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♞♚♞♚
"I don't really understand," Stiles complains, stretching his legs out across Erica's.
There's a beat. Derek's heart aches.
"What's there to understand?" Erica asks, putting her hands on Stiles' legs. She tugs them in closer to her. "I'm going to marry him one day."
"But first off, you don't talk to each other," Stiles says, shaking his head. "And secondly, Boyd doesn't talk. To anyone."
"He talks to me," Erica says, smugly. "Isn't that right, Derek?"
"Hm?" Derek says, as if he's absentmindedly paying attention and not studying the way Stiles' lips move. "Yeah. He does."
"Okay, well, whatever. I've seen him hanging around Lydia's ex, Jackson." Stiles frowns. "And you know Jackson is bad news."
"He's really not," Lydia mutters, not looking up from her phone.
Derek shifts on the grass. He wants to tune out of this pointless conversation. Everyone here knows that if Erica wants to marry Boyd, she'll probably do just that and marry the guy. But Stiles loves to imagine that Erica’s secretly in love with him and has been since high school. He finally got over Lydia only to get hung up on Erica.
Stiles just loves love, even if he pretends to hate it.
Derek knows this, and often wonders why Stiles can’t see what’s sitting right in front of him. Derek. The guy who has been in love with Stiles since they were about twelve years old. The guy who has never wavered in their friendship, even when Stiles makes it nearly impossible sometimes. The guy who showed up when Stiles’ mom was dying, and the guy who showed up when Danny turned him down for a ‘virginity pact’ and left Stiles crying in the locker room.
But no. Stiles doesn’t see Derek in that way, and that’s fine. It has to be fine. Derek would rather Stiles be in his life than out of it.
“C’mon, the guy cheated on you!” Stiles argues with Lydia now.
“He was going through a sexuality crisis! In high school!” Lydia counters. “If anything, Erica, you should be glad that Boyd has a friend like Jackson. He went from hating his queerness to running the college queer centre. He wouldn’t keep awful company.”
“That’s a great point, Lyds,” Erica says, beaming. She turns back to Stiles. “You’re just worried that Boyd won’t understand that I’m trans, and that he’ll break my heart like every other cis boy out there.”
“I just don’t want you to get hurt, Erica. You’re, like, obsessing over this guy. And he doesn’t even talk!”
“He does too!” Erica gently shoves Stiles’ legs off her. “And if you don’t want to be a supportive friend, then the least you can do is shut up.”
Erica gives Lydia a look and silently, the two of them start packing their things.
“Wait, what just happened?” Stiles asks.
“You were an asshole,” Lydia tells him, her tone dry. Erica stands up and walks away without a word. Lydia pauses to add, “I know you’re all hung up on Erica right now, but maybe don’t bash the guy she likes. It’s not a good look.”
Then Lydia trails after Erica.
Stiles scoffs and looks at Derek. “Can you believe that?”
Derek shrugs. He’d rather not get caught in the middle. Besides, Boyd does talk. Derek’s sure Stiles rarely gives him a chance to, though. He picks at some of the grass, ripping it from the ground, and immediately feeling guilty about it.
“I don’t get women,” Stiles mutters. “What does she see in him?”
What do you see in Erica that you don’t see in me? Derek wants to ask but bites his tongue. Instead, he opts to quietly say, “Why don’t I walk you to your next class?”
Stiles studies Derek’s face, and he can’t help but wonder what Stiles is looking for. Instead of asking, Derek gets up from the courtyard grass and grabs his backpack. He holds out a hand to help Stiles up, and tries to ignore the way his body buzzes at the contact.
"You know, I'm starting to question whether I'm even meant for love," Stiles mutters. "Like maybe I'm just destined to be single for the rest of my life."
Derek snorts, because that's ridiculous.
"What?" Stiles asks, as they head towards the school doors. "I mean, Lydia has refused to look my way once. Not even a tiny little glance or a peek. She was all obsessed with Jackson, and then fell for Allison. And like, sure, they're a great couple, but... I'm always going to wonder what if?"
Derek doesn't respond, but simply holds the door open for him and trails beside him.
"And Erica... she was single all throughout high school, always complaining that no one was ever going to love her -"
"-sounds familiar," Derek teases.
Stiles doesn't hear him though. He keeps going. "And here I am, ready and willing to make our friendship more, and she's suddenly hung up on some guy who doesn't say a word."
Derek's lips part and shut. It's impossible to get him to hear anyone else when Stiles gets on a roll like this.
"And Boyd! Do you think he has any idea what a treasure Erica is? I bet not. I bet he doesn't even see her. And I do." Stiles pauses to glance at Derek. "You think Erica and I would be a good couple, right?"
Derek freezes.
"Yo, Stilinski! I heard you been talkin' shit about me!"
Thank god for Jackson, Derek thinks, as they both spin around to see him coming up the hall.
"I ran into Lydia and Erica. They're both furious with you," Jackson says, coming to a stop in front of them. He claps a hand on Stiles' shoulder. "I'd be pissed at you, but I think their wrath alone will be enough."
"Ha-ha," Stiles says, sarcastically. Then his face pales a little. "Oh shit, are they really mad?"
"Furious, dude," Jackson says. "I just said that."
"Fuck." Stiles hesitates before saying, "Okay. I'll apologize after class. I just..."
"Just what?" Jackson asks, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes. "Just talked shit about the guy that Erica's in love with?"
"Well, not exactly--"
"Just forgot your boundaries because you think you're destined to have met your soul mate in high school like your parents did?" Jackson continues. "You do realize that it doesn't always happen like that, right? And you don't have to jump from friend to friend saying you're in love like the boy who cried wolf."
"Well--"
"Food for thought," Jackson says, before gently shoving Stiles' shoulder. "I gotta get to class. But you better apologize before my party on Friday! I don't want any drama!"
"Su--sure," Stiles stammers, as if he doesn't know how to respond for once.
"Always nice to talk, Hale," Jackson says before jogging back the way he came.
"What is going on?" Stiles whines. "It's like no one wants me to be in love with Erica."
Derek glances at Stiles, and then has to look away. He could say, Maybe that's my fault. Maybe it's because everyone knows I'm desperately in love with you. Maybe it's because I've been waiting for you for so long now. But he says nothing.
Instead, he pretends to get a call and tells Stiles he'll catch up with him later.
Instead, he walks down the hall and fights the urge to look back.
Instead, he puts the phone back into his pocket without even an attempt at a fake phone call.
Some days, being in love with your best friend is too much. Even for Derek, who has years of practice at it.
♞♚♞♚
"Oh my god, you came to a party!" Kira says, giggling and clearly already drunk. She throws her arms around Derek's shoulders. "I don't think I've ever seen you at one before!"
Derek laughs, feeling more relaxed tonight than he has all week. He's going to see Stiles again, and maybe lose his tongue, but at least he's calmed down from his mini freakout on Monday. "Hey, Kira. I've been known to party occasionally."
Kira laughs. "Okay, sure. Oh my god! There's someone I've been dying for you to meet!"
Derek lets her take his hand and drag him into the crowd at Jackson's apartment. They make their way out to the balcony where a handsome, but slightly scrawny, guy stands smoking a joint.
"Isaac! This is Derek. I've told Isaac all about you, Derek. You two have a lot in common. And -"
"Kira!" a girl's voice comes from within the apartment.
"And that's my cue. Have fun!" Kira giggles as she runs back into the apartment. Derek hears her shout "Maila!" before the door shuts behind her.
Isaac sighs. "This isn't what you think it is."
"It feels like we've just been set-up," Derek murmurs, walking over to take the joint from Isaac's fingers.
"Yeah, but not in the way you think." Isaac takes a deep breath before he says, "She said you have a big house."
Derek blinks, because that's not what he was expecting. "I... do. It was left to me after my parents passed away."
Isaac winces. "Sorry to hear that, man."
"Do you need a place to crash?" Derek asks, taking another puff of the joint before handing it back to Isaac.
"Something like that," Isaac mutters. He closes his eyes and takes a long drag of the joint. Then he says, "Listen, I like Kira. I trust Kira. And Kira trusts you. So. I'm just going to say I'm in a really bad spot right now, and could use another friend."
Isaac takes a deep breath and offers Derek the joint again. Just then, his sleeve moves down, and Derek sees all he needs to know.
"Yeah, man. Any friend of Kira's is a friend of mine. Get my number from her, and we'll work it out."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," Derek says, nodding. "My sisters sort of live with me, but neither of them are around much. Cora's in school on the east coast, and Laura works in New York City. So, the place is kind of lonely, anyway."
"Cool. Thanks."
They stand on the balcony in silence for a few minutes, passing the joint back and forth, and then decide to go inside.
Derek's mind is spinning with what just happened, and perhaps that's why, he doesn't see Stiles coming.
Stiles throws his arms around Derek's neck from behind and swings around to face him. "Derek! I need you, right now."
He doesn't hesitate. He puts his hands on Stiles' waist and is ready to whisk him out of this party when Stiles laughs and stumbles backwards.
"Oh, that's good."
Confused, Derek asks, "What do you need me for?"
"I wanna make Erica see what she's missing!" Stiles says, swaying his hips. He frowns when Derek doesn't budge. "Dance with me, handsome."
Derek feels rusty. Like someone who hasn't danced before. He swallows hard. "I thought you apologized to her?"
"I did! A bunch of times!" Stiles says. "But I guess she's on a mission tonight to prove to me that she's really in love with Boyd. So, I wanna make her jealous."
"And I'm the way to do that?" Derek asks, unable to hide the hurt in his voice.
"Duh." Stiles shifts closer to Derek. "Is this okay?"
His mouth is dry. He manages a quiet "yes."
Derek tries to swallow again, but a lump has grown in his throat. It feels impossible, to be this close to Stiles, so suddenly after all this wanting.
Stiles tosses his head back and laughs.
He feels like he's drunk in love, Derek realizes. He sways off-beat to the music with Stiles, and he doesn't care. Being able to touch him... be this close... almost kiss him... it's almost too much.
The world pauses for a moment, and Derek blurts, "You are my best friend."
Stiles grins. "You're mine, too!"
There's a beat of silence between them. And Stiles' eyes grow wide. Does he know? Did he read it on Derek's face?
Derek frowns, untangling himself from Stiles and breaking the spell they were just under. "Sorry, I... I have to go."
"Wait, what?" Stiles asks with a panicked expression. "No, you can't just... leave."
Derek swallows and it feels like a hole just opened up beneath his feet and he's falling.
"Sorry, I got... too stoned."
Stiles' lips part.
"I'll text you," Derek finds himself promising.
He squeezes Stiles' wrist, unaware he was even holding it until now, and then he makes his way through the crowd.
"Hey, Hale!" Jackson's voice comes through. But Derek doesn't know what to do now. So, he rushes out the front door and doesn't look back. For once.
♞♚♞♚
"You gonna tell me what Friday night was about?" Lydia asks, settling in beside Derek at the picnic table in the school courtyard. Derek looks up.
"No-thing," he stumbles. "Just got too stoned."
"One minute, I see you all in love with Stilinski, and the next, you're leaving him on the dance floor." Lydia frowns and lowers her voice. "Derek, are you okay?"
He shrugs, because what is there to say? The only text he received from Stiles was a wtf and the only other message he got over the weekend was from Isaac, who has officially moved into the first spare room.
"Derek," Lydia says, her voice sharp. "Talk to me."
"I don't know, okay? He wanted to make Erica jealous or some shit, and I was too stoned to... I don't know. Deal."
Lydia considers this and then nods. "Idiot."
"Me?"
"No, not you. Stiles. He's being an idiot," Lydia says. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No."
"Okay." Lydia shifts on the bench and then says, "I heard what you did for Isaac. He's in one of my classes. A quiet little thing. I'm glad."
"Yeah." Derek leans forward and whispers, "I think... he was..."
"Yeah, me too." Lydia nods. "I've had my suspicions for a few months now. But he's safe now."
Derek leans back and lets out a breath. "Yeah. Yeah, he is."
Isaac had thanked him a thousand times as they moved his stuff in. It was mostly in garbage bags, so Derek's pretty sure he didn't plan on moving quite so quickly. The poor kid was shaking when Derek came to pick him and his stuff up. It's an image he'll remember for a lifetime.
"You're a great guy, Derek. I love Stilinski, I do, but the guy is a bonehead. You could do so much better," Lydia tells him, and Derek sighs. He guesses they're back to that conversation.
Derek looks up at Lydia and quietly asks, "Is that how you feel about Allison?"
Her lips part and close before she shakes her head. "Alright, point made."
"Hey," a familiar voice comes.
They turn to see Kira. She wears a bright smile, but a pair of sunglasses.
"You can't still be hungover from Jackson's party," Lydia says in lieu of a greeting.
"I ammmm," Kira whines, sitting down beside Derek. She groans dramatically before she says, "I just wanted to thank you, Derek. You're a good man. A better man than most."
He doesn't know what to say to that, so he smiles and wraps an arm around her shoulders. He squeezes her close.
"Hey! Hands off my man," another voice comes.
Derek really should've picked a less popular spot to eat lunch.
His heart pounds.
Stiles plops down beside Lydia with a wide grin. "Haven't you heard? Derek's taken."
"By who?" Lydia asks, dryly.
"By me." Stiles winks at Derek as if he should play along.
"What!" Kira says, sitting upright. "How drunk was I at Jackson's party? Since when?"
"Since Derek swept me off my feet," Stiles says, grinning.
"Oh my god! I'm so excited for you both!" Kira exclaims, and before Derek can stop her, she says, "He's been in love with you since, what, like ninth grade or something?"
Stiles blinks and looks at Derek. "Wait, what?"
"She's kidding," Derek says, but his voice is tense, and he's not sure a single person at this table believes him. Derek takes his arm back from Kira's shoulders and picks up his sandwich.
"No, no," Kira says, clearly not getting it. "When I met Derek, he was at Erica's house, high as a kite, and talking about you. Told everyone he was in love and--ow!"
Derek looks at Lydia, who has clearly kicked Kira under the table. Lydia snorts. "You can't believe everything Derek says while high, Kira. He also once pretended that he was a knight in shining armour and was going to save us all from a dragon."
Kira laughs. "Did he really?"
"I plead the fifth," Derek mutters.
"So you weren't madly in love with me?" Stiles asks, looking at Derek curiously.
Derek picks up his phone. "Shit, I'm going to be late for class."
That he doesn't have.
"I gotta go."
Anywhere but here.
"Derek, wait--" Stiles starts, but it's too late. Derek scoops up his stuff, shoves it in his backpack, and jogs towards the parking lot.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
♞♚♞♚
"Is it okay if I have a friend over?" Isaac asks when Derek gets home. He hesitates before adding, "I think you even know him. Vernon Boyd. We just have a project to work on and I can't really concentrate in the library and--"
"Isaac," Derek says gently. "Of course you can have someone over. This is your home too."
"Oh. Um. Alright, cool. Thanks." Isaac starts to walk towards the kitchen when he pauses and asks, "Are you alright, man?"
Derek laughs. He doesn't mean to, but the sound bursts out of him anyway. He shakes his head. "I'll be fine."
Isaac frowns, but lets it go for now which is exactly what Derek needs. He crashes on the couch, flipping through Disney Plus aimlessly looking for an easy-watching kids' show to watch.
He's almost half way through his fifth episode when someone knocks at the door. Isaac darts down the hall, pausing in the living room archway to say, "That'll be Boyd."
"Okay," Derek says, absentmindedly.
A few minutes later, Isaac comes into the living room with Boyd and says, "We're going to go in the kitchen, if that's okay. Don't want to--"
"Nah," Derek says, shaking his head. "Study in here. It's more comfortable. I was going to go take a nap anyway."
"Oh! If you're sure." Isaac hesitates before asking, "Are you sure you're okay?"
Derek looks at them, with Boyd quietly watching him, and shrugs. "It's dumb."
"I highly doubt that," Boyd says, almost startling Derek with how smooth his voice is. "Isaac told me something was up. Hope that's okay."
"Um. Yeah. It's fine. It's really nothing."
But when Isaac and Boyd settle into the chairs, Derek finds himself talking. A lot. He explains the whole situation starting from ninth grade to this afternoon.
"And I don't really get it," Derek continues, almost out of breath. "Like, why is he using me like this?"
"Sounds like he doesn't get it," Boyd counters.
"Have you told him anything?" Isaac asks.
Derek shakes his head. "No, but I'm sure Kira and Lydia told him after I left today. He hasn't even texted or called or... I don't know. Done anything."
"Sucks," Isaac says.
"Definitely sucks," Boyd agrees.
Derek rubs his face. "What do I do now?"
"Let him go?" Isaac suggests.
"I can't. That's the annoying part," Derek admits. "There's just... so much history. And he's really a great guy. He's just been all obsessed with this idea that he's in love, and I don't think he even really believes it."
"Why do you say that?" Boyd asks, shifting on his chair to lean in. He studies Derek with his intense brown eyes, filled with concern, and Derek melts. No wonder why Erica's mad for him.
"I think he chooses people who are emotionally unavailable so he won't get hurt. Because if he chooses someone real, well, he'd actually be risking something." Derek sighs.
Boyd smiles. "I appreciate you sharing all of this with me, especially because we don't know each other well."
"Ditto," Isaac says. "And my advice? Maybe just... talk to him?"
"Tell him how you really feel. And that's why you can't pretend to see him to make Erica jealous." Boyd pauses before asking, "How do you know Erica wouldn't be jealous, though?"
"She's in love with yo--" Derek catches himself but it's a beat too late.
Boyd blinks, and then a bright grin crosses his face. "Sorry, gentlemen, but I think there's somewhere I need to be."
Isaac laughs. "By all means, man, go get your girl."
Boyd pauses to add to Derek, "Talk to him. He has no idea what's going on in your head. Good luck."
Derek watches in bewilderment as Boyd leaves. He turns to Isaac and asks, "Is that dude for real? He finds out Erica's slightly interested in him and he just... goes to talk to her?"
Isaac laughs. "Yeah. Boyd's been madly in love with her ever since they first met. Said she was a goddess. Claimed she was an angel without her wings."
"And... and he's just going to go tell her?"
"Yeah. He just wanted to be sure that she felt the same for him," Isaac says, before adding, "Why? Hoping Stiles is doing the same?"
Derek exhales. "If only."
♞♚♞♚
Feeling a little more hopeful than before, Derek knocks on Stiles' dorm room door. He doesn't know what he's going to say. But he knows he has to say something. He's been running from this for far too long.
He holds coffee in his hand, realizing that it may be a mistake to give Stiles coffee at midnight, but it's too late now.
Stiles' roommate, Scott, opens the door. "Oh! Derek. Hi."
"Hi, is Stiles here?" Derek asks.
"I don't know what happened between you two," Scott says, carefully. "But ever since Monday, he's been moping around. I'm not even sure he wants to talk to you."
"Yes, he does!" Stiles calls out from somewhere in the dorm room.
Scott frowns, narrowing his eyes on Derek. "If you hurt him, I hurt you. Got it?"
"Got it," Derek says, although he's pretty sure he could win in a fight against Scott. But he's not about to say that.
Scott opens the door for Stiles to slip through.
"Hey," Stiles says.
"Hey. Wanna go for a walk?"
"Sure. Let me grab a sweater."
Stiles slips back into the dorm and Scott gestures that he's watching Derek. He almost wants to tell Scott that he's got this all wrong. It's going to be his heart to break tonight.
A few minutes later, Stiles comes back in a red hoodie. He happily takes a coffee and says, "Let's go."
Derek doesn't know what to say, not even when they get into the elevator, so he stays quiet.
Stiles asks, "Did you hear that Erica and Boyd are officially dating?"
"Oh?" Derek says, as if he didn't already know this. "That's great for them. How... um. How are you?"
"Surprisingly... fine," Stiles says, but his voice sounds stiff.
"That's good."
Their shoulders brush when they both move to exit the elevator. Derek steps back to let Stiles go first.
They don't say anything until they're walking along the path by the pond.
"So, you're in love with me, huh?" Stiles asks.
Derek swallows, unsure what to say. He knew this would come up. Knew that he'd have to admit it tonight. But saying the words seems a lot harder.
"I wish I had known!" Stiles says, when Derek doesn't answer. "Here I am, mooning over these people, begging to be in love like my friends, and here you were. The whole time. But you didn't say anything. Why?"
"Because you weren't mooning over me," Derek mumbles. Suddenly, he's lost his nerve. "I don't know. Why didn't you ever tell Erica you were in love with her?"
"Because I wasn't!" Stiles says.
They both stop walking to stare at each other.
"You weren't?"
"No. I wasn't. I... I see that now." Stiles rubs his hands together. "In fact, I don't think I've ever been in love before. But..."
"But?"
"I don't know," Stiles admits. "I think I'd like to be."
Derek considers this, and then quietly says, "Stiles, would you like to go on a date with me?"
His eyes light up. "Really? Even if I'm not in love with you too?"
Derek smiles. "I've had a long time to be in love with you. Are you sure you're ready for something real?"
Stiles beams. "I am."
Derek holds his hand out and Stiles slips his fingers in between Derek's fingers.
It might not be the love story Derek expected, and it might burn hot and fizzle out, but he's relieved to have finally let his fears go and try.
♞♚♞♚
Three months later...
"Derek! Can you please tell Stiles he can't strip down naked every time he comes over without seeing if I'm home first?" Isaac calls down the hall.
Derek laughs. "Sure thing, Isaac. But you might not want to come into the kitchen."
"Aw, c'mon, man!" Isaac calls back. "In the kitchen? Really?"
"We're making breakfast," Stiles calls out. "But give me a second to put on more than the apron."
Stiles turns to Derek and motions for him to hand over Derek's blue sweater and a pair of sweatpants.
"Isaac is going to kill me if we keep doing this," Derek says.
"Yeah, well, he's going to have to get used to it. I'm not going anywhere."
"No?" Derek murmurs, leaning forward for a kiss. Their lips touch briefly before they hear a groan from the hallway.
"Did you two burn the toast again?"
Stiles and Derek both turn to see the toaster has popped up with black toast. "Crap! Derek, it was your turn to watch the toast."
"It's hardly my fault that you decided to get naked and distract me," Derek says, moving towards the toaster to deal with the burnt toast. He starts to pull it out, wincing at the heat, and glances over his shoulder to see Stiles is fully clothed again. He pouts.
"It's okay," Stiles says, coming up behind him and whispering in his ear. "I love you too, Derek."
It might not be the moment he imagined, but it's theirs, and it's perfect, and that's all that matters.
"Guys, is it safe to come into the kitchen yet?"
Derek laughs.
♞♚♞♚