Work Text:
Nico is tired. Exhausted really. And even exhausted is an understatement to how he feels.
Yes, he's with Lewis now.
'With' in every single possible meaning of the word.
But sometimes he catches himself thinking if it wouldn't be better if they weren't.
If he'd just left Lewis behind like he'd left his racing career.
Maybe that would have been better....
To just have left things like they were.
But, apparently he couldn't. His treacherous mind telling him to keep on chasing his childhood friend.
He loved Lewis. Still does.
And back then he would have followed him to the end of the world.
But things had changed.
Nico's competitive nature had taken over and the need to win had pushed down the old friendship so far back into the tiniest corner of the biggest closet there ever was.
It was a locked up box, full of memories.
He still doesn't know who suffered the most, but if you'd ask his friends, they'd definitely say it was him.
While the media and Lewis' fans made a big show off pointing him out to be the bad guy, his loyal friends told him differently.
It wasn't just him who played the mind games. Lewis just had a more subtle, cunning way.
A way that would hurt more than any other mind games he did himself.
But then he left. He felt like he finally won something. But he lost even more.
He knew that if it was up to Lewis, that this would be it.
He on the other hand couldn't do it.
That preverbial box in his closet had to be opened again.
He must be a narcissist or something.
Rather dwell in his own pain than to move on.
So he went back. But as a reporter this time.
They kept on asking him for comments about Lewis and he kept on giving.
Even when he wasn't asked, he was giving comments, defending Lewis any way he possibly could.
And then one day, don't ask him how, Lewis gave in.
He let Nico back into his life and Nico couldn't be more grateful.
They fell into a relationship way too quickly.
Something about lost time - - -
But it wasn't good. Because nothing was talked out.
They just fell and kept on falling down the rabbit hole. Deeper and deeper.
But Nico was too in love and Lewis was too selfish.
Everything Nico did was for Lewis in some way, because he felt like he had to make up for those old days.
The 'mind games' days, which he still felt guilty for and Lewis couldn't help but to remind him of.
Once again, Nico suffered.
But this time, he had enough.
~~~~~~~*********~~~~~~~
"Haven't I given you enough?" Nico asked, slamming both their plates down on the table. "it's always me who has to give in. It's always me who has to pay a price. Have you really not forgiven me yet?"
Lewis looked shocked and confused, "What are you talking about? You know I can't just cancel a race day..."
"And I can always just cancel my plans when you need me?! I have a job too, Lewis. More than one. Because unlike you, I actually take part of the racing team I gave my name to."
"That's not fair - - -"
"No. You know what's not fair?" The chair he pulled out to sit on was shoved back under the table. He wasn't hungry anymore. "What's not fair is that you still blame me for 2016. You still hate me for that year that absolutely destroyed me. I had to walk away! I was a champion but I never felt like one. That! That is what isn't fair, Lewis."
Lewis was dead silent. His hands gripping the table. He wasn't hungry anymore either.
"But despite all of that," Nico continued, "I still love you. I still do everything for you. And you.... You can't even do this one little thing for me?"
No answer.
"I need to... Walk away for a moment."
And Nico walked away. Up the stairs and into their bedroom.
He didn't know what he was gonna do if he had stayed at the dinner table.
Probably say a lot more stupid stuff. Or throw the plate at Lewis' head.
He stared up, to where their suitcases were laying on top of their wardrobe.
Should he pack up his things and go?
Should he finally do what he should have done all those years ago?
But where would he go?
His whole life had been centered around that man downstairs.
Could he really leave it all behind - - -
"Nico?" A knock on the door. "Can I come in?"
Nico sighs as he calls back from his spot on the bed.
"It's your bedroom too."
The door opens and Nico thinks he's never seen Lewis so rattled and unsure before.
He stands there, just passed the doorway, fiddling with his fingers.
"I'm sorry," he mumbles and Nico sighs again.
"I don't know if that's enough this time..."
Lewis' head shoots up, "What do you mean?"
He sees Lewis' eyes flash towards the top of their wardrobe.
It hurts that Lewis could think that Nico would pack his bag.
It hurts even more that Lewis knows him so well.
He used to run. But now he's not running anymore.
"I just don't know if your sorry is enough this time. I need actions, Lewis."
"And I did." Lewis steps forward, holding his phone out. Nico frowns, but takes it, staring at the screen. "I told Toto I'm not racing next week. He'll have to prepare Mick to replace me."
Nico is reading the conversation while Lewis is talking. He can tell Toto isn't happy, but he doesn't care.
There's two sentence in the conversation that stands out to him.
'Nico needs me. He's more important to me than racing.'
And that---
That's what lets Nico know that he made the right decision to stay.
Makes him realize he made the right decision to chase after the person he loves.
Placing the phone on the bed, Nico stands up and closes the distance between him and Lewis.
Lewis is already opening his arms and Nico falls right into them.
This time he doesn't feel like he keeps on falling.
This time he gets caught.
"Thank you," he murmurs.
"Anything for you," he gets back in return.
And for once, he believes those words.