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Pitiful bouts of anxiety had been coming in waves ever since Pomni slipped on the headset.
The unfamiliar and strangely colorful place she was forced into made her skin crawl. In the beginning, her main focus was finding any door that led her back home. Now, she understands how aimless it was.
Fully adapting to the circus is impossible; every member still has an uneasy feeling about their new home nestled in their brains somewhere, but reluctant acceptance seems better than abstraction. So, even with the nauseating realization that there isn’t a way out, Pomni trudged forward in an effort to make the most of her situation.
Still, Pomni spent every night staring at the ceiling trying to remember her life. It was unsettling to not be able to recall the real world, but yearning for it at the same time. Tonight, she focused on her unfamiliar body.
Pomni brushes her fingertips across her arms. Rubber. She is made of the elastic substance from head to toe. She knew she wasn’t human anymore; she was entirely synthetic.
Moving her hands to her hair, Pomni twirls a wisp of it around her finger. Nylon doll hair is what comes to mind. The hair is silky and much finer than she thought it would be.
Fake skin and fake hair. Pomni was simply an imitation of a human.
Sinking into her bed, she whimpered and trembled beneath her blanket. Hot tears trickled down her cheeks and fell onto her pillow. Everything feels unreal because it is. Cartoonish, dramatic, and digital. Her memories are slipping and she doesn’t even know what’s waiting for her back home.
A voice from outside snaps her out of her crisis.
“Pomni?” She could recognize Ragatha’s voice immediately. Gentle and soft, with care weaved into every word. Pomni feels lucky to hear her.
“I’d like to see you, can I come in?”
Pomni rubs her eyes and flips her tear-stained pillow to the other side. Biting her lip, she considers if letting her in is the best choice. She’s safe in her bed, but what would happen if she became vulnerable? Ragatha is who Pomni would consider a tender, warm-hearted presence. Maybe she doesn’t need to keep this to herself.
“Yes.” The door clicked open and she refused to look Ragatha in the eyes.
It didn’t take long for Ragatha to walk to Pomni, taking a seat in front of her on the bed. Pomni pressed her knees to her chest and looked up. Ragatha’s eyes were filled with uncertainty and worry. It was evident that she knew something was off.
“Sorry,” Pomni mumbles as she twiddles her thumbs, “I’m just.. adjusting, I guess? I don’t know. All of this makes no sense.” She motions towards her body and feels thorns in her throat.
“It feels kinda weird, right?” The rag doll lets out a breath, analyzing her own skin and clothes. “Even I still get uncomfortable in this body.” Pomni didn’t know if she was trying to be reassuring, but it wasn’t working. Ragatha places her palm in front of her.
“Do you wanna feel? You don’t have to or anything, but I’m also made of different materials.” The question caught Pomni off guard. She delicately took her hand and intertwined it with her own. Linen. She feels similar to cotton.
“We all look and feel different,” Ragatha guides Pomni’s hand to her hair, encouraging her to touch it, “I’m made of fabric and yarn.” The jester caresses her hair and confirms that it is in fact made of red yarn. Pomni’s heart melts when she makes eye contact with Ragatha. She sheepishly laughs, pulling her hand away and hiding the warmth on her face.
The doll reaches towards Pomni’s cheek, earning a nervous squeak from her. Her thumb strokes against her skin curiously. Studying her digital form, Ragatha uses both of her hands to cup her cheeks. Pomni stares intently at her. She didn’t expect to feel this way in her hands.
“Uh, I’m made of rubber, I think? Or I feel like it.” Pomni attempts to break the silence, but Ragatha only hums in response, continuing to touch her. Then, both her hands drifted to her middle, applying slight pressure. Pomni’s brain is fuzzy. Her face is burning, which only grows worse when Ragatha gets closer. She twirls a piece of Pomni’s hair around her finger.
“You are breathtaking.” Pomni’s voice is in a whisper, but she knows Ragatha heard her. Attempting to tuck her hair behind her ear, Ragatha looks away with a nervous smile.
Pomni gazes lovingly at her, briefly forgetting how she missed her human form. Even if she physically isn’t human, the feelings she’s having are undeniably human.
Ragatha giggles; it’s music to Pomni’s ears. Abruptly, Pomni takes her in her arms, burying her face underneath her hair. She smells like strawberries. Ragatha uses the tips of her fingers to trace over the skin on Pomni’s neck.
“I’m sorry,” Pomni pulls away anxiously, “you just always know how to make me feel better.”
“I never took you for the handsy type.” Ragatha teased. Pomni pulls her down on her bed so they're lying down in front of each other, both staring into each other’s eyes.
“I really appreciate you checking on me.” The jester spoke, holding both of Ragatha’s hands.
Pitiful bouts of anxiety had been coming in waves ever since Pomni slipped on the headset, but she also gets to kiss Ragatha’s forehead and sleep cuddled up against her.