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The birds were starting to sing. The Captain looked at the clock again; 03:23. He was sure he had not slept, but had rather stared at the ceiling between bouts of lying there, eyes closed, willing sleep to consume him. Every window in his spartan home was open to its full extent, but no cool air entered. The days had been blisteringly hot for over a week (89 degrees Fahrenheit, his thermometer in the garden told him), and the nights had remained stifling; like the very brickwork was heating the air after dark and into the next day cooking their inhabitants until medium rare.
He tried not to move lest it made him even hotter. He could feel the sweat on his neck, brow and back. But heat was not the only thing preventing sleep. It had been too hot to run and he was jittery - he needed to expel some nervous energy, to reduce the adrenaline running through his body adding to his lack of rest. His hands fidgeted, his toes twitched and his heart thumped however much he tried to relax.
He folded back the sheet - he couldn't sleep uncovered like he'd been forced to as a ghost - and removed his pyjamas - an officer and a gentleman would never retire to bed in anything less! He would go for a run now whilst it was barely light. Pulling on his running shorts and top he headed to the front door, sweating more from the scant activity. After fastening his trainers he opened the door to the first glimmer of weak early morning light, stretched, then started a slow jog.
Surprisingly, he was not the only person out despite the early hour. He passed bleary-eyed dog walkers trying to give their pets chance to exercise before the heat became unbearable and the pavements too hot for little paws. The dogs were still slow and panting, much like the Captain after a very short time. Another runner headed towards him, passing with a knowing smile, and a dad pushed a pram in the other direction, eyes unfocused and legs unsteady with the sort of fatigue brought about by a baby who has not slept for days.
The sweat poured down his neck and back, but the pounding of his feet was bringing calm to his overtired mind; it was like the sheer thud of his feet on the path was grounding him, driving down his anxiety like a mallet hammering down a tent peg, slowly pummelling it lower. He was not thinking about the route; his feet just carried him whilst he allowed peace to restore his thoughts to order.
He was exhausted and hot but relaxed as he re-entered the front door, picking up the milk bottle which had arrived whilst he was out. Shoes off, he climbed the stairs and into the bathroom where he peeled the sodden running kit off and stepped into the shower, allowing the cold water to wash away any remaining cares down the plughole with the soap suds.
By 04.37 he climbed back into bed, cool, refreshed and feeling at peace with the world he now knew. The last thing he did was to turn off his alarm, then fell into the first calm sleep for several days.
*
It was midday when he strode up the pathway to William's pretty little cottage. The sun blazed without mercy on his back and the flowers in the garden looked as though they were melting under its ferocious heat. The jumble of clashing bright colours in the beds assaulted his still-tired eyes and the way they sprawled untidily added to the itchy sweat running down the Captain’s back. He longed to tidy and create calm order in the garden, but his strict upbringing forbade him to raise the idea; it would not be right to criticise another person's gardening techniques.
William opened the door greeting the Captain with a kiss. He was in shorts and a close fitting T-shirt, and looked surprisingly as though he was not over hot; perhaps an advantage to being someone who ran on the cool side. He stood back in the hallway so the Captain could try to find a space to take his shoes off. Flip-flops and sandals had been added to the collection of shoes at the bottom of the stairs, meaning there was even less space than normal. The Captain stared at the flip-flops. What was the point of a shoe with so little integrity? No support. No cover from the elements. And a most uncomfortable looking strap that looked like it would irritate with every step. And how did one navigate that ‘post’ between the toes with socks? One may as well tape a piece of cardboard to bottom of one's foot! He could hear Mary's voice in his head saying “They bes the work of the Devil”. He steadied his buffs with a slight ‘humpf' noise which he hoped William took to be part of the effort of him removing his trusty brown brogues. Giving up trying to find a place for them on the floor or shoe rack, he placed them neatly against the wall on the first step of the stairs.
"I thought we could sit in the shade in the garden and have lunch." William said. "Is that ok? There is a very cool shady spot by the lawn."
"That sounds ideal." the Captain confirmed turning to head back to the hallway to collect his shoes.
"You'll be fine barefoot," William called. He was indeed barefoot, toes naked at the end of long feet, as he stepped onto the small patio outside the doors. The Captain followed him, not sure whether to keep socks on or not. Bouncing indecisively in the doorway, he opted to keep them on.
They settled themselves in wooden patio chairs at a little wooden table in the shade. Smoked salmon and cream cheese sandwiches, cut into triangles of course, with a small side salad, and fruit salad to follow, washed down with a suitably chilled, tart homemade lemonade.
"That was truly splendid!" The Captain smiled at William. It was the first time in days that he had felt hungry and able to eat. A mixture of the heat and anxiety had been dulling his appetite and churning his stomach, but this morning's run had eased his discomfort. He felt able to relax and enjoy food and another person's company for the first time in days.
Together they took the plates to the kitchen, then returned to the garden, more lemonade in hand.
William sat on the grass next to the table. "Come here, I want to show you something." He patted the grass next to him. The Captain raised his eyebrows unsure what he may be about to be shown and checked around to see whether anyone could overlook them; whether an intimate moment between the two men may be witnessed by some neighbour glancing out. "Just come here, darling, we cannot be seen." William winked at him, a cheeky smile doing nothing to allay the Captain's trepidation.
With the normal cacophony of cracking knees, the Captain did as he was asked and sat on the grass. William put an arm around him, his head right next to his Captain's, and pointed into the hedge.
"Can you see it?"
Following where William was pointing and squinting slightly at the dark hedge against the bright pale blue sky, he saw. "Is that a nest?" he asked after spotting a dark mass of twigs in the branches. The Captain’s shoulders relaxed a little from around his ears – William simply wanted to share his ornithological find – but was that also a slight sense of disappointment thudding into the pit of his stomach?
"Yes, Mrs Blackbird. See her tail? It will be her third brood of the year." William's face was lit up with the wonder of the little bird choosing his garden to raise her young. "She had her first brood in the bush by the front gate, but I think I started to get too many visitors for her liking, so she moved here. Did you know that the female does all the nest-building and egg-sitting? I'm keeping her fed and water out for her to drink and bathe." He indicated the birdbath on the edge of the lawn, filled with clean water.
The Captain smiled at him seeing the boyish enthusiasm that he'd become accustomed to during their occasional walks outside at Button House when they'd managed a few minutes R&R together. "You are so wonderful," he said, planting a kiss on William's nose.
William blushed and raised his chin so he was looking directly into the Captain's eyes. Neither man said anything as they drew closer and their lips met, gently exploring each other's mouths, arms reaching out and drawing the other close. They just seemed to sense that this was what the other wanted. Slightly breathless they parted, still gazing into each other's faces, intoxicated with the feeling of being able to be together in the way that they had always wanted to.
"Lay down," William suggested and they both lay down on the grass cuddled close to one another. From there they were below the height of the flower stems and could see the insects buzzing above as they flew from flower to flower feeding. Butterflies, bees and hoverflies moved between the colourful petals and every now and then Mr Blackbird flew over and disappeared into the hedge to feed his mate.
The Captain pointed "Look!" A ladybird was climbing a stem inches from his nose. He smiled as he watched its progress.
"Stay still," William breathed softly. Mrs Blackbird had left the nest, sitting on the edge of the hedge before swooping to the edge of the birdbath. Neither man moved, hardly daring to breathe as she took a long drink of the cool clean water. She tilted her head for a moment, her beady, yellow rimmed eye staring straight at them, then deciding they were no threat, she hopped into the water and started her bath. For over two minutes she ducked and splashed, flapping her wings and spraying water all around her. Both men watched in total silence, not moving a muscle, mesmerised by the small bird. Finally finished, she hopped from the water, shook her wings a final time and swooped off into the garden to hunt.
"Good job we don't make that much mess when we bath." William laughed.
"Too true," The Captain agreed, sitting up to find his glass of drink, William taking the opportunity to follow suit.
William's T-shirt was stuck to his back. "It is so damned hot." He seemed to wilt a little, put his drink back down, then pulled the t-shirt over his head, displaying a strong broad back to the Captain before laying back down. The Captain came over even hotter as he took in the bare chest beside him; toned, with flat abs; defined and muscular, but natural, not the sort of muscle gained from consciously “working out at the gym” was the phrase he thought he'd heard. Definitely more muscle than he had, but then he had always been slightly small, the Captain reminisced. And William was a farmer’s son; used to manual hard work and probably lifting hay bales or sheep from a young age.
Whereas the Captain had grown up with ‘staff'. He'd never had to do anything manual. They had had a full-time gardener, and hadn't he been a fine strong chap? The Captain remembered spending more than one school summer holiday wandering the grounds trying to spot him shirtless at his work. His attention fixed back to William. Just right, the Captain noted to himself, strong; and nicely hairy; no almost fluffy .
He realised he was staring, and looked up to see William's eyes watching him. "Like what you see?"
He cleared his throat. "Definitely," he said with an embarrassed smile.
"You could take your shirt off," William suggested wistfully. In his usual style, the Captain was dressed in a long sleeved shirt and trousers. He had bought lighter cotton, but had not caved into modern thoughts of exposing legs or arms.
"I'm fine thanks," he mumbled looking away and pretending to study a bee.
William looked a little crestfallen, his large dark puppy eyes tinged with sadness.
The Captain felt the colour rising up his neck, a heat spreading up his body which had nothing to do with the sun or the naked torso next to him.
Seeing his discomfort William quickly intervened, his tone soft and caring: "It's ok if you're not ready."
"It's not that," the Captain looked away for a second then back into William's eyes. "I have a slight-" he paused looking for the right word and breaking eye contact for a moment, "-anomaly, which was the source of much bullying and teasing, both at school and when I was a Private in the Army."
William sat up and reached to cradle the side of the Captain's face with his hand. "There's no rush, we have forever." As always, he was gentle; understanding of the Captain's history.
The Captain looked into those dark eyes again. "We do, but Bally Hell, I want to spend it with you, so you are going to find out at some point!" He was nervous, but suddenly certain and determined, like a soldier prepared to ‘go over the top’. Reaching up he started to undo the top button, working his way down them with unwavering conviction. He opened the shirt and pulled it off, laying it carefully on the chair next to him.
William was greeted with a similarly firm, cared-for physique. Care for their physical fitness had been drummed into them in the army, and had never left them. Less muscle and less hair, but there was hair. And nestled in the hair were three nipples.
"Ah, I can see why that could cause some unwanted comments." William was tender in tone and expression. "But it is not that uncommon,” he said. "I trained with a man who had one too. He just had the regard that it made him special." He let the Captain digest that for a few seconds. "Anyway, I love a hairy chest. May I?" William's eyes were sparkling with mischief as his hand hovered above the Captain's chest awaiting permission to run his fingers through the hair there.
"Permission granted," smiled the Captain as he relaxed and lay back on the grass. Why had he worried? William loved him, all of him, just as he was. He had accepted his quirky habits and now accepted his less-than-standard physique. Taunts about Hitler's one testicle and his additional nipple soon faded back into the depths of carefully buried memories, never needing to be explored again.
*
The two men laid in each other's arms on the grass watching the insects and birds. William named the birds as they passed over and around them and the Captain shared his knowledge on the insects.
Suddenly William turned over, resting on his elbow and looking intently down at the Captain. "I fancy a gin!" He giggled. "Would you like one?".
"I've never really cared for gin and tonic," he admitted. "It's got a slightly bitter taste."
"I like pink gin with raspberry and rhubarb tonic," said William. "It's fruity and sweeter". He jumped up and disappeared into the kitchen, reappearing a few minutes later with a large gin glass filled with pink liquid and ice. "Here try mine." Seeing the look of scepticism on the Captain's face, William added: "I haven't drunk from it, not that sharing should be a problem now." He grinned, the colour rising in his cheeks.
The Captain took the glass and tried a sip. "That's very pleasant and refreshing. Jolly nice." He sounded a little surprised.
William disappeared again to make another drink.
Stepping back outside he frowned at the sky. The Captain couldn't work out why; it was still the same brilliant blue it had been all day.
Seeing his puzzled look William rescued him "The swifts have come lower. It's going to rain." At the Captain's incredulous look of surprise and disbelief, William continued: "When rain is on the way, the insects come to a lower level, so the birds feeding on them follow. I don't think it's imminent though, there's not a cloud still." He lowered himself back down onto the grass and sat sipping his drink, next to his Captain, one hand round his waist, the other holding his glass. The Captain mirrored him and allowed his hand to tickle William's waist so he squirmed pleasantly next to him.
“Look William! A pair of tits!”
“I didn't think you'd be interested!” William snorted almost spilling his drink and watching a couple of blue tits hopping agilely from branch to branch.
“Oh, I do like birds too.”
William was more amused by this revelation than the Captain could quite comprehend as he sputtered: “I shall have to keep a very close eye on you then!”
As they sat enjoying the garden, its many inhabitants and each other's company, clouds did start to roll across the sky. Small balls of pure white cotton wool were starting to be followed by greyer, bigger clouds. William drained his glass. "Another?"
Raising his half-full glass, the Captain indicated he still had enough for now.
William climbed to his feet, staggered and nearly fell on his guest. "Oops! These darn legs!" He giggled. "Alcohol goes straight to them."
The Captain pushed himself upright, and also swayed. They fell into each other laughing.
"I think we need to sober up with some food."
"It is a little stronger than I'm used to," the Captain admitted.
Once back inside the kitchen, William passed over a bag of potatoes. "Chips."
"They look more like potatoes to me," grinned the Captain as he found a peeler and started on turning them into chips.
As they worked, the room became darker, and a distant rumble of thunder echoed. "Here she comes." William nodded to the window.
The storm moved closer and lightning started to illuminate the sky. The Captain's 'smart phewn' bleeped, indicating a message on the group chat.
He checked it. "Just Kitty checking Robin is ok with the storm," he said.
"Doesn't he like them?"
"Not since he was struck. That's how he died."
"Ah." The noise indicated understanding of the situation.
The phewn bleeped again. "Robin," the Captain said looking at the screen. "'Me ok. Timmy scared'," he read out loud. "Good Lord. What do you do to soothe a scared mammoth?"
"Call me a coward, but I think I'd stay well out of the way," William exclaimed with raised eyebrows. “Imagine that trying to hide under the dining table!”
Large drops of rain started to fall, gathering in intensity until they hammered on the roof and bounced on the patio.
"The shirts!" Before the Captain could react, William had opened the door and dashed out. He returned seconds later, dripping, with the two men's shirts, soggy and limp. William shook his hair, sending drops of rain all over the kitchen, not much different to the blackbird taking her bath.
The Captain had become alert, like a dog seeing a hare, and sprang into action. "I'll get a towel." He reappeared moments later with one of William's fluffy cream bathroom towels and started to dry William off. Hair, face, shoulders, chest (which, due to the copious amounts of fluff, warranted lots of drying in the Captain's opinion), arms, back (which needed lots of studying of the muscular broadness)...
"Thanks," William smiled - he was still standing in a puddle and was shivering slightly. "That cooled me down!"
"The temperature has dropped somewhat."
William took the towel and dried his legs and feet, then mopped up the puddle on the floor. "Perhaps I do make as much mess as a blackbird! I'll get us some dry tops". He returned in a t-shirt, but thoughtfully brought a cotton button-up shirt for the Captain.
As the storm rumbled and flashed they finished getting scampi, chips and some more salad ready followed by more fruit salad (the Captain was pleased to be getting plenty of his five-a-day). They ate watching the rain as it started to stop. Somewhere outside the blackbird started to sing, happy that the rain had refreshed the world, and the sun started to shine again. Steam rose from the patio, ironically creating a haunted house look.
*
As the sun finally set in a blaze of orange, pink and red, the Captain started to stir from William's comfortable sofa and even more comfortable arms where they had been cuddling and even possibly dozing if they were to be truthful. "I have had a jolly splendid day. Just perfect. But I really should be getting home." The lack of sleep from the last few days had caught up with him again and he suddenly felt weary; or was it the relaxation and contentment he felt that made him feel drowsy?
"I don't think you should drive. Stay. I can make up the sofa, or..." William trailed off hopefully but not voicing the other option in case the Captain felt awkward having to reject it.
The Captain looked at the empty gin glass which he had allowed William to refill after eating. "The sofa would be much appreciated."
Within half an hour, the Captain was tucked into one of William's sheets, on the sofa base (the cushions had been too soft and removed), in a pair of William's pyjamas, with one of his blankets at the ready should he become cold. William had kissed him a lengthy goodnight and not allowed his disappointment to show as he left him in the lounge and headed up to his bed alone. His respect for his Captain's feelings were too great and he wouldn't rush him. He'd already lowered one barrier today; expanded the trust they'd rebuilt so diligently. Too much too soon may send him into a downwards spiral of panic, barriers being re-raised. Gently: that was the way William moved forward. And the Captain appreciated his gentleness more than he knew.
As the Captain started to drift into sleep, a snatch of a song floated through his mind: “such a perfect day. I'm glad I spent it with you.” He smiled and drifted off, happy in the knowledge that he had no further secrets from the man he loved.