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When i woke up as Bella Swan, I knew exactly what I was getting into. Not only I have read the first books at least 3 times, but I have watched all the movies in worrying amounts. I loved Twilight as much as I absolutely hated it. So, staring at my reflection in the mirror, brown eyes, so different from mine, I was able to think clearly. Because I have read too many fanfics involving this exact scenario.
I did what I was supposed to do, and stared at Bella identity, or now, mine. I could feel the panic threatening to go up my throat, the urge to scream, to cry, but I did as I can to calm down.
“Would you like some water, ma’am?” A flight attendant offered it to me, she was smiling at me, but her eyebrows were frowning, as I probably looked extremely pale. Wait, when did I get back to my seat? Fuck.
I can’t manage to utter anything, so I only nod, a little sickly, and the woman sitting on my side, a elderly lady smiles gently at me “Fear of flight dear?”
I nod again, breathing deeply. It wasn’t a lie. I was deathly afraid of planes, but at this moment, I was more afraid about what had happened, what was going to happen now. The fact we were in the sky did nothing to help. The woman offers her hand to me. Me, in a good time would have politely refused. Interactions with strangers always gave me anxiety, but not now. I held the lady’s hand, with just a little bit of force, but she didn’t seem to mind, she squeezed my hand back in support, and I felt my lungs smaller and smaller with each breath I took. Still, I tried to breathe, calmly and deeply. In and out. I talked to myself, random things.
The time passed flying, quite literally. As we were preparing to land, I felt more in control of my own body, or well, Bela’s body. And now that I was at least conscious, I had enough will to curse in my own mind. How the fuck did I got here? I don’t remember dying, but now that I think of it, I don’t know what I was doing before appearing here. Okay, I read enough books, fanfictions and pretty much any media that involved transmigration. But Twilight? Seriously?
Ugh, it Is what it is. I tried to distract myself by stopping thinking about my appearance. Everything felt too big or too small. Bela was skinny and tall. I missed my boobs, my thickness, everything! I worked so hard in the gym to get that body and now I had the skinny body of a model of Victoria Secrets.
Through sheer instinct, I managed to get my baggage and walk to the airport. I knew who I had to fight, the dark-haired police officer. Charlie Swan. Bella’s father, or better saying, my father. First thing, Bella is out of game. Isa would be my new nickname. It felt more like home, honestly, Americans and their habits of using the last words as nicknames, didn’t make sense to me.
Again, my body moved on its own, though it was probably because of my dissociation.
Focus, focus. I muttered to myself when I saw the person, that was probably Charlie. He looked around, then his eyes focused on me. He smiled slightly and waved to me. I waved back.
Ok, this was easy. Easy…
“Hi dad!” I said, with more excitement than Bella showed in the entire franchise.
If Charlie noticed the change of personality, he didn’t mention it. He welcomed me in his arms, and like any tough man in the old age of 2000 and something, he was awkward and stiff, yet fond.
“Hey, girl. You grew a lot, huh?” Great, Charlie was as good at small talk as me.
“Yep, grew seven more inches. Should have seen mom’s face when I woke up with more feet’s than I went to sleep with.” I forced a chuckle.
Shit, humor was harder in a language that wasn’t mine. Thankfully, Charlie was as awkward as I was, enough that he wanted to spare both of us to more talking, murmuring something about getting us to dinner before getting home.
Once we were in the car, I took the time to look at my surroundings. Forks was… like in the movies, really. I had no idea if the blue-Ish tint was on or if everything around us was simply rainy and moody like that.
I went through the motions of eating mechanically, my mind working overtime, trying to focus on many things at once. Charlie didn’t speak much, he probably noticed my pensive state, or just didn’t want any small talk. Before I could know, we were back home. I did try to pretend some level of surprise, but it’s not like anyone could blame me for being as emotional as a rock, Bella was even worse than me in the movies.
Charlie, my dad said something, but I wasn’t listening. I half-heartedly corrected him when he called me Bella. Better to start enforcing that ‘Isa’ thing now.
Everything was like a blur to me, the only thing that I could now feel was the bed belove me. Comfortable, cozy, warm. I focused on the feeling of it, to avoid another moment of dissociation. How did I end up here? I don’t remember dying, and certainly didn’t walk in front of a truck to end up putting me in a fictional world. And of all, why Twilight? That was stupid, idiotic.
Because I was watching Twilight, wasn’t I? I remember now, some of it. I was lonely, my mom was somewhere with my stepfather, my brother and father lived far away. I’ve always felt bad when I was left alone at night, like all the bad feelings I managed to avoid during the day came to bite me in the ass. So, I took my doggies and decided to distract myself. Twilight was my comfort movie, it was bad but highly entertaining, and I’ve watched it so much that I knew line by line. I liked routine, liked doing things the same way, or watching the same movies or videos because of the comfort. I felt myself dissociating again and decided that I needed sleep. I was too freaked out to think clearly.
Next day would be a better day. That’s what I said to myself. I fell asleep with quiet dreams of a life that seemed far away from mine.