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it was silent, no engine, no talking, other than the noises that come from the cushions every time scaramouche shifts in his position whenever he felt slightly uncomfortable and irritated by the way his body was situated. it was expected of a perfectionist like him, always so fastidious and so fussy about everything. not even a slight discomfort could do, it must satisfy his brain's desperate need to make something ideal.
it was silent, other than the sniffling of his nose and half complete gasps. he'd completely ran away from the fancy restaurant he was just in. curled into a ball, hugging his knees, and his pants drenched in tears. sometimes he just wishes he'd never went at all, he never wanted to go to begin with. why does everyone need to drag him even when he had explicitly stated that he didn't want to? funny how his boyfriend was in it too, he doesn't know what to do now to the point that he feels like he can't even look at anyone right now.
he feels betrayed, by his friends. his own family, his own lover.
excruciating, painful anger and exasperation that no words could ever describe. he wanted to blow right there and then, but he knows he couldn't. he felt pathetic, he feels pathetic. the only thing he could do was walk away, the only thing he could do was cry in the car like a little baby. 'huh, real mature, kunikuzushi.' he mocks himself, always so easily angered, always so bratty. he wishes he wasn't how he is, because then nobody would have to deal with him right now. nobody would have to worry about him right now. nobody would have to pity him for being so fucking sensitive.
wiping his tears, he rearranges himself into a different position again to check his phone. as he opens it, a dim light illuminates his face as he scrolls through his notifications. notifications from random ass emails he gets from signing in random websites in which he didn't even know he'd sign in, notifications from his friends, tons of missed calls and messages from gorou, kokomi, itto, and the others. then notifications from.. him.
he doesn't even open the messages, he hovers his finger over kazuha's contact to long press and gain a preview of the conversation without it displaying in the conversation that he's seen his messages. scaramouche is just petty like that, he wishes he wasn't. not that he could do anything about it now. even he's frustrated with himself, he understands if kazuha is too. he even bets that kazuha's tired of him.
You missed a call from kaz (31)
kaz : love?
kuni? where are you?
answer my calls, please
where are you? i'm worried sick, dear
i'm so sorry, please talk to me.
kuni, please answer me love. let's talk, please?
[reply] [ignore] [ mark as read ]
as soon as his eyes meet the amount of calls he's missed from kazuha during the past few minutes, guilt rushes over him like a wave that rises up the shore. his finger was going to hover towards the button that states 'ignore.'
but not when kazuha speaks to him like that.
not when kazuha's willing to understand.
he feels so fucking bad.
scaramouche closes his phone to deny any of his feelings to get the best of him again, to deny himself of making anymore impulsive decisions. it's already frustrating how illogical he's being today, scaramouche knows he's being illogical yet he can't find it in himself to stop. he needs more space, or that's what he tries to convince himself so he can isolate himself from everyone and be himself alone with his thoughts. he hates being alone with his thoughts, yet he can't quite figure out why he keeps doing this.
perhaps it's the sense of comfort in familiarity, even if it is absolutely tantalizing most of the time.
tears start to form again at the corner of his eyes, they trickle down from his cheeks in which previous tears had dried up, only for it to be drenched yet again. being him was so difficult. he can't understand what he had done to the gods above to be living like this, to be so stubborn, intricate, complex, troublesome. his only desire at the moment was to just disappear, he already caused way too much ruckus today. he doesn't know how to face any of them anymore, he doesn't know how to face kazuha anymore.
another sigh and a shaky breath, he breathes in.
then all of a sudden, he hears a few light knocks on the car window. startled was the poor raven haired boy as he twisted his head way faster than he had intended. from outside the window, he spots a familiar light haired boy waiting for him outside with a soft smile. and only god knows how bad his fight or flight is kicking in right now, he doesn't even know whether to unlock the car doors or just ignore kazuha. everything is so beyond him, he can't even think straight.
another knock is heard from the other side of the car door, "kuni? you are there, right?" the boy outside speaks in such a careful and gentle manner, not loud or violent, just enough for kunikuzushi to hear and make his heart pound ever so loudly. his eyes take a quick glance at kazuha who was looking at him with a warm and compassionate look. kazuha was looking at him as if scaramouche didn't flake out on him all of a sudden, vermilion eyes looking into his figure as if he's seen the most ethereal being right before his eyes.
"may you open the door, please?" kazuha asks, kunikuzushi realizes he'd been staring. quickly pulling his gaze away from the blonde at the door, he takes a quick deep breath to rationalize and regain his composure. he then wipes his tears right after, looking back at kazuha who was patiently waiting right outside.
i suppose there's no point in keeping him outside like that..
scaramouche convinces himself, taking another deep breath. he then reaches out to the front seat to unlock the door for him, immediately seeing a bright smile as soon as he hears the familiar 'click.'
kazuha does not waste a moment to pull the car door open, swiftly sitting down on the backseat with scaramouche as he closes the door behind him. he stays where he's at, a bit further from scaramouche incase he crosses a line or oversteps scaramouche's boundaries by getting closer. he, of course, of all people would respect that.
"hey.." kazuha starts, he's always been a little awkward sometimes. it's honestly endearing with the amount of effort he puts despite being a little tense. scaramouche couldn't raise his head to meet the blonde's eyes, the amount of guilt he feels could never be truly outwardly expressed.
but his heart is racing so fast right now.
"everyone cared when you left earlier" he adds, as he grips the side of the cushion and continuing to speak. "they all wanted to be here, but i promised that i'd look out for you." soft-spoken, always this boy. he looks at kunikuzushi who was in a bit of an uncomfortable position right now, but he remains patient. "but as i was saying, everyone's here for you.. even if it's just me right now in the car."
scaramouche could only sigh, finally raising his head to have his eyes meet with kazuha's.
"i know what you're doing, and you don't have to." kunikuzushi tells him, kazuha speaks up a few moments later. "but i think i do." kazuha then inches a little closer, but not close enough.
he looks at scaramouche for confirmation if it's alright. seeing at how scara rolls his eyes is enough confirmation for him, he chuckles at his lover's sass towards him. playing hard to get as usual when it comes to physical touch. "i'm not hiding it kuni, i'm really sorry for dragging you into this mess. i shouldn't have pushed it.. was a really important event, but it's not as important as you." the light-haired boy explained, apologizing and looking at the raven with those stupid eyes of his. "kaz, it's my fault.." scara breaks a little bit out of his shell, "i should've.. no, i just.." he pauses.
"i just wanted to be with you." he averts his eyes, having to admit stuff like that wasn't his forte. kazuha just brings it out of him for some reason, scaramouche doesn't feel obligated to but he still does it. perhaps it's trust.
"i know you do.." kazuha says as he inches a little more closer, holding up open arms. "come here?" he asks, scaramouche does not hesitate to lean forward to settle himself against him. kazuha's arms wrap around him, pressing his cheeks ontop of the raven hair as one of his hands tangle itself with scaramouche's hair, combing it lightly. kazuha felt.. secure. despite the sort of awkward position, it was comfortable. comfortable in a way that not even his perfectionist brain could get in the way. comfortable in a way that it was hard to dwell on what happened earlier, not when kazuha's comforting him like this. he's really all kunikuzushi needs, yet refuses to admit.
in this space, in this moment, it feels like there were only two people in the world. it really felt as if though there was no one else in this world other than raiden kunikuzushi and kaedehara kazuha.
a safe space only for the two of them was when they're both together. kazuha runs his hand up and down scaramouche's arm as the other pulls him closer as a form of reassurance, he then stops his ministrations before placing his palm on kunikuzushi's cheek. "don't be afraid to depend on me, especially when you need it, okay?" he speaks, before planting a kiss on the older's forehead. "you can always count on me, love." another kiss was planted on his cheeks, "while it's okay to become independent at
times, just remember that you're never actually alone, not in this world when you have me." kazuha adds, before looking at the raven and pausing for a few seconds. scara raises a brow in confusion of kazuha's silence. a few more seconds pass before kazuha finally speaks up again.
"i love you."
scaramouche reaches kazuha's hand that was placed on his cheek to intertwine them together, so much for playing hard to get. kazuha inches a little more closer to him, the bright city lights finally able to cast a light on kazuha's entrancing features. this perspective of him has scaramouche in a trance. how the bright warm lights of the post placed conveniently close to where the car was initially parked enhanced the tender features of kazuha's face, how they were bright enough to reflect themselves in those cardinal eyes of his, how they were bright enough to create soft shadows that give more shape and dimension to kazuha's face.
how they were bright enough for scaramouche to want to kiss him right now.
he immediately closes the gap between them, kazuha had not seem to mind the way he responded back quickly. kunikuzushi did not wish to part from him right now, wishing time would have the consideration of stopping right now in this moment, so they could remain like this forever. kunikuzushi desires to hold him forever as if he has the entire world in his hands. to kazuha, he places his safety and trust.
"do you want to go home?" kazuha asks as he pulls away from the kiss, caressing scaramouche's cheek in endearment. "what about gorou and the others?" the raven ducked his head, feeling guilty for having kazuha ditch them like that. "i'll tell them once we get home." the younger insists, not hesitating to give scaramouche another peck on the lips. "whatever." he rolls his eyes, obviously trying to seem nonchalant about the situation. kazuha chuckles, "well, do you want to go home?" he asks again, before silence stood between them again.
"...more than anything." scaramouche replies, kazuha beamed.
scaramouche didn't realize until now that he felt so much better than he did a moment ago, he doesn't know how kazuha always manages to make him feel better in every situation possible. it was as if kazuha had this charm to him that just makes him feel better the moment he's there. kazuha opens the car door for them both, so they could move to the front seats. scaramouche complies, swiftly hopping into the passenger seat whilst kazuha walks over to the other side to access the driver's seat.
"you ready to go home? anything you left?" kazuha questions him, putting on his seatbelts before looking at scaramouche with a reassuring gaze. the older shakes his head as kazuha instantly understood the memo, turning on the car engine and making adjustments to the air conditioning. scaramouche sighs, feeling a lot lighter than before. he starts thinking to himself as he finds himself staring at his lover, kaedehara kazuha.
never, not in a million years, never in a lifetime will i ever let this boy go.