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The weather getting colder, the leaves are falling outside, and Ash is currently miserably waiting outside of their local coffee shop while Red gets a pumpkin spice latte for both of them.
As much as Ash grumbled about the entire plan (why the fuck did they have to wake up early to drive out to a pumpkin patch in the middle of fuck-off-nowhere was beyond Ash), it wasn’t too bad, honestly. Red’s been waiting for the day they were both off for a while, so that he could “show Ash the wonders of commercialized holidays”, but Ash mostly thinks it’s because Red’s secretly a romantic who likes the idea of a pumpkin patch date.
Hell, while they were both getting ready to make the drive outside of town, Red threw a giant scarf at Ash and cooed that they should share the same scarf. Ash had said no, of course, because he’d “rather not be tied down to someone,” before Red laughed and said that he’s stuck with Red. Forever.
“You know, around 50% of marriages end in divorce—“
“Exactly why we’re gonna get a prenup, Ash.”
Of course, they got into an entire spiel about how, if they bothered to get married, they’d make it the worst experience for everyone involved. Show up late, argue (bicker) for the entire wedding, and have a paid actor yell out objections before ignoring them and getting married regardless. Before they both fuck off from the wedding while leaving everyone utterly confused.
They both giggled the idea off before Ash shooed Red so that he could get ready. He had to practically shove Red out of the door, but that was more for the message than anything.
Ash ended up wearing the scarf by himself. How Red wasn’t freezing with only two layers on was beyond him.
But the small jingle of the front-door bell brings him back to reality. He can hear Red yell out a thank you to the barista, before walking out the door and practically shove a latte into Ash’s hands.
“Pfft. Took you long enough—“
“You know you could have waited inside, right? No one was forcing you to stand outside like a lost puppy—“
“Well it’s not my fault you decide to get our coffee in the tiniest building that’s ever been erected. I swear to God I nearly pass out from sensory overload whenever I walk into that building.”
Red rolled his eyes, before turning the cup in Ash’s hands to reveal that they somehow fucked up Ash’s name by adding an extra “E” in there, somehow. They somehow added an extra “D” to Red’s cup, as well, much to the amusement of Ash.
“Well Ash with an E , at least they didn’t completely fuck up my name.”
As much as they teased each other for their own personal tastes, Ash couldn’t really argue with Red about the pumpkin spice lattes. It wouldn’t be something that Ash would get often (he could already feel the sugar get up to his head by the time he finished half of it), but he’d get why people would like it. As basic of a choice as it was, it did fit the fall weather.
He’d never admit to Red that he did enjoy the most basic, white girl drink Red could possibly get, but he’s pretty sure Red had already figured it out based on the shit-eating grin he’s giving Ash right now.
That aside, the drive went as smoothly as it could have been with Red driving. Hell, Ash didn’t even have to hang onto the cat handle for dear life when Red went on the freeway! Sure, it was a little bumpy when they started getting onto the dirt roads, but Ash could get what he could take.
As they pull up to the pumpkin patch, Ash finally gets a better look at the surrounding area. It’s a quaint place, full of straw, lanterns, and fairy light poles. When they get closer, Ash thinks he can spot a gazebo somewhere.
Once Red finishes up cursing and finds a parking spot, Ash finally gets to take off his seatbelt and see what Red has been bugging him about for the past month. Despite being surrounded by farms, Ash is thankful that it doesn’t smell like one when he gets out of the car.
He just gets a pleasant hay smell instead, something he’d take over cow manure.
As the cold bites into his cheeks and he moves his scarf up to them, Ash turns to Red.
“Is your idea of a fall date taking me to a lame excuse of a farm, Red?”
“Well first of all,” Red says as he gets their bags out of the car, “A pumpkin patch isn’t lame , and second of all, pumpkin patches are awesome. ”
Red tsks, “You’re being awfully judgmental for something you’ve never experienced. Don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it when I forced you to take a sip of a pumpkin spice latte for the first time.”
“Hey man, that’s what she said—“
“I’m gonna kill you, Ash.”
Ash cackles at that, especially when Red walks around the car with a mildly annoyed expression on his face. Red shoves a tote bag and Ash’s latte into his hand. Ash grasps the warmth cupping his hand, and they start walking toward the entrance.
Or, what they thought was the pumpkin entrance. Turns out, this place has a small food stand selling caramel apples, funnel cakes, and too many pumpkin desserts for Ash to count. Right beside it, there’s a corn maze.
Red makes a joke that they should get lost and jumpscare whoever was unfortunate enough to also get lost, like some sort of shitty haunted maze, but Ash talks him out of it, because he does not want to spend his day off freezing his off in a weird ass maze. Red had boo’ed, calling Ash a buzzkill, before grabbing his free hand, and dragging him to try to find the actual pumpkin patch entrance.
Thank God Red dragged him out, because God forbid they get marketed to by county fair food.
After a bit of wandering (getting lost), they finally find (stumble across) the entrance.
It’s a cozy thing, basically being an upturned farmer’s market stand with colorful chalk signs and fairy lights illuminating the entire thing. An employee dressed in a straw hat and overalls smiles and greets them, asking if they were here for the pumpkin patch.
(Red snorted when he saw them, mostly because they looked almost identical to the smiling scarecrow next to them, freckles and all.)
Ash had smiled back, saying that they were fine on their own, before letting Red’s hand go and scurrying away to read the calligraphy text on the chalkboard.
Surprisingly, everything seems pretty reasonably priced. 5 bucks for admission, and around 50 cents per pound. Not bad considering some of the other prices Ash has seen in the past.
(He’s looking at that time that he and Red spent 45 fucking dollars for sandwiches and bottled water at a convention. And that didn’t even taste that good.)
This time, Red insists on paying for everything, so that Ash can get the best first experience, or whatever. Once Red finishes paying up, they speedrun their drinks, and find the nearest trash can to toss their trash in.
Wristbands on their arms, they walk into the pumpkin patch together.
Red seems to be dead set on finding something in the pumpkin patch when they walk in. He managed to catch the hood of Ash’s coat, and dragged him towards something , besides Ash’s “protests”.
Eventually, Red does find whatever he was looking for. Still tugging on Ash’s collar, he positions Ash upright like some sort of fucked up ragdoll, and tilts Ash’s head towards the wheelbarrow in front of him.
“Here, Ash,” Red says as he gets behind the wheelbarrow to lift it up, “You ready for a ride?”
“Bro I am not getting into that death tr— fuck! ”
Red, the absolute bitch he is, pushed the wheelbarrow so Ash tripped into it. He didn’t shove hard, Ash was just caught off guard from Red pulling him around, but Ash’s lanky body fucking pummeled into the damn thing, and he fell in with a loud thud .
“Wh— What the fuck man?! ”
“Eh, the kids used to do that to me all of the time.”
“Is that why you don’t fear death when you drive?”
“Maybe,” Red says, “But it’ll be fun! Hang on—“
As Red lifts up the wheelbarrow, Ash tries to untangle his limbs.
He can barely get his bearings before Red says, “You ready?”, not wait for an answer, and fucking bolts it .
Ash will neither confirm nor deny that he screamed when Red went all Sonic mode on his ass, but almost instantly, he gripped on the sides for dear life.
“Are you fucking—“
“There’s children here, Ash!”
“Well I don’t give a shit if you’re going fucking Mach 1 in a pumpkin in fuck off nowhe— oh my God .”
Ash doesn’t even know what the fuck is going on before the sight of the corn maze enters his field of view. Unfortunately, his brain can make logical assumptions, and based on the fact they’re going straight toward it Red seems to be hell-bent on causing chaos…
Of course they went into the corn maze with the wheelbarrow. Of course they did.
If going on a relatively straight path with Red manning the wheelbarrow wasn’t heart-attack-causing enough, the corn maze was full of sharp corners and Red wasn’t going to let his built-up momentum go to waste.
“Are you hanging fun, Ash?!” Red says in between huffs, “Are you enjoying the fall festivities there are to offer?!”
Ash opens up his half-squinted eyes, “What the fuck kind of celebration is this?!”
“Come on, you have to admit it’s kinda fun being a passenger princess in a wheelbar—“
“Bro I am not a passenger princess right now, I’m a passenger survivor , right now.”
Red laughs at that and says something about how his driving isn’t that bad.
And the fact Ash is slowly getting used to this is…concerning to say the least. Something about the wind on his face, the mildly unsafe scuffness of it all, and the fact Red’s practically cackling the entire time, fills Ash’s heart with something other than adrenaline and stress.
Ash would rather not admit that it was fun and fondness . He’s pretty sure admitting this to Red ensures that he’ll die by age 23, but maybe that’ll be worth it for Red.
Ash’s screams of terror do, eventually, turn to laughter. Mostly because Ash and Red run across more people in the maze, and promptly scare the absolute shit out of them. It might not exactly be a jumpscare, but the glimpses of terror they can see on people’s faces more than makes it up for Red.
After Ash pretends to scream that there’s some eldritch being in the maze (Is it Mothman, Bigfoot, or some other creature in the woods? Who knows, Ash made up a new one every time.), they do burst through the end of the corn maze all out in one piece. Ash is really impressed with how much stamina Red had to run that fast the entire time, but Red reminded Ash that he was in cross country in high school, something that Ash scoffed at considering it seemed like one of the absolute worst sports to get into.
Of course it all worked to Ash’s benefit, but an opportunity to make fun of Red is an opportunity to make fun of Red.
Stamina aside, Ash was surprised they weren’t instantly kicked out of the pumpkin patch for their little stunt.
Ash mentioned this to Red, who just laughed and says that the staff here absolutely hate him because of all of the shit he’s caused here for years. Apparently, this spot became a place for teens with nothing better to do than hang out and have absolute havoc be wrecked all over the place.
It gets really bad here on Halloween according to Red. Ash could not begin to imagine what the fuck Halloween got up to, but he sends out his blessing to the cleaning staff anyways.
Red dumps him off in a pile of straw once they start getting near the pumpkin patch. He at least asks Ash if he wants to get out and asks if he’s ready, but that still doesn’t stop Ash from eating shit on the ground and getting straw stuck in his teeth.
Red helps him up, thankfully, and after Ash brushes himself off, they can actually go get pumpkins instead of doing whatever the fuck in the corn maze.
It’s a pretty boring pumpkin patch. Just some pumpkins on the ground and on haybales, with decorations being sprinkled everywhere. It isn’t bad, just…very plain.
But it does the job. Walking through the isles, looking at each pumpkin like it’s a diamond being sold to the highest bidder, Ash and Red bicker and argue about which pumpkin is the best—like they’re arguing about which wedding bands to get.
After much “deliberation”, they finally decide on a few to get. A large pumpkin for cooking, 2 medium ones for carving, and a few for Red to dot around their house as decoration. It took far too much time for them to pick all of them out, but the loading up the wheelbarrow Ash was terrorized in, they finally make it out of the pumpkin-patch-fall-festival thing.
Not before Red insists that they should take a picture together at the gazebo. It’s clearly set up for pictures, and after seeing the price the pumpkins actually ended up being, Ash sighs. They’ve already wasted so much money, what’s the harm in spending a little bit more?
It’s pretty spacious and after a little bit of talking, they agreed to have a little couples’ pose for the hell of it.
Ash has to admit, it’s a pretty cute pose. Red on his tippy toes while tugging on Ash’s scarf so they’d get on the same height. If there wasn’t a photographer with an instant printing station, Ash would at laughed at how goofy Red must of looked right now.
“Hey man,” Red breathes out.
“Hey,” Ash whispers back.
“You ready to pose for the camera?”
Ash snorts, “Yeah.”
And with the click of the camera, Ash feels Red’s lips against his.
It’s getting slightly dark when they leave. There’s still visible light, but across the twilight sky, Ash sees the imprint of the moon start to form.
It’s a crescent moon tonight and started getting a little bit too cold for Ash to be comfortable being in. Getting into the car and turning the heater to a comfortable setting, they make the journey back home.
Once they make it home and unpack everything, Red asks Ash if he’s up to wash their hands and start baking the pie crust. As tired as he is, it’s a simple thing to make right now—just putting all of the ingredients in the food processor and putting it all in the fridge to rest overnight.
And after what happened today, Ash thinks he needs a mildly boring task to balance it out.
So he agrees. Red nods, asking if Ash wanted to be on food processor or ingredient prep duty.
He didn’t really need to ask. Red was always on ingredient prep duty, and Ash was the one mixing or kneading everything. It’s a system that worked for both of them, even during emergency stress baking during partially stressful weeks.
And they end off the night like that. Gossiping and talking about whatever was on their minds, ingredients, and equipment making clanking sounds against each other, all handled in a sort of dance between them.
Afterwards, it’s just a comfortable silence of butter being added to the flour mixture while the sink runs. It’s been a long day, let alone a week, for the both of them.
As the dishes get put on the dish rack to dry, Ash hears the sound of the fireplace being lit, and the smell of cinnamon filling the air.
And Ash and Red fall asleep on the couch, warmth and limbs tangling around each other the entire time. Even if they both complained the entire time, they wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Maybe Ash was going all soft, but he wouldn’t mind it at all if he lived the rest of his days like this.