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May Death be Kinder than Living

Summary:

If living means enduring through continuous turmoil and apathy, then may death be kinder.

Notes:

- This was a piece of writing that was originally made for a college assignment as a disguised original piece, but now that the assignment is done, I plan on editing and uploading the writing in its original intent.
- I may make some editing changes along the way, in case there needs to be any clarity issues, or to extend the passage length, but otherwise, I plan for this to be a single one-shot.
- If this becomes successful enough or if I am motivated enough I might continue creating more for this particular AU ^^

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Work Text:

I lay my body on the course dusty ground as I try to draw my name with a stick in an attempt to pass the time. Not a single soul is around any longer to hear of my name, yet I have an urge within myself to preserve any remnants of my name as possible. However, all the years of desolation have caught up with me slowly rotting my conscience away at its core. I etched one line after the other, and each time I felt myself shaking evermore. The lines gradually went from being legible to indiscriminate shapes, that not even I could comprehend. I eventually give up and toss the stick beside me as I let out a huge sigh, hanging my head low with frustration, until I could feel something brush against me.

            My eyes widened once the wind rushed in, blowing away my dirt drawing. I lift my head and look into the distance only to find a trashing sandstorm heading towards my direction. For a few seconds, I stare at the storm not even surprised, take a deep sigh, and walk back in the opposite direction in search of the nearest tunnel.


            In the distance, I watch the doleful ceremony in parting of a loved one. The boat pushed out into the sparkling waters, garnished with bountiful plants and flowers, surrounded by dozens of lights. This is certainly a beautiful sight to behold, but it is ultimately bittersweet. As I looked out into the view a woman walked up to me with a doting smile and stood beside me.

            “It’s not often I see you watching over the ceremony Zhongli,” she said.

             “Well on the rare occasions, it can bring me some comfort.”

            Hu Tao is one of the directors at the funeral parlor, as well as my acquaintance, generally working on writing the speeches for the ceremonies. We don’t often see each other, yet whenever we do, she has always made sure it is a joyous occasion every time.

             “Well, I am glad you decided to pass on by,” she says dotingly. After she spoke I could sense her smile die down from one of wonder into melancholy reinsurance. “The poem that I wrote for this is one that I am particularly proud of, and I am sure everyone would appreciate your condolences.”

            “The ceremony has certainly been a bittersweet sight to behold, I am grateful that this person was given the parting that they deserved.”


Umon the surrounding chaos, I see her lying down under the golden light among the field of Glazed Lilies. Brittle and fatigued, I could sense that her time was coming up, yet I wasn’t ready to let go. A reassuring look was in her eyes, almost adamant that she was ready for this time to come. She says something to me, to where I can read her lips, but my mind is too gratified to hear her voice, and without another moment to spare, she withers away into dust, ending the chaos.


As the ceremony draws to a close and everyone went their separate ways, Hu Tao and I decided to walk along the shoreline to talk for some time before returning to our residences to which Hu Tao looked at me with a curious, yet tranquil grin.

“You know it's strange, you are one of the most experienced and in touch people I know, yet I remember when you first walked in at the funeral parlor, I never expected you to be the kind of person to want to work here.”

I let out a slight chuckle. “Well, as you said, I have gone through a couple of experiences in my lifetime and death is no new concept for me. I thought by taking this job I would grant opportunities to friends and families that I haven’t had growing up.”

“Do you think you occasionally have fears of dying yourself?”

Hearing Hu Tao asking this question made my heart skip a beat as I looked up at her with widened eyes. I had to think for a moment what I was to say, but ultimately, I knew at my heart that there was only one right answer. “My own death is something I wouldn’t have to worry about for some time.”


By the time I found a tunnel the storm had already caught up to me. The harsh winds and grinding sand made it hard for me to stay stable, but the further I reached in the tunnel, the sand grew calmer, and calmer, until all that was left, was the silent whirling from outside. I crash my body on the soft sandy floor, huddle up, and attempt to rest through the storm, yet I can’t get myself to fall asleep.

The moment I felt the storm begin to calm down, the harsh whirling changing to a melancholy silence, it was safe to come out now. I shuffle my way toward the entryway where the sky is still pitch black. Stars and lights splattered across the sky created quite the spectacle every time that had been admitted, yet there was also one light that seemed to be more of an anomaly compared to others, it seemed to be drawing closer.