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Part 6 of nine heroes, one spirit , Part 2 of different era, same spirit , Part 33 of Linktober
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Published:
2023-11-01
Completed:
2023-11-01
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3/3
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trick or... onion?

,

Summary:

Legend spluttered in disgust, “Who in their right mind is caramelizing onions?!” He looked at Wild and Four like they had grown two heads each. “Have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist?”

Linktober 2023 Day 31: Free
LUtober 2023 Day 31: Costumes

Notes:

Welcome to Evie (Imjustherefortheangst/inumbrapugnabimus-maybe/whyoneartheven) and Reyna (uncleskyrule)'s Halloween collab! This project was conceived when Evie drew some art based on Reyna's tags on this Tumblr post, and now we have an entire AU going!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Fic

Chapter by

Notes:

Costumes in order of appearance: Sky: Prince Charming; Twilight: Werewolf; Wild: Bigfoot; Four: A shadow; Legend: Indiana Jones; Hyrule: A hobbit; Warriors: Anakin Skywalker; Ravio: A purple cape and bunny ears; Wind: Captain Jack Sparrow; Time: A Captain America T-shirt

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The night wind rattled the garage door of the house, adding to the Halloween atmosphere. Inside the warm garage, Legend and his so-called “evil twin” had decorated for the theme with very… interesting décor choices. Rather than go the route Wind had when he hosted last year’s party and convinced his grandmother to buy out the Spirit Halloween store, the cousins had gone on yet another of their beloved secondhand store trips and brought back an impressive haul of spooky antiques that looked like they could move on their own at any second. Sky hoped that it would be his turn to host next year. He missed pumpkin-shaped balloons and wall decals of cute ghosts.

At least they were carving jack-o-lanterns, though, courtesy of Twilight’s pumpkin patch. Well, preparing to carve, in Sky’s case. He was still deciding what to do—there were too many good ideas! And as the resident wood-carver, his pumpkin-carving needed to be perfect. So he kept sketching and re-sketching his design on the pumpkin with the black paint that was provided on the long table.

Soon, a wonderful aroma drifted in from the open door to the kitchen. Judging from the tone of Time’s “dad voice”, Wind, Warriors, and Ravio were learning some important life lessons while making caramel apples.

Twilight chuckled as he stood up with his finished jack-o-lantern. “Catchin’ flies with honey, eh?” He jutted his thumb toward the kitchen. “Or, caramel, I suppose.”

Sky huffed out a laugh but the others were too occupied to give the clever pun its due: on his side of the table, Hyrule and Legend were cleaning out their pumpkins, deep in conversation; on the other side, Wild and Four were half-carving their pumpkins, half-watching a cooking show that was playing on the small box TV perched at the head of the table. It was a wonder the old thing worked. Sky wasn’t really paying attention to what was going on in the show, but it looked like the contestants were couples. The woman onscreen was throwing her hands in the air exclaiming something about onions while the man next to her pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Face it, lady, your man does not have the mental strength to caramelize onions," muttered Wild, eyes glued to the screen. His carving knife lay forgotten on the table. 

Four grinned and added on, "Your man thinks it takes five to ten minutes to caramelize onions." 

“Hah! Probably. Look at him." 

Next to Sky, Legend spluttered in disgust, “Who in their right mind is caramelizing onions?!” He looked at them like they had grown two heads each. “Have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist?” 

"Do—” Four struggled to hold in a laugh— “Do you think caramelizing onions… is putting caramel on onions?” 

Wild burst out, “Your man thinks caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions!” 

They erupted into laughter. 

Sky chuckled along quietly.

“What?” Legend put down his spoon and crossed his arms. “Well, isn’t it?” 

At the end of the table, Hyrule said, “I ate one of those once. It wasn’t actually that bad. The sweetness and spiciness kind of worked.” He shrugged. “Though I wish I had saved some caramel for the middle of the onion.” He continued nonchalantly scooping seeds and guts from his pumpkin as if he had just commented on the weather.

Legend gaped.

Four and Wild shared a wide-eyed look.

He had eaten the entire thing? Sky was impressed.

Twilight re-entered the garage with his second pumpkin, wading through the piles of junk that Legend and Ravio called their ‘treasures’. "What on God's green earth are all y'all talking about? You ate a what now?" He hefted it onto the table between Wild and Four.

“You’ve never been pranked with a caramel onion?” Sky wiped away the stray trail of paint caused by the jostling and started his line afresh. “It was a tradition for me growing up.”

Twilight shook his head and then paused. “A tradition for you to get pranked or prank someone else?”

Sky smiled up at him serenely and then continued painting.

Legend gestured between himself and Twilight. “Are we the only sane ones here? How is a caramel onion a normal concept to you guys!”

“Oh, no, I’ve heard of ‘em.” Twilight sat down. “Just never’ve actually eaten one.” He started tracing an outline on the pumpkin with his werewolf claws.

“I’m gonna have a stroke,” Legend muttered, and pressed his forehead against the table.

“Hey, Smithy.” Wild’s tone was mischievous. “Maybe I can ‘caramelize’ a tomato for you, since they’re apparently fruits too.”

“HAH!” Four pointed at him triumphantly. “So you finally admit they’re fruit!!”

“For a joke,” he defended.

“Quiet, I’m relishing the moment.” He closed his eyes. “Mmm, the taste of victory.”

Sky snorted. Four could be so dramatic at times.

“I never knew victory tasted like caramelized tomatoes,” snickered Hyrule.

Four sent him a sideways glance across the table. “You know that’s not actually what caramelizing means, right?”

Legend’s head shot up and his fedora tipped back. His eyes were wide. “What.”

He fought back a smile. “Caramel apples are apples covered in caramel. Caramelized onions are onions that have been cooked for a long time.”

“Specifically,” Wild chimed in, “sautéed in a frying pan with butter and broth—or vinegar or cooking alcohol if you wanna be fancy—for up to an hour. They get dark brown and super sweet.”

“Hence the term caramelizing.”

“Ohhh.” Understanding dawned on Hyrule’s face. “No wonder.”

Legend exploded. “Are you kidding me?!!” He jumped to his feet and his hat fell off. “This whole time you guys were—Oh, I can’t believe this. I thought I was losing my mind. Why didn’t you say that sooner?!”

Chuckling, Sky picked up the fedora and put it on his own head.

Warriors poked his head into the garage. “Is that drama I hear?”

“Drama!!” came a screech from inside the kitchen. Ravio slid into view next to Warriors, purple cape billowing and bunny ears askew. “What did I miss?” he panted.

“Woah there.” Twilight chuckled.

Legend’s ears were red. “Mind your own business, you two. It’s nothing.” He snatched his hat from Sky, firmly fixed it back into place on his own head, and sat down with a huff.

“Nuh-uh-uh,” Ravio sing-songed, wagging his finger. “No secrets under my roof, my dear Mr. Cousin.”

“This is my house!!! You just live here!”

“Our roof,” he amended. His gaze turned to Sky and he pointed straight at him. “You’re sitting next to him; what have you witnessed?”

Legend gave Sky a meaningful look.

At all of the sudden attention, Sky’s mind blanked. “I, uh…” His cheeks felt hot.

“Hm. We’ll come back to you. Next?” Ravio’s eyes scanned everyone at the table like a schoolteacher. “Little ninja guy! You seem trustworthy-ish. Spill the tea.”

Four dutifully stood and held his hands behind his back like a student about to recite a poem. “Ahem. It is with great joy and amusement that I inform you that your ‘dear Mr. Cousin’ has been confounded, bewildered, confused, and thoroughly befuddled by a series of very fortunate events.” He gave a little bow and sat down looking very pleased with himself.

Giggles, snorts, and snickers were scattered around the table, including a scoff from the aforementioned Mr. Cousin himself.

“Okay, vague—and honestly confusing—but with pizazz.” He nodded. “I’ll take it. Anyone else? Yes, go ahead, Bigfoot.”

Wild lowered his arm and announced with glee, “Legend thought caramelized onions were onions covered in caramel!”

Ravio blinked. “Is…” He looked over at Legend, and then back at Wild. “…Is that not what they are?”

“I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!?!”

The garage filled with laughter.

Amidst the ensuing chaos, Sky discreetly left the table and slipped into the kitchen.

Wind pointed his cutlass at him and guarded the oven. “You can’t have our treasure! It’s not done yet.” His other hand was covered by an absurdly oversized oven mitt speckled with orange batter.

“Popcorn’s ready.” Time nodded to the metal bowl on the countertop.

Sky shook his head. “I have something better than treasure.”

“Hm.” Wind squinted at him. “And what would that be?”

He smiled. “Oh, just an idea.”

About ten minutes later, the three entered the garage laden with treats: Sky with a fruit-and-vegetable platter balanced on the giant popcorn bowl, Wind—cutlass between his teeth—with the tin of fresh pumpkin muffins and some paper plates under his arm, and Time dual-wielding a container of chocolate-dipped pretzel sticks and a tray of caramel apples.

“Trick or treat,” Wind called around his mouthful of plastic.

A cacophony of cheers and “Yesss, food!!” was the enthusiastic reply.

Twilight and Warriors made room on the far end of the table.

“Shouldn’t we eat this in the dining room?” Four wrinkled his nose. “Having food next to an arts-and-crafts station isn’t sanitary.”

Time set the tray down and clapped him on the shoulder. “It’ll grow hair on your chest.”

Warriors snickered and elbowed Twilight. “You’ll become a real werewolf then.”

“You’re just jealous ‘cause you don’t have any,” he retorted.

“I do too!”

Legend rolled his eyes. “Girls, you’re both pretty, now move it.” He pushed in between them and selected some snacks.

“Hey, Ledge,” said Hyrule, “can you grab me a… caramelized apple?”

He huffed. “You’re hilarious.” Still, he did it anyway and sat back down with the plate of treats, including a caramel apple of his own.

Halloween music started playing from someone’s phone.

Sky ate some popcorn and bopped his head to the beat.

The others either sat at the table and on the random boxes scattered around the garage, or stood holding their plates where the clutter was less concentrated. At some point, a mild dance battle broke out between Wind and Warriors. They alternated between taking bites of their food and throwing out sudden shoulder shimmies and stanky legs while Ghost Choir crooned in the background. Time joined in with some elbow-flapping.

In the opposite corner, near the kitchen door, Four was passionately explaining the benefits of cosplay to Twilight, who was nodding and chewing placidly on a stick of celery.

Ravio had sat across the table from Sky, and was now regaling Hyrule and Wild with an elaborate tale. Legend kept interrupting to give his own version of the events, insisting that his cousin tell the story right. It was so entertaining to watch them bicker and poke fun at each other that Sky almost forgot what he was waiting for.

Soon enough, the moment finally came.

“EUGHHH!!” Legend spat something onto his plate. “What the—” He stood and looked around wildly, a murderous fire in his eyes. “WHO did this?!?!”

Heads turned.

Sky adopted a worried expression. “What happened? Is there a worm in your apple?”

Legend made a series of incomprehensible sounds and gestured aggressively at the caramel ‘apple’ he had dropped back onto his plate. “It’s an ONION!!”

Twilight barked out a laugh, and the others followed suit.

Legend whipped his head around. “You?!”

“Ain’t me.” He held up his hands. “Look at them.” He jutted his chin in the direction of the dance trio.

Wind and Time froze, looking like deer in the headlights.

Warriors took an exaggerated step away from them.

“Seriously?!” Legend exclaimed, “You guys weren’t even here for that conversation! What’s with everyone mess—”

“Veteran,” Four said suddenly. “Sky went to the kitchen.”

It was Sky’s turn to freeze, mid-chew. He turned to look at his betrayer.

He was smirking.

Sky swallowed the popcorn and sheepishly met Legend’s gaze.

Disbelief and confusion were on his face, and then realization dawned. He drew himself up to his full height and looked down at Sky. His voice was suddenly soft, dangerous. “Sky…”

Sky let out a nervous giggle.

“…Did you do this?”

All eyes were on him.

His heart pounded.

The antique grandfather clock ticked.

“Trick or treat!” he blurted, and bolted from the table. His chair clattered to the floor. As he dashed through the kitchen and into the dining room, he could hear the surprised yells and laughter in the garage as well as the sound of Legend’s footfalls close behind him. With a split second to decide, he turned left at the staircase and tore open the screen door, practically diving onto the back porch. His hands and knees hit the wood hard but he let out a breathless laugh. Who knew exercise could be so much fun? He scrambled to his feet.

A body slammed into him from behind.

They tumbled down the steps and onto the cold, wet grass. The motion-activated lights flooded the dark backyard in a fluorescent blaze.

Sky tried to throw him with some wrestling moves that he had learned from Groose, but he was no match for the sheer determination keeping his assailant’s four limbs clamped around him like a vise.

“‘Trick or treat’, my ass,” Legend hissed into his ear. “How’s this for a treat, traitor?”

Sky struggled to turn his head away, but his cheek hit the grass.

Something dark and pungent was pushed into his face.

He automatically grimaced at the smell, which proved to be his undoing, for the caramel onion was promptly squished against his teeth—dirt, grass bits, and all.

Legend cackled. “The true taste of victory! Now, you—hey!!”

Suddenly the weight on Sky left him.

Twilight was holding Legend by the collar of his leather jacket. He shook him like a misbehaving puppy. “This the hospitality you give your guests?”

“He started it!”  He swatted at him in vain.

The rest of the Chain poured into the yard.

Hyrule tackled Legend in a restraining side-hug. “Peace and love,” he yelled, holding him tightly. “Peace and love on planet Earth!”

“Oh, dear.” Ravio hurried over to Sky and helped him up. “Sometimes Link forgets that attacking people isn’t very nice.”

Sky laughed, brushing some grass from his sleeve. “He’s definitely the poster boy for tough love.” He ran his tongue over his teeth to remove the remaining caramel. Thankfully, none of the onion had actually gotten into his mouth, but he wasn’t going to tell anyone that.

“Now you look more like Cinderella than Prince Charming,” Wind teased.

Warriors let out a low whistle. “That’s going to be hard to tell Sun.”

“What?” Sky followed his gaze and groaned at the huge tear over his knee. “She worked so hard on making this! Oh man…”

Wild patted his back, shaking his head. “I’ve been there, bro.”

“You should bring flowers next time you see her,” said Four.

Time nodded sagely. “Works wonders.”

“Thanks, guys.”

Legend cleared his throat. “If you, uh, give it to me, I can… see what I can do.” Ears red, he looked away and muttered, “And…sorry. I guess.”

“I forgive you, I guess.” Sky smiled. “But next time you go feral, at least make sure I’m not wearing nice clothes.”

“Hah! I’ll try to remember.”

“And thanks for the offer. I’ll leave them with you.”

Hyrule laughed. “Alternate universe where Prince Charming’s pants are what’s left at the ball, like—” his voice pitched higher— “‘Um, your Highness, thank you for getting my shoe but I think you’re missing something’.”

“‘Oh, this?’” Wild added in an exaggeratedly lower voice. “‘It’s a new style I’m trying called Wild and Free. Don’t you like it?’”

He snorted in a very unladylike manner. “‘Wild and Free’—!”

“Sponsored by Fruit of the Loom,” said Warriors in a commercial announcer voice.

The others started chiming in excitedly while heat rose in Sky’s face.

“Alright, alright, settle down, boys.” Time held out his hands in a pacifying gesture. “Know what it’s a good time for? Ghostbusters.”

Wild and Wind cheered.

Sky shot Time a grateful look.

Ravio clapped his hands excitedly. “I have it on VHS!”

“‘We’,” corrected Legend.

“Oh okay, so now we’re sharing custody?”

“Whatever.”

Time leaped up the porch steps and called over his shoulder, “Last one to the couch is a rotten pumpkin!”

Despite the silly threat, everyone got moving.

In the end, the rotten pumpkin turned out to be none other than Sky. When he finally joined them in the living room, a chorus of teasing started up, but he ignored it in favor of proffering a caramel apple to Legend, who was squished next to Hyrule in the worn armchair.

He shook his head. “I’m not falling for that again.”

“No trick. Just a treat.”

His eyes narrowed up at him.

“I mean it.” He waggled the apple.

Legend scrutinized him for a beat longer, then accepted it. “…Thanks.”

“Are we gonna get on with this movie or what?” Wind complained.

Ravio dimmed the lights and pressed play.

There were stifled giggles and whispering from the chairs and couches around the room, but it settled down once the onscreen librarian started walking down the rows of bookshelves.

From his spot on the floor in between Warriors and Twilight, it was a bit difficult to clearly see the tiny screen of the box TV—now brought in from the garage—but Sky didn’t mind. Seeing the grins of his friends illuminated by the flickering light brought a smile to his own face. At a sudden scream from the TV he jumped, but then laughed along with the others.

Occasionally, special effects mistakes were pointed out by Four and interesting trivia were offered by Wind and Time, despite shushing from Legend, who was nibbling on the caramel apple. Outside, the wind was picking up again and made the windows tremble with each gust.

Maybe having this year’s Halloween party at Legend and Ravio’s “haunted” house wasn’t that bad after all. Sure, the decorations were still probably going to give him nightmares, and he dreaded breaking the news about his costume to Zelda, but as Sky found himself nodding off on Twilight’s shoulder, the thought came to him that this was turning out to be the most fun Halloween yet.

Notes:

Obligatory confession that I haven't read LU yet (working through each game first), so lmk if there's anything ooc that I (Reyna) can change!

Chapter 2: Art

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Reblog this art here!

Chapter 3: Doodles

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Reblog these doodles here!

Notes:

Thanks for reading! If you liked this, please let us know by leaving a kudos (and comment if you can!)

For more of our modern AU, check out the series "different era, same spirit"
For LU fics in general, see "nine heroes, one spirit"
For all kinds of LoZ fics, go to "Linktober"