of faith, making sure he was staying on the path of good so he could keep his oath like a paladin should. This was not the God he had expected or wanted although it explained why he never heard a guiding voice. At this rate, Mikael would have preferred the amnesia over knowing the truth.
Sleep definitely wasn't going to come easy tonight, not that it ever did to begin with. The urges made getting a full night's rest difficult and now Mikael's mind was too occupied to even attempt a nap. That's why he's sitting by the fire despite everyone wanting to just sleep, nothing but his thoughts to occupy him.
Mikael decides he might as well keep his hands busy, so he takes down the high braid he always keeps his hair in. It's probably weird to many people why his hair is so long to begin with, but Mikael has some strange attachment to it that prevents him from cutting it shorter. Perhaps it's leftover feelings from before Bhaal got ahold of a young Mikael and turned him into a killer. Before he let his blood rule his every thought and became the Chosen of a murderous God. He doesn't know for sure and likely never will, but it's a small comfort thinking that there was still a piece of his uncorrupted self somewhere inside.
Once the braid is out and his hair is free, Mikael gives his scalp a moment of rest. The strands of his blonde hair flow over his horns and shoulders and looking at the ends makes a memory tickle the front of his brain. He focuses on it and wills it forth, frowning once the vision becomes clear. Mikael remembers seeing blood in his loose hair, dripping from the clumped strands onto the floor. At the time, the view had filled him with glee as it was remnants of a good kill. The poor victim is on the ground in front of him and Mikael abandons the memory before he can see the corpse's face. It's probably a cowardly thing to do so he doesn't remember the dead faces of his past kills, but he doesn't think he has the mental capacity to deal with such a thing right now.
So focused had Mikael been on the memory that he didn't notice Astarion coming closer until the other was directly behind him. The tiefling was spooked enough by the sudden feeling of a presence that he grabbed his warhammer without really thinking and was ready to start swinging. Mikael had just gotten a foot under him, ready to attack when he realized who it was. He thankfully had enough strength to stop the warhammer from going any further, so he was left in his half kneeling position, staring at Astarion who had brought his hands up in defense of himself. Clearly, both of them had been caught off guard although it was the vampire who managed to recover first from the sudden outburst.
"Gods! Alright, I get it. I'll start making my presence more known. Just put the warhammer down, darling. I'm far too pretty for my face to be bashed in." Astarion jokes despite his nerves buzzing with tension at almost being flattened. Mikael had looked very ready to kill whoever had snuck up on him and Astarion doesn't doubt the other would have followed through if it had been some poor stranger. At the vampire's request, Mikael quickly sets his weapon down and has the wherewithal to look properly chastised for his actions.
"My apologies. I hadn't heard you coming." Mikael explains before he goes back to sitting on the ground.
"Yes, I kind of caught onto that." Astarion quips as he moves to sit down as well. He doesn't have to guess what has Mikael so jumpy, especially since the man barely slept because of his murderous urges. Finding out he was a bhaalspawn probably wasn't the easiest thing to accept either, so Astarion doesn't blame Mikael for the outburst. For a moment, they sit in silence which isn't hard for the tiefling. Mikael is a quiet man to begin with, more prone to standing like a statue and looking intimidating rather than letting his emotions show. Astarion doesn't know if the man was always this way or if it's a byproduct of the amnesia. Perhaps Mikael was a little more unhinged before the betrayal from Orin. A little more outspoken about his desires and a lot less calm. Or maybe he was always a stalwart paladin that let his actions do the talking. Neither of them will probably ever know the truth and Astarion can't help but see so many similarities between them. Maybe that's why they're so drawn to each other.
Rather than bring up such a heavy topic though, Astarion thinks they could use some light banter. Especially after Mikael's little outburst that has clearly left the other feeling more upset than before.
"I still do quite like seeing you with your hair down. Why don't you wear it like that more often? I'm sure you'd have plenty of people falling at your feet if you did." Astarion says even though that's not a situation he wants. Mikael is the first good thing to happen to the vampire in a very long time. The last thing he wants are people trying to take that away from him even though he trusts Mikael to not betray what they have. It's clear Astarion's faith isn't unfounded when the suggestion makes the tiefling frown.
"That's the last thing I want." Mikael says as he pushes some strands of his hair back. Astarion watches the motion before dramatically huffing.
"I know that, darling. I was merely trying to point out how nice your hair looks unbraided." Astarion explains with a wave of his hand. The first time he had seen Mikael's hair in its unbound state was the first time they slept together. The leather cord keeping everything in place came undone during their rather passionate intimacy and despite his mindset at the time, Astarion had appreciated the sight. Since then, he's only seen the view a handful of other times, but it's no less interesting.
"I couldn't begin to tell you. Perhaps it's a habit from before. It would also get in the way during a fight, so better to tie it up." Mikael says as he begins to gather the strands. It's clear he's planning to braid it all again, but Astarion stops him by gently grabbing one of his wrists.
"Allow me." Astarion says which makes Mikael pause. The vampire has never offered to braid his hair before, but he supposes there's a first time for everything. Rather than question or fight it, the paladin lowers his hands and doesn't move as Astarion gets behind him. The elf gets to work gathering the long blonde strands into the ponytail that proceeds the braid and it doesn't take him long to have everything bound by the cord. That's when Astarion gets started on braiding everything, wondering when he started to enjoy little moments like these. Sitting by a fire with his lover, doing mundane things such as fixing Mikael's hair. Sure, they still have a lot to do before they'll be truly free to enjoy more moments like these, but getting a head start on something akin to a normal life isn't a bad thing.
Neither talk while Astarion works and even though the vampire wants to fill the silence with something that eases their minds of the trials to come, he thinks maybe he shouldn't. They can find solace in the quiet moments like these, even after Astarion's work is done and Mikael's braid is back in place once more. The tiefling should probably let his hair free when night comes so it doesn't get in the way of his sleeping attempts, but it's easier to have his hair already braided so they can get moving quicker in the mornings.
"Thank you." Mikael says to Astarion once the other is back to sitting beside him.
"Think nothing of it, dear. It gives me an excuse to play with your hair after all." Astarion responds with a grin, one that earns a raised brow.
"You can just ask, you know."
"But where's the fun in that?" Astarion asks which is responded with an eye roll making the vampire chuckle. Neither say much after that, just watch the fire dance and pop until Mikael lets out a sigh.
"I suppose I should try to sleep." He says with obvious reluctance. Astarion doesn't blame the man and also doesn't need to ask what Mikael wants him to do. Ever since the tiefling almost hurt him back in the Shadowlands, Mikael has taken it upon himself to make sure he's bound before attempting to sleep. Astarion didn't really like the idea at first since he wasn't a fan of taking someone's freedom, but Mikael had been adamant about being bound. He didn't want to hurt anyone in camp, least of all Astarion, so the elf decided he'd go along with it for now. Moving to their bedrolls and taking some of the rope they've been storing in their packs, the vampire carefully and meticulously binds Mikael's wrists. Astarion isn't looking to hurt his lover by making them too tight, but he also wants to make sure the rope won't be easily broken. Once the knot is in place, Mikael tests the strength of the binding before laying down on his side.
"Thank you. I know you don't like doing this, but it gives me peace of mind." Mikael says with a look over at Astarion. The elf had hoped he'd hidden his distaste for the idea a little better than he apparently has, but there's nothing he can do about it now. Like Mikael said, doing this calms the other down enough for him to attempt sleep for the night. If that's what it takes for him to actually get some damn rest for once, Astarion won't argue against it.
"Of course, darling. I'll only become concerned if you start telling me to tie you up naked." He quips with a little smirk, hoping to lighten the mood. It works a little as the corners of Mikael's lips tick up into a small smile. They share a quick if awkward kiss goodnight before Astarion goes to his own bedroll, hoping there will come a day where he doesn't have to treat Mikael like a caged animal that might attack at any second.
~~~~~
When Astarion wished for Mikael to be free of his urges, free of his fear that they'll take over in the middle of the night and he'll kill again, this isn't what he wanted. Astarion didn't want to see his lover laying on the ground, dead in a pool of blood with him unable to do anything. Those damn cultists had kept Astarion from getting close, devoutly devoted to their God who didn't want to be interrupted. The elf could only watch helplessly as Mikael was drained of his life then dropped like a useless doll. A toy no longer desired.
It was only then that the cultists allowed the others close, Astarion heading straight for Mikael's lifeless body. Not even the blood could deter the vampire as he knelt down, his knees slipping a bit before they found enough purchase.
"No. No, no, no. Come on darling, open your eyes." Astarion begged as he gathered Mikael into his arms. It became obvious very quickly that something was wrong the moment their skin made contact. As a tiefling, Mikael always ran warm no matter what, his hells fueled blood a comfort against Astarion's. Now the other was cold, his warmth taken away, stolen by a cruel God. Mikael was now just as cold as the vampire, but while Astarion was undead and immortal, his lover was quite the opposite.
And now he was actually dead. A lifeless corpse that would never move again. The thought made Astarion want to scream just as loudly as he did after killing Cazador.
They were both finally free! So why was it that Astarion could enjoy his new life without looking over his shoulder every second while Mikael wasn't even allowed one second of bliss? Astarion cradles the other's head, not even acknowledging the rest of their companions who seem to be trying to comprehend what just happened. Astarion currently only cares about his own grief and the fact that he'll be alone again, his long life all but guaranteed to make him forget Mikael with enough time.
The vampire feels the tears in his eyes as he presses their foreheads together, wishing to just wake up and find that this was all a dream. Perhaps they'll be in their camp, Mikael next to him on the bedroll and finally breaking that stony visage with a warm smile. Or maybe they'll be at the Elfsong Tavern, sharing a bath while Astarion played with the tiefling's tail just to make him squirm. Anywhere but in a godsdamned temple surrounded by unfeeling cultists.
Astarion is still holding the lifeless body of his love when a familiar and unexpected voice cuts in.
"Thou hast defied Bhaal, thy liege and father, and in doing so hast earned a place among champions and heroes." These words made Astarion look up, unsure how he should feel seeing Withers approaching. The other drones on about Mikael's unfortunate circumstances and Astarion is ready to blow up at him, especially when he talks about Fugue Plane. It's only when Withers says he won't permit such a thing does Astarion feel a flicker of hope.
"Can… can you do that? Bring him back?" He asks while ignoring the obvious wetness now on his cheeks.
"I, too, still hold some power." Withers says as if that answers any and all questions Astarion might have at the moment. The cryptic man then continues on with words that sound as if he's reading a book and it almost makes Astarion shout at him in grief fueled anger until Withers's hand glows blue. That same blue then envelops Mikael's body and without warning, the tiefling inhales a massive gulp of air. His body raises and writhes in Astarion's arms before he coughs as if trying to clear away a blockage, but the vampire doesn't care about any of that. Not when Mikael's chest is finally moving again and the heat has returned to his once ice cold skin.
Not caring if anyone else sees, Astarion hugs the tiefling close, thankful that he won't have to continue on without his love by his side. Mikael is still trying to regain his bearings a bit since apparently dying can certainly have an effect on a person, but he makes sure to let Astarion know everything is alright. The paladin returns the hug, clawed fingers twisting gently into white curls.
"I'm alright. I promise." Mikael whispers which earns him a wet huff.
"Good. Now please, don't do something like that again, darling." Astarion says without acknowledging the fact that the other is still mortal and will eventually pass on. Mikael clearly knows this as well and seems as though he wants to bring it up, but the look Astarion gives him tells all.
Just go with it.
"I won't." Mikael says, receiving a kiss for his troubles. One of their companions lets out a noise that makes it obvious they find the display cute and it's enough to make Astarion pull back while clearing his throat.
"Right. Well, now that that's settled, I think it's time we leave this place. Don't get me wrong, love, red is a good color on you, but there is such a thing as too much." Astarion quips with his usual attempts to cover up how he's really feeling. Mikael rolls his eyes, but even he can't argue as he's also ready to leave. Seeing Withers does make the tiefling give pause so he can question the strange companion much to Astarion's chagrin, but they eventually leave once they have everything they need. No one is even remotely in the right mindset to face the Elder Brain yet, so they decide to camp once more before they face down the foe that started all of this.
One that Mikael apparently brought upon everyone.
It's clear this revelation rests heavy on the man's shoulders as he yet again sits by the fire set in the middle of their camp. It's clear everyone wants to say something, but none of them are brave enough to approach just yet. Well, Minsc obviously is, but Jaheira holds him back and not-so-subtly motions for Astarion to go talk to Mikael. The vampire would mock her, but she's one of the few people he knows better than to test with his sass. So Astarion moves to sit by Mikael, words failing him for a moment as he thinks of something to say. A lot has happened in just a short time and the revelations in the temple of Bhaal can't be easy to digest for Mikael. However, the tiefling took the time to make sure Astarion was alright after dealing with Cazador, surely the vampire can do the same for him.
"Are you alright, love?" Astarion asks even though it feels stupid. Obviously Mikael isn't alright, but he doesn't know what else to do. This isn't a situation Astarion has experience with and he feels out of his element, especially when Mikael answers back with a sigh.
"I'm not sure." He responds. "I'm finally free from Bhaal. I won't have any more urges. I won't end up hurting you or the others if I ever lose control of myself. But I still spent so long worshiping a God of murder. I've probably killed hundreds I can't remember and I'm also the reason the Elder Brain started infecting people. If Orin never betrayed me, I'd have happily hurt so many others… including you." Mikael gently grabs one of Astarion's hands, staring for a moment since he doesn't feel worthy enough to meet the vampire's gaze just yet.
"I'm… I'm happy and angry and scared and… I don't know. Focusing on just one emotion almost feels like a disservice to the rest. Like I'm not giving those I killed the respect they deserve." Mikael explains as he finally locks eyes with Astarion. It's clear there's a war of emotions going on behind the paladin's eyes, unable to decide whether he should celebrate or focus on his guilt. Astarion kind of understands considering all he did for Cazador regarding the poor souls that had been trapped beneath the manor for centuries. If there's one thing the vampire understands, it's conflicting emotions regarding past actions and current ones.
"No one said you had to focus on them all tonight, darling. If you give yourself one night to just enjoy your freedom, that doesn't mean you can't remember those who were taken the next. Taking it slow once in a while wouldn't hurt, you know." Astarion says with an almost accusatory tone regarding how much Mikael wanted to always have his hands and mind occupied. The other never seemed to just take a moment to rest and even though they know the reason behind it now, just sitting down for a minute or two would do wonders. Mikael smiles a little sheepishly then sighs again.
"You're right." He agrees and Astarion of course can't help himself.
"You'll find I'm right a lot, love. You just don't want to listen." The vampire says with a smirk which this time earns him a laugh. Mikael's body seems to finally relax for once and it's clear the rest of the camp can tell. The heavy air that had been there a moment ago is gone, so they all focus on their own things that way they can prepare for the battle to come. Mikael hadn't realized just how much his anxiety was affecting everyone else, but now isn't the time to worry about that. For once, the tiefling has the chance to sleep without fear and he plans to make the most of it.
When the fire has died and everyone is ready for rest, Mikael finally allows himself the chance to sleep on the same bedroll as Astarion. The vampire doesn't mind, grateful that he no longer had to bind Mikael with rope and act as if it was normal. They snuggle together in Mikael's tent, Astarion feeling relieved over the heat coming off of the other's body. It's confirmation that Mikael is alive and well, not dead on the cold stone in a temple full of crazies. They share a kiss before they settle down for bed, the worries of tomorrow unable to ruin this moment where they're both free and happy.