Chapter Text
“Pass me that eyelash curler, would you?”
Maya looked around the desk and frowned. “I don’t see it.”
“What? You just used it, how could you lose it?”
“As if I could find anything in this sea of eyeshadows you’ve strewn across the place!”
Shin-Ae furrowed her brows as she entered the room, two cups of water in her hand and looked at her best friends. “Are you guys okay?” She asked, then yelped as a high heel narrowly missed her shoulder. She spilt some water on the carpet. “Oi!”
Rika was flailing around the room now, tossing up abandoned dresses, clothes, hair pieces and makeup. “Where is that damn eyelash curler?”
“Oh, hang on-” Shin-Ae dropped off the drinks on the vanity, to which Maya said a quick “thank you” in between her swipes of lipstick, and jogged to the bathroom and back.
“Oh thank God!” Rika said, snatching the missing curler. “This thing is my holy grail.”
“Just get some falsies if you’re worried about your non-existent lashes,” Maya said, puckering her lips in the mirror, “I’ve got some in my bag.”
“I’m just fine with the curler, Maya.” She rolled her eyes, looking at Shin-ae exasperatedly, “Thanks.”
“No problem,” she said. “But actually, I was wondering if you could look over my eyeliner? I think I messed it up again.”
Rika squinted at her eyes. She payed no mind to the concealer she caked on to hide her eyebags (Shin-Ae decided to take that as a win that it wasn’t totally obvious), and she didn’t seem particularly bothered about her botched job for eyeliner. “Looks fine to me,” she shrugged, tip toeing across the messy floor to join Maya next to the vanity.
“If you say so,” Shin-Ae said, following her to the mirror.
Maya hummed, reaching over for a brown pallet and tapping the excess shadow of her brush. “Y’know, I’m glad it’s not masquerade this time.”
Rika sighed. “I’m not. What other occasions am I going to find to wear a seventy dollar mask?’
“Through Shin-Ae, of course, or your dad. Right?” Maya grinned up at her expectantly.
“You expect too much from me,” Shin-Ae said, feeling slightly sheepish being put on the spot. “I’ll let you know when I can bring a few extras next.” Which wasn’t very often, but she decided to omit that little detail.
When she found out that she could bring two friends along tonight, Shin-Ae practically dove for her phone and dialled Maya and Rika’s numbers like a woman possessed. “Tenth of April,” she mumbled incoherently, “big party.” To her absolute relief, the both of them could make it.
Lately the three of them had been immensely busy. Park Pastries have been getting busier and busier as of late - Easter is right around the corner, after all - and Rika was busy with school (and Soushi, but she had vehemently denied this).
Shin-Ae was partially expecting for the three of them to be separated. But she would find any familiar face at these corporate parties (friendly, familiar face) and find solace in it. If Shin-Ae would feel overwhelmed at any point, she could simply awkwardly waltz on down to the dance floor, try her best to fit in with the bouncing crowd, and ask her two girlfriends for their company.
Shin-ae cringed at the memory of the last corporate party. Given what happened, they’d happily oblige.
Maya huffed. “Well, anyway, we didn’t get to wear any eye stuff the last time they threw on of these things. No one could see my artistry.”
“You bought a whole new pallet, too.” Rika sighed reminiscently.
“That’s right,” said Maya, dabbing her finger on some glittery highlighter and smudging it on her cheekbones. “I bought a pallet just then and I was bummed I couldn’t use it.”
“What was it?” Rika asked, “Waked?”
“That’s the one. It was cinnamon scented too! Ma was jealous because I didn’t let her use it.”
“Isn’t scented stuff really bad for you?” Shin-Ae said, swiping some lip gloss.
Maya scoffed. “A girl needs to pick her poisons. You order greasy take out every night, and I pack on scented make up. Leave me alone.”
“No, Maya, I think she’s right, it’s not that good for you.”
The baker groaned, tossing her brush in her makeup bag and pushing herself away from the vanity to stand up. “Quit ganging up on me and zip me up, will you?”
“Yes ma’am,” they said.
The minutes passed through the hour rather quickly. Shin-ae never got ready like this, with her friends fretting over make up and hair and dresses before. The last time they had, Shin-Ae was cringing over Maya’s strangely incestuous shoujo manga. She spent more time trying to figure that out than she did worrying over what dress she wore.
Taking their advice all those years ago she decided again to go with a swing dress. Maya was right, after all; her diet wasn’t exactly the most elegant, nor as it the most refined, so she would take every opportunity to eat as much as she could while she was there.
Unlike last time, however, her dress was black, with some white detailing and red buttons. Maya took one look at her dress and agonised over it for ages, mumbling something about shape, and wasn’t satisfied until she took a white belt and tied it just underneath her boobs. They hadn't bothered with her hair - she preferred having it out, anyway.
“You’ll be able to pig out just fine in that.”
“You said that last time, too.”
“Said what?”
“Never mind.”
The final curls, toilet runs and purse checks were conducted. Maya seemed quite smug in her dark green dress, which clung onto her like a second skin. Rika was dressed smartly, with some blue jumpsuit with a low cut v and a scarf that flowed from her nape to the small of her back.
Eventually, she got a call on her phone. “Jayce is here.”
“Tell him we’ll be down in five.”
“Nope, we’re already late as is. Finish up,” she said, heading downstairs to greet Jayce, who was standing patiently against the drivers door, swiping on his phone. He perked up when he saw her.
“Shin-Ae,” he smiled at her. “You look nice.”
“Not bad yourself,” she replied. “White’s always been your colour, hasn’t it?”
He shrugged. “Can never go wrong with some white and navy blue. At least, that’s what my wife tells me,” he chuckled. “Your friends just about done?
“They will be,” she said, turning on her heel and sticking her head in the door to shout. “Yo! Let’s go!”
“We’re right here, God,” Rika winced, stepping out of the door with an irritated Maya in tow.
“No rush ladies,” Jayce said, opening the door of the limousine for them. “Knowing Kousuke, he won’t be in any rush to get ready.”
He wasn’t even dressed.
Shin-Ae stared at him, slacked-jaw and wide-eyed, marvelling at how carelessly he draped his thin frame on the couch. And in his silk pyjamas, no less.
“What do we do?” Shin-Ae said, bewildered.
Jayce grunted, rolling up his sleeves. “We wake him up,” he said, crouching down and taking both of his hands on his shoulders, where he gave a very firm shake.
He didn’t move.
“Try again.”
Still nothing.
“He isn’t dead, is he?”
Just before they could assume the worst, the heir to the Hirahara company groaned, and shuffled in his spot.
“Oh, so you’re not dead,” Shin-Ae snorted. Part of her was still reeling at the ridiculousness of the situation. She checked her phone - the party would start in less than half an hour.
“Jayce?” Kousuke breathed, delirious and stuffy sounding. He got up, slowly, and pushed himself into a sitting position.
Kousuke turned to her, then jumped looking slightly affronted, like he didn’t recognise her. “Miss Yoo?”
“Rise and shine, Princess.”
“What is the meaning of this?” His voice was slurred. His eyes foggy. They’ve looked to be far more foggy, recently. That’s what Shin-Ae noticed, at least.
“Ya done goofed.”
“You’re late, sir,” came Jayce’s more refined reply. “Your family is expecting for you to be at the party within the hour.”
“Oh for the love of…” Kousuke buried his face in his hands, mumbling into them. “What are the chances that I’d be berated for not attending?”
“Quite high, sir.”
“Of course… What are the chances if I am late, then?”
“High, but the beating would be less thorough, I imagine.”
“Where do you keep your suits?” Shin-Ae said, suddenly irratated at the mention of a scolding. She was not eager to get on anyone’s bad side tonight.
“What?”
“Suits, Kousuke. Where do you keep your suits?”
“All he ever wears is suits.”
Kousuke replied slowly, as if he were moments away from throwing up. His hand hovered over his mouth precariously. “My closet. Second door to the left.”
“Sir, would you like to take a quick shower before hand?” Kousuke thought for a moment, bleary-eyed, staring out into the city line and answered yes after a few slow moments.
If Shin-Ae thought her bedroom was a mess, the tragic aftermath of a horrific make-up hurricane, then she was sorely mistaken. Every where she looked there was something on the ground; a sock, a candy bar wrapper, an abandoned bottle of cologne. Every single thing she would and wouldn’t expect from her boss was seemingly littering the entire floor, and it made it incredibly hard for her to navigate as she held onto the only clean suit he had.
Kousuke looked far better after his shower. She tried to avoid eye contact with him (he was only in his bathrobe after all, but she supposed desperate times called for desperate measures) and handed the suit to him. He assessed it, nodded, then looked at the label and scoffed, as if he thought something was funny.
“What?” She said, irritated.
“A dulce de leche.”
“Gesundheit.”
“I really do insist you hurry and get ready sir,” Jayce said.
“I won’t be long,” he said, taking the suit and marching into the bathroom, shutting the door.
Shin-ae sighed, turning to Jayce and rubbing her temple. “Would you mind taking Maya and Rika to the venue? They’re probably killing themselves from boredom. Kousuke should be done by then.”
Jayce shook his head. “Not at all. See to it that he cleans up good, please?”
“I’ll try.”
With Jayce gone and her boss getting ready, Shin-ae was left in the large, silent living room. This room, too, was cluttered and messy, so she decided to make herself somewhat useful and clean up, starting with the candy wrappers. She could use this as leverage later. Maybe buy herself an hour or two leeway from work whenever she’d worry about being late.
She sighed, looking at her work. Even with the wrappers gone, the room still looked like a mess.
She remembered some words spoken about Kousuke, how he likes his room to be clean and hygienic. Words rumbled, an Irish lilt and an inebriated rasp.
“He finds solace in order.”
Shin-Ae couldn’t find a single thing orderly about this.
“Minimalism.”
It was all so incredibly ironic. And if his brother were here too, she was certain he would feel the same. If only his brother were here.
His brother.
There were many complicated feelings she felt towards his brother. Towards Yeong-Gi. Towards Nol and Nolan. It was difficult to discern how she felt towards these fragments, even more so to reconcile them into a whole person. She never knew it was possible to be so fond of half a person.
The first few months after he had left were hard. Harder than it was when he got taken away for prison, then rehab afterwards. At least then, she could talk to him. At least then, he couldn’t run away.
She wasn’t sure what happened to him after that. Neither did Kousuke. She suspects his grandmother may know, but the woman is stubborn as she is steadfast. She wouldn’t tell her anything, even if she looked horrible for not doing so.
After he left, everything reminded her of him. It was horrible at first. A red-head. An orange. The smell of detergent. Red masks. Make-up. Christmas music became impossible to listen to. She may have had take-out every night, but she wouldn’t dare step near the Wacdonald’s near the company building or order anything from it. The bench across from it, too, was off limits.
It was like he was haunting her.
It was incredibly stupid, this whole situation they’d found themselves in. What was even more stupid, it seems, was that the roles have been reversed. Because Shin-Ae knew that if Nol ever had the nerve to come back again after what he did, she’d never stop chasing him, like he did her.
Her phone buzzed. A message from her father.
‘Be careful with your party, honey. Have fun.’
She smiled and replied a quick ‘I love you.’
What was her philosophy on love again? When Rika and Maya were hounding her for a guy to be loaded? That she couldn’t bother? That she couldn’t care less? Well, she hardly needed the money now. She was quite fine as is. She could buy food. She could buy her own work clothes. She could buy proper presents for her friends, her father. She had love from her family, her friends. Rika and Maya and herself, though busy, were the closest they had ever been.
Shin-Ae didn’t realise how vast the difference between these types of loves were. And she very well confused the two. And when she finally had a taste of it, it was gone, just like that.
Before she could think of it, she starting typing away another message to her father.
‘How did you deal with mom going away?’
She very nearly sent it. But then the door opened and Kousuke stepped out with in a black suit and blue tie. He adjusted it then looked at her expectantly. Shin-Ae realised all to bitterly she had other matters to attend to.
The Hirahara Convention Centre was vast and illustrious. Shin-Ae would like to say she didn’t feel intimidated by the large, imposing rooms, or the large crowds of people, but even with the work experience, etiquette and dance classes under her belt, she felt no less observed when she did coming into this building with a paper mask four years ago.
The halls were freshly decorated with colourful ribbons, bright lights and sparkling chandeliers. It screamed spring; a warm, happy season so far removed to the people who organised the event that Shin-Ae could not help but feel unnerved by it.
“It’s so bright,” Shin-Ae said. She was entering the main lobby, her arm in between Kousuke’s. He too seemed to wince from the harsh lighting. She would almost dare to say he looked to be in pain. “It’s like the Easter bunny himself threw up in here.”
Kousuke hummed. “It’s all for the press. A PR move.”
Shin-Ae looked at him quizzically. “What do you mean?”
“We haven’t had a corporate party on the same scale as the night I met you since the Yu-Jing publication. How much do you know of Easter?”
”I don’t pretend to have much interest beyond the chocolates and cute bunnies.”
“In the biblical sense, Miss Yoo.”
“In that sense, nothing,” she said as they stepped up the large stairs. She could feel the eyes of every guest in the room follow them. Straight back. Good posture. High chin. She tried to present herself as amicable. She couldn’t remember all the names on the VIP list, but should they approach, she knew enough to address whatever concerns they had with her or Kousuke - or so she hoped.
“Christ,” he began, “died for the sins of his people. As I’m sure you know, he was crucified by Roman soldiers.”
“I’m not that out of touch.”
“Of course. When he succumbed to his injuries, he was laid to rest in a cave behind a boulder,” he continued, his pace slow as he talked. “It was the last time anyone, his mother or his disciples, thought they would ever see him again.”
At the top of the stairs, they approached the main door to the ballroom. The attendee’s eyes widened at the sight of them, and quickly ran to open the door. Shin-Ae mouthed an embarrassed thank you.
The door opened. The muffled music had been released into the air, pianos and strings and some trumpets and cellos. Jazzy and springy. The doors didn’t even make that much sound yet eyes gravitated to them nonetheless.
Straight back. Good posture. High chin.
“They really didn’t skimp on the decorations, did they,” Shin-Ae murmured under a fake smile.
Kousuke wore a similar, strained face. “Easter is about rebirth,” he said, leading her with his arm and walking her with him into the heart of the room. “When Christ was resurrected from the dead, all the despair in his mother and his disciples was dispelled, and he was brought into the Kingdom of Heaven. Easter symbolises rebirth. New beginnings and new starts.”
Shin-Ae furrowed her brows, her mouth opening as she clicked the piece together in her head.
“Your mother wants to project ourselves as a clean slate, then?”
“It would appear so,” Kousuke said. “But in my opinion, the decorations seem tacky.”
Shin-Ae smiled. A genuine face. “On that, we agree sir.”
“Shin-Ae!”
The pair turned. Maya and Rika approached, flutes of champagne in hand. “You sure took your time.”
“I apologise,” Kousuke said, “I was preoccupied.” Shin-Ae snorted. What a ridiculous understatement. Secretly, she made a mental note to tell the both of them what had really kept them from arriving on time.
"Gosh," Maya said, fanning her flushing face. “Your boss is so proper, Shin-Ae.”
Rika elbowed her, annoyed. “Don’t you start, Maya.”
Kousuke snapped his head up and looked across the crowd. He separated himself from Shin-Ae and gave a polite nod to the girls. “I’m afraid this is where I’ll let you go for now. Jayce is asking for me. If anyone wants to discuss business, Miss Yoo, bring them to me. I’ll be by the piano.”
“Of course,” she said.
They watched him go, swallowed by the crowd as he walked to the other side of the room. Maya frowned at Shin-Ae. “You won’t be working, will you?”
“I might have to. It’ll depend on how the night plays out.”
“That’s sad.” Maya frowned.
“Ignore her,” said Rika. “We won’t bother you if you’ve got business to take care of. But,” she grinned, interlocking her arms between Shin-ae’s and Maya’s, “if there’s nothing keeping you…”
Shin-Ae laughed. “Okay, okay. What do you want to do first?”
“Eat.” Rika and Maya said simultaneously.
Shin-Ae looked at them curiously. “Not dance?”
Rika groaned. “We haven’t eaten since lunch! And who says it’s good practice to dance on an empty stomach?”
“The same people who are worried about throwing up their food after dancing,” Shin-Ae joked.
“Quiet, you. Where’s the grub? As long as I can retouch my lipstick in the bathroom, I’ll be fine.”
If there was one thing she would never dare speak ill of at these corporate parties, it was the food.
The portions were small, but each morsel exploded with flavour. Pork belly. Bread crusts and caviar. Parsley garnished on everything. There was a whole dessert table (a rarity at these events) that was almost as colourful as the ribbons and helium balloons. Chocolate eggs, white chocolate and raspberry cheesecakes, flans, tiny little sugary snacks littered throughout and placed elegantly in between flowers, fruits and selected cheeses.
Amongst the desserts stood three very tall, very precariously stacked dough balls, held together by drizzles upon drizzles of caramel.
Maya gasped. “No way. They’ve got croquembouche!”
“Cro-chem-douche?”
“Quick! Before someone else takes it!”
“Who in their right mind would eat all of that?”
“Less talking more eating!”
The night went by smoothly. The girls made themselves comfortable on a table, eating what they could before running to the dance-floor when some more jovial music came by, a higher tempo and a beat everyone could actually sway to. Nothing wrong with the bossa nova, but Shin-Ae couldn’t make herself able to dance to that even if she tried.
The world glowed for a glorious moment. Maya and Rika held her hands as they spun themselves around. Shin-Ae smiled, and it came easy, not forced. She found herself having fun. She could pretend they weren’t in the lions den for a good, long moment, and simply loose herself in the happiness on her friend’s faces.
This love, she thought, is what I have. I don’t need anything else more.
When the spinning and dipping and laughing had tired them out, they resigned to sit on their chairs, heels off and smiles lazy, sipping their drinks leisurely.
“That was so fun,” Maya giggled.
Rika toasted the sentiment, before taking a big swig of her champagne.
“You guys are drinking again?”
“Yeah? None of us are driving, so it’s good to let loose.”
Maya tugged on her hand across the table. “You should get something too! Waiter-!”
“I’m fine with my water, thanks,” Shin-Ae shot her down quickly, waving away the waiter who perked up at the call. “Just take it easy.”
“Believe us, we will.”
“Yeah,” Maya winced. “I think I might have to. I am busting! Where’s the bathroom?”
“Down that hall,” Shin-Ae pointed. “Should be a sign leading the way.”
“Bless you,” Rika said as she shoved her high heels back on. “Take care of our drinks?”
“Sure.”
The party was in full swing. Smartly dressed men and colourfully dressed women all danced in the centre. Some milled about the corners, nursing a drink or a brightly wrapped chocolate egg. There were several too friendly waiters going around and handing them by the dozen, with smiles so wide it would have had to have hurt having worn them for so long now.
Shin-Ae was an avid fan of people watching. That was the one thing she learned early on during these parties. She’d sit and watch idly, sipping a water and watch who was who, where they were, who they talked to, and where they’d come from. It was oddly enjoyable.
To the left of the room was the chairman for private legal firm the Hiraharas were cosy with. Adjacent to them, the head of HR, and all the way the end of the room, was Hansuke Shishido, looking quite annoyed as he tapped away on his phone. Shin-ae made a point to say hello to him later.
Over there by the coat check in were some representatives of a rivalling investment company. Then over there, the son of a fashion conglomerate. And right over there, passing near the bar, was a head of red hair.
Shin-Ae stood up.
“My darling Shin-Ae!”
She turned on her heel. Standing in a lily white dress with vine like detailing stood a poised Yui Hirahara. Straight back. Good posture. High chin. Her eyes snaked over Shin-Ae’s frame, as if to say, “are you out of practice?”
A shiver crawled up her back.
“How are you enjoying the party?” She asked, voice breathy, yet somehow far too loud for Shin-Ae to handle. Why didn’t the music drown out her voice? She wished it did. She wished her words didn’t hold so much power over her, even though Shin-ae was sober, even though she knew what manipulations this woman was capable of.
She tried to smile. High chin. “It’s the liveliest Easter party I’ve ever been to.”
She crossed her arms, surprised. The inky black of her curls swayed with the movement. “Are you Christian? You never seemed the type.”
“I’m not. My family never celebrated it.”
“I see. My dear husband used to be, I believe. From what he told me he’d go to church day after day in his youth… Though I never quite understood what going to the same place on the same day for years on end would make someone believe that change would happen in their life.”
“I’m sure change isn’t all they’re there for,” Shin-Ae offered. Rand popped into her mind, an ugly, nasty thought tinted with pity, and she tried her best to expel him - and his damned son - from her whirling mind.
Red-heads are uncommon here, sure. But it wasn’t him.
“There’s those types,” Yui said, “and then there are the hopeless dreamers. Hopeless and unaggressive. They sit and twiddle their thumbs hoping something good will happen.”
‘Unlike you?’ Shin-Ae wanted to say, but spouted something else before she could change her mind. “I understand the theme choice was your doing,” Shin-Ae said.
“That it was! How astute you are,” Yui clapped her hands. Her white teeth framed by a bright and harsh red lipstick. “Though I don’t remember telling that many people…
“Did Kousuke tell you?”
Shin-ae crossed her fingers behind her back. ‘Fuck.’
“Jayce told me.”
“I see,” she replied all too easily. “Well, speaking of my boy, have you seen him dear? I’d like to have a word with him.”
“I haven’t, Ma’am.” He was sulking off in a corner, most likely.
“Really? Is he avoiding you, too?”
“I-”
“Do you know where he is, at least?”
“I don’t.”
“Oh, honey,” Yui cooed. “I understand it’s a festive season for all of us, but do please try to keep the important matters at the forefront of your mind, yes? We aren’t all here to play.
“Find him for me, dearie? I’d be ever so grateful.”
Shin-Ae swallowed a scream. “Of course. As soon as my friends get back from the bathroom, I’ll look for him.”
“You’re watching their drinks?” Yui asked. “I can watch over them if you’d prefer-”
“Well I-”
“Shin-Ae?”
Maya and Rika came up next to her, mild looks of worry on their face. They must’ve recognised who she was immediately.
“So these are your little friends?” Yui said. “How adorable you two are. Rika and Maya, I presume?”
“That’s us,” Rika said warily.
Yui gave a generous once over Rika’s jumpsuit. “Now your ensemble is quite dashing. May I ask where you got it from?”
“Just some store in K-Mall...”
“I see. My, the gems one can find in the most unlikely of places!”
The three girls shared quiet, uncomfortable laughter. Yui’s saccharine smile became all the more pronounced.
“Well, I’ll leave you three be. But Shin-Ae, I’d like to see my son soon, if you don’t mind.”
“Not at all, Ma’am,” she replied stiffly, keeping a straight face until the dreaded woman was out of sight.
Maya was the first one to pipe up. “What the fuck was that?”
“Business,” Shin-Ae said. “She wants me to look for Kousuke.”
“What are you, her dog?” Rika scoffed. “From what I remember you telling us I thought he was the one on a leash.”
“Who knows,” Shin-Ae muttered. “You two going to be okay without me?”
“Of course we will,” Maya said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Will you be, though?”
She shook her head. “I won’t be long.”
“That’s what they all say. Call us when you get home, Shin.”
“I will,” she said, turning to leave. “Oh, and guys?
“Stay away from the bar.”
Shin-Ae stomped through the halls in an angered frenzy. Her heels clicking with a rapid pace. Curses flying from her mouth like bullets flying from a silenced gun, threatening to pierce the silk and flesh of the people around her. She continued, making her way to the piano.
“The gall of that woman. The absolute nerve. The fucking audacity.”
God forbid someone hear her. All those years she spent cultivating a somewhat dependable reputation, someone of good work ethic and of calm demeanour, all thrown away because of some throwaway swears. That’s all it takes to knock yourself down a peg or two - a less than honourable comment that someone important may take offence to. It didn’t even have to be remarkably taboo or explicit; if what flew out of your mouth wasn’t in their tastes, you were not in theirs.
And what Shin-Ae was darkly murmuring was definitely taboo and explicit.
She knew all this, but damnit, it only made her words all the more sharper.
How dare she. How dare that witch of a woman make such a bold threat to her friends. It made her want to slap off that ridiculously smooth wig of hers and burn it in a ditch somewhere.
What was worse was the way in which her threats have been far less concealed as of late. There was a strange acceleration from her plastic pleasantries to the inevitable punch line hidden in her flowery words. It was like she was on edge, like she was more careless as of late and didn’t care to soften the blow of her threats and insults.
She thought of how blunt she was, how quick she was to get to the chase to find Kousuke. Perhaps his avoidance of her had finally started to make her crack under pressure.
‘Good,’ Shin-Ae thought. But any smug satisfaction dissipated when she finally arrived at the piano and saw that Kousuke was nowhere to be found.
As if the night couldn’t get any more annoying. “For the love of-“
“Have you seen him?”
Jayce stood a few feet away, disheveled and sweating like he’d ran a few olympic laps (she wouldn’t be surprised if he did, knowing his work ethic). His breaths coming out in raggedly puffs, and he gripped the edge of the piano with white knuckles.
“Damn, are you okay?”
A winded chuckle. “I will be once we find him.”
“So she asked to you to find him as well, then.”
He nodded, wiping some sweat off his brow. “And I’ve had no luck so far. As you can see.” Shin-Ae swiped a glass from an attendee’s tray, ignoring the quick glare they sent her in favour of giving it to Jayce. “Thank you.”
“How about you rest up while I find him?”
“Check the dessert table.”
“He isn’t there, that’s where I just came from.”
“Then where else could he be?”
The million dollar question.
Kousuke could be anywhere. There were parts of the venue only he and his family were allowed access to. He could have simply left, but barely two hours had passed since they’d arrived, and she doubted he would leave having been almost half an hour late.
His not being at the dessert table wasn’t that surprising either. She wasn’t sure why, but his penchant for sweet pastries and cakes had dimmed somewhat over the past few years. A part from cheap, convenience store bought candy, he rarely went to those sugar packed confectionaries anymore. It was like he lost the taste for it. Shin-Ae briefly remembered seeing his favourite raspberry white chocolate cheesecakes at the dessert table, but as far as she remembered, he hardly went near them.
So, dessert table wasn’t an option then. Why would it be, when he traded sweets in lieu of-
Shin-Ae gasped. Giving Jayce a quick goodbye, she sped off outside of the ballroom.
The bar was dimly lit and felt intimate for how ostentatious the rest of the party was. Small flocks of people scattered the area, and they chattered in low murmurs and quiet chuckles that Shin-Ae could only just hear once she was almost directly next to them before she walked off again. It was warm and stuffy, and the jazzy melody from the ballroom was muffled.
Shin-Ae found Kousuke almost instantly. His suit jacket was left unattended on the stool next to him, and he didn’t seem to care for it as he tugged on his tie in an irritated fashion, like he was trying to relieve himself some of the heat. He spilled over the counter, propped by his arms with half rolled sleeves, and he looked absolutely trashed.
She almost didn’t catch the shot in his hands before he dove to chug it down, and she quickly smacked it out of his hand, where it crashed and fell on the counter.
Silence stretched between them for an awkward moment before the bartender muttered a curse. “You’re paying for that, lady,” he said to her, before turning to Kousuke with a happy grin, “can I fetch you another, sir?”
“How about a glass of water?” Shin-Ae replied coolly.
“No,” he slurred. God, he sounded like he’d downed straight gravel. Shin-Ae winced listening to his rasp. “I’d like… another.”
“Another glass. Of what? Well, you’re too drunk to say what specifically right now, aren’t you?” She laughed sardonically, then turned to the bartender; “A water. He’ll have a water.”
The bartender narrows his eyes at her, crossing his arms. “And who are you?”
Shin-Ae gave the man a cold hard stare. He returned it fully, and she sighed defeatedly before she rolled her eyes and fished out her company ID from her pocket.
“You’re his assistant?”
“If it makes you feel better I’ll ask him to replace the glass.”
“That won’t be necessary…” he coughed. "I’ll go get your water. Excuse me.”
“Thank you.”
With the bartender gone, Shin-Ae finally took a good look at her boss. A flushed face, jittery hands, ice blue eyes that seemed to scan everything and anything.
She spoke slowly. “How many have you had?”
“…Four… I think.”
Okay, Shin-Ae thought. “Four of what?”
“Kamikaze shots.”
“What the hell?” Shin-Ae seethed. “What about all that crap you said about Easter? New beginnings, PR? You’re always going on about image, and here you are, on the night that we're supposedly presenting ourselves as clean… getting drunk.”
“I’m fine,” Kousuke said. He hiccuped.
“You are not fine,” she sighed. The bartender dropped off a glass of water then. He wore a smile that bordered onto a grimace, like he felt awkward or like he was intruding. Shin-Ae bit her inner cheek and passed the glass over to Kousuke; whatever the bartender was thinking, it was probably far off from the truth. “You of all people don’t just loose your inhibitions at the drop of a hat.”
“Rebirth…” he rasped. ”New beginnings.”
“What, are you trying to be smart right now? You know your mother is looking for you right? She knows you’re avoiding her.”
Kousuke groaned, the heel of his palm in one eye. “I cannot deal with your scolding right now.”
“Then maybe you can deal with Jayce’s later? Do I need to remind you of that 7:30 meeting tomorrow?”
“Shut up, I want to be left alone right now.”
“Not until you leave this bar and have had a good gulp of that water.”
“I don’t want the water,” he bit back. "I want you to leave me be."
“Dude,” she hissed, voice low, “do you want to feel like shit tomorrow?”
“What does it matter?” He growled. “I’ll feel like this tomorrow anyway.”
Shin-ae scoffed indignantly. “Well, I’m sorry for looking out for you-“
“And the day after that. And the day after that. Weeks, months…” he tugged on his hair, pulling at the black strands there. Unlike his mother’s, his hair fell straight. “Years…”
“What?”
“Guilt.”
Shin-Ae felt her body tense, then relax as the words sank. The weight of them settling in her head.
“What are you talking about?”
Kousuke scoffed. “Oh, do not play dumb with me, Miss Yoo.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about-“
“I saw him.”
The scenery slowed. Shin-Ae heard another crash of a glass, but she barely registered it, too focused on the words Kousuke just spoke, and the stupid lingering hope in her chest. It was neither the time nor the place, but some flame still flickered inside of her. A fleeting hope she thought that had long extinguished.
Because she knew exactly who he was. After he left, no one dared uttered his name around his half brother. Now Shin-Ae scarcely speaks of him herself. It was simply too painful. Salt on a too raw wound.
She knows she will regret this later, but she asks anyway. “Who did you see?”
Finally, Kousuke looked up from the bar and to her face. He didn’t look into her eyes, not really, he just sort of vaguely perceived her, acknowledged her in the most basic of terms as his head spun with alcohol and it’s driving factor: guilt.
And then he spoke his name. A single broken syllable:
“Nol.”