Archive of Our Own

Will you give me yourself? Will you come travel with me? Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?

- Song of the Open Road, Walt Whitman

“We should have him arrested for attempted vehicular manslaughter,” Carlos says as they walk up front door of Extra Space Storage. Carlos grabs the door, pulling it open and feeling a rush of cold air.

“Babe, if they arrested every cab driver that drove erratically through the streets of New York City,” TK begins as he walks through the open door. “There wouldn’t be any cab drivers left.”

Around three months ago, TK casually mentioned the name of a restaurant he’s always wanted to go to. He mentioned that it was in New York City, and that it’s a tiny little hole in the wall spot that’s crannied in between the shops of the Upper East Side.

About a week later, over a dinner of Spaghetti Carbonara in which TK used a new parmesan that he plans to never use again, Carlos surprised him with a trip to New York for his 30th birthday.

He figured it could be a perfect getaway, a reason to see Jonah and an excuse to see how TK’s eyes gleam in the city lights.

So now, they’re currently in New York City, also named the City That Never Sleeps. TK finds it fitting since as both he and Carlos have been up since about four a.m. and neither got any sleep on the flight.

After arriving to their hotel; they checked in, unpacked and made plans to christen the hotel bed as soon as possible. Instead, they both promptly fell asleep and napped for about five hours.

After waking up, and commiserating any and all plans they had to christen themselves against the New York skyline, they both showered and got dressed. With it only being a little after two p.m. they figured they’d stop by to see Enzo and Jonah.

While Carlos was playing peek-a-boo with Jonah, TK noticed a bill sitting atop an assortment of mail. He recognized the name, it was the storage facility where his mom used to rent a storage unit.

Or well, TK thought she used to until he noticed that Enzo was still paying for it. TK asked Enzo why he hadn’t shut down the account and Enzo replied that getting rid of Gwyn’s things would mean admitting that she’s gone.

Falling victim to empathy, TK understood. Enzo asked him if wanted to see the storage unit for himself and see if there was anything he wanted to take back with him to Texas. TK initially declined but Carlos thought it might be a good idea. Find a way to bring a bright piece of the past into the present.

So now, they’ve just finished spending a better part of an hour navigating their way through the city to find this storage facility. TK didn’t expect Carlos to be any the wiser, the Southern boy that he is, but he did think he, himself, would be a little more in the know.

TK’s a little disheartened at the realization. He used to know this city like the back of his hand; now he feels like he’s wearing a glove.

As they walk through the hallways, Carlos continues to explain his plight. “TK, we could have died,” Carlos’ voice has a hardened edge that TK tries his best not to laugh at.

Carlos has just gone through the ceremonious experience of trying to cross the street during mid-day.

While it should have been easy, just following along in the steps of the former local that is TK; Carlos, being Carlos, made the decision to help an elderly woman cross the street as well. He quickly learned that the rest of the city isn’t as chivalrous as he is.

“That’s the last time I help an elderly woman cross the street,” Carlos mutters.

“Carlos, you and I both that’s not true,” TK mutters back with a smile. As Carlos continues to stew in his frustrated tutor, TK keeps a vigilant eye out for the storage unit that once belonged to his mom.

“Here we are,” TK announces as they stop in front of a large blue door. “Unit 318.”

TK crouches down, turns the key into the lock and waits to hear the roar of the tumblers. As he stands, he pulls the door up with him and a cloud of dust dissipates in front of him.

Boxes upon boxes are stacked atop each other, looking like skyscrapers and  creating a metropolis of their own. TK can feel himself getting slightly overwhelmed at both the thought of the past and the thought that his mother’s never coming back to pick this stuff up.

Carlos reaches out and grabs his hand, squeezing it before asking, “Ready to take a walk down memory lane?”

TK thinks of all the things that might have collected over time; all the things that’ll remind him of who he once was and how that’s different to who he is now. He doesn’t know if he’s delighted or terrified at the thought. He squeezes Carlos’ hand back before answering, “Maybe more like sprint.”

They’ve been rummaging, scouring and just about everything in between for the last hour. TK feels like they’re starting to make the littlest bit of headway through the amassed clutter but at the same time, he feels like they aren’t making any at all.

TK’s currently digging through an assortment of knick knacks, sundries and novelties. All of them sentimental, but none of them really worth saving. He doesn’t even want to imagine the headache that’ll be born of wanting to find a way to get them all back home.

He pauses at the thought, almost finding it a bit strange. He’s in the heart of New York, yet he’s referring to another place as home.

He’s thinking that he’s bordering the line of betrayal, but then Carlos peeks his head up from behind a cardboard box. He’s looking at TK with those warm, inviting, brown eyes that TK loves so much. It’s then, that TK’s reminded that home is right here, rummaging through cardboard boxes right alongside him.

“What about these,” Carlos rises, his hands full with a stack of National Geographic magazines. TK had a documentarian phase after seeing March of the Penguins and his parents indulged him because of course they did, they’re his parents.

“We can get rid of them,” TK suggests, tossing away another pressed penny that has the U.S. Mint on the back of it, or maybe it was the Supreme Court. Either way, it’s disfigured and ironically, holds no value.

Carlos isn’t quick to respond, not even with an affirmative to show he’s heard him, so TK looks back up. Carlos is looking at the magazines, hating the thought of setting them back down. “Carlos, do you want to keep them?”

“Can we?” Carlos asks, his expression much like that of a puppy.

TK smiles and says, “Put them in the save pile.”

Carlos walks over to place them in the save pile as TK grabs another box. When he places it down, a mushroom cloud of dust arises.

“I’m starting to think there’s most dust than there is nostalgia,” TK coughs again after uttering the phrase. He thinks if he coughs any harder, he’ll see a lung lodged between an assortment of plastic plants and a rug that hasn’t made sense since the 80s.

“TK,” Carlos’ voice has an inflection, his name is more of a question than a call. “Is any of this stuff important?”

TK joins him, looking over Carlos’ shoulder to see what he’s holding in his hands. His eyes widen when the realization dawns on him. “Holy shit,” He mutters under his breath as he reaches for the box.

“TK, language,” Carlos reprimands as TK combs through the opened the box, shuffling papers and moving photographs. “We’re in your mother’s storage unit.”

TK smiles down at the contents of the box, his green eyes brilliant and vidid. “I can’t believe she kept this.” TK begins shifting through all the materials and Carlos ponders on. “You know how I’m a bit of a nostalgic hoarder?”

“I’m your husband,” Carlos answers. “Of course I know.”

“Well, growing up, any time I thought something would be important, I threw it into this box.” TK rubs his thumb against the soft stuffed lizard that he once called Lou. 

“Oh please tell me there’s photos of you going through your hipster phase because you listened to The Postal Service that one time ,” Carlos asks, eagerly. 

“I already told you I burned those and removed any and all traces of them from the Internet,” TK replies, continuing to shuffle through the assortment of memories. Out of nowhere, TK suddenly stops. He peeks up to see if Carlos is still watching and when he sees that he is, he looks back down instantly.

“What is it?” Carlos asks as he watches TK try to maneuver something out of Carlos’ sight. “TK? What are you trying to hide?”

TK sighs and begins to turn a poignant shade of red. He pulls out a piece of paper that’s got a list of things written in red ink. It’s stained with Cheerwine soda and smells like Voyage by Nautica. “You know how I watched a lot of rom-coms growing up?” TK asks the question as he runs his fingers over the pen indents.

Carlos looks at TK, head cocked to the side and a look that reads all knowing. “Right,” TK answers to himself. “you’re my husband, of course you know. Well, when I was 13, I started making a list of all the things from rom-coms that I wanted to do with my boyfriend before I turned 30.” TK explains, looking over the sheet again.

“30?” Carlos questions, wondering the significance of the age. He pieces it together when TK gives him a look that reads he should already know.

“13 Going on 30,” They both say at the same time.

“Got it,” Carlos replies, righting his misstep.

TK looks down at the list as he reads over everything his optimistic teenage heart had in mind.

“Go to The Shop Around the Corner from You’ve Got Mail, go to Katz’s Deli from When Harry Met Sally, and maybe find a way to meet at the top of the Empire State Building like in Sleepless in Seattle,” TK reads down the rest of the list, sighing as he places the paper away. “Oh well, just the wishful thinking of a 13 year old in love with love.”

While the list was actively being created, TK was simultaneously falling in and out of love. By the time the last thing had been added, he was certain he was never going to find love, let alone someone that would be willing to do all of this with him. 

Carlos is silent for a beat before picking up the paper and reading over it.

Be serenaded to with the song from 10 Things I Hate About You

Do a photoshoot like in 13 Going on 30 (Mark Ruffalo is so cute)

Go to The Shop Around the Corner from You’ve Got Mail

Have breakfast at Tiffany’s

Go to Katz’s Deli from When Harry Met Sally and “have what she’s having” (look up what that means)

Slow dance in a jazz lounge like in Casablanca

Recreate the Thriller dance scene from 13 Going on 30

Kiss in the pouring rain like in Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Learn how to cook like Julia Child or at least like Julie Powell (why is Chris Messina so hot?)

Go to the top of the Empire State Building like in Sleepless in Seattle

Find a way to get invited to a Masquerade Ball like in Just My Luck

TK’s still rummaging through the box, fidgeting with a Tamagotchi and seeing if it still works when Carlos says, “Let’s do it.”

“Excuse me?” TK asks, dropping the dead Tamagotchi back into the box. “Carlos, there’s gotta be at least ten things on there.”

“And we’re in New York for the rest of the week for your birthday, right?” Carlos replies as he continues reading over the list.

“We have dinner on Saturday but that gives us the tomorrow and Friday to do whatever we want,” Carlos says, making the list sound easier said than actually done. “Though, we might need to skip the impromptu flash mob dancing to Thriller by Michael Jackson, I don’t want to talk to that many people.”

“Carlos, you can’t be serious.” TK takes the list back from Carlos’ hands, “This list will take us all across New York City.” He assumes that’ll be enough to deter Carlos from the idea.

“TK, you made this list because you’re in love with love and I’m in love with you,” Carlos begins to counter because of course that wasn’t enough to deter him. “Let me give this to you.”

“It won’t be easy,” TK acknowledges, trying one last time to convince Carlos that he does’t have to do this for him.

“TK,” Carlos replies with just his name, like it’s the only answer he needs to give. “Since when has anything with us ever been easy?”

TK quirks a nod to the side, his way of agreeing. Maybe things haven’t always been easy, but they’ve always been worth it. Who’s to say this won’t be any different?

“Fine,” TK gives in, finally allowing himself to feel excited by the prospect. “Let’s do it. Though I do wonder if this is just an excuse to let your control freak get freaky.”

Carlos smirks, “You had absolutely no problem with me getting freaky the other night.”

“Carlos please,” TK places his hand against his heart, pretending to clutch his pearls. “We’re in my mother’s storage unit.” 

After finishing up at the storage unit, they got in touch with Enzo to let him know they’ve done a sweep of the place. He was happy that there’s less he needs to comb through, but sympathetic to fact that it couldn’t have been easy for TK to do.

TK told him that he left the storage unit feeling more whole than he did going in; so maybe it was for the best. Now, it’s the next morning and Carlos is doing that thing Carlos does best; sticking to a schedule.

“Baby,” Carlos’ voice is lowered to a whisper. He gently shakes TK, hoping that it’ll stir him awake. He shakes him one more time, running his hand through the hair near TK’s temple, hoping that’s a movement that’ll illicit some type of reaction. “Time to wake up.”

TK peeks an eye open, the green iris looking a little less bright due to being broken out of slumber. “Five more minutes,” TK mumbles before turning around and making an attempt at dozing off again.

“Not today baby,” Carlos says at normal volume, leaning over a pressing a kiss to TK’s temple. TK wants to swim in the scent Carlos’ cologne, Eros by Versace; the smell of pomegranate, Sicilian lemon, and Calabrian bergamot. “We’ve got plans.”

He stands up, knowing that once TK’s up, he’s up. Carlos begins digging through his suitcase as he lets the statement wash over TK.

“Wait,”At the mention of plans, TK sits up, bewildered and a little wide eyed. He looks behind his shoulder, over at Carlos. He fully turns his body back around as he asks, “Plans?”

TK assumed that the list was be handled casually, finding a way to cross things off if they had the time in-between Carlos’ foray into sightseeing.

“We,” Carlos begins as he starts to buckle the belt he’s just looped through his jeans. While the belt is a little worn and and the leather a little cracked, Carlos still finds a way to make it look good.

As Carlos continues dressing, TK begins get a little lost in a self-made daze. Carlos is wearing that shirt that TK likes so much, TK doesn’t know if he wants it on, or off of him. Carlos is also wearing his favorite denim jeans that hug him in all the right ways.

With his husband looking this good; all TK wants to do is unbuckle the belt Carlos went through all that trouble trying to find.

He almost makes the suggestion when he’s brought out of his daze by the call of his name. TK blinks, bringing himself back to the present and looking at Carlos, who’s steadily holding a gaze with him.

“TK,” Carlos calls his name again, trying to get his attention. “Are you listening to me?”

TK smiles, and it’s anything but honest; regardless Carlos loves looking at it all the same. “Of course,” TK lies through his teeth, his eyes once again focusing on the way his husband look like someone TK could only hope to dream up.

“Oh yeah?” Carlos crouches down so he’s eye level with TK, his wide brown eyes drinking him in and trying his best not to laugh at the harmless little lie. “What did I just say?”

TK pauses, searching through his most recent thoughts and hoping to find a semblance of an answer. Instead, he discovers his most recent thoughts had everything to do with Carlos but nothing to do with anything he just said.

He decides it’s in his best interest to concede, and fess up. He’s already lied once, and he doesn’t think he’ll get away with it twice. Carlos would argue that he didn’t even get away with it once.

“Alright, fine,” TK finally utters out as he sits up; he knows that once he’s up, he’s up. “I might not know what you just said, but I do know that you looked damn good while saying it.”

Carlos smirks, then leans over and plants a kiss on TK’s lips that tastes like mint and the coffee Carlos can’t wait to drink. “Now that,” Carlos says after pulling away. “That’s a great answer. As I was saying,” Carlos rises and begins looking for his shoes. “We’ve got plans. We’re having breakfast at Tiffany’s.”

“We’re having breakfast at Tiffany’s?” TK repeats, still finding the last twenty-four hours a bit unbelievable.

He still can’t believe they’re in New York, still can’t believe they’re crossing off things from a lovelorn list he started making when he was 13, and he still can’t believe he’s lucky enough to call the man in front of him his husband.

“Of course we are,”  Carlos reaches behind him and pulls his wallet from his back pocket. After opening it, he pulls out the list that TK made all those years ago. “It’s number,” Carlos looks down the piece of lined paper in front of him. “Four on the list.” 

Carlos goes to put the list back in his wallet, placing it next to the photo of he and TK that they took in the photo booth at Lexi’s wedding. TK was concerned that he wasn’t going to know anyone there and Carlos was concerned that TK wasn’t going to know anyone there.

By the end of the night, it never really mattered because they had each other and that’s always enough.

“You’re keeping the list in your wallet?” TK asks, eyes brows slightly knitting together. An expression that’s less of confusion, but more of surprise. He figures that Carlos would have just taken a picture of it then put it away with the rest of the boxes.

“Of course,” Carlos answers, as if it’s obvious. “I want to keep it safe.”

Carlos looks up from the photograph that’s found a way into his hands, like it always does when he wants to think about TK just a second longer. TK’s smiling at him and Carlos is wondering why. “What?”

“Nothing,” TK shrugs, sighs hopelessly, but continues to smile all the same. “I’m just so lucky I fell in love with you,”

“Between you and me,” Carlos leans back down and gives TK another kiss just because he can. “I think I’m the lucky one.”

“They call this The City That Never Sleeps,” Carlos says as the finishing crossing the street. “But I think they’re due for a rebrand. City of Reckless Driving is more like it.”

“You don’t fancy yourself as a city boy, babe?” TK asks as he grabs Carlos’ hand. With all the hysteria of adjusting, or in his case readjusting, to the city and the unforeseen errand; they haven’t had time to just embrace each other as a couple.

Holding hands while they walk down the street, sharing a quick kiss that tastes like an Americano, and saying I love you with an ease that’s akin to that of saying one’s own name. These are all things TK never thought he’d get to experience while in this city, and now he’s getting to experience them all at once.

If he thinks too much longer about it, he’ll start thinking it’s too good to be true.

“I’m fine with a city as long as it includes barbecue, sweet tea, and well of course,” Carlos gives TK another quick peck just because he wants to. Against his own wish, he lets go of TK’s hand to open a door to a place called Blue Box Cafe.  “You.”

“Good answer,” TK says with a smile as they walk up to the hostess stand.

He allows Carlos to take the reigns of the conversation as he’s still not entirely sure how Carlos found a way to pull this off. They’re still on Fifth Avenue after all; the street of luxurious and shiny things.

“You never answered my question,” TK starts the conversation with a mild accusation after they’re seated. “How did you swing this?”

“Simple,” Carlos answers glancing over the menu. He reaches into his inner jacket pocket and pulls out his glasses. “I told them I was interested in buying the most expensive thing in their collection and they made this happen. After this, we’ll be spending what someone would spend on a down payment for a house on a necklace neither us of will ever wear.”

“That’s not funny,” TK is quick to respond, straight faced and unamused.

“I checked Google to see if you can have breakfast at Tiffany’s,” Carlos says through a bout of laughter. “I guess I’m not the only one who thought to surprise someone they love with something they’d love.”

“Yeah, but no one is as romantic as you,” TK reaches for Carlos’ hand gives it a squeeze. He continues to hold onto Carlos’ hand across the table as he looks around the establishment. “God, they’re serious about all their blue, huh?”

“I haven’t stopped thinking about it since we walked in,” Carlos utters the words like they’re an admittance. “We’re swimming in so much Robin’s Egg Blue you’d think we’re in a nest.”

“Have you been thinking about that joke since we walked in?” TK asks, rubbing the back of Carlos’ hand with the pad of his thumb.

“What I said yes?”

“Then I’d say it’s very funny,” TK says before raising Carlos’ hand and planting a kiss against his knuckles. Carlos looks so love sick and filled with words he just wants to tumble out. He’s about to speak up when he’s cut off by the presence of their waitress.

Her dark brown hair is held back by a headband that’s Robin’s Egg Blue; a perfect compliment to her blue bangle bracelets and chunky earrings that are donning her ears.

Her name tag reads Cat in basic label printed stickers, but there’s a distinct hand-drawn cat next to it.

“Welcome to The Blue Box Café, my name is Caterina but feel free to call me Cat. I’ll be your server today,” Cat places a blue colored menu in front of both of them.

Cat looks between the both of them as she asks, “Have either of you dined with us, wait,” Cat’s stares lingers on TK a little longer than it does Carlos. “Strand?”

TK’s eyebrows knit together at first, wondering how she knows him but then his eyes widen when it dawns on him. “Oh my god, Morelli?”

“How the hell are ya?” Morelli’s New York accent bleeds through as she drops the customer service voice she was putting on. Carlos has never heard her voice before but even he can tell it comes to her more naturally.

“Good,” TK answers. “Great, in fact. How are you? You still studying communication design at FIT?”

When TK last saw Cat, it was a couple of days before he left for Texas. He was grabbing a cup of coffee from a shop around the corner when he ran into her, almost literally.

They spoke briefly, long enough for Cat to tell TK she was enrolled at the Fashion Institute of Technology, and long enough for TK to tell Cat that he would be moving to Texas.

“Actually in the middle of a gap year right now,” Cat replies, feeling no qualms about the truth of the matter. “Trying to figure out if it’s actually what I want to do, you know, that same old song and dance. What about you, you back for good?”

“No, just visiting,” TK gestures to Carlos and smiles as he says, “I’m actually here with my husband. Carlos this is Cat, we went to high school together. Cat, this is Carlos, the love of my life.”

“Nice to meet you,” Carlos smiles up at Cat from the menu. Robin’s Egg Blue reflects off of Carlos’ brown eyes, a striking complement.

“Likewise,” Cat smiles, her matte nude lipstick slightly cracking in the creases.

Her eyes cut down to the wedding ring donning TK’s finger, still processing the news. “Husband, wow. Congrats Strand, never figured you for the settling down type,” Cat continues, her bracelets creating a metallic melody as she pushes a lock of dark brown hair behind her ear.

“Really?” TK tries his best not to take the remark as a slight against him, but the way the sentence hit his ear felt a little wrong.

“Yeah, just, you know,” Cat bites her tongue, surely there’s a joke in there somewhere, and quickly tries to think of a delicate way to deliver her next words. “You used to keep your options open.”

TK cocks an eyebrow and nods to himself. Cat isn’t wrong, but that doesn’t mean he’s happy she’s right. While he was actively dating in high school, secretly and otherwise, he was also actively getting his heartbroken.

He thought that if the last guy wasn’t the one, then maybe the next guy who thought to show interest in him would be the one instead.

He was stuck in a cycle of thinking he’d found forever just for the other guy to think he’d just found a good time. TK looks back over at Carlos; his brown eyes scanning over the menu and trying to imagine how filling the dish, Holly’s Favorites, will actually be. 

TK smiles to himself, thinking about the fact forever is sitting right across from him. He looks back up at Cat, casually shrugs and says, “Well, when you know, you know.”

“Can’t argue with that,” Cat says, her turn to shrug. “Who knows, maybe they’re right, change can be a good thing.” Cat smiles brightly and TK smiles back; though it’s a bit dimmed by the thought of what Cat thinks needed changing. “How about while you look over the menu, I bring you both a mimosa on the house? My way of welcoming you back, even if it’s for a short while.”

“That would be lovely,” Carlos says, his cheeks meeting the bottom of his glasses as he smiles. 

“Just orange juice for me,” TK adds.

Cat nods with a smile and replies with, “Sure.”

TK watches as she walks away, waiting until she’s out of earshot before asking, “Was that weird to you?”

“Was what weird?” Carlos answers TK’s question with a question as he continues to look over the menu.

“Don’t do that, I know you were listening,” TK looks back at Carlos, who’s still weighing the option of the getting Holly’s Favorite. “What Cat said, about change being a good thing. Did you think that was, I don’t know, pointed?”

“TK you already know everything in New York is weird to me,” Carlos replies as he looks back at the everything the meal, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, has to offer. “There’s some guy called Naked Cowboy and we’re all just supposed to be okay with that.”

“Baby, I’m serious,” TK tries again.

“So am I,” Carlos defends himself, taking off his glasses. “He’s a grown man wearing nothing but underwear out in public and we’re all supposed to act like it’s normal.”

When TK does nothing but sigh, Carlos continues, this time keenly. “I don’t think she meant anything bad by it, baby. We’ve all changed a lot since since high school: I mean, look at me. I used to be a total homebody who would rather stay in and read.”

“What do you mean used to be?” TK jokingly asks and Carlos playfully sticks his tongue out.

“I’ll let you get away with that since it’s so close to your birthday,” Carlos replies. “I might not be too sure what Cat meant, but if it’s any consolation, I know that there’s nothing I would change about you.”

“Not even my penchant to bring home reptiles?” TK asks.

“Not even your penchant to bring home reptiles,” Carlos confirms with a smile.

Before long, Cat returns with two champagne flutes. Though , TK thinks one should just be called an orange juice flute. She tells them that she’ll give them a couple of more minutes to look over the menu.

After they agree on splitting the Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Carlos asks, “So, after this, I figured we could go recreate the photo shoot scene from 13 Going on 30. There’s got to be a JCPenny’s or something around us,” He pulls the list of his wallet, carefully unfolds it and passes it to TK. “From there, I figured it could be up to you. What do you want to do with the rest of the day?”

TK looks over the list, trying to gauge just how much they can do with the allotted time they have. Everything on this list seems both foreign and brand new. Maybe it’s because that for so long, they seemed more like fantasies that could never become realities.

He smiles down at the list, looking over all the things he’s never gotten the chance to do before. Now he gets to do them all with the love of his life.

“I think Holly Golightly said it best,” TK raises his glass of orange juice and waits for Carlos to follow suit. When Carlos does, they toast one another, clinking the glasses just to hear them ring. “Let’s spend the day doing things we’ve never done before.”

After breakfast at Tiffany’s, they did just that.

Carlos, somehow, found the one lone JCPenny’s that still does family photos and set up a session for the early afternoon. They found hideous matching sweaters and said that the other had never looked better.

When the photographer asked them what spurred this decision, Carlos told her that he wanted to recreate the magic of the photoshoot scene from 13 Going on 30. TK followed up by saying that his husband makes Mark Ruffalo look like amateur hour.

Once they had the wallet sized pictures in their possession, Carlos found a way to fit it in between the picture from the wedding and TK’s well loved list that’s starting to smell more like Eros by Versace and less like Voyage by Nautica.

After, they grabbed lunch at the famed restaurant the sits along Spring Street. Carlos told TK that he finally understands what all the fuss is about in regards to the shrimp shumai. TK told Carlos that Gwyn would have loved that he loved it.

From there, they stumbled upon a rooftop karaoke bar that looked alien in the daylight; Carlos thinks that’s because most karaoke bars look best at 2 a.m.

Regardless, they rented a room for thirty minutes and Carlos spent the first four of them serenading TK with Frankie Valli’s “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You”; an homage to 10 Things I Hate About You.

When Carlos was done, TK told him that there’s nothing he could never hate about him, even if he tried.

The rest of their time there was filled with an endless string of duets. They started with “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” and ended with “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart”.

Neither song serving as an homage to anything but to TK, it didn’t matter. He’s always said he wanted an excuse to sing about Carlos from the rooftops.

Finally, after a day of doing things they’ve never done before, they christened their bed. While one could argue that that’s something they’ve done before; TK would argue that he’s never done it feeling both this loved and this much in love.

The next morning, TK wakes to the sight of sunlight peeking through the blinds and the sound of 1980s disco funk. 1980s disco funk that sounds both hushed and repressed, as if someone doesn’t want it to be heard

TK rises, twisting and turning as he waits to hear an assortment of pop and cracks. He wipes at his eyes, and after taking a second to drink in the sight in front of him, he wipes them again.

“Are you,” TK begins, his voice sounding both rugged and new. “Are you dancing at?” TK takes a peek at the digital clock on the nightstand. “Eight in the morning?”

Carlos pivots at record pace, his eyes slightly wide and his curls breaking free.  “You’re up,” Carlos says, sounding slightly out of breath. TK swears he’s heard him breathe easier after running a mile.

“And you’re,” TK moves over slightly, looking past Carlos and at the television screen behind him. He’s watching a YouTube video and again, TK still can’t believe his eyes. “Learning the dance moves to Michael Jackson’s Thriller?”

“No,” Carlos quickly turns back around and pauses the video. “I was just,” Carlos looks back and forth between TK and the television once more before sighing. “Alright, yes, I was learning the Thriller dance.”

“Want to tell me why?” TK asks with a grin, excited to hear the origin of this early morning sight.

“I figured that since we couldn’t find a flash mob, the least I could do was perform it for you,” Carlos explains, his heart rate slowly finding it’s way to resting state.

TK shakes his head at the thought of Carlos trying his best to appease the absurd wishes he made when he was a teen.

“God, I love you,” TK releases the words through a lovesick sigh and shines an earnest grin. Carlos smiles back before leaning across the bed and giving TK a kiss.

“So, what’s the plan for today?” TK asks before taking a peek at the digital clock. It’s a little past eleven and TK is shocked Carlos has been able to keep idle for so long. “I’m assuming we’re not having Breakfast at Tiffany’s again.”

“No we are not,” Carlos pulls laptop from the desk and joins TK on the bed. He types in his password as he begins to detail the plans of the day. While Carlos loved the spontaneity of yesterday, he’s also realized he adores making plans more than he initially thought. “First, we’re going to Strand Book Store.”

“My namesake,” TK points out. 

“Our namesake,” Carlos corrects with a wink and TK has to stop himself from proposing all over again. “I figured it would be a worthy substitute since The Shop Around the Corner doesn’t exist,”

“Massive blow to eleven year old me, mind you,” TK mentions as wipes at his eyes, ridding the inner corners of remnants of sleep.

“I can only imagine,” Carlos replies with a healthy sense of jest. “After that, we’ll have lunch at Katz’s Deli, the same place from When Harry Met Sally.” TK already knows where it’s from, but he doesn’t want to rob Carlos of his joy.

“After,” Carlos continues. “I figured we’d go to Central Park to catch the Brooklyn String Quarter perform the soundtrack to Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I know it’s not the same as kissing in the pouring rain, like you wanted, but I figu-”

“It’s perfect, baby,” TK is quick to add in, knowing Carlos will find a way to make himself feel bad for his idea being anything less than. “I promise.”

Carlos smiles before finishing off the last of the plans. “From there, we’ll be taking a cooking class I was able to find on GroupOn last minute. Apparently, it’s being taught by Linda Cohen and get this, she’s walking us through her favorite Julia Child inspired recipes.”

“Linda Cohen,” TK repeats the name, tossing it around his mouth. “Where have I heard that name before? Wait, is she the woman who wrote that cookbook that you’re in love with?”

“I am not in love with that cookbook and yes she is,” Carlos answers. “Tomorrow we have a boat ride scheduled for the early afternoon but we’ll be done before we’re supposed to have dinner.”

Carlos gets up and grabs his wallet from the desk. He gently unfolds the list and looks over it again seeing what’s left. “From there, we’re pretty much done. We’ve still got to slow dance, but I feel like we can do that whenever the moment feels right.”

He passes the list to TK to let him look over it.

Have breakfast at Tiffany’s

Be serenaded to with the song from 10 Things I Hate About You

Do a photoshoot like in 13 Going on 30 (Mark Ruffalo is so cute)

Go to The Shop Around the Corner from You’ve Got Mail

Go to Katz’s Deli from When Harry Met Sally and “have what she’s having” (look up what that means)

Slow dance in a jazz lounge like in Casablanca

Recreate the Thriller dance scene from 13 Going on 30

Kiss in the pouring rain like in Breakfast at Tiffany’s

Learn how to cook like Julia Child or at least like Julie Powell (why is Chris Messina so hot?)

Go to the top of the Empire State Building like in Sleepless in Seattle

Find a way to get invited to a Masquerade Ball like in Just My Luck

“What, couldn’t find a way to fit in the masquerade ball from Just My Luck?” TK makes the remark with a smile, making it clear it’s nothing more than a playful complaint.

However, when Carlos remains quiet, TK thinks there’s a chance there might actually be a problem. “What?” He asks, eyebrows drawing close to one another.

“Well, it’s just, I thought I had,” Carlos begins, typing something up before turning the screen towards TK. “Then I kept reading the flyer.”

TK looks at the computer screen, glancing over the title. Words drenched in a vibrant red font at the top of the flyer read, A Night of MaSquerade. He doesn’t think anything seems too out of the ordinary, barring the uppercase “S”, but then he continues reading.

“Join us at Pandora’s Box for S&M night,” TK mutters to himself out loud. He doesn’t process the words until he says them out loud. His eyes leave the screen and gaze into Carlos’. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Carlos finishes for him, empathetic to the discovery.

TK shrugs as he says, “Well, there’s still a good chance they’ll still be wearing masks.”

“TK we’re only here for another thirty-six hours,” Carlos groans, turning the laptop back towards him. “I don’t have time to discover something new about myself right now.”

Carlos sniffs at his shirt and his eyes widen slightly. “Alright, I’m going to take a shower and then we can head out for the day,” He says as he begins taking his shirt off. “I’m not going to subject the good people of New York to this smell.”

“I don’t know,” TK playfully begins arguing. “The good people at Pandora’s Box might like it.”

“TK,” Carlos says.

“Kidding, kidding,” TK holds up his hands, feigning innocence. “Go shower so we can welcome the world.”

As Carlos showers, TK gets himself ready for the day. He showered last night so now he’s got time to go through the rolodex of shirts he brought for the four-ish days they’re in the city.

He pulls out a red knit sweater and looks at himself in the almost floor length mirror that hangs inside the hotel wardrobe. He sighs to himself as he begins to hate how the sweater lays on him.

He goes through the rest of his clean clothes; pulling on a Longhorn’s burnt orange sweatshirt, a black t-shirt that reads a silly pun based on Brad Pitt’s famous, “What’s in the box?” line from Se7en and a couple of nondescript polos.

Eventually, he pulls on the red knit sweater again and this time he loves how it lays. He lies back down on the bed, settling himself in as Carlos continues to shower, no doubt dealing with the difficulties of maintaining his curls. 

He reaches for his phone, stretching over Carlos’ copy of a James Baldwin book he’s had his head buried in lately. TK unplugs it from the charger, casually scrolling through different social media apps to keep his mind occupied.

When he opens Instagram, he sees that he has a follow request from Cat. He clicks accept, follows her back  and begins scrolling through her feed to see what she’s been up to. Eventually, he stumbles upon an older set of photos, ones that were clearly taken in high school.

Cat’s wishing a happy birthday to Grayson Rydell, a mutual friend they shared in high school that Cat clearly keeps up with. Her post is ten photos, all of them flashes of what once was. TK scrolls through the collection, reminiscent of how things used to be.

The last photo in the series includes TK. He’s got jet black hair, wearing the thinnest bit of eyeliner and being all but swallowed up by an oversized hoodie that reads, “Normal is a setting on a washing machine.”

He inwardly cringes and then remembers what spurred this choice of aesthetic, because at the time, that’s truly all it was. At the memory of it all, he cringes again.

He was dating Axl, who’s real name was Brad. Axl loved Joy Division, David Lynch and paranormal fiction books. Axl’s dad was an investment banker who “never understood his own son”, so that made Axl look for someone who could understand his misunderstandings.

TK thought that he could be that someone, and for a while Axl thought TK could be too; and then suddenly, out of nowhere, he wasn’t. TK’s still not entirely sure what happened, and he doesn’t think there’s any point in caring about it now; but he does still wonder if he had done something mess everything up.

All he knows is that Axl broke up with him one day, and then showed up to school the next day going by Brad and acting like Joy Division was nothing but mumbling dribble. TK never really did like Axl’s father.

Before Axl there was Scott Thorne, linebacker on the varsity football team and son of the congressman, Richard Thorne.

When TK was seeing Scott, he would show up to school decked in Ralph Lauren, Chinos and boat shoes. His mom used to say he looked like the average Columbia pre-law student; though she never confirmed if that was a good thing. 

They would meet under the bleachers thirty minutes after practice would end as Scott wanted to make sure there was no one around.

TK thought it was because Scott didn’t want to get caught, but Scott would always feed him some line about how he wanted to act like they were the only two people on Earth.

For a while, it did feel like that. Scott would say that once they both graduated, they’d run away together and everything would make sense, and fall into place. He told him that he’d promise him forever.

Then one day, Scott walked in to school hand in hand with Jessica Lennox, daughter to senator Joseph Lennox. That’s when TK realized that forever can’t always be as long as you want it to.

After Brad, and well after Scott, there was Matthew “Bear” Winthrop. Bear hated his first name but loved The Postal Service, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and patterned suspenders. He used to say he loved TK, and for a while, TK believed him - wanted to believe him.

When Bear was offered a chance to go on tour with an indie rock band based out of Queens, TK realized that Bear might have loved him, but he loved the idea of the probable lime light even more. TK offered to go with him, but Bear hated the idea of being tied down.

Maybe Cat was right, maybe he did keep his options open; but maybe it’s because he had to. He’s always loved the idea of forever, but the love never lasted long enough for that to ring true.

He kept his options because he was always looking for just one option at the end of the day: an everlasting love. Each and every time, he thought he was choosing love and each and every time it proved to be too good to be true.

Then, he met Carlos and it was almost like he didn’t even have to try. Love happened so naturally, so innately with Carlos.

Even so, TK still has the moments where this all feels too good to be true. That one day, TK will wake up and Carlos will realize he doesn’t see forever, just for the moment.

Maybe it’s because it’s what he’s always been used to, and a habit is a hard thing to break.

“Oh great, you’re wearing the red sweater you brought,” Is the first things Carlos says when he walks out of the bathroom and sees TK lying on the bed. His waist is wrapped in the hotel towel, his curls are damp and he smells of mahogany teakwood.

“Why’s that great?” TK asks as he closes out the Instagram app. He doesn’t know why he continues taking these trips down memory lane; the nostalgia borders more on bitter rather than sweet.

Carlos shrugs before grinning and saying, “I love you how you look in it.”

TK smiles back. Despite his own ups and downs, falling in and out love with his favorite red sweater; Carlos loved it all the same regardless.

TK sits up, leaning over so he’s right in front of Carlos’ face. “You know I’m crazy about you, right?”

“I know,” Carlos agrees before planting a kiss on TK’s lips. “But I love hearing you say it.”

“We should have brought tote bags,” Carlos whispers in between the playwright and science fiction section. “There’s no way I can carry all of these books in my arms.”

“Why are we whispering?” TK whispers back. “We’re not in a library.”

“Oh,” Carlos remarks, his voice at normal volume. “You’re right, force of habit.”

They’re currently milling around Strand Book Store. A way to cross off one more thing from TK’s Love List and an excuse for Carlos to feel akin to a kid in a candy store.

While they’ve only been in the store for about ten minutes, Carlos has found his way to all the classic queer literature that the store has to offer. Baldwin stacked atop Capote stacked atop Isherwood stacked atop Vidal.

All TK’s got his hands on is a copy of Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn and he’s considering putting it back. He didn’t feel like telling Carlos this, but they could have skipped this one entirely.

TK added “Go to The Shop Around the Corner” to the list when he was dating Jeremy, an English major studying at Ithaca College.

They met the summer after TK’s senior year outside of Deja Brew, a coffee shop that probably doesn’t exist anymore. TK was panicked with questions about the  future and Jeremy convinced him that he had all the answers.

Nothing TK ever did was ever really good enough for Jeremy, but TK convinced himself that it was fine.

Jeremy was twenty-two, published in a literary magazine and a college junior who once spent a summer abroad in Italy. If he wanted to mold TK into someone he wasn’t, that was fine with him because Jeremy understood the world in a way TK’s naive mind couldn’t.

If he wanted to warp TK into the dream he so badly wanted to see; who was TK to stop him? Especially if this was a dream that was meant to last forever; one you never felt you had to wake up from.

Then, one evening,  TK showed up drunk to a dinner where he was supposed to meet Jeremy’s parents.

At that point, they had been dating for five months and TK was scared of the future, exhausted by his CALC 101 class and maintaining a nasty habit of not calling his mother back nearly enough.

So, when Jeremy told that he wanted him to meet his parents, he turned to drastic measures, which in turn, had disastrous results.

With both blurred vision and a breath that smelled like the cheapest of bottom shelf booze, TK met Jeremy’s parents and went from Jeremy’s dream man to his waking nightmare.

TK still isn’t sure what he said during that dinner, but it didn’t matter. By the time he sobered up the next morning, Jeremy had already blocked him on everything. He didn’t get so much as a goodbye.

TK was left to spiral, alone in his dorm room, thinking he’d ruin his most perfect chance at forever. At the time, he did what he did best; turned to drastic measures.

Now, in hindsight, his heart aches for the scared, naive young man he once was. For the young man who wanted to be perfect on a scale measured by Jeremy Whitfield of all people. He doesn’t know what happened to Jeremy, but TK thinks he’s the better for it.

Now, as he looks on as Carlos continues to skim through book spines that read names in intricate font and gold lettering, TK thinks this is the most perfect version of forever he could have ever dreamed up.

“Hey babe,” TK’s voice crashes through Carlos’ train of thought, pulling Carlos out of his own determined focus. “I’m going to go grab a coffee from the coffee bar, you want anything?”

“Oh no, I’m fine,” Carlos replies. “Thanks for asking. If you need me, I’ll be,”

“Right here,” They both say at the same time.

Carlos smiles, feeling bashful and TK smiles, feeling lovestruck. He leans down, kisses Carlos on the crown of his head and says, “Never change, babe.”

When they first got here, the coffee bar was crowded by bookworms that found Arabica beans more importnat than Aubrey–Maturin. Now, it looks like the crowd has dispersed and TK can walk right up to the front of the line.

TK walks up, speaking to capture the attention of the barista who currently has his back turned towards him. “Hey there,” TK attunes to his customer service voice; a tone that sounds sweetened with artificial sugar.

When the barista turns around, TK feels his stomach collapse within itself. All he can mutter is the word, “Shit.”

“You’ve always had a way with words, Tyler,” Jeremy responds with a smirk. He responds with a smirk and that same condescending tone that took TK so long to unlearn wasn’t an appropriate way to be spoken to by someone you love.

“Jeremy,” TK replies, the name leaving a bitter taste on tongue. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“That’s not surprising seeing as I don’t think I ever saw you pick up a book the entire time I dated you,” Jeremy is quick with the retort, his words sharp like that of a knife.

“You haven’t changed,” TK rallies, not just deflecting the knife, but turning it back around.

“As if I ever needed to,” Jeremy says with a snort, hoping that knife has found a way to dig itself deeper. “I’m not the one who showed up to dinner with my parents smelling like bottom shelf booze. From what I’ve heard, it sounds like I ended things at the right time.”

“I tried to apologize, but you never gave me a chance,” TK argues, feeling his face start to get hot.

Every now and then, the one wielding a knife can find a weak spot. They can find a spot in between the armor in which the body is bare and susceptible to the most pain.

“It never should have happened in the first place, Tyler,” Jeremy is quick to amend, still seeing himself as completely faultless throughout the run of their relationship.

TK doesn’t disagree, but he doesn’t want to give in to what Jeremy wants. “I’ve changed, Jeremy,” TK tries, giving himself grace while not negating Jeremy’s frustration.

“I’d hope so,” Jeremy says and TK realizes that he’s never going to be seen as the vision Jeremy wanted him so badly to be, or at least, morph him in to.

“You weren’t the perfect boyfriend, either,” TK refuses to take blame for the entirety of what went wrong between them. He wasn’t perfect, but it’s not his fault Jeremy expected him to be.

“How would you know?” Jeremy asks. “You couldn’t keep a guy interested enough to stay with you for as long as I did. Look, if this is some weird ploy to try and get me back, I’m not inte-”

“I’m married, Jeremy.” TK is quick to interject. He revels in the joy at the sight of Jeremy being speechless for once in his life.

TK doesn’t want to stop there. He wants to tell Jeremy that he’s married to the best man he’s ever known, to the man he’s proud to call his soulmate.

He wants to tell Jeremy about Carlos and how he was the first thing he saw when he was ripped from the trenches of death and for a split second he thought he must be in Heaven.

He wants to, so badly, to prove that he could be someone’s dream without needing to change who he is, but instead, he holds back. He doesn’t think Jeremy’s worthy of hearing those words.

Earlier he told Jeremy that he’s changed, and part of that change means never feeling the need to prove himself to someone like Jeremy Whitfield.

Jeremy smirks, deciding to go for one last kill. “How long before he gets sick of you too?”

“Have a nice life, Jeremy,” TK begins as he picks up his copy of Sharp Objects, hellbent on purchasing it now. He decides to forgo the coffee and go searching for the man he gets to call forever. He doesn’t want to give Jeremy the chance to hurt him again. “If I ever see you again, it’ll be too soon.”

“Do you want me to kick his ass?” Carlos asks after their waitress is out of earshot. They’re sitting at Katz’s Deli and Carlos has just ordered lemonade for both of them.

After they left Strand Book Store, TK filled Carlos in on why he returned without a coffee in hand. At just the mention of Jeremy, Carlos was ready to cause a ruckus that would most likely end in an array of Arabica beans sprawled along the floor.

“No,” TK says through a sigh. “You'll get arrested and I don’t think we’ll have enough money for your bail after how much you just spent at Strand.” He nods at the tote bag that reads Strand across the front.

“Baby, they had the entire entire Aubrey–Maturin series in one place,” Carlos explains adamantly. He opens the bag and ensures that all of his books are still there, as if they’d grow legs and walk away. “I couldn’t just take one, it would be lonely.”

“You’re right, only a monster would do a thing like that,” TK playfully agrees with a half-committed smile. After he drops the smile, his shoulders follow showing how deflated he’s become.

“Hey,” Carlos reaches across the table and grabs TK’s hand in his. “Jeremy’s an ass, he never deserved you.” He rubs his thumb across the ridges of TK’s hand, dipping in between the ridges of his knuckles.

TK knows that Carlos’ is right, and he wants to agree because deep down he does agree. That said, there’s still that part of him that’s reeling a bit out of control.

That same part that thought they should call the wedding off because Iris referred to him as Carlos’ project and saw him as something that needed fixing.

That same part that has him wondering what he’s wondered in every relationship since he kissed Scott Thorpe behind the bleachers. What if this is all too good to be true and he ruins it?

What if one day it all comes crashing down? Carlos said that TK is the dream he wouldn’t allow himself to have and what if things turn into a nightmare.

When TK’s silent for a beat too long, Carlos squeezes his hand, reminding him that he’s here and he’s TK’s guiding star to get him out of his own head. Carlos smiles and says, “You’re the best thing that could have ever happened to me. You’re a miracle, TK Strand.”

“You still think I’m a miracle?” TK asks, playfully acting coy and smiling the first real smile since they left Strand Book Store.

“You know I do,” While Carlos has already said those words once, he’ll happily say them over and over again if they make TK smile the way he is right now.

“I know,” TK grins and releases a sigh that’s both dreamy and loving.  “I just like hearing you say it.”

“How do I look?” Carlos asks, flattening the invisible wrinkles that he’s convinced are there. TK chuckles to himself as he looks Carlos up and down. “Baby, I’m serious.”

Carlos picks up a skillet and tries his best to see his reflection. He places it back down when he realizes it’s a fruitless endeavor. He continues, “The last thing I need to do is meet Linda Cohen looking like I don’t know how to use an iron.”

They’re currently at the place where their cooking class is being held. They’re also the first ones there as Carlos was getting antsy and refused to be late to a class taught by Linda Cohen.

“Baby you look fine,” TK answers, tying his own apron around himself and wondering when Carlos will realize Linda Cohen probably won’t even see his shirt. “In fact, I’d go as far to you look,” He leans in and whispers “Delicious.”

Carlos rolls his eyes as he responds with, “Oh god. It’s almost your birthday so I’ll let you get away that.”

“Oh come on, babe,” TK grabs the package of bacon bits that are sitting on the counter. “Don’t go bacon my heart.”

“We need to get you out of this city,” Carlos replies as he finishes knotting his own apron. He’s already come to terms and made peace with the fact he was panicked over the state of his dress for nothing. “It’s doing something to you.”

“You love it,” TK argues, putting down the bacon and picking up a cheese grater. “Don’t you just think these jokes are the cheese knees?”

“TK that’s not cheese, it’s a cheese grater,” Carlos points it out, like it’s obvious.

“Yeah,” TK agrees, wondering why Carlos has pointed out the obvious. “What joke would you have made?”

“Don’t you just think they’re grate?” Carlos suggests and TK’s silent for a moment before putting the cheese grater back down.

“It’s almost my birthday so you should have just let me get away with it,” TK mumbles to himself and Carlos can’t help but chuckle.

Carlos is about to respond, and tell TK that his joke was very funny when the call of TK’s name, coated in a Long Island accent, stops them both. “Little TK Strand, is that you?”

“Oh my god,” TK mutters to himself when he sees who’s just walked in. Everything, from the demure red lipstick, to the flattering little black dress, down to the cheetah print pumps reminds TK of a time from before.  “Miss Lin?”

“Oh my goodness, that is you,” Linda Cohen hurries over to their station and wraps TK up in a hug. TK notices that she still smells of J’Adore by Dior. “You’re so,” Linda looks him up and down, grinning from ear to ear. “God, you’ve gotten so tall.”

“Well I’d hope so,” TK jokes. He finds that those words sound so much better coming from his own mouth as opposed to Jeremy’s. “I think the last time you saw me I was twelve.”

“I can’t believe it’s been so long,” Linda pulls him into another hug. “God, it’s so nice to see you.” When she pulls away, she finally acknowledges that Carlos is standing right by them. “And who’s this?”

“This is Carlos,” TK turns his body to gesture towards Carlos, who’s smiling so brightly it could rival a flame. “My husband.”

“Husband?” Linda repeats, eyes wide as she shakes Carlos’ hand. “Wow, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Carlos plays it cool but TK can tell that he’s fighting down the excitement like it’s a rabid bear. “Baby,” He looks over at TK. “You know Linda Cohen and you were never going to tell me?”

“Well, that’s because when I knew her, her name was Linda Powell,” TK looks at Linda with a question in his eyes. When Linda confirms that’s what her married name used to be, he continues. “And I called her Miss Lin more often than not.”

Carlos can tell there’s more to the story and TK can tell that Carlos can tell there’s more to the story. “She works,” TK pauses, feeling a hitch in his breath. He takes a deep breath before saying, “She worked with my mom at the firm.”

Even though time has passed, slips in phrases, and hiccups in conversations still happen from time to time. Changing the past to the present is easier done than said.

“When my mom couldn’t get a sitter, I’d have to stay with her at the office until she could go home.” TK continues to explain. “Ms. Lin would normally always be around to keep me company.”

“I used to kick his ass at Monopoly,” Linda stage whispers to Carlos, knowing TK will hear her too.

“In all fairness, I was nine,” TK interjects, defending his younger self as best as he can.

“Excuses, excuses,” Linda comically condemns. As she adjusts her tote bag, she looks at how the room is slowly starting to fill in. “I’ve got to get everything set up for class, but I’ll catch you before you leave?”

“Sounds good,” TK replies, nodding.

Not too soon after, Linda introduces herself to the class and somehow, Carlos feels starstruck a second time over. TK thinks it’s pretty clear that while this is crossing something off of his list, it’s something Carlos might be enjoying more than he is and TK’s glad that he is. 

He’s glad that something he wanted to do because of something he loved, was able to become something Carlos wanted to do because of something he loved. It’s almost like the love was always there, albeit for different reasons.

Before long, class is finishing up and TK thinks it’s for the best. He’s pretty sure that if he tosses up one more olive in the air and tries to catch it in his mouth like it’s a grape, Carlos is going to go bananas.

TK thinks about pointing at the plastic bananas sitting in the fruit bowl at the front of the room, but with just one look at Carlos’ “serious” face, he decides against it.

TK and Carlos are the last two in the room barring Linda. They say their final goodbyes and promise that they won’t wait this long to see each other again. TK tells Linda that she’ll need to visit them in Texas because there’s no doubt in his mind that she’ll love Carlos’ cooking.

“It was so good to see you,” Linda says as she hugs TK one more time. Even though she’s just cooked with a medley of herbs and spices, J’Adore still cuts though. “Your mom would be so happy for you.” Linda says softly in his ear.

When Linda pulls away, she points at Carlos with an almond shaped acrylic nail painted Vixen Red. “Hey,” Carlos reacts like it’s instinct, going ramrod straight as if Linda’s a drill sergeant that just called attention. “You better take care of him, alright?”

“Don’t worry, Ms. Lin,” TK grabs Carlos’ hand in his and gives it a loving squeeze. He smiles at Carlos then turns the smile towards Linda. “He always does.”

After they left the cooking class, TK saw a place across the street called Scooped Cookie Dough Bar. While the name was a mouthful, the concept was also mouthwatering. Cookie dough served like ice cream with all the trimmings of a frozen yogurt bar.

TK didn’t have to convince Carlos to join him as he was already walking across the street before TK could bring it up. Looks like the Southern Boy is finding his footing in the city just fine.

Now they’re sitting in their hotel bed, jousting with plastic spoons over a fair maiden that comes in the form of cookie dough.

“Come on baby, let me have bite,” Carlos is playfully trying to dig his plastic spoon into a scoop of TK’s cookie dough.

“No,” TK defends his cookie dough, diverting Carlos’ spoon as he knocks it away the way one sword does another. “If you wanted cake batter you should have gotten some.”

“I offered you a bite of mine,” Carlos replies as if cutting a deal, still trying his best to go around TK’s spoon.

“Yeah, of Oatmeal Raisin,” TK says, pushing away Carlos’ spoon again. “Why would I want a bite of that?”

Carlos doesn’t bother with a response as he puts all of his effort into maneuvering his spoon around TK’s. TK doesn’t fight back this time, instead he just licks all over the scoops.

“As if that’s gonna stop me. You of all people should know I’ve had worse in my mouth,” Carlos takes advantage of TK’s spoon finally being out of the way and scoops up a piece of well, a scoop. He quickly takes the bite before TK can find a way to counter. “Wow, that’s really good.”

Carlos goes to take another scoop and TK moves the cup away. One look at TK’s “serious” face and Carlos cuts it out. “Fine, well, after all this sugar, I need something to wash it down.” He puts his cup on the nightstand and looks for his shoes. “I’m going to the bodega across the street and get a bottle of water. Do you want anything?”

“Just drink one of those,” TK nods at the two Fiji water bottles that are sitting on the desk near the lamp. They’ve been there since they checked in and haven’t been touched once.

“TK those are like eights dollars each,” Carlos says exasperatedly.

“So you’ll pay over seventy dollars for books but not eight dollars for a bottle of water?”

“Exactly,” Carlos says while he finishes double knotting his shoe. “Look, that’s the kind of guy you married.”

“And I would do it all over again,” TK confirms, meeting Carlos at the foot of the bed to give him a kiss that tastes like cake batter. “Don’t be long.”

After Carlos leaves, TK unplugs his phone from its charger. At some point during the day it died, but TK didn’t care. The only person who needed to know where he was Carlos and Carlos has been by his side the whole time.

He opens Instagram and sees that he has a new follow request. He clicks on it, wondering who’s found him all of the sudden, and his stomach begins tying itself in barbed wire knots when he sees that it’s Jeremy.

Initially he finds it insulting, the idea that he’d want Jeremy to keep tabs on him. That Jeremy thinks he deserves an intimate look into TK’s life after he did nothing but make it TK question everything about himself for five months of it.

He knows he should block him immediately, shouldn’t even entertain the idea of seeing what Jeremy’s been up to. Regardless, he goes against his better judgement and clicks on Jeremy’s profile to see if it’s public, which it is.

Jeremy’s most recent post is one where he’s having dinner with his parents at a restaurant called Frevo. TK thinks that he if looks at the photo long enough, he’ll start to see the disappointed look they gave him the last time he saw them.

He looks at Jeremy and every thought that stalled itself earlier is suddenly flooding through.  He thinks about everything Jeremy said, about how he couldn’t keep a boyfriend around and how that was TK’s own faults.

He leaves Jeremy’s account but makes sure to block him first. He thinks, out of sight, out of mind; even if it doesn’t work that well.

When he goes back to his feed, he sees that Cat’s posted a photo of the two of them from high school. Her caption reads something about flashback Friday and how they ran into each other in the city.

He’s wearing a Ralph Lauren polo, Chinos and Scott is in the background, looking at TK like he could be in love.

Looking at Scott, causes him to think of Axl, to think of Bear and now he’s back to thinking about what Jeremy said. About how he’s doomed to ruin this relationship too because that’s all he’s ever been able to do.

Everything that always feels to good to be true crumbles down around him and leaves him sifting through the remains.

Even the last time he was here, he was proposing to someone who he thought was the love of his life just to be told that he was barely a second choice.

He starts to think about Cat and about change, and while it seemed innate, he’s still left wondering if he’s changed at all. After his brief conversation with Jeremy, he wonders if he’ll do nothing but revert back to who he once was because it’s a pattern he’s barely begun to break.

Linda said that his mother would be so happy for him and he can’t fathom the idea of ruining something that would have made her so happy.

TK can feel his heartbeat start to thump louder and louder as his breathing begins to pick up. His thoughts are swirling around his head and he keeps waiting for them to circle the drain, but they aren’t.

He decides it’s best if he takes a walk, get some fresh air, get in to the city and get out of his head.

He sends a text to Carlos and tells him that he’s going out for walk and that he’ll be back soon. He grabs pulls on his shoes, grabs his jacket and walks out the door.

When you’re standing over New York City, it would only make sense that you feel invincible. Across your eyes lies the sight of a city that’s home to over millions of hearts, misplaced memories and forgotten stories. You almost feel like you’re on top of the world.

After TK left the hotel, he walked to the Empire State Building and bought a ticket to the top floor. He thought it was absurd that he had to pay almost eighty dollars for a fifteen minute visit, but he wanted to see the New York skyline.

He wanted to see the city that raised him; that remains home to memories he thought he had buried. As he looks across the skyline, he fiddles with his ring and thinks about Carlos.

His husband, Carlos, who flew him up to New York to take him to some hole in the wall restaurant he casually mentioned in conversation. Carlos, who took him across this city so that a lovelorn list finally had a chance to live. Carlos, who always seems too good to be true.

“There you are,” Carlos’s voice cuts through the New York night life and sounds like the warm embrace of a red wool knit sweater.

TK, as happy as he is to see his husband, is also perplexed. “How did you know I’d be here?”

“Sleepless in Seattle,” Carlos answers with a smile. “I figured something might be up, so I wanted to come join you.”

“How’d you know something was up?” TK thought he’d done a good job of repressing how he felt earlier, after his conversation with Jeremy. Guess he should have known that if anyone can see through that facade, it’s his husband.

“When we were at Katz’s, after you finished telling me about Jeremy,” Carlos begins. “There was something about you that reminded of that time you wondered if this marriage was a bad idea. I was worried you might start spiraling and might not let me in.”

TK doesn’t feel the need to confirm that Carlos is right, because Carlos already knows he is. Carlos already knows that his husband found a way to burrow himself into his most deep-seated, insecure thoughts.

TK turns toward the city, placing both of his hands on the concrete barrier as he overlooks the sight. Carlos doesn’t say anything, just turns with him and covers TK’s hand with his own. He waits for TK to start speaking, giving him both the grace and space.

“I need you to know, I wasn’t trying to keep you out,” TK begins.

“TK...”

“I wasn’t,” TK stresses again, for Carlos but mainly for himself. He’s spent this trip teetering back and forth between whether or not he’s changed for the better.

He needs to believe he has, because Carlos deserves the version of him that TK thinks is the best. Carlos deserves a husband who’ll open up to him and TK knows he can be that; or at least, he’ll always want to be that. Even if he forgets that sometimes.

“Okay,” Carlos agrees and it sounds earnest.

“What if what we have is too good to be true?” TK asks, not expecting Carlos to actually have an answer.

He continues, saying, “Running into Jeremy, and Cat, it’s been a reminder of how life always used to be. How every time I thought I fell in love, it always found a way to fall apart.” TK pauses briefly. “I don’t want to think about that ever happening with you.”

Carlos is silent for a moment before speaking. “During my walk here, I started thinking about you, and about us and about this trip. I started think about how it’s all reminded me of a quote that I love,” He takes a deep breath and releases an exhale before reciting the quote:

“I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

TK’s heard those words before, but at the moment, he can’t place where he’s heard them from. “Is that from Baldwin?”

Carlos shakes his head. “From When Harry Met Sally.”

“TK,” Carlos turns to TK, the skyline forgotten and TK follows his motions. “In my vows, I said that you are the dream I would not allow myself to have, and every time I wake up next to you, I feel like I’m still dreaming. Every time I wake up next to you, I think this feels too good to be true.”

TK wonders where this could be going, if they’re both afraid of the same thing and if so, what could that mean.

“But,” Carlos says. “That’s what I love about it. Every day with you it’s like I get to experience falling in love for the first time all over again. I get to feel the euphoric rush of realizing I’ve found the one and I get to feel that again and again and again.”

“I think that part of living life is finding new ways to left love in,” Carlos continues. “Learning that love can be an afternoon serenade, a hideous sweater that you still found a way to look good in or the realization that the love that feels too good to be true is the love that you’ve been deserving of all along.”

TK is quiet for a beat; a medley of mixed emotions overtaking him. Love that feels too good to be true is the love that you’ve been deserving of all along.

Maybe Carlos is right, maybe he needs to let himself finally feel comfortable with the idea that this type of love isn’t meant to crumble. He won’t have to dig through the remains of what’s left to restore himself. This love has a foundation that’s meant to last.

Quietly, he asks, “You still think I’m a dream?”

“So much I almost can’t believe my eyes,” Carlos replies with a smile. “You deserve an everlasting love, Tyler,” The words are a declaration, a phrase that gives no room for argument. “I’ll always be here, wanting to be the one that gives it to you.”

TK doesn’t respond with words. Instead, he pulls Carlos into a warming, loving kiss that feels everlasting. When he pulls away, the city lights shine in Carlos’ brown eyes, twinkling like the stars in the sky.

There’s a flurry of words that TK wants to say, but he doesn’t know where to begin. So, he settles on something that’s rang true since he woke up in that hospital bed and thought he saw the tiniest glimpse of Heaven. “You know you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, right?”

“I could say the same about you,” Carlos replies with a grin. “In fact, I normally do. I think Lexi’s starting getting sick of me.”

“Well if it’s any consolation, I’ll never get sick of you,” He kisses Carlos again just because he can. After pulling away, he licks at his lips, tasting something familiar.

“Do you taste like,” TK tries to place where he’s tasted this flavor before. He’s able to put it together and looks at Carlos with a raised eyebrow. “Did you eat the rest of my cookie dough before coming to find me?”

“Of course not,” Carlos answers, running a hand through TK’s hair. “I think you’re just tasting how sweet I really am.”

“You’re so silly,”

“You love it.”

“I do,” TK agrees, kissing Carlos one more time. “God, I really do.”

They’ve just finished having dinner at the little hole in the wall restaurant TK casually mentioned in conversation three months ago. After paying their check, they both agreed that the trip was worth it.

Now, they’re in their hotel room, both with very full stomachs and deciding if they should start packing their suitcases now or hate themselves as they try to do it in the morning.

As Carlos begins packing, TK comes to terms with the fact he’ll be hustling and struggling in the morning because all he wants to do is watch the sudden downpour that started as they were walking back to their hotel room.

As TK watches on, watching raindrops bleed into one another as they worm their way down the window, he starts to hear the beginning of Come Rain or Come Shine by Ray Charles, their wedding song.

He turns to see that Carlos has spent the last ten minutes packing so there’s a spot reserved for them on the cluttered hotel floor. Carlos has turned off all the lights except for one, keeping the room in a dimly lit, warm glow.

Carlos holds out his hand and asks, “May I have this dance?”

TK smiles; remembering what Carlos said before. That they still need to slow dance, but they’ll do it when the moment feels right. TK doesn’t think there’s a more right moment than this; they’re both full of good food and so much love.

“You may,” TK answers, reaching out to grab Carlos’ hand. He allows Carlos to lead, the way he has time and time again.

They fall into a rhythm, slowly dancing with one another as Carlos fits his head in the crook of TK’s neck, the way he has time and time again.

At one point, they stop to kiss, reveling in the joy that is the other. TK thinks that while it might not be the kiss in the pouring rain, he is kissing the love of his life while Ray Charles sings “I’m going to love you, come rain or come shine” while it rains outside. He thinks that comes pretty damn close.

There was a moment time when TK he thought that this was the city was where his story would end.

Now, in that same city, feeling his husband’s heart beat right next to his, he thinks that maybe it can start again.