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A couple of soft footsteps are all Joel needs to hear to be alerted that someone is behind him. Despite the fact that he probably should have jumped, and probably should have been more cautious about leaving himself fully open to any attack from behind, he sat still and didn't turn to see who it was. He's lucky, he understands that much immediately, that he doesn't get attacked. Instead the person retreats back from where they had come from.
Joel stares out across the server, taking in the odd silence that had fallen upon it. It's not often that these games are quiet, yet it doesn't necessarily make it feel all that peaceful either. With the moon high in the sky, it's a waning crescent that illuminates the wheat crops in front of him.
For now, he sat in front of the clocktower, on the edge of smooth stone with his legs just barely able to dangle down and swing underneath him without touching more rock. It's cold outside too, and he left his jacket across the bridge at the mansion. With each gust of wind he's the tiniest bit closer to getting up and going home.
Behind him, inside, was the family — Cleo, Bdubs, Scar, and Etho too — as well as Grian and Jimmy. He had been inside there as well, not too long ago; but with the commotion of people, Joel found himself seeking some solace outside.
Originally he and Jimmy brought a fairly quickly regressing Grain over to hang around with Scar and Bdubs, who both had regressed themselves at the thought of a playdate with their cousin. It was sweet, really, and for a while Joel was having a grand time just sitting back with Cleo and Jimmy to watch.
And then the three little ones settled in for storytime, complete with sitting on their own sleeping bags laid on the floor, as Cleo sat back to read from a book. At one point Etho had shown up, promptly sat down on the floor next to them, and immediately was swarmed by the littles arguing over who gets to cuddle up with him. In the end they all did, but Bdubs won the right to sit in his lap.
It was about then that Joel decided to slip away, out the side entrance and into the biting air of the nighttime. It's not that he had wanted to leave, but moreso he felt it necessary to. All day he's been fighting back his own regression, trying to stay focused and not become stuck regressed in such a normally hostile game.
Honestly he doesn't know how any of them were able to relax enough to let themselves regress. Even the thought of letting himself slip just the tiniest bit makes his heart rate skyrocket.
"You've got to be freezing out here."
Joel's stomach twists uncomfortably as he hears Jimmy talk. He's still got that twinge of caregiver in his voice that he takes up when someone's regressed near him. Moments later, a jacket is placed over Joel's shoulders.
"Don't be such a mum about it." Joel jokes, but his voice falls a bit flat with it. He looks down at the jacket, noticing the patchwork and asks "Is this Grian's?"
Sitting down next to him, Jimmy leaves very little room between them. He's got his own jacket on, hands now stuffed into the pockets. His breath is just barely visible, puffing out into the air as he looks out across the server for himself.
"He's spending the night here, so I don't think he needs it." Jimmy says, glancing at Joel for just a moment before looking away again. Something is obviously on his mind, and usually Joel is quite good at reading him, but for some reason he's finding it difficult to right now.
"Are we sure he's gonna be safe?" Joel questions, looking back at the tower. Light shines out through the little windows and entrance. It looks different somehow; it's not as daunting as it normally looks.
"Absolutely nothing is going to happen to him. Etho is staying too I guess, and Cleo really insisted that they'll be fine taking care of him." Jimmy gives him a soft smile and puts an arm around his back, gently rubbing Joel's arm beneath the jacket that he's yet to put on correctly.
As glad as Joel is to hear that, he does worry that not having Grian to watch over tonight is going to make it a lot harder for him to deal with his own regression playing tug of war with his brain.
"Wanna tell me why you came out here all the sudden?"
Joel shrugs at this, not necessarily because he doesn't want to talk, but more because he's not entirely sure how to articulate his problem in the best way. He feels that if he tries, it's just not going to make sense and he'll feel a fool about it.
"Do you want to go back in there?" Jimmy asks, to which he receives a shake of the head no from Joel, and then proceeds to ask "How about back to the base?"
After a moment Joel nods in agreement to this. He pulls Grian's jacket over his arms and stands up, slowly making his way towards the bridge. Jimmy is up next to him in an instant, but he doesn't go on forward just yet. Instead he stands there, as if he's making sure to wait for Joel to come along with him.
But Joel hesitates, feeling his heart beat faster at the thought of crossing such a long, unsafe bridge. He's done it dozens and dozens of times now though, so the fact that it's frightening him for seemingly no reason only makes his anxiety worsen.
And then Jimmy takes his hand, very gently trying to move him onto the bridge alongside him. It takes a few seconds for Joel's feet to finally work with his brain, as he follows one step behind Jimmy the whole way across. He doesn't let go of his hand either, holding on tightly and trying to focus on how Jimmy's thumb rubs along his knuckles.
Once they're across the bridge, Joel doesn't let go. Even when they step inside their base, he's still holding onto Jimmy's hand like it's a lifeline. Jimmy doesn't seem to mind though, and makes no move to let go either.
"If you were feeling small you could have just told me." Jimmy hums, leading Joel to their little couch and getting him to sit.
"I'm not small." Joel practically snatches his hand out of Jimmy's, sinking down against the couch.
"Joel," Jimmy sighs as he takes the moment to pull off his own jacket and set it aside, "You'll be fine. You can regress for the night, I'll make sure you're safe."
"As if you can keep me safe." Joel mumbles out, immediately looking sheepish after he does. He sighs, kicks off his boots, and pulls his legs up onto the couch so he can hide his face with his knees, adding a muffled "Sorry. I didn't really mean that."
Jimmy pats him on the back softly before leaving the room. Joel can hear him rummaging somewhere else in a nearby chest, but he doesn't look up from where his face is pressed against his knees. Anxiety is really eating away at his stomach, and the more he tries not to think about it, the worse it gets. But then it also gets worse when he thinks about giving in — about just letting regression win that tug of war and fall into it.
Not more than a couple minutes pass before Jimmy walks back to Joel and kindly stuffs a stuffed animal underneath one of his arms. Joel sits up slowly, confusion etching onto his face as he holds up the plush cat.
"That's one of Grian's. But since he isn't here I thought she might get lonely without someone to hold her, you know?" Jimmy settles down onto the couch next to him, smiling hopefully, "Think you're up to watching her while he's with the family tonight?"
Joel stares at the cat plush; he's pretty sure Grian gave her a name but he doesn't remember it right now. Faintly he knows the game Jimmy is trying to play here, he knows it's just an angled attempt at getting him to lower his defenses and just let himself relax. He hates how it's kind of working.
In all honesty, he's just terrified. After so many of these games, if he's not actively in the action, there's simply a constant buzz of terror throughout his whole being. And he's even more scared of the thought that if he lets himself regress, he's still going to be terrified. Being that worked up and feeling so small at the same time is not a good combination, he knows from adequate experience.
But Jimmy is here, and Grian is safe, and he's so tired, and his head hurts from worrying so much, and he's still cold, and he's just so worried about the game, and —
Carefully, Joel is pulled close by Jimmy. Two warm arms wrap up around him, and they hold onto him tightly but not suffocatingly so.
And Joel breaks. He doesn't sob, he's hardly even crying really, but his walls have crashed and the tug of war was lost. Maybe it had been doomed from the beginning.
"You're okay, you're safe right now." Jimmy tells him, rubbing his back.
Joel buries his face against him, one shaky hand holding onto Jimmy and the other still holding the cat stuffie. With each deep new breath, he seems to relax further and just sink against his friend.
"Big man Jim isn't gonna let anything happen to you, okay?" Jimmy says as he pushes some of Joel's hair behind his ear, gently running his fingers through it caringly.
"Safe." Joel says quietly, as if contemplating it. Safety is more of a feeling than a truth in this game, since you can never truly know when someone might stab you in the back or when the Boogeyman might strike. But he does feel safe with Jimmy, so maybe that's the best he can get.
"Can we—" Joel clears his throat as his voice cracks a little, "Do you think they're still awake?"
"At the clocktower?"
Joel nods. Jimmy shifts beside him, tugs out his communicator from his back pocket, and uses one hand to type something out. Joel notices his own comm doesn't go off, so Jimmy must be messaging someone privately. The two of them stay quiet; Joel almost with bated breath as he waits for any kind of answer.
"Cleo says all of them are still up over there." Jimmy finally says, looking down at Joel as he softly moves the dark hair away from his eyes.
"Can we go back?" Joel asks, not quite looking at Jimmy. Admittedly he feels a little embarrassed for them both leaving, when he knows they really didn't have to and he was just being stubborn earlier.
Jimmy smiles widely at him, putting his communicator away and slowly pulling away from him to lean down and grab his boots that he took off.
"We sure can. She said we better get over there quick if we want any hot chocolate." He tells him, helping put his boots back on before he stands up.
Joel gives a little "Oh," in surprise. He didn't actually expect any kind of agreement that easily. The thought of hot chocolate does excite him though, and it helps calm his nerves of going back. He stands up after Jimmy, who then helps him swap in his own jacket with Grian's that he had been wearing. It's not long before Jimmy pulls his jacket back on as well and the two of them are out the door.
This time the walk across the bridge was easier — if felt safer. Joel very gladly, albeit immediately, took Jimmy's hand as they crossed it, still holding onto the cat stuffie with his other arm. Across the way, the soft glow coming from a window at the tower looks welcoming and cozy. How can such a normally daunting building look so different now?
Once at the little doorway into the clocktower, Jimmy barely knocked once before Cleo was opening the door and hurrying them inside the warmth and out of the cold.
Walking inside, Joel notices there being four sleeping bags now. He also notices how Scar, Bdubs, and Grian are sat on the floor next to a table, all with their own mug of what he can easily assume is whipped cream topped hot chocolate. There also sat a fourth, untouched mug.
Etho was hunched over a little redstone powered television, seemingly trying to connect a few wires in order to get it to work properly. When Joel and Jimmy came in, he turns to them and waves. Momentarily Joel remembers how hard it had been to gather the courage to tell Etho about his regression when they were linked in the last game — only to find out that apparently regression had been a very big deal on Hermitcraft, and Etho knew everything there was to know about it already.
On second thought, maybe it wasn't the clocktower that had been radiating such a cozy atmosphere. Maybe it was the people inside.
"Come on then, let's get this jacket off and you can go enjoy some hot cocoa with the others, how's that sound?" Cleo suggests. With happy agreement from Joel, they work his jacket and boots off before he can make his way over to the table.
Just as he sits down, Grian scoots up a little closer to him with a smile.
"Mom said you're being small too." Scar points out immediately, before anyone else.
"He just got here, don't jump at him already Scar." Etho says over his shoulder, still working on the TV.
"I'm not!" Scar huffs, "I was just gonna let him sleep closer-est to the night light if he wanted to."
Cleo comes up and ruffles her hand into Scar's hair, "That's very sweet of you, but we don't know if he even wants to stay yet."
Joel has to take a moment to fully take in everything. There's already been a lot of commotion, but he notices it doesn't make him uncomfortable like it had earlier in the night. After a few seconds to recompose himself, he looks between both Cleo and Jimmy and asks, "Can I?"
"Of course you can," Cleo smiles to him, "And Jimmy can stay too, we've got an extra bed around here somewhere."
"I thought I was going to get that?" Etho questions, slowly setting the television back into place as he attempts to turn it on.
"You get the couch, final offer."
Etho practically snorts at that, chuckling as he sits down on said couch, "How generous of you Cleo — I'll take it."
Joel giggles a little from the interaction before turning back to Grian. He remembers the stuffed cat and picks it up from his lap, holding it out to him as an offer to take.
"You can keep her tonight," Grian shows him the cat stuffie he had in his own lap, hugging it momentarily.
Gently, Joel sets the plush back down in his lap and thanks Grian. He watches as Etho troubleshoots with a remote for a minute before he instead focuses on the mug in front of him. Slowly he picks it up, holding it in both of his hands. It was warm, and he was happy to feel it against his cold fingers. He would take a sip, but he doesn't feel that confident in his abilities not to spill it all over himself.
He watches as the other three all take drinks from their mugs, the whipped cream leaving a little mustache on Bdubs' upper lip. As Scar messes with him about it, Joel sets his mug back down and turns to look for Jimmy or Cleo, hoping maybe he could get some kind of help or even a different cup.
"Joel," Grian says, poking at his knee in order to get his attention, "Gonna drink your hot chocolate or what?"
Quickly turning back to Grian, Joel shrugs his shoulders with the tiniest frown on his face, "I'll spill it."
Grian's eyes seem to immediately sparkle as he grins, moving up a bit closer to Joel.
"You feel little-r than us, don't you?"
Instantly Joel is worried, his heart speeding up a bit. Is he going to ruin the night for the other three? Just by sitting here? He didn't really realize it before, but maybe he's obviously teetering on a younger scale than the others. Scar and Bdubs are practically wrestling with each other now, which Joel thinks looks fun, but he's glad he's not part of it — he doesn't feel coordinated enough for that.
And obviously Grian thinks he's feeling a bit smaller. Maybe he's right.
"Here," Grian doesn't wait for an answer. He picks up Joel's hot cocoa and holds it in front of him, "I'll help."
With a few surprised blinks, Joel wrings his hands together before raising them to the cup and slightly holds onto it as well. He leans forward, and Grian keeps the mug steady for him as he takes a small drink of the hot chocolate. It wasn't too hot thankfully, more like comfortably warm — and it was absolutely delicious too.
Once Grian puts the mug back down, Joel feels himself smiling again. He adds a little "Thanks," afterwards, wiping off any of the cream that stuck to his lip.
"I never ever get to be like a big brother, so for now I can be like your big brother, okay?" Grian tells him, still grinning wide and looking awfully proud of himself.
Joel leans over and hugs onto him, getting a big hug in return. It's nice — incredibly so. He hasn't spent much time being small with other regressors in a while, especially not Grian.
In the corner, the little television finally shows the title screen of some children's movie, which quickly catches Scar's and Bdubs' attention. They finish up their play fight before getting back to the table to sit down. Grian and Joel start by sitting shoulder to shoulder, though it only takes but half a minute before Joel is laying his head in the other's lap instead.
Etho starts the movie for them before going off to help Cleo and Jimmy set up the extra bed and find more blankets and pillows.
To the side, Bdubs mentions how one of the characters is his favorite and why he's objectively correct for it. Scar doesn't seem to agree, and they playfully bicker about it. Joel doesn't mind, especially since they're not being loud. Although Grian does shush them a little, but it's mostly through giggles because he surely thinks they're both being silly.
After about two thirds of the way through the movie, the television buffers and Etho has to try fixing it again. During this, Joel realizes he's grown exceptionally tired, barely able to keep his eyes open. He yawns and begrudgingly sits up.
"Uh oh, looks like we've already got a sleepy one." Etho comments as he messes with something at the back of the TV.
"Nooo..." Joel practically whines, rubbing at his eyes before he blinks them back open. Although, he's not sure exactly why he would be upset about it — he is incredibly sleepy and ready to lay down.
"It has gotten really late." Jimmy mentions, looking out of a window.
"But the movie—" Bdubs audibly pouts.
"What if you four move to your sleeping bags while Etho fixes the television, then you can finish watching the movie from there?" Cleo suggests, cleaning up the empty mugs from the table along with Jimmy.
Bdubs and Scar go to the sleeping bags and start unzipping all of them to be open. The one closest to the wall is also closest to a little soft red nightlight, just barely illuminating the wall around it.
"Want the night light Joel?" Scar asks.
With a new yawn, Joel lays his head against Grian's shoulder and shakes his head. He thinks he'll be fine without being close to it as long as he gets to lay by Grian.
Scar sits down in the open sleeping bag closest to the wall, and Bdubs settles down on his stomach in the one next to him. Joel, feeling too tired to stand up and walk the few feet it would take to get to the sleeping bags, opts to just crawl over to the one next to Bdubs and also lays down on his stomach. Finally, Grian sits in the last one, just as Etho gets the movie working again.
Fortunately, Joel was able to stay awake for the ending. In the end, Bdubs actually fell asleep not even ten minutes after they got to the sleeping bags. Even Joel can giggle at the irony.
With help from Grian, Joel's sleeping bag gets zipped up. Etho closes up the ones for Bdubs and Scar, and Jimmy helps Grian zip his up as well.
Goodnights are said, the main light is turned off, and the three carers go to settle in a separate room for the time being. Their voices are far enough that they're unintelligible, but still able to be heard from where the four little ones lay.
"Grian?" Joel whispers after a minute or two, reaching a hand out of the opening of his sleeping bag to tap on the other's shoulder.
"Hm?" Grian hums sleepily, turning to look at him.
"We're safe." He says, his tone making it seem like it's some big revelation he's come to.
"O'course we are," Grian agrees with a yawn, reaching out of his own sleeping bag to grab Joel's hand. He holds onto it gently, even giving it a soft squeeze, "We're with family."
That's how they fall asleep, smiling and carefully holding each other's hand. And Joel falls asleep with the clarity that maybe safety isn't just a feeling here; maybe it can be truth, too.