Chapter Text
Midoriya Izuku was a kind person. That was an undisputed fact.
He didn’t hesitate when reaching his hands into danger for anyone else. He gripped the eye of the sludge villain for the meager hope of saving Bakugou. He ran forward to attack the nomu when it came forward, desperate to save Aizawa-sensei. He broke finger after finger for Todoroki, to break the chains that held him down. He took a sword to the shoulder for Iida, saving him from his half-baked revenge plot against a serial killer.
He was kind, wasn’t he? Always sticking his neck out for others and yet-
…
Yet, despite his efforts- despite what he knew he could and couldn’t do- the bad thoughts always lingered at the back of his mind. Over his shoulder and into his ear they always whispered.
“Kill the villain. Rip its eye out. Never let it escape.”
Don’t be a monster Izuku.
“Kill the monster. You know how to tear it limb from limb. Win.”
Be a good little boy, Izuku.
“Kill Endeavor. Reveal everything. Ruin his life and save Todoroki yourself.”
Be docile, Izuku.
“Kill Stain. Rip out his tongue and don’t let him use his quirk ever again.”
Be kind, Izuku.
“Take.”
Give it to me, Izuku.
“Kill.”
You listen to me, Izuku.
“WIN.”
Listen, Izuku.
“WIN!”
LISTEN TO ME!
He startled awake in his bed, gently rubbing the bridge of his nose with a groan. Eyeing his sad room honestly gave him a bit of a headache, but he moved past it to slide off his bed and tumble onto the floor. Making a mental note to maybe- just MAYBE sell a piece or two of some scrap metal from the beach for an extra few bucks, he forced himself up onto his hands, scrubbing his face tiredly.
There was yet to be a response from the lower floors. He closed his eyes for a moment, making sure to listen for a moment longer before sighing. He knew his mother was already gone, as she always was. Whether work, friends, or otherwise, it was easier to be alone in the mornings anyway. She tended to get… fussy when it came to him. Though, he supposed should just be grateful she cares at all.
“ She’s a pathetic excuse for a mother,” the voice behind him hissed. “ She’s downright awful. Neglectful bitch.”
And there was the other, less fortunate, part of his morning. He took in a deep breath, before looking down at his shadow. It may look like him, but the sharp jaws and the unhappy scowl it always held told a different story.
“She does her best,” Izuku muttered in response. He wasn’t sure if he actually agreed with those words, but he was supposed to say them. He had to say them.
“ Sure. She does her best~” the voice sarcastically drawled, as it did every morning. The conversation happened again and again and again- “ You’re not whole. You know you aren’t. I’m you, Izuku.”
“Whether or not you’re me,” Izuku muttered, carefully slipping on his uniform. “Doesn’t change the fact you’re not particularly… nice. You’re about as gentle as a prickly pear.” He grabbed a pill from his bottle and plopped it onto his tongue, allowing it to sizzle away. It was disgusting, but it kept the darker thoughts at bay. He allowed his eyes to trail to his shadow that was scowling at him. “I’d feel bad for the people in our life if we were one.”
“ It’s not my fault that everyone in our life has treated us like shit,” the voice bit irritatedly. “ I’d be nice to people who aren’t assholes. I’m just you with less inhibitions. This is like- next level repression.”
“I like to think you’re just my shadow,” he hummed, slipping on his shoes. “And that I’m not as bad as you.”
“ Your notebooks make me think otherwise,” the voice huffed. Izuku grabbed the notebook in question, gently tucking it back into his backpack. “ I’m just you but more… alive. You know that getting pissed won’t kill you. What’s the harm?”
“The possibility of killing someone else,” he offered, before grabbing his bag over his shoulder. “Now go back to sleep. I took my pills. Not like you can do anything.”
“ I can still speak my mind, ” it spat unamused. “ The pills are so overkill… It’s not like we’re a monster or anything-”
Monster.
“Shit I- I didn’t mean that. I didn’t mean that-”
Pathetic, worthless, horrible little monster.
He crumbled a bit, holding his pulsing head. That word- always that word. He barely managed to lean on the pony wall between the kitchen in the living room before his legs began to give out. Breath shaky and sweat dripping down his brow, he dug his fingers into his hair and yanked.
Monster.
“We’re not a monster.”
“Not a monster,” he whimpered softly, desperately trying to get his brain to calm. Emotions spiraled around like a hurricane of pain. An inpour of stress, anxiety, sadness, disgust, fear-
Where’s your anger, Izuku?
You don’t feel anger. Only monsters feel anger, Izuku.
“ You’re not a monster,” it agreed softly. “ I’m sorry for implying you were.”
It took almost ten minutes for Izuku’s mind to settle back down, the emotions draining from him as he wiped his face and took a short breath.
He made a mental note of the time before walking over to the kitchen sink, turning on the cold water to dip his head under. For a moment, he just allowed it to run. Cool water running over his skin and splashing against his face- he was okay.
This was okay.
See? All better. There’s nothing wrong.
You think this is okay? That this is-
“Checklist,” Izuku took a deep breath, sat down and opened his bag.
“Retainer?” “ Check.” It covered the sharp teeth he developed as a child.
“Contacts?” “ Check.” His heterochromia always bothered his mother, after all.
“Bag?” “Mmm all good,” the voice confirmed. “ No lunch. We’ve got to buy.”
“Other necessities and spare pills?” “ Check.”
“Then let’s get going. We’re already running late,” he sighed, using minor amounts of One for All to sprint out the door. With a bag over his shoulder and the wind pushing against his face- he could almost pretend everything was okay.
Everything is okay.
Nothing is okay.
Bakugou’s usual visceral was no different as they arrived at class at the same time- much to Izuku’s distress- because the blond was quick to snarl.
“What the hell are you doing here DEKU? You bastard-” He hadn’t MEANT to arrive after Bakugou, but it had happened by accident. “You looking down on me?? You think you can show up late??”
“S-sorry Kacchan!” he attempted a pathetic smile. Let him hit you. Be a good, docile, little boy.
“ If he hits us, ” the voice hissed. “ Kill him.”
“Psh- damn Deku.” The boy turned and headed into the classroom. “Just wait for foundational heroics…” he hid a wince as well as he could, ducking his head and entering the classroom. What a great way to start the day.
At lunch, his head was pulsing. In the end, he ended up ditching lunch to take a nap in Recovery Girl’s backroom- she never checked that room anyway.
It had been an accidental run-in with an older year and Izuku chirped.
“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry-” he waved his hands, and carefully helped the older teen. He was quick to help grab their books too, getting them back into their hands. “I didn’t mean to crash into you-”
“It’s alright,” the older teen smiled. “No harm done. Just be more careful. What’s got you running so much?”
“Oh! I- I’m kinda late to class?” he admitted sheepishly, scratching his face. “I fell asleep in Recovery Girls office and now I’m late-”
“Ah- you better get going then!” they chuckled, patting him on the back. Something felt like it distorted slightly inside of him but he shook it off and smiled.
“Of course! Have a good day!”
They were in foundational heroics, and Izuku felt… off. Not to mention, the voice was strangely quiet. He didn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth but… this didn’t feel like a gift horse. It felt like… a deathtrap. He rubbed his throat nervously, taking a deep breath to settle his nerves.
So long as he wasn’t fighting Bakugou things would be fine.
…
“Young Midoriya versus Young Bakugou!” Fuck. Fuck.
“Ha! You’re going down you Shitty D-”
“All Might,” Izuku said, trying to hold down the unknown emotion in his chest. He looked up at the man and the older… flinched? “Why am I… again- paired with Bakugou ?”
“...a-ahem-” the man attempted to hold back a bloody cough. “Because you two are always so inspired to fight one another, of course! Rivals bring out the best in one another-”
“He’s not my rival,” Izuku bit, unhappy. The man actually startled. “I’ve sparred against Bakugou 82% percent of the time in every one on one exercise, and 73% in every team exercise. Why has it become my job to fight him?” The class was silent, staring at him in shock. All Might coughed blood, splattering his handkerchief with it.
“Well, I have organized the competition and this is how it will go!” he said, a bit sternly. “I don’t appreciate being argued with, Young Midoriya.”
Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap.
He took in a short breath, and let a sadistic smile cover his face.
“Alright then, All Might. Bakugou and I can fight.” He looked over to the boy, whose eyes had gone slightly wider as he stared at Izuku.
The battles went on, one by one until it was their turn. All of his friends slightly kept their distance with the exception of Shinsou and Todoroki. They’d seemed a bit… clingier than usual, but Izuku couldn’t find a reason to be unhappy with it. Both were warm on each side of him and he couldn’t help but revel in the comfort of being squished on both sides. Pros of being small.
Finally, after much anticipation, his turn came. With a quick stand and shake-off, he eyed All Might in the room, before shifting his gaze to see Bakugou. The boy stared at him with thinly veiled fear to his immense amusement.
All Might wouldn’t meet his eye and the two entered the battling grounds.
“Hero versus villain!” All Might announced. “Hero, your job is to detain the villain and rescue any hostages. Villain-” Izuku wasn’t sure why, but the word in reference to him made his blood feel like it was boiling. “Your job is to kill civilians and defeat the hero! KO is needed!”
A bit of sadistic joy curled up his spine as he stared at the cityscape.
“How many are there?”
“... 32 civilians,” All Might’s hesitant voice came over the intercoms and a devilish grin spread his face.
“32 civilians… got it.”
It was Shinsou who spoke, curled at Todoroki’s side.
“Somethin’s wrong with him,” Shinsou spoke low. Todoroki nodded.
“He came back from lunch acting different. Maybe he got hit by a quirk?” Todoroki offered. Shinsou considered it before fishing out his phone.
“I’ll send Dad a message. He might be able to find something.” The class watched as Izuku threw himself off a taller building, laughing like a maniac as he used black whip and began to swing, looking gleeful. His grin was wide and sharp in a way so unfamiliar yet not… unwelcome. It looked much more appropriate on the boy’s face for some reason.
“I’m worried,” Shinsou muttered. “But him being angry is also… really fucking hot.”
“Kami, yeah,” Todoroki chuckled.
It was far easier than one would expect to kill the civilian bots. He just walked the streets, casually taking off heads one by one, watching them in amusement as they fizzled. It took nearly three minutes before he heard the explosion.
“DEKUUUUUU!”
His head pulsed with corrupted excitement. He ran forward, swinging out black whip to grab onto walls and throw himself forward like he’d seen Sero do so many times. With an ease he forgot he had, he used his legs to kick off several more heads on his way, grabbing a single bot as a hostage until he found Bakugou.
“DEKU! YOU SHITTY NERD!” the pomeranian screeched and something devilishly excited curled through his stomach.
If All Might didn’t want to stop their fighting…
Surely making Bakugou stop trying to fight him would fix it.
The class watched in curiosity and horror at the fight. Midoriya was… off. To say the least. His grin a bit too sharp and moves a bit too smooth. Like all the time before this, he’d been holding back.
“Holy shit…” came the soft mutter from Mina. No one even tried to correct her language as Midoriya used the hostage against Bakugou like a human shield, grinning when Bakugou blew it up on accident. All 32 civilian bots had been killed.
“What’s up with him?” Kirishima asked, almost concerned. “Bakugou looks-”
“Scared,” Shinsou chuckled. “Crazy.”
Everyone winced when Bakugou cracked Midoriya sharply in the face and a retainer popped out onto the floor.
Midoriya watched his retainer hit the floor in moderate amusement while Bakugou heaved in air, desperately attempting to catch his breath. He considered it before walking away from the blonde and grabbing the retainer off the floor, mindlessly sticking it into his pocket before pulling out his other.
Sharp and stronger teeth gleamed in the light and he happily cracked his jaw at Bakugou’s horrified expression. He gleefully bared his teeth at the other, letting a sadistic smile spread across his face.
“Well Ba-ka-gou,” he purred. “Let’s continue, shall we?”
“Deku-” the boy tried to start, but in his hesitation, Izuku dove forward and listened to the crack of one of Bakugou’s wrists with a gleeful cackle. The other cried out, falling back slightly onto the floor and staring up at him in horror. He was fast to dislocate the other shoulder, pinning him to the floor.
“You know~” he purred. “The battle doesn’t end until you pass out or tap out~”
Yet.
Yet all his glee- all his excitement was cut off in an instant. Bakugou’s eyes were wide and blown as he stared up at Izuku in horror. In fear.
In terror.
Don’t be a monster, Izuku.
His sadistic grin quickly contorted to something sharp and unhappy- something unfamiliar as he lifted his fist and slammed it right into Bakugou’s face. That expression- that DAMNED expression-
“ STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT !”
“I didn’t-” Bakugou coughed, blood from his nose dripping into his mouth.
“STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE I’M A MONSTER!” And Bakugou’s eyes widened.
“... Izuku.” His voice was suddenly serious, startling the greenette. His broken hand went up to cover his mic as he spoke. “Are you off your medications?”
The words slammed into him like a truck.
His… medication…
He stumbled off the boy in an instant, looking around desperately. Nothing. There was no sign of him. He was-
“Oh no,” the boy murmured, horror filling him fast. “Nononono- I did- I took it- I always take it-”
“I tap out,” Bakugou spoke into the mic and then shoved it into his pocket. “You damn nerd. Are you sure? Because you were a hell of a lot more-” Izuku’s hands desperately moved to his pockets as he checked, grateful to find the familiar pill bottle settled into his pouch.
“I took it! I promise I did!” Desperation was filling him fast. “I- I always do- we- we did it during our check-” He stopped in horror, seeing the bottle was empty. “I- I swear I…”
“Deku,” Bakugou looked at him, that expression still on his face. Rage filled him suddenly.
“ STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT !” he screeched again, blackwhip destroying the base of a nearby building. “ I’M NOT - I- I’m NOT-”
“I’ll call Auntie to pick you up some more,” he sighed looking away. “I fucking KNEW something was up…”
“I didn’t- I-” Blackwhip retreated into him as he swallowed. “I’m not-”
“I didn’t say you were a monster,” Bakugou looked at him blankly. As if he was the one overreacting. “Now. We need to get you to Recovery Girl or somewhere else. Because the class is gonna have a fuckton of questions if you did what I think you just did.” Izuku flinched when Bakugou walked towards him.
“Head to Recovery Girl you two!” All Might’s voice came over the speaker. “We can discuss notes later!” Bakugou and Midoriya were both silent as they turned to walk.
The class hadn’t seen or heard anything of Midoriya’s breakdown, to their luck. Settled in Recovery Girl’s office, she tisked and sighed.
“All you kids are so careless,” she huffed. “Never trying to take care of yourself and always getting hurt-”
“We’re training to be heroes,” Izuku snapped. “And our teacher doesn’t know how to safely train for shit. This isn’t our fucking fault.” Recovery Girl completely paused and turned to look at him.
It was Bakugou who saved him.
“Don’t worry about him,” he grimaced, making the motion of ‘down boy’ at Izuku. “He got… hit by a quirk. And he’s been aggressive.” Izuku huffed, almost amused by the lie.
“... I see,” she spoke low, turning back. “Why didn’t you report it?”
“Didn’t see a point. You told me not to come back here, remember?” Bakugou paused to look between the two and Recovery Girl scoffed.
“I told you not to come back with any self-inflicted quirk injuries,” she tutted.
“You mean the quirk I’ve had for less than a year that’s too strong for my body. That quirk,” he deadpanned. “That I’ve had no one to help me with.”
“I knew that quirk didn’t come outta nowhere,” Bakugou grumbled and Izuku’s glare turned to his.
“You don’t fucking need to know shit about me Bakugou.” The blond flinched at that and pretended to not hear, quickly checking his phone.
“Oh look at that the doctor’s on her way-” Izuku didn’t even hesitate to stand, heading to the door
“Oh, where do you think you’re going?” Recovery Girl tutted. She moved to smack his hand with the cane but he grabbed it without a second thought.
“To rinse out my retainer,” he hissed at her without hesitation, making her pull back. “And patch myself up since I don’t trust a hero without any real medical licenses to help.”
“Excuse me that level of disrespect-”
“Is deserved,” he leveled his expression at her. “Need I start a lawsuit over the surgery you did on my hands without my consent, Chiyo-sensei ?” She backed up. “Or the fact this place doesn’t actually maintain any of the doctor's regulations. I could call someone here and you’d be fired. Because this is medical negligence at best, medical malpractice and sabotage at worst.”
The other two in the room were silent in shock.
“Just write me a fucking note back to class in about thirty minutes so I can patch myself up.” Rage permeated the smaller boy and the nurse only took a few moments before writing it, and handing it over. “Thank you.” And he left.
It was Bakugou who spoke.
“You refused treatment to him?”
“Not now dearie,” she rubbed her temple.
Izuku found himself in the gender-neutral bathroom with his backpack and all his medical supplies as he carefully sewed up a larger gash in his side.
Under, over. Under, over. Under-
Monster. Devil.
Over. Under, over, Under-
You were an asshole. You’re a freak.
Over. Under. Over. U-
You should’ve killed them all by now. For how they treat you.
He took in a short breath, carefully tying off the knot for the stitch and moving to the next.
I hate all of you.