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“Garak!” Julian hammered on the wooden shed door, panicked half out of his mind, “it’s me, Julian Bashir!”
Nothing. He knocked harder.
“Garak! Are you there!?”
Julian thought he heard some grumbling and rustling from inside, but it was hard to tell.
“Elim Garak, you open this door this instant!”
He definitely heard something this time.
“Garak! If you don’t open this door right now, I’ll read that letter you sent me at the top of my voice for all to hear!”
It almost sounded like whining coming from inside the shed, but the door still didn’t open.
“Fine. Have it your way,” Julian pulled out his datapadd from his bag and pulled up Garak’s latest correspondence, “’My dear doctor, I fear this may be the last you ever hear from me. I’m afraid my health has taken a turn for the worse and I find myself almost completely incapacitated, unable to do even the simplest of tasks to keep myself alive. The nearest functioning hospital is much too far away for me to be able to get there and I know of no-one living near me who can help me. Don’t lose hope completely though, my dear doctor, I may still pull through by some miracle, but in case I don’t, I want you to know I’ve cherished every moment of our friendship and still consider you my closest friend despite the distance between us. I miss you terribly and in my weakened state I can’t help but wish I could see you again and feel your healing touch just one more time. Words can’t begin to describe how much your unwavering friendship meant to me in one of the darkest times of my’—”
Suddenly, the door was frantically unlocked and opened and Julian was greeted with a very pale, disheveled but familiar grey face.
“Garak!”
Suddenly overwhelmed at seeing his old friend again, Julian smacked Garak’s face, then threw his arms around him and sobbed into his shoulder.
“WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME!?” he screamed.
Garak swayed against him and nearly fell to the floor, but he quickly caught him and laid him back down on the mattress in the corner of the shed that passed for a bed.
“I’m sorry…” Julian trued to catch his breath between sobs, “I’m sorry I hit you…I can’t believe I hit you, I’m so sorry…”
“Door…” Garak whimpered, weakly pointing at the door.
“What?”
“Door…close the door…”
“Oh…OK…”
Julian went back to the door and closed it, making sure to lock it using Garak’s complicated locking mechanism, then went back to him and sat on the edge of the mattress.
“Is it locked?”
“It’s locked.”
“Good…looters…everywhere…”
“I know, you told me in one of your letters.”
“I think I…may have…”
“You did. You also told me you could handle them.”
“Maybe at…full strength…”
“I’m sure you could. Speaking of, just lie still for a moment while I scan you.”
“If you must…oh, I wish you were really here…”
Julian grabbed his tricorder and ran it over Garak.
“What are you talking about? Of course I’m here.”
“Ha…Julian Bashir…come all the way here…just for me…no…”
“Garak…how do you explain the fact I’m right here?”
“Fever dream…hallucination…I doubt my mental faculties are fully…um…”
“Fully…functioning?”
“Something like that…”
“Hmm...your vitals don’t look too good. It looks like you have some kind of flu-like virus.”
“The real Julian Bashir…come all this way…to tell me…I have the flu…” Garak let out a weak chuckle.
“Very funny. I see your dry wit hasn’t been affected. I’m afraid there isn’t much to be done other than bed rest and getting plenty of fluids. You’d be fine if you weren’t so stubborn about letting people look after you.”
“Who exactly do you…propose I ask…to look after me?”
“Me.”
“Maybe I would…if you were really here…”
“You wouldn’t and you know it. Besides which, I am here, and so help me God, I’m going to look after you.”
“You’re certainly…stubborn like Julian Bashir…”
“I am Julian Bashir! You know what, I’m not going to let you wind me up. Sit up so I can give you some water.”
“Oh, don’t waste your water on me…”
“Sit up!”
Garak grumbled and begrudgingly sat up, with some assistance from Julian.
“Drink,” Julian produced a canteen of water and held it up to Garak’s lips, tipping it up so he had to drink it, “any better?”
“No…” Garak dropped back down onto the mattress again.
“Stubborn old lizard,” Julian sat on the bed with him, periodically checking his forehead as if that would actually tell him anything useful with a Cardassian.
He spent most of the rest of the day like that, sitting with Garak while he drifted in and out of consciousness, occasionally muttering nonsense about how he wished Julian was really there. Julian wondered who’s leg Garak thought he was resting his head on. He knew he shouldn’t run his hand through Garak’s hair, but he just couldn’t help himself. It wasn’t as if he was complaining either, he seemed to quite enjoy it.
Later in the evening, when Garak was well and truly out of it, Julian eased his head off his leg, got up and ate some of his Starfleet rations. As soon as he sat back on the bed, Garak unconsciously snuggled back up to him, resting his head back on his leg and draping his arm over his knees.
“Looks like I’m quite cozy for someone who isn’t here.”
“Mmmph.”
“Awww…you’ll be OK. Just let someone look after you for once in your life.”
Garak grumbled but snuggled his head further into Julian’s leg. It was cute really, but Julian couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy for whoever Garak thought he was cuddling with—unless he thought he was snuggling a mirage, in which case, that was one lucky mirage.
Inevitably, Julian found himself growing tired. He would have to sleep here as Garak only had one bed, but he didn’t have the heart to move Garak’s head again so he could lie down. Instead, he wound up leaning his back against the back wall and falling asleep half-sitting up with his hand tangled in Garak’s hair.
A few hours later, Julian woke up momentarily confused about where he was, but quickly remembered his sick drama queen friend…who was soundly asleep having turned over and let go of his leg. Since it was still the middle of the night, he eased himself onto the bed so he could lie down properly and get some more sleep. Almost as soon as he’d lied down, Garak reached behind him, grabbed his arm and yanked him towards him so they were spooning.
“Whoa…uh…Garak…” he put up a token protest as Garak snuggled back into him and gripped his hand to his chest, “honestly! Seven years I knew you and got absolutely nowhere but the second you’re sick and delirious you suddenly want to cuddle? Unbelievable.”
Garak grumbled and snuggled back more, yanking Julian’s arm closer to him.
“Or am I just a blanket to you? Actually…”
Julian wrestled his arm from Garak’s grip and pulled the actual blanket over them. Garak quickly grabbed his arm again and pulled it back over him.
“Night, Garak,” Julian nuzzled his face into Garak’s neck and fell back asleep.
When he woke up again it was morning and Garak seemed to be whining and muttering something illegible under his breath while half-asleep.
“Garak!” Julian nudged him in the back.
“Doctor!? Wha—” Garak threw himself around to face Julian, looking extremely confused.
“Hey, calm down, it’s me,” Julian ran his hand along Garak’s arm, “I got here yesterday, remember?”
“You…slapped me…” Garak’s hand ran over his face where Julian had hit him.
“I know, I know, I’m sorry about that…you did really worry me though.”
“Feels so real…”
“Not this again, I’m really here.”
“I don’t think the real Doctor Bashir…cares about me this much…”
“He does, of course he does. I mean, I do…why would you ever think I don’t?”
“I don’t…think anyone cares about anyone…enough to run all the way to Cardassia…at the drop of a hat…just because a friend has the flu…give up his Starfleet career…”
“I didn’t give up my career, I just took a leave of absence. I do care about you. I know you have a hard time believing it but I do.”
“No…no, you’re not here…you’re not really here…”
“I’m here.”
“No, you’re not, no…”
“Garak, I…don’t get upset…how about some breakfast? Stay here and I’ll get you something to eat.”
Julian got off the bed and raided his bag again for some Starfleet rations and water. He hoped he had enough to last them both.
“Here you go, let’s sit you up,” Julian put his arms around Garak to help him up.
“No…you’re not here…”
“Garak, I’m here, let me help you sit up.”
“No!” Garak tried to push Julian off him but didn’t have the strength.
“Stop fighting me, I’m trying to help you.”
“You’re not, you’re not even here!”
Julian wrestled Garak into a sitting position—fortunately it wasn’t too hard as his illness had considerably weakened him.
“Eat this, you stubborn lizard.”
“What is it?”
“It’s a ration bar,” Julian held it up to Garak’s mouth, “they’re not that nice but they’re packed with nutrients.”
“Not hungry.”
“When was the last time you ate?”
“I don’t know…what day is it?”
“Eat.”
“No!”
“Just a few bites. They you’ll have more strength to abuse me.”
“I can’t abuse you if you’re not here.”
“Whatever. Just eat this.”
Garak whined but eventually complied and took a few bites. Julian finished off the bar and offered him some water, which he fought over again but eventually drank.
“Alright, you can lie back down now.”
“What if I don’t want to?”
“Must you fight me on everything?”
“What do you care? You’re just a fever-induced hallucination.”
“Who exactly do you think you’re talking to? And who do you think’s been feeding you and who do you think you were snuggling with all last night?”
“You’re a very…vivid…hallucination…”
Garak’s head started to fall backwards against the wall.
“Why don’t you just lie down? You’ll be so much more comfortable.”
“You’re the one who told me to sit up.”
“Yeah, so you could eat. You’re done eating now, so lie back down.”
“Oh, I’m so tired…”
“Come here, let me lie you back down.”
“Ohhhhhhhh…”
Garak put up an extremely weak resistance as Julian sort of cradled him and helped him lie down.
“There you go. Try to get some rest.”
Garak grumbled and yanked Julian down to lie with him, then snuggled up to him with his head on his chest.
“Garak…if you don’t think I’m really here, what’s with all the cuddling?”
“I’m making the most of this fever dream while it lasts.”
“So…if Julian really were here…would you want to cuddle him?”
“Yes…but I don’t think he’d be interested…”
Julian was slightly shaken by the easy admission.
“What makes you so sure he wouldn’t be interested?”
“I tried for seven years, but…he never…I never…got…anywhere…”
“You what!?”
“I tried…he didn’t care…” Garak suddenly sounded very upset.
“Garak, I care…I care, of course I care,” he held Garak closer to his chest and stroked his hair, “I’ve always cared for you. I honestly thought it was the other way around.”
“…What…?”
“I thought I was trying with you but you weren’t interested.”
“You’re just saying what I want him to say.”
“Garak…I don’t know how many more times I can tell you I’m here.”
“No…he doesn’t care…he doesn’t care…” Garak started to get restless and upset.
“Ssssshhhhh…don’t worry about it, I’m sorry I brought it up…just try to rest.”
“I wish he was here…I wish he cared…I wish anyone cared…”
“It’ll be OK, just try to rest.”
“I…I wish he…I wish he…”
“Rest. You’ll feel better.”
“Doctor…my doctor…”
Garak finally drifted off, lightly snoozing on Julian’s chest. His sleep seemed very troubled as he periodically whined and shifted around, sometimes coming close to hyperventilating. Julian tried his best to calm him down, holding him tighter, stroking his hair and whispering soothing words to him, as if trying to will away the nightmares he must be having. He had some success in the short term, but sure enough, it would start up again a few minutes later. He wondered if he’d been like that last night and he just hadn’t noticed because he’d been asleep too.
After a few hours of this, Garak woke up confused and restless, eventually settling with his head between Julian’s shoulder and neck.
“Comfy?” Julian teased.
“Mmm.”
“Still don’t think I’m really here?”
“No.”
“So…you won’t mind if I give you some more water?”
“Don’t need it.”
“Yes, you do.”
“Don’t want it.”
“Tough. You’re getting it.”
“But I’m comfy!”
“You know, for a big scary spy, you’re such a baby.”
“Not a spy.”
“So just a baby then.”
“Not a baby!”
“You’re not going to get up willingly, are you?”
“No!”
“Fair enough.”
Julian grabbed Garak, wrestled him into a sitting position and almost forced the water down his throat.
“Honestly! If you had any idea what’s good for you…”
“I’d do what?”
“You wouldn’t fight me so much about drinking water, that’s for sure.”
“How can I be sure that is water?”
“It’s water, you paranoid gecko. Why exactly would I try to poison you?”
“Oh, I don’t know, I’m very annoying…if I were Julian Bashir, I’d probably try to poison me…but you’re not Julian Bashir…you’re a figment of my imagination…so…I probably am trying to poison me.”
“How the hell do you figure that out?”
“It made more sense in my head…which is where you came from…so you must understand it too.”
“Uhh…alright. At least you’re more talkative now.”
“Yes…if only I had someone real to talk to…”
“Why don’t you pretend I’m really Julian Bashir and tell me everything you want to tell him?”
Garak eyed Julian extremely suspiciously.
“Oh, so now you think I’m real?”
“I think…I should be careful what I say to you…on the off-chance you’re real.”
“Unbelievable! I bet you’re going to fight me if I try to lie you down again.”
“Why don’t you try and find out?”
Julian rolled his eyes and wrestled Garak back down. He still couldn’t fight back much, but seemed to have regained some of his strength. In fact, he seemed to quite enjoy their little wrestling match almost as much as he now enjoyed being pinned to the mattress to stop him struggling to get back up.
“Garak, if you would just stop struggling I’d let go of you.”
“Who says I want you to?” Garak started tracing his hands along Julian’s arms and chest.
“Garak!”
“What?” Garak pulled on the zip on the front of Julian’s shirt.
“Hey!” Julian smacked Garak’s hands away from him and pinned them to the mattress.
“Playing hard to get, are we?”
“You’re not well.”
“Exactly. Once my fever clears up, I’ll stop hallucinating you and miss my chance.”
“Once your fever clears up, you and I are going to have a very awkward conversation about how I’ve been here this whole time and how embarrassed you are that you came onto me so strong.”
“I’ve always come onto you strong, you just didn’t care.”
“I cared, Garak. I still do.”
“I wish I could talk to you again…the real you…”
“What would you say to me if you could?”
Garak looked up at him with a heartbreaking combination of sadness, hurt and suspicion.
“I’m sorry, Garak,” Julian kissed him gently on the cheek, “I don’t want to upset you. I wish there was a way of convincing you I’m really here.”
“Oh, it’s alright,” Garak could not have sounded less alright, “at least I can pretend somebody cares for me.”
“I do care for you,” Julian scooped him up and held him close.
“Of course,” Garak snuggled into him.
“I mean it, I do. I missed you so much when you left DS9 and receiving one of your letters was the highlight of my day…until you told me you were sick and scared me half to death. Then I knew I had to come here and look after you.”
“And when I’m dead or better?”
“It’s the flu, Garak, you’re not going to die. I’m actually thinking about staying here…going to some hospitals and clinics and seeing if they have any vacancies.”
“You won’t have much trouble there, we’re desperate for doctors.”
“That’s good. Well, it isn’t, but…it suits me.”
“What about Dax?”
“Huh? Oh…Ezri and I broke up a while ago. She went back to Trill to be a symbiosis counselor. I, um…I think she thought I had…feelings…for someone else.”
“Oh? Who?”
“Some idiot Cardassian who won’t accept when be needs help.”
“There are plenty of those around.”
“There’s only one I like.”
“Well, you’re going to do well on this planet full of Cardassians.”
“You know what I mean, you big lump.”
“You really must like me with all the insults you keep hurling at me.”
“I’m just worried about you. I can’t believe you were just going to curl up and die.”
“I…I don’t have a choice…there’s nowhere I can go…there’s no-one to look after me…”
“Oh, not this again, I’m here and I’m looking after you.”
“Alright…you’re here…of course you’re here…”
“You don’t mean that though, do you?”
“I wish I could believe you were really here…”
“Garak…it’s getting late, why don’t you try to get some sleep?”
“I’m hungry.”
“Are you going to fight me if I try to sit you up?”
“Do you really have to ask?”
“The things I do for you.”
Julian and Garak had another one-sided wrestling match as Julian sat Garak up and forced a ration bar into his mouth.
“Are these all you have to eat?”
“I know they don’t taste great but they were all I thought to grab when I left the station to come here. Here, wash the taste out of your mouth.”
Julian shoved the water in his face and he drank it, if slightly reluctantly.
“Are you going to lie back down or do I have to force you?”
“Try me.”
Julian rolled his eyes and wrestled Garak back down.
“You know, you could conserve your energy and stop fighting me.”
“What would be the fun in that?”
“It’s not supposed to be fun, you’re supposed to be recovering.”
“Ah, but if I recover too fast, my fever will clear up and I’ll stop hallucinating you.”
“I bet I put up a hell of a fight for a hallucination.”
“You give me a run for my money…then again, you are me, so…I guess I’m just fighting myself like always.”
“How about you stop fighting me and just…enjoy me?”
“You won’t let me do that either.”
“And how do you think that’s possible if I’m a hallucination?”
“Maybe I don’t think I deserve to…enjoy you…or maybe the part of my brain that’s hallucinating you knows the illusion would be broken if I tried anything like that.”
“Or maybe I don’t want to take advantage of you while you’re sick.”
“I’m sure the…real Julian Bashir would…say something like that…”
“Actually, what Julian Bashir wants to say is, ‘you’re clearly very tired, you should try to sleep.’”
“What if…you’re not here…when I wake up?”
“I’ll be here. Come here,” Julian pulled Garak onto his chest, “Try to get some rest.”
“Mmm…wonder if he’s really…this comfy…”
“Well, I’ve never has any complaints.”
“I’d say I wasn’t surprised, but…you’re not really here…”
“I’m here…and I don’t appreciate being called a slut.”
“If you’re a figment of my imagination, you’re definitely a slut.”
“That’s more than I wanted to know.”
“You’re me, you already know.”
“Just get some sleep, OK? I promise I’ll still be here when you wake up.”
“I wish I could believe you…”
“Ssshhh…sleep…”
Garak wriggled to make himself comfortable and slowly drifted off to sleep. Julian tried to stay awake to see if Garak got restless again but got very tired very quickly and fell asleep. Apparently, Garak’s constant fighting and complaining had worn him out.
The next few days passed in much the same way, with Garak going back and forth between whining about how he wished Julian was really there and fighting him every time he tried to feed him. Fortunately, though, he started to improve, but unfortunately, that just meant he was getting stronger and more able to fight Julian when he tried to move him.
“Fine, be like that. It’s your fault if you starve, though.”
“I’m going to starve anyway.”
“Not if you eat this!”
“I hate those ration bars!”
“They’re all I’ve got.”
“Then I’d rather starve.”
“At least drink some water.”
“I don’t want it!”
Garak batted the water out of Julian’s hand.
“Garak…you’re never going to get any better if you keep fighting me.”
“You’re not really here!”
“For the last time, I’m here and I have food and water! Stop being a brat and eat or at least drink!”
“Why won’t you let me die in peace!?”
“I don’t intend to let you die at all,” Julian picked up the water and held it up to Garak’s face, “drink.”
“It's not real water! Those aren’t real ration bars! You’re not real! None of this is real!”
“Garak…”
“Get out of my head! Stop taunting me! Leave me alone!”
“I’m not taunting you, I’m trying to help you.”
“You’re not even here! You’re on a space station thousands of kilometres away! You left me here and went back to your life!”
“What life!? You’re not the only one who was left on your own after the war! Jadzia’s gone, Sisko joined the Prophets, Miles went back to Earth, Odo rejoined the Great Link, Ezri went back to Trill and you stayed here! The only person left I really knew was Major Kira and, well, we were never that close. There’s nothing left for me on DS9.”
“You’re not here!”
“I am here!”
“No, you’re not! I just can’t shake you…get out of my head! I don’t even like you!”
“You don’t have to like me, you stubborn salamander! If you want me to leave when you’re better, I’ll leave but right now you need my help.”
“GET OUT OF MY HEAD!”
“I really don’t think I should leave you right now.”
“YOU’RE NOT EVEN HERE!”
“Garak…please don’t get upset..”
“GET OUT OF MY HEAD! LEAVE ME ALONE!”
“Alright, you win. I’m going to go out for a walk so we can both clear our heads. I’ll leave you the food and the water in case you want them before I get back.”
“GET OUT!”
Julian left Garak in the shed and tried to clear his head. He didn’t really go anywhere, sticking to the garden area so he could keep an eye on the shed and ensure Garak was safe given the state he was in. He thought it was best to give him some time alone to wear himself out and hopefully calm down.
He walked around a bit and admired Garak’s garden—there wasn’t much growing in it but he’d clearly made the effort to separate it into different sections with various rocks and bits of rubble, tilled the earth and tried to water it. As a result, a few seedlings poked above the dry, unforgiving soil. Julian found himself impressed by the work Garak had clearly put into this. As much as he claimed to be an agent of death, he had a real gift for nurturing life. Maybe Julian could use his garden as leverage to get him to better fight for his own life as it was clearly something he’d put a lot of care and attention into.
Once Julian had done admiring the garden, he circled back around to the shed, hoping Garak would have calmed down a bit. He cautiously eased the door open and walked in.
“Garak?”
Garak had curled up in the corner of the bed facing away from the door and was not moving.
“You OK?”
Julian moved towards Garak and bent down to check his pulse. Unfortunately, the only place he knew he could do so on a Cardassian was the neck, which also happened to be very sensitive.
“Garak…I’m sorry, I’m going to have to check your pulse…unless you want to start talking to me to prove you’re alive.”
Unsurprisingly, Garak stayed quiet. Julian reached out his hand and felt his pulse. Garak tensed and gasped, but his pulse was fine.
“I know you don’t think I’m really here but please talk to me.”
Garak did not. Julian eased himself onto the bed and wrapped himself around Garak, putting his arm around his waist and pulling him in closer.
“I’m here, Garak. Whether you believe it or not, I’m here.”
Garak mumbled something very quietly and very shakily.
“Sorry, what was that?”
“I love him…”
“Wha—who?”
“You…Doctor Bashir…the real one, anyway…I love him…I wish he were here…”
“I’m not going to convince you, am I?”
“If he were really here, he would have run away by now.”
“What makes you say that?”
“I’m a pain in the ass, I wouldn’t put up with me.”
“Some of us have quite a high tolerance for pains in the ass.”
“I’m sure he does.”
“Hey! You’re one to talk.”
“I don’t have an ass.”
“You do. It’s quite a nice ass.”
“It doesn’t...work like yours…”
“I know. But ‘pain in the ajan’ just doesn’t have the same ring to it.”
“I wish he’d be a pain in my ajan.”
“Garak!”
“What? He’s not here…I can say it.”
“This isn’t half going to be awkward when you’re better.”
“What if I don’t get better?”
“Technically, you’re pretty much over the virus by now. You just need to get your strength back.”
“I’m sure you’d love that.”
“Not like that. Why don’t we have a little walk outside?”
“Fine. I need to check on the garden anyway.”
“It’s a nice garden.”
Julian wrapped his arms around Garak and started hauling him up. Surprisingly, he didn’t put up much resistance—maybe the garden tactic had worked.
“There’s no need to patronise me, my dear doctor.”
Garak clung to Julian and practically climbed up him to stand up.
“I’m not patronising you, it’s a very nice garden.”
“Well, we’ll see about that, won’t we?”
Julian propped Garak up against his body and walked him outside.
“If you were really here, I’d probably be concerned about what the neighbours would think of me walking around my garden clinging to an alien,” Garak commented.
“What neighbours?” Julian glanced around at the empty stretch of desert around them.
“You can guarantee there’d be at least one rubbernecker walking past if any of this were real.”
“What exactly do you think is really happening right now?”
“I’ve either slipped into a coma and this is still a fever dream or I’m already dead and this is some kind of…oh, what do you humans call it…purgatory?”
“Purgatory!? Honestly, you and your pessimism. Would it kill you to just acknowledge I’m here and I’m helping you?”
“Well, if I’m already dead, it can’t.”
“So…by that logic…you may as well believe I’m here.”
“Maybe. I…I’m tired…”
Garak swayed against Julian and fumbled his hands to keep his grip.
“Is there anywhere we can sit down?”
Garak pointed weakly to a large rock that looked like it had been carved to somewhat resemble a bench. Julian led Garak towards it and they sat on it, still clinging to each other.
“How are you feeling?” Julian asked.
“I'm...great…just great…”
“Alright, you probably don’t feel too great right now, but the fresh air will really do you good.”
“What’s fresh about it?”
“Well, it’s…outdoors…and it’s not getting any fresher.”
“Oh, I don’t suppose it ever will…not after what the Dominion did to it…”
“Hey, it’ll be alright. Cardassia will recover. You’ll recover.”
“If you say so…”
Garak snuggled into Julian, burying his head on his shoulder.
“Awww…you know, if I’m really here, you can snuggle with me whenever you want.”
“Mmm…that’s a nice thought, but I doubt it.”
“Why’s that?”
“I don’t think he’d…the way I yelled at him, he wouldn’t…”
“Garak…it’s OK, I know you’re sick and scared and you don’t think I’m real. I just wish I could convince you.”
“I’m not scared…”
“Of course not. You’re a big, scary spy, incapable of fear.”
“I’m not a spy.”
“Is there anything you are?”
“I’m a…plain…simple…tailor…”
“We both know you’re not.”
“Can’t you just pretend? You’re not even real…”
“OK, fine, you’re a plain, simple tailor and I’m a plain, simple hallucination.”
“You finally admit it…”
“Why not? You’re going to realise soon enough anyway.”
“I don’t think I am, my dear.”
“And what makes you think that?”
“I can’t have much longer left to live…”
“Don’t start talking like that. You’re getting better,” Julian felt Garak’s forehead, “your fever’s going down and you’re moving around a lot better.”
“If you say so. It doesn’t feel any more real though.”
“What about the breeze or this rock we’re sitting on or my body heat?”
“It feels…distant…like I’m dreaming…”
“What about this?” Julian ran his hand along Garak’s neck ridge, concerned he might be going too far but doing it anyway.
“Mmm…’s nice…”
“Does it feel real?”
“No…”
“Stubborn old iguana.”
“What’s an iguana?”
“A lizard that lives on Earth. Quite beautiful really.”
“Oh?” Garak perked up considerably.
“Uh…well, what I mean is…that is, what I meant to say…is that the iguana…”
“No, no, don’t backpedal. You were just comparing me to an animal you think is beautiful.”
“I just meant…”
“First, you stroke a man’s neck ridge, then you call him beautiful. You can’t exactly blame him for getting…ideas…” Garak's hand crept up Julian’s thigh.
“Garak!”
“Oh, there’s no-one around.”
“That’s hardly the point.”
“Don’t pretend you’ve never thought about it,” Garak’s hands pawed all over Julian as fast as he was batting them away.
“Thinking about it and taking advantage of you while you’re sick are completely different things.”
“You said yourself, I’m getting better.”
“You don’t even think I’m real!”
“A minor technicality.”
“Minor technicality!? You’re trying to get with a hallucination!”
“So you admit it! You are a hallucination!”
“No! I…I’m real. And I think it’s sad that you can’t bring yourself to believe I’m really here.”
“If you were really here, my dear doctor, you would have left me to die alone and forgotten after the way I treated you.”
“You must know I could never do that. I took more than my fair share of abuse from you when I treated you on DS9 and I never gave up on you—I still haven’t.”
“You probably should…I’m not worth it…”
“You are to me. I don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t know you were alive somewhere out there.”
“I…I don’t deserve any of this…you’re not real…”
“Who are you trying to convince?”
“Not you, you’re not here.”
“That only leaves you.”
“I could be trying to convince the garden.”
“That’s true. What are you growing?”
“I…what?”
“What do you grow here?”
“Food, mostly…there’s some yamoks over there and some kana berry vines in that corner…and over there I’m growing some blagsnart root…and some Edosian orchids…you can’t eat them, but…well, I like them.”
“Aren’t they highly toxic?”
“Only if you’re stupid enough to eat them.”
“Or if you’re a Romulan senator who mysteriously died while you were a gardener at the embassy.”
“A coincidence, I assure you.”
“Of course it was. I suppose it’s also a coincidence those flowers were banned from the embassy after his death.”
“That was…regrettable…they were so pretty…but I managed to smuggled a few out…”
“Oh yeah? After the senator had died and you coincidentally left Romulus around the same time.”
“They banned my orchids…I didn’t want to work for them anymore…”
“Of course. That makes complete sense. How long have you been growing this garden?”
“Oh, about…a few months…I don’t know…not very long…nothing will grow…”
“Hey, don’t get upset. These things take time. There’s already a few saplings sprouting up.”
“I don’t…there’s not enough water to…I can’t…”
“I’m sure you’ll manage. You’re Elim Garak, there’s nothing you can’t do.”
“Ha! Do you honestly believe that?”
“I do. Just like I know you can beat this flu.”
“I don’t think so. But I do admire your optimism.”
“You’re going to be fine. Maybe it's time a bit of my optimism rubbed off on you.”
“You’re just a figment of my imagination, so it must be.”
“I almost thought I’d managed to convince you I was real.”
“Oh, no, I’m delirious but I’m not that delirious.”
“This is going to be so awkward when you realise I’m real.”
“I don’t believe I’ll have to.”
“Whatever you say, Garak. Although, you’re probably going to be just as stubborn when you come around and insist I’m still a hallucination even though you can clearly see I’m real.”
“I think it’s far more likely you’ll fade into the recesses of my mind once I start regaining clarity.”
“And when I don’t?”
Garak leaned really close to Julians ear and whispered to him, “if it turns out you’re real, I’ll do something so filthy with you the shock waves will reach all the way to DS9 and beyond.”
“Is…that a promise?”
“As much of a promise as it means coming from me.”
“I’m going to hold you to it.”
“Now I’m extra-sure you’re not real.”
“Why? Because the real Julian Bashir wouldn’t want to do anything that filthy with you?”
“Precisely.”
“Maybe he would.”
“Oh, he wouldn’t.”
“Maybe he’s wanted to do filthy stuff with you for a while but life kept getting in the way and he never had the chance to tell you how he felt.”
“Now, that’s fanciful.”
“Why do you find it so ridiculous that someone might love you?”
“Excuse me?”
“I mean…that someone might…care…OK, you know what, I’ve said it now and I stand by it, I love you.”
“I…uh…I already said I love him, didn’t I?”
“You did.”
“So of course I’d want him to reciprocate…”
“Garak, I’m serious, if there was ever a time to start believing I’m real, it’s now.”
“I…I can’t…he wouldn’t…he doesn’t…”
“No, no, don’t get upset…please don’t get upset…why don’t we go back inside and you can try to get some sleep?”
“But what if you go for good?”
“I’m not going anywhere, Garak. I’m staying with you.”
Julian met Garak’s sad, confused eyes for a split second before he found himself getting drawn in by their weird hypnotic beauty. Against his better judgement, he closed the gap between them and kissed him softly, sweetly, silkily. Before he could feel too bad about it, Garak reciprocated, somewhat hesitantly at first, but he soon picked up as much enthusiasm as he could muster given his condition. A few glorious seconds later, they parted and stared awkwardly at each other until Julian broke the silence.
“Come on…let’s get you back inside.”
Julian hauled Garak to his feet and dragged him to the shed against his tired, weak protests.
“Garak,” Julian began once he’d hauled him onto the mattress, “I promise you, you’ll feel much better when you’ve had some sleep.”
“But you’ll go when I’m better.”
“I won’t. I don’t ever want to leave you again, if you’ll have me.”
“Mmm...such sweet words...”
“I mean it, Garak. I missed you so much when you left and now I’m with you again I never want to let you go. Just go to sleep. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”
“Don’t leave me…”
“Nothing could be further from my mind. Sleep, my darling.”
Garak whined a bit but eventually went to sleep. Julian stayed awake for a few minutes but eventually slipped off to sleep, tired from fighting and hauling Garak around.
When he woke up, he was greeted with the sight of Garak’s face hovering above his own, staring quizzically at him.
“If this is some weird interrogation tactic, can it wait until I’ve properly woken up?”
“You’re still here…”
“Where else would I be?”
“DS9, Earth, a starship—any number of places other than here.”
“You’ve perked up.”
“I believe I’m over the worst of it…I just can’t seem to shake you…”
“Garak…”
“Yes, yes, you’re really here, you came all the way from DS9 just for me, you love me…do forgive me if I seem cynical.”
“You can forget about the love thing if it’s too much, just try to accept I’m here first.”
“But why would you be here?”
“Well…worry about that when you’re ready for the other thing.”
“No…no, you’re not here…”
“I’m sorry, Garak, I don’t want to upset you. You’re not in any immediate danger from the virus anymore so I’ll leave you to recover if that’s what you want.”
Garak just stared at him.
“You will have to get off me though.”
Garak fell back onto his chest and snuggled into him.
“Talk about mixed messages,” Julian commented, slowly wrapping his arms around Garak.
“Don’t go,” he whispered, barely audible.
“I’m not going anywhere—unless you want me to.”
“No!”
“It’s OK, I’m right here. Do you want anything to eat or drink?”
“You mean those awful ration bars?”
“They’re all I’ve got.”
“I’ll pass.”
“Suit yourself. What about some water?”
“I’m fine.”
“Is there anything you do want to do?”
“Hmm…you.”
“Garak…”
“Yes, yes, I know. I would have loved to have done you though.”
“It’s not too late. When you’ve fully recovered and accepted I’m real, you can do me all you like.”
“OK, I give in, you’re real. Now take off your clothes.”
“Nice try.”
“Ill show you a nice try,” Garak began nipping at Julian’s neck.
“Garak…” Julian tried to remove Garak’s head but only succeeded in pulling his hair, which he seemed to enjoy and only spurred him on, “Garak, stop it!”
“You’re no fun,” Garak lifted his head and hovered over Julian again.
“Wait till you’re properly recovered and you’ll find out how much fun I am.”
“Why wait?” Garak started pawing at Julian’s chest.
“You literally think you’re trying to fuck a hallucination!”
“Oh, please, if I were really hallucinating, you would have vaporised into nothing by now, this isn’t my first rodeo.”
“…Excuse me?”
“You’re real! I accept it.”
“…How long have you known!?”
“Since we went outside. As soon as you kissed me, I realised you had to be more than a fever dream.”
“…So…why did you keep insisting I wasn’t real?”
“Oh, you know, I…couldn’t be sure…I mean, you said a lot of things but who knows if you really meant them…and it was fun winding you up…”
“In other words, you were afraid I’d leave if you got better too soon.”
“Look, this isn’t the time to discuss who was afraid of whom leaving or who’s been feeling better than they’ve been letting on for several days, this is about you and me finally getting around to some filth.”
“Filth?”
“I believe I was promised filth.”
“Wasn’t it you who promised me filth, you paranoid lizard?”
“Either way…”
Garak kissed Julian, then started undressing him and pawing at him—and this time, Julian let him.