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In the beginning of their friendship, Blaine had been weirdly relieved to find Sebastian’s stories fascinating, or even wild. It had been the only way to keep concentrating on his words, and not on the sparkling color of his eyes or the shape of his lip, hell even just the sound of his voice. Actually listen to Sebastian’s words had become so much harder since they started hooking up.
So fine, maybe Kurt had had a point in being worried. But given the whole Chandler fiasco that had eventually led to their breakup, Blaine refused to feel guilty about it. Besides, that was in the past, and come summer, even the last reminders in form of his ex boyfriend would be gone. Until then, he’d just have to perfect pretending not to notice the metaphorical daggers sent his way from the front window where Kurt was sitting with Rachel, Mercedes and Tina.
It wasn’t too hard, not with the distraction of Sebastian idly caressing his fingers where their hands met on the table, while he concluded the sordid tale of where they found Wes' old gavel and who was considered the guilty party here – a story, that thankfully was insane enough that Blaine got most of it even with the distraction of how damn pretty Sebastian was.
Talking was overrated, anyway.
“I kind of miss it,” Blaine said with a sigh.
“The gavel?” Sebastian asked, arching an eyebrow.
Blaine laughed, shaking his head. “Dalton,” he explained. “The warblers. All of it.”
“Well, that should be easy to fix,” Sebastian replied, “just come back already.”
“I can’t,” Blaine whined. “The thing is… I kind of floated the idea with my parents, after Kurt and I broke up. And guess what? Turns out that my parents were actually not just supportive of my stupid romantic idea of changing schools to be with my high school boyfriend of a few months. My dad's business got in trouble, they couldn't afford the tuition anymore. They were just about to tell me they'd have to take me out of Dalton when I showed up and gave them the perfect excuse to send me to public school. So no, even if I wanted to return – which… I do, more than anything – I literally can't.”
Sebastian was watching him, his face falling the more he heard. “Wow,” he said eventually. “Well… that sucks.”
“Tell me about it,” Blaine sighed.
“I would have liked to have you back,” Sebastian said. “All of the guys would.”
“But you especially, right?”
Sebastian laughed. “Obviously,” he said, his eyes dropping down to Blaine's lips. “It would make some things a lot more… convenient.”
Blaine rolled his eyes, trying to ignore that feeling of a pit opening under his feet. Convenience… now that was a concept he couldn't feel too comfortable with.
It had been a few weeks since Blaine had shown up on Sebastian's doorstep, to riled up after finding out about Kurt texting Chandler and pretending it wasn't cheating. He'd been angry, restless, and while his brain hadn't been able to figure out what he needed, his body had known the second Sebastian had opened the door.
A rash decision, but one he couldn't help but be relieved over. He had only just started analyzing his ended relationship, but already noticed that he'd been such a pushover. If Kurt had earnestly tried, Blaine knew he would have been roped back in. But the mere fact that he allowed Sebastian to touch him had been enough for Kurt to run screaming. It was funny, in a sad way. The relationship had been important to him, but the further he stepped away from it, the easier it was to see that it had been unhealthy.
Besides, Sebastian kept him too occupied to spend too much time mourning. In fact, he seemed to have made a sport out of distracting Blaine from everything under the sun. They hadn't exactly discussed what they were doing. Well, they had sex, and a lot of it, but it wasn't everything. They were talking again, just like they had in the beginning of their friendship, at all times of the day, and night. They texted, the talked on the phone, the difference was that they went to see each other, whether Blaine went to Dalton to hang out at the dorms, or Sebastian came over to his place, easily charming his parents like he wasn't even trying. The other difference was making out once the door was closed. Either way, it made Blaine dizzy, the whirlwind way in which Sebastian had come back into his life, filling every free second.
It was new, and it was exciting, so it made sense that the distance hadn't deterred Sebastian yet. Blaine was just worried how long he'd be able to keep the other boy's interest – and when the inconvenience of it would become too much.
So maybe he was seeing more of Sebastian in the last few weeks than he had Kurt at the end of last year after the transfer back to McKinley. But that was now, and he had no illusions it would start to fade away sooner or later.
They weren't boyfriends, after all. Sebastian had made it clear enough in the past that he was not the relationship type. And if it was just sex, then it was only a matter of time until he'd come to the conclusion that there were easier ways to get off than drive to Lima several times a week.
Blaine could almost convince himself that it was fine. That their renewed friendship was so precious to him that he'd get over it, if that was all that remained.
The problem was, the longer it went, the harder it was for him to separate the two. That was the sad thing, as much as he tried to seem easygoing, he was too much of a romantic. He did crave a boyfriend more than a friend with benefits. He'd take the latter if it meant having Sebastian for a while longer, but he wanted the former. It would all crash and burn in the end, he knew that. Because he couldn't stay cool. Because he wanted more, and wouldn't be able to just be friends anymore, not after getting a taste of so much more.
But that was a problem for future him. He couldn't change it anyway, might as well enjoy the ride until then.
So he pushed the concerns aside and went back to joking with Sebastian, safe in the knowledge that while it would not be fine, it would be fine for a little while longer.
A little while turned out to be less than two weeks.
After a stupidly exhausting week of glee practice, thanks to Sue Sylvester who for some reason had decided to “help” by getting them into shape, Blaine was glad to leave McKinley and Lima behind and find some refuge at Dalton. Now, the original plan had been to find that refuge in Sebastian's room – conveniently empty with his roommate away for a family reunion – and probably not come out again for at least a day. But they hadn't even made it off the parking lot before running into Jeff, and somehow getting roped into the Warbler game night.
It wasn't so bad. He had missed them as well in the months at McKinley, had to admit with a bit of shame that as far as they were concerned he had dropped off the face of the earth when he left Dalton. Another thing he could thank
Sebastian for, bringing him back here in a way. Not to mention, there was a certain comfort in it, sitting on a couch in the common room, Sebastian beside him with an arm loose around him, debating Nick on some theories about a TV show they were both recently obsessed with, while they took turn destroying each other in Smash Brothers.
“Oh, come on. Is this still going on?”
Only when Sebastian stiffed beside him did Blaine realize the remark had been in their direction, and he looked up to the boy who'd spoken.
James, his brain provided, a guy on the lacrosse team. He could vaguely remember him from last year's Biology classes, but didn't have any specific memories about him. Certainly none to deserve the glare thrown his way.
Sebastian seemed less surprised. “Leave him alone,” he said, seemingly calm. Just his arm around Blaine's side held him the slightest bit closer. “What's your problem anyway?”
“How about, he doesn't even go here, but I've seen him more lately than half the lacrosse team?” James asked.
“Then how about you go and see the lacrosse team?” Sebastian replied. “Excluding me, because I'm busy.”
James snorted. “That much is clear,” he said. “What a waste. Call me when you’re done with Kid's Club over there. Can't imagine it'll take that much longer.”
He turned to leave, ignoring the eye roll and “Just fuck off!” from Sebastian.
Blaine, for his part, had frozen. It had taken him long enough, but now he got it. A former conquest of Sebastian's, and apparently one who wasn't too happy to find himself not wanted anymore. Someone clearly eaten by jealousy.
It shouldn't matter. It didn't. There was absolutely no reason for Blaine to get upset, for that pit to open in his stomach. Definitely no reason to feel so… humiliated.
Hadn't he known that Sebastian had a… colorful history when it came to sex? And how surprising could it really be that some of his hook ups were Dalton students? Running into one wasn't completely out of what he should expect. Somehow, confronted with the reality of it, he felt… childish. Stupid. What was he even doing, trying to play in Sebastian's league. Him, with his silly romantic ideas, pretending that just hooking up was fine. Worse, he suddenly felt completely transparent. Like everyone just needed to take one look at him to see all of that. And wasn't it weird that Sebastian hadn't seemed to have noticed it yet?
What Sebastian had noticed was that Blaine's mood had clearly shifted. Ignoring Nick's attempts to get back into their argument, he yawned instead, turning to Blaine.
“I'm getting tired. If you're going to help me with that essay, we have to go now or I'll fall asleep.”
A stupid excuse, that clearly none of the other students bought, judging from the whistling and hollering about how they should get a room, or at least get some. Blaine tried to ignore them, even if he felt even more self-conscious.
“Come on, ignore them,” Sebastian said as he closed the door to his room behind them. “They're just jealous because you like me more than them.”
Blaine snorted, shaking his head as sat down on Sebastian's bed. “It's fine, don't worry about it.”
“I'm sorry, okay?” Sebastian asked. “About James. He's an asshole. We went to Scandals like once, and fooled around a bit in the bathroom, that's all. Guess he can't move on, but he doesn't mean anything.” He had moved closer from the door, but didn't sit with Blaine, instead leaned against his desk. It didn't look like he was going to drop the topic in favor of making out.
“I told you, it's fine. I don't care.“ There, that sounded cool and not bothered, didn't it? “I mean… not like it's my business, anyway.”
Sebastian frowned, so maybe that had been a bit too much. “Are you sure?” he asked, something watchful in his gaze. “You weren’t… jealous, or something like that?”
The perfect lead-in for what they needed – an actual conversation, before everything broke down in front of them. How easy it would be to be honest, open up that he wasn't as happy with this undefined state of… whatever they were doing. That this was fun, but that he actually wanted more and was rapidly approaching the point where just this was not enough. So easy.
And right back to being the needy one, when he knew what Sebastian really wanted to hear.
“Why would I be jealous?”
Sometimes, Blaine really hated himself and his people-pleasing tendencies, but unfortunately not enough to stop himself from talking.
“It’s not like we’re married or anything. It's cool. Casual.”
Sebastian didn’t even blink, just kept him fixed with that intense gaze. “Casual.” The single word was loaded in a way that felt ominous. “Right.”
Blaine wondered whether he still had time to turn this around by starting to make out, but Sebastian already continued.
“I think we need to talk. About this. About us.”
And there it was. Damn… Blaine could have sworn Sebastian had just as little interest as himself in pulling away that particular curtain. Like talking could get them anywhere good.
“What is there to talk about?” he asked. He kind of wished he could kick himself. It was getting out of control. But the last think he wanted was to break this thing he had now, by letting Sebastian see that he wasn't cut out for this casual hooking up. So his mind scrambled to find the words Sebastian would want to hear, hoping to somehow deliver them in a way that the other boy could at least pretend to believe. “This is good, isn't it? Just because we're having sex doesn't mean we're in a relationship. So why should I be bothered if you hooked up with that guy at some point? Or if you're still doing it-“
“Which I'm not, just for the record,” Sebastian said, watching him with an amused expression.
“I'm just saying, it would be fine,” Blaine finished, trying to pretend he wasn't feeling sick. Well, he wanted to be an actor after all. They should give him a damn Emmy for this.
There was something soft in the way Sebastian regarded him, way too fond for the conversation they were having.
“You’re really saying that, aren’t you? That you’re okay with all this,” he made a vague gesture between them, “being non-exclusive. Literally no strings attached. If I go out tomorrow and find some random at Scandals, you’re cool with that. Maybe you’re even interested in trying it out yourself?”
Honestly, the thought made him nauseated. But he was too far in to turn back now. “I literally just got out of my first relationship. Not like I’m even ready for something serious.”
That was what everyone said, wasn’t it? That he needed some time to get over his first boyfriend, even if he’d already been putting distance between them before the whole Chandler fiasco. It was smart.
It wasn’t what he felt like, to be honest. He did feel ready for something serious. He just made the mistake of falling for Sebastian.
Sebastian, who was still giving him that strange, soft look, before he eventually spoke again.
“Sounds reasonable, I guess. But in that case… I think we should hit pause on this.”
Blaine felt like the floor crumbled underneath his feet. Fuck. He’d ruined it. Somehow, Sebastian had seen right through him, and now he’d just cut things off, just like that, and all Blaine could manage was a strangled “What? Why?”
Sebastian shrugged. “We can still hang out. I’m not suggesting we stop being friends. Just, you know, the sex and everything. It’s totally okay if you need some time to work through your break up. If you want to try out casual sex, then I’m literally the last person to judge you. But personally… I’m kind of over it? So, let’s just… put a pin in it for now. You go have fun, work through things, hook up or whatever. Get it out of your system. I’m still here for you as a friend, and maybe give you some tips on who to avoid at Scandals, and for the love of god, if you need a ride home you call me and don't get into the van of people with trustworthy names like Trucker Dick. And once you're done with all that, and want to think about something serious again, we can… unpause. And figure out what's going on between us.”
All Blaine could do was stare. His brain seemed to have just stopped working. He heard the words, he understood there meaning, but he was utterly confused. He'd stumbled into another reality, it was the only thing that made sense, and…
Sebastian’s laughter broke through his haze like a thunderclap “I knew it! I knew you were bluffing! God, I can’t believe you kept that up this long.”
Blaine's jaw dropped. “Wait, so you were… testing me?”
“Not exactly. But wow, should we play poker some time.” Finally, the laughter ebbed away. Blaine wasn’t sure whether he should feel relieved. It had been kind of nice when at least one of them had been happy with the conversation.
“I know you don't actually mean all that crap about being casual, Mr. Valentine’s Day is my Favorite Holiday. Kind of sweet you tried, but come on. I talked to you for more than five minutes, you know?” Sebastian must have seen something in his face, maybe a shadow of the humiliation, of feeling stupid and childish, because he finally sat down beside him, taking his hand. “There's nothing wrong with that, okay? I guess I should have said something earlier, sorry. It's just…” He sighed. “I’m not really good at this. Never had to be. But we're figuring this out, I promise.”
“What's going on?” Blaine asked, tired of feeling like he wasn't in on some hilarious joke. “I tried not to be needy. I know relationships aren't your thing. And all of that… you just said that to trip me up?”
“Just the part where I implied you wanted to go and hook up with randoms,” Sebastian said.
“And the part about you being over it?”
“What, is it that hard to believe?” Sebastian asked. “You've been to Scandals. Don't tell me you think it's so great nobody would give it up.”
“You love going to Scandals.”
“I love going to the one bar that’ll serve me alcohol without looking too closely at my ID,” Sebastian corrected him. “And where I can dance and flirt with people without having to watch my back too much.”
“You also like hooking up,” Blaine said carefully.
Sebastian shrugged. “I like sex. Sue me, but I feel like that's the point of it. I liked hooking up with people back in Paris. But that was Paris, and actual nightclubs. That was fun. Scandals is… honestly, a bit sad. You don't really think I'd care more about that than about you, do you?”
Blaine stayed silent, not trusting himself to speak.
“You do,” Sebastian said surprised. “Oh. Well, now I feel like a dick. Okay, fine. No more joking, let's get it on the table. I like you. More than like you. If it was just about the sex, I wouldn't have bothered with you for so long. I mean, don't get me wrong, you're gorgeous, but I don't chase after hook-ups. Or a friend with benefits. I actually want to be with you. That's the whole point.”
“I just… You seemed so against relationships,” Blaine said.
“Against your relationship,” Sebastian corrected him, “it's called jealousy. Ever heard of it?”
He instinctively remembered the first time they went out, all those months ago when he'd been with Kurt. They had danced for so long, and aided by the alcohol, Blaine had felt so loose and happy. He'd still been happy when his boyfriend had cut in and opted to dance after all, but there had been that moment, just a short time later, when he'd looked back to find Sebastian with a new dance partner, some guy's hands roaming over his back, and Blaine…
He'd been cold, all of a sudden, his mood deflating like a balloon pricked by a pin. He'd known the next beer would be too much. He'd needed it anyway.
“I kind of had this whole idea of how this was going to go,” Sebastian continued. “Not the first time you showed up at my door. I figured that might have been you needing to blow off steam after finding out your idiot ex thought he could ever do better than you. The second time… I admit, I was hopeful. But it kept happening, and we were hanging out again, and honestly… Blaine, we've kind of been dating for weeks by now. Just without calling it that.”
It was true. The last few weeks very much had felt like the first weeks of a relationship. For some reason, Blaine had told himself he was seeing things. Or that he couldn't let Sebastian know, or risk scaring him off.
“So… you're saying you'd be okay with that?” Blaine asked, needing clarification. “To be boyfriends?” It still felt dangerous saying the word, but skirting the issue had just blown up in his face.
“Not just okay with it,” Sebastian said, for once completely serious. “I want that.” And then, the thing that really floored Blaine, a shiver of insecurity “Do you?”
He was nodding before Sebastian had finished the question. “Yes, of course! I thought…. I'm sorry. I was really stupid, wasn't I?”
“Not stupid,” Sebastian said. “And it's okay, right? We got it in the end.”
That could probably be debated, but then Sebastian was kissing him, and Blaine realized it didn't even matter. All the concerns, all the fears had dissolved into nothing, slowly replaced by giddiness when he realized he was kissing his boyfriend. Sebastian Smythe was his boyfriend. And to think he could have had this way before…
Sebastian grinned at him, wide and happy and carefree. It made Blaine realize that he probably hadn't been quite as sure of himself, that he'd been worried too about where the conversation would go. It filled him with a warm, glowing happiness.
“Well,” Sebastian said, looking giddy himself, “looks like Nick owes me twenty.”
It took Blaine a moment to get the seeming non-sequitur. “Wait… did you bet on this?”
Sebastian barely had the decency too look caught. “Look, I needed to talk to someone. Sure, he mostly told me I'm an idiot, but still…”
“So you made a bet on… what exactly? That I wouldn't actually want something casual?”
“No, that part was obvious,” Sebastian said, “but Nick bet twenty that I'd completely fuck up the conversation. Which… I didn't, right?”
“Surprisingly no,” Blaine said, but he couldn't keep down the grin himself. “I'll tell him to pay up.”
Sebastian grinned. “Best. Boyfriend. Ever.”
He moved in for another kiss, complicated just a bit by the way they were both smiling so wide.
All things considered, talking wasn't so bad after all.