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They were kissing. Sejanus felt his whole head swimming, with alcohol, with desire, with some type of sadness that he couldn’t describe. Coryo pressed his whole body into his and Sejanus never knew where to put his hands. He didn’t even know if it was allowed. He settled on sinking his hands to the fabric at Coryo’s waist. His brain went all fuzzy as Coryo let out a whimper against his mouth at the simple touch. When they pulled away from each other, Coryo wouldn’t let him go far, his forehead resting against Sejanus’s shoulder. He was still in a daze from the kiss and he knew Coryo was a bit smug about it, he felt the smirk imprinted into his shoulder as Coryo looked up at him, his blue eyes sparkling and sparkling. The split lip was open again and Sejanus pressed his thumb on it, saying, “You’re bleeding again, Coryo.”
Coryo quietly responded, “You’ll take care of it right, Sejanus? Kiss it all better?”
Sejanus’s eyebrows furrowed in concern and he cradled Coryo’s jaw, his friend pressing into the touch once more, almost as touch-starved as Sejanus always was. He craved affection and physical touch. Something that his ma only used to give him. Coryo’s eyes were so soft and inviting that Sejanus leaned into him again like he was a magnet. Coryo welcomed it. This was definitely all the alcohol’s doing. Their noses nudged together and Sejanus whispered against his friend’s lips, “You’re going to make your split lip worse, Coryo.” He only hummed at Sejanus before capturing their mouths once more, leaning his back against the pillow of Sejanus’s bed. When the kiss deepened, Coryo hissed and knocked his nose against Sejanus’s jaw. He teased him, “I told you that would happen. Let me get something for it so it doesn’t get infected.”
Coryo scowled at him like Sejanus was personally offending me from leaving his side for only a few minutes. Why did he have to be so pretty? When Sejanus finally found some alcohol and gauze in their cramped little bathroom, he looked at himself in the mirror, his lips were red and raw. Kiss-bitten. There were tears gathering in his eyes and he hated that. He should be happy. Why wasn’t he happy?
When he finally returned, Coryo was staring at him with something unreadable in his expression. His blue eyes are unrelenting. Sejanus sat down and leaned over to dab some of the alcohol on Coryo’s split lip, warning his friend, “This is going to sting. Sorry.” Coryo flinched away from him at the first touch but eventually settled with digging his hand into the thin blanket of Sejanus’s bed. The bleeding stopped after a few minutes and Sejanus was still leaning into Coryo’s orbit. His friend’s eyes were hooded and glazed over, like the moment before they kissed for the first time. He went to pull away, saying, “There, all done. It should be fine now.” Right as he moved even an inch, Coryo’s hands grabbed a hold of his waist and were not letting go. Sejanus warned, “Coryo…it’s time to go to bed.” Though, he was helpless when it came to Coriolanus Snow. He always had been. Coryo’s touch was tight but not unwelcome and he didn’t seem to want to let Sejanus go. He could keep thinking that but it was all the alcohol. Only the alcohol was making Coryo this way.
Coryo murmured in the darkness, “You said you wouldn’t leave me.”
Sejanus glared at him, settling himself in between Coryo’s legs, “I’m not going to. Ever.” How could he when Coryo had his entire heart? It was incredibly sappy but true. He was cradling Coryo’s face again, their foreheads leaned against each other. It was quiet and peaceful. Their lips were getting closer and closer. Sejanus couldn’t let that happen again. Not when Coryo was like this.
He choked out, “But we need to go to bed.” He pulled away and found Coryo’s jaw ticking, his lips pursed in deep thought. Before any other words were spoken, Coryo got up and went to his bed, his back facing away from Sejanus. Great. They were back to the way they were before.
He spoke after a very few long beats, “Goodnight, Coryo.”
His friend took another few long beats himself before answering back, “Goodnight, Sejanus.” He waited until Coryo’s breaths evened out and only then did he sink into his pillow and cry himself to sleep. Don’t be soft, Sejanus. It will only get you killed. Maybe Strabo Plinth was right. Maybe his only son was too soft for this world, too broken beyond repair. It didn’t matter much.
Marcus’s body was hung up and bloodied to such an extent that Sejanus could barely even recognize him from the person he had known in District 2. His whole body grew cold, his anger reaching a boiling point though, as he saw his tribute, his friend strung up like a puppet. A puppet to be killed.
He had walked into the arena, knowing he should die. He would. He sprinkled some breadcrumbs over Marcus’s body and felt the tears gathering in his tears. Hot, painful ones that stung his eyes. He willed them away and froze when he heard footsteps.
“Sejanus?”
Coryo. No.
He laughed bitterly. Life was really a bitter joke. It had to be.
When he turned around, he saw Coryo’s eyes fixed on him, his blue eyes even visible in the darkness. It didn’t sound like his voice when it said, “You shouldn’t be here, Coryo.”
No, that’s not right. He didn’t say that. The look of pure hurt on Coryo’s features was enough to make Sejanus’s stomach curdle inwards.
The voice screamed again, “Go away, Coryo. Don’t you get it? I don’t want you here, Coryo! GO AWAY! LEAVE!”
Something flashed and then he saw Coryo’s face all bruised, bloodied, beaten up. Something almost unrecognizable. The scream he let out made his whole throat seize up.
He gasped awake and found his sheets all in a disarray and found his heartbeat was practically erratic.
A groggy voice spoke from his left side, “Sejanus? What’s wrong?” Coryo. What the hell was he doing awake? He probably woke up because of the screaming. Had he been screaming in real life too?
Sejanus eventually spoke, his voice scratchy and raw, “It’s nothing, Coryo. Just a nightmare.” He tried to turn away but saw Coryo padding over. He bent down next to Sejanus’s bed, his eyebrows furrowed, the crease in between etched into his pale skin, and those stupid blue eyes swimming with the utmost worry and concern. It sickened him a little bit. No one had looked at him like that since his ma had found him drowned in his own sweat the night after being almost killed in the arena. She had rocked him to sleep. She hadn’t done that since he was a toddler. He needed it that night but right now, he was being stubborn. He grumbled, “Coryo, I’m fine. Go back to sleep.”
His friend shook his head and put the back of his hand against Sejanus’s searing forehead. He murmured, “You’re burning up. How bad do these nightmares usually get?”
Sejanus hissed out, “It’s nothing I can’t handle. Okay? Can we just drop it?” Coryo pursed his lips in faux concentration and immediately replied, “No. I’m not going to. It’s clearly bothering you. Come on, since when did you not tell me everything, Sejanus? We’re friends, right?”
Sejanus laughed harshly and he almost didn’t feel like he was in his body. His sleep clothes felt like they were sticking to his skin, his hands felt numb, everything in him felt like it was on fire. He bit out, his voice betraying him, even in delirious feverishness, “I think we’re a bit more than that, Coryo? Don’t you think?” Coryo pressed his hand against Sejanus’s forehead once more and frowned deeply. He was always being pulled back into Coryo’s orbit, even if he didn’t want to be. He found himself pressing his forehead against Coryo’s and he mumbled, “I’m sorry, don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
Coryo’s face was bruised, bloodied, and broken and it screeched at him, “YOU DID THIS TO ME, SEJANUS!” He was brought back to reality when he found his face being cradled into two hands and a gorgeous face dancing in his blurry vision. Coryo pressed his thumbs into the tears falling down Sejanus’s face and whispered, “Sejanus, it’s just me. You’re fine. You’re fine.” Those blue eyes were so close to him that he felt like it was almost another dream. He refocused his gaze and choked out, his voice weak from screaming, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to get hurt, Coryo. Believe me. That’s the last thing I wanted. I never wanted you to get hurt there. You should have just left me there. It’s what I deserved after what I put you through. What I put Ma through.”
Coryo soothed him with a kiss to his temple, to his forehead. Thumbs rubbed circles on his cheeks and Coryo was so very pretty. Incredibly pretty. He definitely had a fever. He knew he ran hot, his friend ran cold. But it was a welcome relief. The coolness of Coryo’s hands on Sejanus’s clammy skin eased some of the burn he felt throughout his body. When he finally felt like he could talk again, Coryo was still holding his face and he asked, “Did you do this with Lucy Gray?”
His friend looked confused before his face evened out, the sharp features softening around the edges and he let out a little laugh that sent a jolt of electricity through Sejanus’s head down to his toes. He answered, “I comforted her before the Games, yes. She needed it. Like you need it right now. You mean so much to me. You both do.”
Sejanus looked into Coryo’s intense gaze and the sincerity he felt practically made his insides a puddle. Did he really mean that? About Sejanus? Or was it just the residual white liquor talking? Sejanus felt like this was just a huge joke. How could he compete with Lucy Gray Baird? She was a songbird. She had survived the Games to the Capitol’s astonishment. She was a fighter, a winner. And what was Sejanus exactly? Strabo Plinth’s troublemaking, rebel sympathizer son? He wasn’t much of anything really. Most of the children from the Capitol knew it. He wasn’t one of them. He never would quite fit in anywhere.
You’re not even Capitol-born!
District scum!
I mean, Sejanus Plinth, what a sorry excuse for a son. Born in District 2, stayed in District 2, while his father weeps from the sidelines, begging for his only child to come home to the Capitol. But he won’t. His heart was never there in the first place.
Arachne Crane had gotten him wrong most of the time. But he knew, bitterly, that she was right about his loyalties to District 2 and he hated that she had mercilessly teased him about it every chance she got. It was ridiculous really that he had let anybody get away with bullying for him for so long.
You’re too soft, Sejanus. It will only hold you back. You’re too soft, too soft…
Coryo was searching his face as Sejanus tried to forget his self-deprecating thoughts. He asked, “What is going on in that head of yours, Sejanus?” Coryo tapped it lightly with his fingers and Sejanus spat out, “How it would have been easier for you if my family and I had never moved to the Capitol. You would still be there, able to make a life for yourself, Tigris, and your grandma. But I just ruined everything.”
He was gasping for breath again, his head felt heavy, his vision cloudy all over again. The only thing he could feel was Coryo’s cool hands gripping his face like a lifeline. He was whispering something into the clamminess of Sejanus’s searing skin but he couldn’t hear it over the buzzing in his ears.
After what felt like hours, he finally felt his breathing calm down, his heart rate returning to normal. When his eyes refocused, he still felt Coryo’s fingers on his face, the coolness was almost as soothing as his ma’s cookies after a bad day. Coryo asked, his voice low but warm and lovely, “Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?”
There was bile rising in Sejanus’s throat and he nodded his head before closing his eyes so he couldn’t see Coryo’s concern etched all over his face. He told him, “It was a nightmare from when you went to save me in the arena. Except it all went wrong. One second you were there, Coryo, and the next, you were dead, blood all over your face and I couldn’t save you. I tried to but I couldn’t.”
Coryo’s hold on Sejanus’s face loosened and he felt the drag of Coryo’s fingers trace all the way from Sejanus’s jaw to his forehead and back again. He eventually settled his hand onto Sejanus’s chest and pushed him lightly down to the pillow of the mattress.
His voice was stern when he finally spoke, “Here.” Coryo took one of Sejanus’s hands and placed in right where his heart was.
“Do you hear that?” Thump. Thump. Thump. A perfectly healthy heartbeat. Sejanus slowly nodded his head while Coryo settled in between his legs, his chest bumping into Sejanus’s. It was welcome though. Everything about Coryo made Sejanus feel welcome. Loved. Like a whole person. Not a kid with gumdrops in his hand on the playground, begging for someone to play with him. Anyone.
Coryo used one of his hands and titled Sejanus’s chin up so they could be meeting each other’s eyes. Sejanus leaned as close as he could, their breaths intermingling, noses brushing together. Coryo had the distinct smell of roses even miles and miles away from the Capitol. That was one of his ma’s favorite flowers. His chest was starting its familiar ache but it was interrupted by Coryo’s lips brushing gently against his, delicate like a butterfly landing on your wrist. He gripped the front of Coryo’s nightshirt for dear life like he would disappear from him. This kiss was so soft he could barely feel it. He whimpered as Coryo slowly pulled away from him and they were so close together that he could feel Coryo’s breathing pressed against his chest.
Sejanus reached out and pressed his thumb against Coryo’s split lip again.
He asked, “How does it feel?”
Coryo’s lips were in a thin line when he asked, “How do you feel?”
Sejanus shrugged his shoulders like it was no big deal but his body felt an involuntary chill and he shook violently.
He croaked out, “Nightmares just take a lot out of me, Coryo. It’ll be fine.”
Coryo had that deep frown on his face again and he retorted, “Scoot over.” When Sejanus had done what he was asked, he felt Coryo press his face into Sejanus’s neck. Sejanus settled his hands on Coryo’s waist and cuddled his face into Coryo’s nape. He was cold all over and Sejanus gripped him as tight as he could, hoping his warmth seeped through.
Coryo grumbled, “Are you better for right now, Sejanus?”
He pressed a kiss on Coryo’s nape just because he could. Because he wanted to. Coryo mumbled something into the pillow but Sejanus couldn’t quite hear it. He eventually settled back into sleep and Sejanus watched him breathe until he himself felt sleep take hold.
The nightmares didn’t come back.
When he awoke, the light almost blinded his eyes and he shot up from his bed and found Coryo hovering near the end of Sejanus’s bed, already dressed for the day. Sejanus asked, “How long have you been awake?”
“About an hour.”
“You should have woken me up.”
“You had a nightmare, Sejanus. Besides, you were sleeping soundly. I didn’t want to wake you up.” Coryo’s blue eyes were swimming with the same concern from last night, when the white liquor was still dancing in his blood.
Sejanus cradled his knees into his chest, like he had as a child whenever he didn’t want his ma seeing him cry. He rested his chin on top of them and looked at Coryo for a few seconds before saying so quietly, he was afraid Coryo wouldn’t hear him. He always did though. “Did you mean everything you said last night? Everything we did?”
Coryo ducked his head and walked around the bed, sitting down next to Sejanus’s hunched frame. He reached out the hand that was bruised and scabbed over, hovering close to Sejanus’s knees, before squeezing there just once and letting go. Something comforting. Something familiar. He gave Coryo a weak smile and sat up straighter, his feet landing on the floor, his eyes finding Coryo’s. Sejanus asked again, his voice almost pleading, “Did you mean it?”
Hot tears welled up again and he hated it. He absolutely hated it. Coryo didn’t say anything though, his hands cradling Sejanus’s face like last night. God, why is he like this? Why does he do this to him? He breathed out a long sigh and after what felt like forever, Coryo whispered, “Yes.” Sejanus’s whole chest felt as if it was bubbling over and he gasped out a sigh of relief, his arms wrapping around Coryo’s neck, breathing in the smell of his only friend. The only one who seemed to care besides his sweet ma. Coryo squeezed back just as tight, his mouth finding Sejanus’s neck, murmuring against the skin, “I’ll take care of you, Sejanus. Always.”
He would. He would. He would always be there for Sejanus.
He couldn’t ask for someone better than the man he had in his arms right now. He could stay here forever and forever. It didn’t seem so bad if he had Coriolanus Snow by his side.