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Sleep evaded me in the nights following the revelation. A Bhaalspawn…what chance have I at standing up against a god how could I possibly hope to try.
As morning came around Astarion stopped me with a gentle hand on my wrist. As I turned to face him his other hand came up to cradle my face, his thumb brushing what must be dark circles starting to form. I leaned into the hand slightly as he spoke, “The urges are calling on you again, aren’t they? I haven’t seen you sleep through the night once in the past days.” The worry was clear in his voice.
This is it I thought, this is the moment you come clean, and he decides it’s too much. It’s why you’ve been putting it off after all. Every visit from Orin scares you more and more wondering when your allies were going to piece it together for themselves. You take a deep breath and steady yourself, “don’t be alarmed…but I’ve divined with near certainty that lord Bhaal is my father.” You hold your breath waiting for the betrayal to come.
The hands let go of you as he responds, “Well, it certainly sheds some light on the sleepless night you spent tied up, trying to slit my throat. Bloody hells, a bhaalspawn.” The surprise is in his voice maybe it just hasn’t sunk in yet the depths of what you said, “Probably more Baldurian parents scare their children with stories of your kind than mine.” He says gesturing between the two of us as he spoke. “I thought your kind was extinct. Goes to show, you should always check your facts.” The last bit was said almost playfully, then he looked at you and must have seen something because his next words were spoken with care, “So, how are you feeling? Keen to reconnect with your family? Or ready to throw yourself in an oubliette?”
You let out the breath you’d been holding as you take in another deep one to settle yourself, “I’m afraid” your voice trembles the burden feeling especially heavy with the vulnerability. “How can I stand up to a god? He wants me to cause carnage.” Here it comes, the part where he sees how weak you truly are, how unfit you are to be not only the leader of your little group of tadpoled misfits, but also by his side.
“You know,” he pauses. Your heart beating out of your chest, you close your eyes and face the ground unable to even look at him believing you know the next words out of his mouth. You feel a gentle cold hand under your chin lifting it up gently. You open your eyes and look into his. His eyes are soft, “I always forget how alike you and I are,” he pauses and looks away briefly before looking back at you, “I felt paralyzed to do anything about Cazador for so many decades. I gave up on myself. I gave up any hope after a few lashes. Bhaal controls you in much the same way. I don’t know how you can beat him, but I do know this: you must try. The half-life of a mind addled slave is worse than death” the resolve showing in his eyes as he speaks, “don’t become his,” he says as he brings your foreheads together, and both of his hands cup your cheeks. The next part is whispered, “I wouldn’t live another century as one for all the moonstones in Evereska. Promise me you’ll continue to fight. Promise me you won’t succumb to him.”
Unable to talk you simply nod your head in confirmation. You can’t promise you’ll succeed but you’re going to try and fight with everything that you have even if it kills you.
Astarion moves his head back enough to kiss your temple, a habit you noticed he picked up at some point though normally only does after he feeds on you. Your burden feels lighter.
You look at him and grab his hands away from your face just holding them. “Could I kiss you?”
“You don’t have to ask, but I’m glad you do” he says as he kisses you.
Everything feels better as he does so. You know this won’t fix anything and you’ll still have to come clean to the others but just knowing that he’s still by your side relieves much and readies you for the world.