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One thing about Zhang Hao was that he did not enjoy showing weakness.
Maybe it came from his trainee years, when showing any type of negative emotion would put you on the line between debut and being kicked out.
Maybe it came from way back, when he was still in China, and the pressure to be the best was so overwhelming he had sleepless nights trying to keep himself together.
Maybe it was always with him, growing alongside him as he took every step in life and built everything he had from scratch.
Showing weakness wasn’t part of him.
But, for some reason, he still found himself shaking Hanbin awake as the younger of the two slept curled up around his blankets.
When he didn’t budge, Hao almost considered it a sign to give up, to go back to bed and stop acting like a child afraid of the dark.
After all, it was nothing but a nightmare.
Although, it had been scarring to the point of bringing Hao close to tears as he woke up gasping for air.
But, still.
Nothing but a bad dream.
He glanced at the door behind him as he considered just leaving and pretending nothing ever happened and then back down at Hanbin’s sleeping figure.
He was pouting in his sleep, something that Hao would never admit to be extremely endeared by and he had a purple Ditto sleeping mask covering his eyes. A matching set with his Ditto PJs that Hao had brought with him some days ago.
He looked peaceful as he slept and it was rare to see Hanbin looking so peaceful with comeback preparations taking over their schedule.
Hao almost didn’t want to wake him up.
If only the lingering memories of his nightmare weren’t keeping him on the edge and his hands weren't uncontrollably shaking.
He sat down beside Hanbin and pushed his sleeping mask up to uncover his eyes before shaking him once more.
Hanbin, for someone who was deep in dreams, sat right up on the bed as soon as he saw Hao hovering above his face, almost knocking their heads together.
“Hyung? Is everything alright? Are you ok?” he asked although his eyes were barely open.
His hair was sticking up on one side with the sleeping mask holding back only some of his bangs and the pout had yet to leave his face.
Hao couldn’t help the small smile that spread on his face and he reached out to pat the other’s hair.
Hanbin leaned into it, almost purred like a cat would and closed his eyes. He reached out to hold onto the bottom of Hao’s PJ top and tugged on it gently.
“Did you wake me up just to pet me, hyung?” Hanbin asked, half joking as he opened his eyes again, a frown forming on his face as he took in Hao’s state.
“I had a nightmare.” Hao said, shrugging. Still feeling out of his comfort zone despite being next to the person who shaped his heart into a home for both of them.
Hanbin reached his hand out to caress Hao’s face, feeling the cold sweat on his fingertips and whined quietly to himself almost as if it was hurting him knowing Hao had a bad dream.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Hanbin asked gently, his hand moving to pet Hao’s hair as if it wasn’t also damped with sweat.
Hao sighed, lost for words as to whether it was that big of a deal. If it was even worth talking about. He already felt bad enough to disturb Hanbin’s sleep.
Hanbin seemed to decide for him as he pushed Hao out of his bed and got up after him, almost falling as he stepped on one of the many hamster plushies located in his room.
“Let’s go. I know what will help you feel better, hyungie.” he said, entwining their fingers together and dragging him out of the room.
Hao allowed himself to be dragged by the youngest and bit his lip as he felt his heart grow ten times bigger, almost ready to burst, at the fondness he felt towards the other. Even in times like this, times when Hao felt he was being selfish for taking Hanbin’s space, he was always reminded that he was more than welcome. That he was home.
They ended up in the kitchen sitting across from each other, each with a glass full of Zero Cola and their feet occasionally knocking against each other’s under the table.
Hanbin would occasionally comment about how silly it was for them to drink caffeine at such a late hour, that it would mess with their sleep, and giggle afterwards like he was a teenager doing something naughty behind his parents’ back.
Hao would laugh along because how was he supposed not to.
Eventually, the glasses were empty and Hanbin moved to sit next to Hao. He held his hand on his lap, his thumb gently rubbing against it and tilted his head as their eyes met, much like a puppy would.
“Do you wanna talk about it now?”
Hao squeezed the other’s hand and nodded, although scared shitless at the thought of reliving what he had dreamed of. Being surrounded by the warmth Hanbin brought to him and the love consuming his every sense, he felt himself brave enough to open up.
“It didn’t make much sense,” he started, “It was one of those nightmares where everything is confusing and you feel lost in the middle of it all. It started with me in a dark room calling for someone that I can’t remember and then it turned into numerous voices yelling out and eyes staring at me from dark corners until I was surrounded and almost couldn’t breathe.”
Hanbin let out a whimper, dragging his chair closer to Hao’s until they were pressed together from head to toe.
The older took advantage of their closeness to cuddle into his side, resting his head against Hanbin’s shoulder and taking a deep breath before continuing.
“Then, as I thought I was going to be swallowed by those voices, the dream changed and I was in a forest. Everything looked the same no matter how much I walked. I was still calling for someone and I was still getting no answer and I was still alone. I just kept walking until I reached the edge of a cliff and-”
He paused, blinked back tears that were threatening to fall.
“I saw you.”
Hanbin made another noise beside him but he didn’t dare to look up from where his gaze had locked on their entwined hands.
“I tried to walk close but the closer I got to you, the closer you were to the edge until you fell. And when I turned back to ask for help I couldn’t speak anymore, like my voice was gone. When I looked over the edge, there was nothing but darkness. And then I woke up.”
Hao cleared the tears from his cheeks with the back of his hand, sniffing as he did. He coughed out of embarrassment, almost trying to somehow hide the fact he cried over a nightmare and sat up to look at Hanbin.
Sometimes, it really felt like looking in a mirror whenever he looked at the younger man. His cheeks were flushed a deep red, wet with tears and his bottom lip was quivering although he tried to stop it by biting on it so hard he could draw blood.
Hao couldn’t help but let out a fond laugh, reaching out to cup the other’s face in between his hands.
“Why are you crying? Aren’t you supposed to be comforting me?” he teased, the smile on his lips only growing fonder when Hanbin sniffed loudly and a fat tear rolled down his cheek.
“You know I cry when you cry.” he said through a pout, “It’s your fault, really.”
Hao squished his cheeks and giggled, a new wave of tears filling his eyes, “It’s not my fault Hanbinnie is a big cry baby.”
Hanbin cupped Hao’s cheeks, squishing him back as tears ran down both their faces, “I’m only a cry baby because hyung is a cry baby too.” he said.
They giggled together and Hao felt the lump on his throat dissolve with every squish Hanbin gave to his cheeks, with every teary kiss shared between them, until he could breathe normally once again.
When they went back to bed, they went together.
Hanbin insisted he would keep the nightmares away and Hao would never bring himself to argue back when he wanted to be close to the other just as much.
Laying down side by side, their legs tangled together and their noses almost touching, Hanbin said, “I hope hyung knows I would find him in every universe, even in dreams.”
Hao pressed closer, kissed his nose, his lips, and smiled, “You better. Otherwise I’ll have to find someone else to do it.”
Hanbin scoffed and kicked his leg softly before rolling over on the bed to face the wall, his arms crossed over his chest.
Hao buried his face in the back of the other’s neck and squeezed his waist tight as he laughed against his skin, trying to be as quiet as possible.
“I was being so sweet and you had to ruin it.” Hanbin whined a tad too loud for the late hour of the night, turning his head a bit to glare at him.
Hao swallowed down a giggle and pouted big and exaggerated at the other, pressing a wet kiss to his cheek, “I’m sorry, baby. I know you would find me.”
“You bet I would.” Hanbin mumbled, his voice starting to get drowsy with sleep.
He rolled over again, pushing Hao to do the same until their positions were switched and Hao was now being hugged from behind, Hanbin’s arms resting comfortably around his middle.
“Oh, I get to be the little spoon for once? How new and innovative.” Hao teased, closing his eyes and letting himself sink into the other’s embrace.
“It’s so if I fall, you get dragged down with me.” Hanbin said against his shoulder.
Hao snorted, “That will fix it.”
“I wouldn’t mind falling into never ending darkness if I fell with you.” Hanbin added, squeezing Hao once, twice.
Hao smiled, already half asleep and so full of love.
“I’ll see you in my dreams, then.”